Jack Jokes
137 jack jokes and hilarious jack puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about jack that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you enjoy a good joke? Have you ever heard a Jack Joke? In this article, cracker jack Samantha and black jack Kate, along with Gerry, provide a humorous take on Jack Jokes. Read on to get your daily laugh!)
Quick Jump To
Funniest Jack Short Jokes
Short jack jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The jack humour may include short john jokes also.
- I really wish I knew who kicked the jack under the car which I was working on.. .. the suspension is killing me.
- The student and the teacher. JACK: "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?"
TEACHER:" Of course not. "
JACK: "Good, because I haven't done my homework ...." - What do Paul the Apostle and Jack the Ripper have in common? They have the same middle name.
- Give a man a jacket Give a man a jacket and he can leave the house during winter.
Teach a man to jack it and he'll never leave the house. - Our family surname is Daniels So rather hilariously we named our first child Jack.
She hates it. - I'm on a plane and I see my friend Jack. Instinctively I say, "Hi Jack!"
Still don't understand why I was detained. - I asked my friend who the antagonist of Borderlands is. Me: "If you tell me, i'll give you some alcohol for free"
Friend: "Alright then, hand some jack" - Give a man a jacket, and he'll be warm for all winter Teach a man to jack it, and he won't need to go outside!
- Two high dudes meet... "What's your name?"
"Jack without a V."
"There's no V in Jack."
"That's what I just said." - Three old women sneak some Jack Daniels into a baseball game, taking shots after each half inning. What inning is it now? It's the bottom of the fifth, and the bags are loaded.
Share These Jack Jokes With Friends
Jack One Liners
Which jack one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with jack? I can suggest the ones about rick and jump.
- How do you milk a sheep? Sell headphone for $549.
- What do dora The Explorer and Jack The Ripper have incommon Same middle name
- What does an iPhone 7 and The titanic have in common? The end has no Jack.
- Have you seen the new iPhone card trick? It's the one where all the jacks dissappear
- What do you get when you divide 355 jack o'lanterns by 113 jack o'lanterns? pumpkin Pi.
- I got taken off a plane in handcuffs today. All I did was greet my friend Jack.
- Jack Daniels couldn't be here today, But he's here in spirit.
- Why did Rose not buy the iPhone 7 Cause it didn't have a Jack
- Dark humor is like... ...a headphone jack. Not everybody gets it.
- What do you call a bird that hits the gym? A jacked sparrow!
- How do you call an alcoholic that doesnt admit the addiction? Jack Denials
- My friend jack claims he can communicate with vegetables.. Jack and the beans talk.
- Why Was Jill upest about the new iphone? because there was no jack.
- What do Apple and Titanic have in common? They both killed Jack.
- What do you get when you take the circumference of a jack'olantern? Pumpkin pie!
Jack Daniels Jokes
Here is a list of funny jack daniels jokes and even better jack daniels puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Johnnie Walker, Jack Daniels and Jim Beam walk into a bar What is this, said the bartender, Alcoholics Eponymous?
- A guy walks into a bar.. ..and orders a Jack Daniels with coke. The bartender asks if Pepsi is okay. "Whatever, sure" says the guy. So, the bartender mixes a Pepsi with coke for him.
- What do you call it when you steal a bottle of Jack Daniel's? A Whiskey Move
- Whats the difference between amy winehouse and Jack Daniels. Jack Daniels comes alive when you add coke.
- I made a drink called Hit The Road Jack It's Jack Daniels mixed with methanol.
(Blind jokes are the best kind) - Who's killed more natives than General Custer? Jack Daniels
- I invented a new drink. Ginger beer and Jack Daniel's. I call it the Stormy Daniel's.
- If you enjoy Jack Daniels... Then try his sister Stormy!
- The best thing about tea is you can drink it at work The best thing about Jack Daniels is it looks like tea!
- People often ask me if I'm team Edward or team Jacob I'm actually team Jack Daniels
Jack And Jill Jokes
Here is a list of funny jack and jill jokes and even better jack and jill puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Jack and Jill Jack and Jill went up the hill;
each one had a quarter
When they came down
Jill had both,
You think they went for water? - Whats the difference between Jack and Jill? I cant Jill off onto your face.
- Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pail of water... ...however if you sponsor Jack and Jill for just $2 a month, we can build a well with clean water right in their village.
- Jack and Jill went up the hill To fetch a pail of water,
Who knows what they did up there,
They came down with a daughter. - Jack and Jill went up the hill.... And Jill came back with an IPhone 7
- How do all Jack and Jill satires end up? Downhill.
- Jack & Jill Went In To Town..... To buy some chips and sweeties.
Now Jack can't keep his heart rate down
and Jill has Diabetes - "Jill look out the window..." "...there's a horse in our yard."
"No Jack, it's not a horse, it's a cow!"
"I said look out the window, not in the mirror!" - Teacher: "Jill, where is the America on the map?"
Jill: "Right there, ma'am."
Teacher: "Correct. Now, Jack, tell me who found America."
Jack: "Jill." - I often wonder why we plug our earbuds into a "headphone jack"... ...when it should have been called a "headphone jill".
Jack Jill Jokes
Here is a list of funny jack jill jokes and even better jack jill puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call an auxiliary jack with female connectors? an auxiliary jill
- What's wrong with the sentence "Jack and Jill is playing in the field?" Women should be first.
Black Jack Jokes
Here is a list of funny black jack jokes and even better black jack puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why is Leo DiCaprio soo good at Black Jack? He always hits on teens and never goes over 21.
- What do you call Jack Sparrow after he falls off The Black Pearl and sinks down to the sea bed? Johnny Deep.
- BREAKING: Jack Black and Lewis Black arrested after fight outside NYC comedy club. A classic case of Black on Black crime
- In the new Jumanji movies It seems that Karen Gillan and Jack Black are stuck between a Rock and a Hart place.
- I started a new job I started a new job ready to teach dealers black jack and Texas hold'em, but all i saw was diapers and detergent. I guess i went to the wrong Procter and Gamble.
- Why do black people prefer Hennessey to Jack Daniel's? Hennessey isn't made in Lynchburg, Tennessee.
- Chuck Norris can get a Black-Jack with one card.
Laughter Jack Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about jack you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean monkey jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make jack pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jack wakes up with a horrible hangover and a throbbing black eye.
The first thing he sees is a single rose on the side table and a note from his wife: Dear, breakfast is made. I've gone shopping to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!
He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there's breakfast. Joe, he says to his son, what happened last night?
You came home s**... and got that black eye tripping over a chair.
So, why the rose, breakfast, and sweet note from your mother?
Oh, that. Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to t**... clothes, you screamed, 'Leave me alone, I'm married!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2 Guys in a Bar
2 guys in a bar.
John: "I have s**... with my wife once a month"
Jack: "We do it twice a week"
John: "But Jack, you're not even married!"
Jack: "Oh, I thought we were talking about your wife"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation...
One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."
The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or j**... and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "Well, you'd better j**.... I've got a headache."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Don't forget capital letters...
In the world of high-tech gadgetry, more and more people who send text messages and emails have forgotten the art of capital letters.
For those of you who fall into this category, please take note of the following statement:
"Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle j**... a horse, and helping your uncle j**... a horse."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I heard this one at school today
Jack and Amy both work for the same company. Their work is going fine until the economy falls and the company starts downsizing. The boss was given the option to fire one of them. He calls Amy into his office to break her the news. He says: "I'll either have to lay you or j**...".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'll admit it, I often j**... in the bathroom at work.
Some of the guys here think it's strange that I use the u**....
Blondes and Blind Cowboy
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,
'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,
Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
* The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
* The bouncer is a blonde girl.
* I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in
karate.
* The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
* The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head
and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Gimme a triple shot of Jack
A man walks into a bar and says "Bartender gimme a triple shot of Jack". The bartender pours, and the man downs it, slams the glass on the bar and says "Another". The bartender pours another. The man downs it and says "Another".
As the bartender pours the third glass he says, "Mister you drink like you have a problem. Want to talk about it?"
The man says, "Ten years, ten years I've been married to my wife, and today I go home a little early to surprise her, and I find my best friend, MY BEST FRIEND, in bed having s**... with her."
The bartender says "Geez, what did you say?"
The man says, "I told him, BAD DOG!! BAD DOG!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Layoffs
The boss has to lay off one person from his department and he's narrowed the choice down to Ann or Jack. First he invites Ann in.
