The Best 100 Italy Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Italy jokes. There are some italy pisa jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these italy italia puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Italy Jokes and Puns

Bring me back a nice Italian girl

A man is dropping off his wife, who's being sent on a business trip to Italy, at the airport. Before saying his goodbyes, he quips "Now be sure to bring me back a nice Italian girl." A week later, he's back at the airport to pick her up. After kissing her hello, he says "So did you get me that nice Italian girl?" to which the wife responds "Well I did my best, but we're going to have to wait 9 months to find out if it's a girl."

A man was asked for his secret to a long lasting marriage...

**"Well, i took my wife to Italy on our honeymoon."** *"so what are you guys doing for your 20th wedding anniversary?"*
**"Im going back to get her."**

Why are a lot of Italians named Tony?

Because as they got on the boat to leave Italy, they were stamped on the head, "TO NY".

Italy joke, Why are a lot of Italians named Tony?

Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?

Because all the roads lead to Rome.

What is the poor part of Italy called?

The spaghetto


A joke from Italy

Pierino returns home from school and he is very happy. He tells his dad "Hey Dad! did you know that today me and my friends placed a bomb in the school?

"Are you Crazy?" his dad responds. "You will be in a lot of trouble when i tell the principal what you did and he expels you when you go back to school tomorrow!"

Pierino: "School? What school?"

What's the difference between a bad coffee in Switzerland and a bad coffee in Italy?

When you drink a bad coffee in Switzerland you say, "Merci!".

Italy joke, What's the difference between a bad coffee in Switzerland and a bad coffee in Italy?

Come here

An Albanian guy goes for the summer to Italy. When he finally returns he won't stop bragging about all the things he did, all the places he saw, and all the things he learned.
His friend is getting annoyed with all his boasting and asks him, "How do you say 'come here' in Italian?"
"vieni qui."
"How about 'go there'?"
At this point the show-off pauses for a few seconds trying to remember.
He finally says, "I go over there and tell you 'vieni qui'."

My friend said to me, "Whenever a World Cup game is on, let's eat something to do with that team for dinner that night."

Mexico was on, we had burritos.
Japan was on, we had sushi.
USA was on, we had burgers.
Italy was on, we had pizza.
Tuesday is England, so we're going out.

So, I ran into my old Geography Teacher the other day...

and he invited me to his birthday party.
"It's a Geography themed fancy dress party." he said with a grin.
"How's that going to work?" I asked.
"Well, for instance, I'm going as a large Island off the coast of Italy."
"Don't be sicily" I replied...

I went to a military history exhibit at a museum in Little Italy.

I saw a cool old German submarine. I walked up to a guy and said, "Hey, is that a U-boat?"

He said, "No, it's-a the museum's!"

You can explore italy greece reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean italy austria dad jokes. There are also italy puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do you call a sketchy place in Italy?

The "spaghetto"

What are the rough parts of Italy called?

The spaghetto.

Time flies in Italy....

...Everywhere you look, another Dago's by.....

I've grown an interest with Mussolini's Italy.

I guess you can call it a fascistnation.

My dad got me with this one earlier.

"So, you know how ships from America are USS whatever, right? Well, that stands for United States Ship. In England, they use HMS. And that means Her Majesty's Ship. In Italy, though, they use AMB. Know what that means?"

"What?"

"ATTSA MY BOAT!"

Italy joke, My dad got me with this one earlier.

My friend said to me, "I'm going to dress up as an island near the bottom of Italy"

I said "Don't be so silly."

Rome wasn't built in a day...

But it was built in Italy!!

Where do poor people live in Italy?

In the spaghetto


What's the best selling soft drink in Italy?

Dr. Pepe

What do you call the bad part of Italy?

The spaghetto.

What did the Chinatown Bok Choys soccer team say when they lost against the Little Italy Panettones just after eating lunch?

You Dim Sum, you lose some.

I overheard a work colleague saying they are going to a fancy dress party as a small island of the coast of Italy

I said don't be Sicily

What body of water separates Italy from the word 'goodbye'?

River Derci. Sorry.

Why are there no jehovah's witnesses in Italy?

The mafia doesn't like witnesses.

A joke from Italy

-Dad, have farts a weight?
-I don't think so
-So....well, I guess I pooped myself

Traveling through Italy I spent hundreds of Euros on pasta. (Pun)

It was worth every Penne.

I bought a 400 year-old chair from Italy...

...but as soon as I sat on it, it baroque.

It's raining in Italy

That's why it has the shape of a boot and not a flip flop.

Why is Italy shaped like a boot?

Because you can't fit that much sh*t in a shoe

What's the most popular occupation in Italy?

Pastatution.

Two friends are talking , "So what are you doing for summer vacation?"

The other one replies " I want to go to Italy again , like last year"---
"Wow you went to Italy last year?"-----------
" No, but I did want to go "

France and Italy Go to War. Who Wins?

Neither.

France Surrenders, and Italy Changes Sides.

What's a bigamist?

It's a large fog in Italy

Why does time go by so fast in Italy?

Because every time you turn around you see a dago by.

Why did italy cross the road?

To switch sides

France and Italy are in a battle against each other. Who wins?

Neither. France surrenders and Italy switches sides.

France and Italy simultaneously declare war on each other

France surrenders

Italy changes sides

Both lose

Today I learned that Disney had to rename Moana in Italy because an Italian pornstar has the same name

AND NO ONE KNOOOOOOOOWS HOW DEEP SHE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOES.

I told my friend I was going to dress up as a small island off the coast of Italy for halloween

He said don't be Sicily

France and Italy declare war...

France surrenders and Italy switches sides. Both countries lose.

