Ivanovich Jokes
5 ivanovich jokes and hilarious ivanovich puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ivanovich that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Ivanovich Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good ivanovich joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Real happiness
A Russian, a Frenchman and an Englishman were discussing the meaning of real happiness
The English said "real happiness is reading a good book on a rainy night with a hot cup of tea by your side"
The Frenchman said : "non mon ami, real happiness is to meet a beautiful girl make love to her, then you go your separate ways never meeting again"
The Russian : "no you are both wrong, real happiness is when secret police come to your house in middle of night and tell you: Ivan Ivanovich you arrested for conspiracing against the state and you tell them : sorry Ivan Ivanovich lives next door."
A bus full of Russians are at the Belarussian border.
The customs official eyes them suspiciously. He asks the first guy:
"Name?"
"Ah, Boris Ivanovich."
"Do you have a visa?"
"No, but we were invited here."
"Occupation?"
"No, we are just police support. The occupation forces are in the next bus."
Vacations
Russian military tank crosses the border into Finland and a Russian soldier steps out.
"Good morning," says the Border police, "Name?"
"Ivan Ivanovich."
"Occupation?"
"No, just a vacation."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Heard this Russian joke somewhere, thought I'd share.
A group of Russians decided to hold a little contest among themselves. It had three stages:
**1.** Who can drink the most v**...?
**2.** Who can say the dirtiest word?
**3.** Who can punch the hardest?
Stage 1 was won by Vasya Ivanovich, who drank *all* the v**....
Stage 2 was won by Pyotr Vasilyevich, who arrived late only to find out there's no more v**....
Stage 3 was won, once again, by Pyotr Vasilyevich, when he was told that it was Vasya Ivanovich who drank all the v**....
Another Soviet Joke
In a small town outside Moscow a very proud primary school teacher began the Monday the same was she began every monday: by asking the students what they did to help their fellow comrads in the glorious Soviet Union. She turned to Illya Ivanovich.
"Illya Ivanovich, what did you do today to help the Collective?"
Illya thought a moment and replied, "Well, Katerina Maximovna, I helped an old woman cross the street."
"Wonderful," his teacher replied, "you truly helped your country. And you, Alexander Michaelovich, what did you do this weekend to help the Collective?"
"Well, you see Katerina Maximovna, I was helping Illya to help the old lady cross the street."
"OK. Good work. You certainly helped your nation and your fellow comrads." Katerina then looked at Dimitri Fyodorovich.
"And you, Dimitri Fyodorovich. What did you do this weekend to benefit the Collective?"
Dimitri thought for a moment, and then said, "Katerina Maximovna, you see, I was also helping Alexander and Illya to help the old woman across the street."
Katerina Maximovna paused a moment, and then with a confused look she said, "OK, Dimitri Fyodorovich, it is always good to help others. But I am confused. Why did it take three strong young boys to help one old babushka across the street?"
Dimitri thought for a moment and answered, "Well, you see, she didn't want to cross."
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