The boss says "I have a problem, I have to lay you or j**..."
"You better j**..., I've got a headache"
A man calls his wife late at night.
He says, "I'm sorry honey, but i'm going to be staying with Jack tonight."
She says, "Its ok, honey. I'll see you in the morning, love you."
"I love you, too dear. Have a good night."
The wife quietly hangs up the phone and turns to the man in her bed, "Its ok, my husband is with you tonight."
-Redd Foxx
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jimmy don't j**..., you'll go blind.
Little Jimmy's dad walks into his son's room and says, "Jimmy don't j**..., you'll go blind."
Little Jimmy: "Dad I'm over here, in the living room..."
LPT: If you are have a problem with someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
Then you will be a mile away from them, and you will have their shoes. (originally a Jack Handey joke)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How well did Jackson p**... do in art class?
He passed it with flying colors.
/heyo
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Wife won't like it
One day I accidentally overturned my golf buggy.
Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, Are you okay, what's your name?"
"Its Jack , and I'm Okay thanks," I replied.
"Jack , forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, but I don't think my wife would like it."
"Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted.
She was very pretty, very s**... and persuasive... I was weak.
"Well okay," I finally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."
After a restorative brandy, and some creative putting lessons, I thanked my host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset."
"Don't be silly! Elizabeth said with a smile, She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Under the cart!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two old friends meet in bar...
[translated from Turkish]
-Hey Jack! How have you been! It's been months!
-Bonjour Monsieur ! Indeed, it's been a while
-"Bonjour Monsieur"? What's this French?
-Mais biensur !
-Don't screw with me Jack. I know you don't know French. We both went to the same school and we never had any French lessons!!
-No, no! I'm learning via the radio. 99.3 FM. Every day at 10AM you have French lessons. Very easy, I suggest you try.
-Oh, ok, cool I'll give a try tomorrow.
Next morning he calls Jack:
-Yo Jack, I have those old radios with a needle for tuning. Does it work with those old radios too?
-Sure! Scroll to 99, then go a little further to the right.
-Oh cool! Thx!
-Mais de rien !
-oh! s**... already...
Couple of weeks later, he meets Jack again. And Jack asks:
-Salut mon ami, How is your French?
- Shhhszzzzoussssshzzziuhli! (static noise)
[probably not the best written joke :/]
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Give man a jacket and he'll be warm when he goes outside.
Teach a man to jack it and he'll never go outside again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three women decide to compare their husbands to soft drinks.
Three women are out to brunch, and they're talking about who has the best husband. One of them decides they should compare their respective husbands to soft drinks (sodas).
First woman: "My husband is like 7UP, because he's 7 inches and he's always up."
Second woman: "Well my husband is like Mountain Dew, because when he's mountin' me, he knows what to do."
Third woman: "Well my husband is like Jack Daniels."
First woman: "That's not a soft drink!"
Third woman: "I know, but he's a hard l**...."
Discrimination
Three first-graders are flunking their class. The teacher calls them in and tells them: "I will ask you one question each, if you can answer it, you pass."
"Jim, how do you spell 'Cow'?"
"Jack, how do you spell 'Car'?"
"Muhammad, how do you spell 'Racial discrimination'?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did Darth Maul j**... into a piece of fruit?
Because the sith always comes in pears
A muslim guy greeted his friend on an airplane. They were both detained.
His friend named Jack.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Apple woke up their lead designer in the middle of the night
To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "j**...".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the Apple Phone designer do when he got home?
j**...
iPhone's from the future.
2016: iPhone 7=no headphone jack
2017: iPhone 8=no battery
2018: iPhone 9=no screen
2019: iPhone 10=no phone at all, just pay Apple $1000
They say that Indian Cooks are a jack of all trades...
But a master of naan.
My girlfriend said this to me when we were getting indian food tonight.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Jesus appears to you...
Ask him to bevel-cut a jack rafter onto a door header. If he doesn't know what you mean, that's an imposter Jesus.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The boss of a small company has two employees, Jack and Jill…
Just recently the company has been doing badly, so the boss decides one of them must go.
Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill, so he asks her to step into his office and explains his dilemma.
"Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or j**...."
Jill replies, "You'll have to j**... then, 'cause I've got a headache."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend said he liked the ending of his book so much, he'd j**... to it.
I just don't know how he came to that conclusion.
The bro code
Jill didn't come home one night. When she got home the next morning, she said she'd slept over at a girl friend's house.
Jack called ten of her best friends, but none of them said she had been there.
A week later, Jack doesn't come home. The next day, he says he spent the night at a buddy's house after getting too drunk.
Jill called his ten best friends. 8 said he'd been there the night before, while 2 said he was still there.
"Jack, you spend too much time on your walkie talkie, this relationship is over!"
"This relationship is what? Over."
Jack and his wife lived in Arizona where the summers are very hot.
Jack and his wife lived in Arizona where the summers are very hot.
He woke up one day when they were having a heat wave.
As he stepped out of the shower he complained to his wife saying, it's just too hot to wear any clothes on a day like this. What would the neighbors think if I mowed the lawn with no clothes.
That I married you only for your money.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dear people who don't write capital letters,
We're the difference between helping your Uncle j**... a horse and helping your uncle j**... a horse.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Louis c**... helped me change a flat tire.
All I had to do was watch him jack it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call it when a person will give you a h**... in return for any physical item?
j**... all trades
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between "I helped my uncle j**... a horse" and "i helped my uncle j**... a horse".
Well that's embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle's name is Jack.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did they call the man who gave a h**... to an electrician, a plumber, a welder, and a construction worker?
A j**... All Trades
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear of the guy who could literally master any craft, provided he m**... before learning it?
He was j**... all trades.
Jack calls an ambulance for his friend who has been hit by a car
The operator asks for his location.
Jack says I'm outside 28 Eucalyptus Road .
The operator knows there is no room for error and for clarity asks, "How do you spell that?"
There's shuffling and sounds of straining at the other end of the phone. Jack? says the operator, concerned. More shuffling and grunting.
Sorry about that says Jack. I just dragged him 'round to 1 Oak Street
The teacher tells little Jack, "I'm going to describe an animal and you have to guess what it is."
"It lives on a farm and gives milk"
"A cow?"
"That's correct too, but I meant a goat. What lives on a farm, has feathers and lays eggs?"
"A chicken"
"That's correct too but I meant a duck."
Little Jack, getting annoyed, asks the teacher: "What goes into your mouth hard, and comes out soft and wet?"
The teacher starts blushing.
"That's correct too but I meant chewing gum."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jack goes to his friend Mike
Jack goes to his friend Mike and says ...
"I'm sleeping with the pastor's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?"
The friend doesn't like it but being a friend, he agrees.
After mass, he starts talking to the pastor, asking him all sorts of s**... questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the pastor gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to.
Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the pastor...
"My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."
The pastor smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says...
"You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some m**....
Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said You know you wanna . Jill said yes, pulled up her dress and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.
Use contraceptives kids.
An indian lady visited a bar for the first time
She was nervous but sat on one tall stool in front of the bartender.
The guy sitting on her left said: "Jack Daniels, Single"
The guy on her right side ordered: "Johnny Walker, Single"
Then the bartender looked at the lady & said: And you..?
The lady replied: "Parmjeet kaur, Married.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day a man goes to his wife and says "Honey, I've never said anything before, but I need to know. I've noticed that of our seven children, that Jack looks different from the others. Does Jack have a different father than his siblings?"
The wife says "Yes, I admit it, he does."
The husband says "Who is his father?"
The wife says **"You are."**
I was walking my dogs when a stranger approached me.
"Are they Jack Russell's?"
"Nah mate, they're mine" I replied.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was fishing when I ran out of bait. I saw a small snake nearby trying to s**... a frog and knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket...
Now, the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit, so I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.
His eyes rolled back, he went limp.
I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot.
It was that snake, with two more frogs...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Aunt Jill was an English teacher who taught me so many important lessons like....
Always use very precise language or you could be misunderstood.
I remember it vividly because we were at their farm and I was helping my uncle j**... a horse as she was telling me that.
Teacher came to Jack's desk
-You had the same answers in your test as Stan. So you must have cheated.
-How do you know that Stan didn't look at my answers? Jack defended himself.
-Stan had written "I don't know" and you had written "I don't know either"...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Proper Grammar, Guys
Capitalisation is the difference between helping your Uncle j**... a horse and helping your uncle j**... a horse.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Due to the recent cutbacks caused by the coronavirus Bruce was told he had to terminate one of his compliance managers.
Alice and Jack we're both exemplary employees and he honestly had no idea which one he would get rid of, but being an honest man he decided he'd speak to them both ahead of time thinking that it might help him make his decision. He called in Alice first and he said listen, I've either got to lay you or j**.... Without batting an eye she responded "you better j**..., I have a terrible headache."
A construction worker named John Smith had an accident at work and died.
His co-workers don't know who is going to tell John's wife that he died.
After a lot of arguing they decide that Jack should bring the news.
After an hour Jack returns with two crates of beer. Everone asks him how he got them.
Jack : I knocked on the door and a woman opened it. I asked: Are you John Smith's widow?
The woman answered : No, I'm his wife!
Jack: You want to bet two crates of beer that you're not?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated.
Their lovers happened to be at the f**... home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.
The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky."
The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake."
The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a p**... of chili, so he can tear my a**... up just one more time."
A man walks into a bar sporting the worst haircut you've ever seen...
"Give me two shots of Jack Daniels," he says to the bartender. "One for me, and one for you."
"You know I don't drink on the job," the bartender says, pouring the man a shot.
Downing the drink, the man replies, "And that's why I like you better than my barber."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It was h**... Choo's first time in America, and he was excited to visit an American bar .
He quickly locates one and finds a seat by the counter, where two other men are already seated.
The surly bartender tilts his head at the first man, who says Jack Daniels, single.
The bartender nods and looks towards the second man, who says, Johnny Walker, single.
The bartender then turns to h**... Choo...
h**... Choo, married!
A wife is complaining about her husband spending all his time at the local tavern, so one night he takes her along with him.
"What'll ya have?" he asks.
"Oh, I don't know. The same as you, I suppose," she replies.
So the husband orders a couple of Jack Daniels and gulps his down in one go.
His wife watches him, then takes a sip from her glass and immediately spits it out.
"Yuck! It tastes awful, worse than awful!" she splutters. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"
"Well, there you go!" cries the husband. "And you think I am out enjoying myself every night!"
My wife went to the cinema with her friends
My wife went to the cinema with her friends last night and left me in charge of our two year old son.
She called me when she got there and said, "Is Jack ok?"
"He's absolutely fine," I replied, "He's in the bath at the moment, you've got nothing to worry about."
"Is he playing with his little yellow duck?" she asked.
I said, "I don't know, I can't see him from the pub."
Six Months
"I'm getting a divorce," said Jack to his friend, Bill. "The wife hasn't spoken with me for six months." Bill thought for a moment and then replied, "Just make sure you know what you're doing, Jack. Wives like that are hard to find."
Numbers
The teacher asked one of her young students if he knew his numbers. "Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me." "Good. What comes after three?" "Four," answers the boy. "What comes after six?" "Seven." "Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?"
"A jack," says the little boy.
How I got tasered...
Got tasered picking up my friend from the airport today. Apparently security doesn't like it when you shout, "Hi Jack!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I tried taking my dog Jack out to use the bathroom the other night, but it was so dark
I couldn't see Jack s**...
One day, Jack's lightbulb wasn't working
He called the electrician immediately and hoped he could fix it. The electrician tried his best, but could not make it glow.
After a while, the electrician said, "There is one last thing we can try". Desperate, Jack agreed to follow his instructions. The electrician then invited 10 people into Jack's apartment, and instructed them all to put their hands on the lightbulb.
Suddenly, the lightbulb started working! Jack was stunned, and asked the electrician, "How did you do that?!"
The electrician smiled and said, "Many hands make light work."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My ex-wife cheated on me with the plumber, the electrician, and carpenter
She was a j**... all trades
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Death: Jack! Your time is up. I'll take you now.
Jack: Not today please, I have a lot more to do.
Death: Oh no, you're the first on the list to die.
Jack: Alright, I'll finish what I'm doing first. Even better, I'll make you some coffee while you wait. And after I'm done, we can leave.
(Jack put sleeping pills in the coffee and when Death fell asleep, Jack erased his name and placed it at the end of the list)
Death: Woah! My friend, I slept well. You're a good person Jack, you treated me very well. Because of that, I'll just start with the last one on the list.