In Italy, they call me Olive Oil

Its because im extra virgin. :(

Son: Dad, why is my sister's name Florence?

Dad: Because we conceived her in Florence, Italy.

Son: I guess that's a nice way of naming your kids.

Dad: Yeah, Backseat, it is.

A man goes to the doctors and says "I feel like an island of the south coast of Italy"

The doctor replies "Don't be Sicily"

Why is the leaning tower of Pisa in Italy?

It's Italicized

What do you call a fog in Italy?

A Bigamiste

French Presidential bodyguard accidentally discharges weapon whilst on duty...

France & Italy have both offer their immediate unconditional surrender.

What do you call the slums in Italy?

The spaghetto

What is the proper way to explore Italy?

You Rome.

If France and Italy go to war, who would win?

None of them, France would surrender and Italy would switch sides.

Great dynasties of history

Egypt: Ayyubid

South Africa: Zulu

China: Ming

Greece: Helena

Italy: Medici

U.S.: Duck

Building Inspectors should be stricter in Pisa, Italy.

Since they are a bit too *lean*ient.

I've got a map of Italy tattooed on my chest

I've got really sore Naples though

How do you break up with somebody in Italy?

It's not you! It's a me, Mario!

A woman has to go to a conference in Italy, so her husband drives her.

"Thanks honey" she says, "what would you like me to bring you back?"

"Oh, um, an Italian girl!" The husband jokingly says.

"I'll see what I can do" the woman says as she walks into the airport waving goodbye.

3 days later the woman returns and her husband greets her at the airport.

"How was your trip? Did you remember to bring my gift?"

"What gift?"

"The Italian girl!"

"Oh, we'll have to wait 9 months to see if it's a boy or girl"

3 spies from England, France and Italy were sent to the USSR.

After a week they were captured and put in jail. The Russians took the English spy, tied and tortured him and after 20 minutes he gave all the info.

Then the Russians took the French spy. They tied and tortured him, and after 20 minutes he too gave all the info.

Then they took the Italian spy and did the same to him, but he didnt give any info. They kept torturing him for 3 hours but with no luck. Eventually they gave up and put him back in the cell.

The 2 other spies asked him How did you do that? They tortured us like crazy! The Italian replied: I wanted to give all my info, but they tied my hands and so I couldn't speak.

Lucy, Linus, and Charlie Brown are assigned a history project.

Each person was assigned a country to report on.

Wow! Lucy said. I got Italy!

Interesting exclaimed Linus. I got Germany.

With dismay, Charlie Brown said, I got Iraq.

I was bowling with a friend and when it was his turn, I called out to him:

"Germany, Italy, Spain, Norway!"

"What?" My friend said.

"Europe."

What did the leftist eat on his holyday in Italy?

Antifapasti

What do you call a poor neighborhood in Italy?

A speghetto!

Why did everyone want to go to Italy during World War II?

They were Fascistanating

Why are Italy out of the World Cup?

They didn't pasta ball good enough.

What do you call a Jamaican man born in Italy?

Reggae-Toni

What time do they eat dinner in Italy?

Half pasta six!

What's the difference between a word that's spelled the same forwards and backwards and your friend in Italy?

One's a palindrome and one's a pal in Rome

Soviet diplomats

It would be great if in 1941 Italy, Romania, Finland and Spain, having shown solidarity with Germany, limited themselves to the expulsion of several Soviet diplomats.

What did Dido say when Aeneas departed for Italy?

Don't go. Aeneid you!

As a Englishman, I feel shame for my countries lack of a unique dish

I mean, look at Italy with their pasta and pizza. Portugal has Peri-Peri sauce, the French have omlettes and fancy bread. And I think we all know how the good the Germans are with ovens.

What speech did Abraham Lincoln give when he went to Italy?

The Spaghetties-burg Address.

I was walking in Little Italy yesterday

when I saw a man patiently standing by his car as he was being written a parking ticket. The officer finished, and the man thanked her and opened his car.

Confused as to why he seemed so unconcerned I approached him. "Sir! You just got a ticket! How are you so calm about this?"

He just shrugged and said, "It's a-fine."

Did you hear about the war between France and Italy?

Italy switched sides and France surrendered

Two men saw a stranger walking with a large knapsack across the plains of Italy in 500 C.E.

Man 1: Why is that man walking around aimlessly whilst carrying such a heavy load on his back?

Man 2: He is not from around here, he is a nomad

Man 1: How can you be so sure?

Man 2: Isn't it obvious? Just look at him, he has a purpose for walking. If was walking aimlessly, he'd just be Roman

A Canadian man went hitchhiking in Italy

He wandered aboot for three weeks.

From former prime minister of Italy : Have you heard about the survey? They asked women aged between 20 and 30 whether they'd make love to Berlusconi."

"....33 percent of them said 'yes' and 67 percent said 'again?'

What do you call a couple of ants sharing a slice of pizza in Italy?

Romance

Shakespeare walks up to a bar in Italy. The barman says...

you're a bard

Why Does Italy Have Such A Low Teen Pregnancy Rate?

Because the kids learn in Italian history to always pull out

Why is having a BBQ not popular in Italy?

Spaghetti keep falling through the grill

Japanese Thief-catching Robot

A new Thief-catching robot was created in Japan, they tested the robot in Japan and in just under 50 minutes caught 25 thieves. further testing of the robot was needed so they decided to test it in Italy and under 30 minutes the robot caught 40 thieves. then the robot was tested in Germany, which in 15 minutes caught 50 thieves. the robot then was taken to Mexico and in just 5 minutes the robot was stolen.

A foreigner was walking around Italy

When suddenly a thief grabbed her purse and started running away
The woman shouted "Hey! It's my purse!"
The thief shouted back "It's my job!"

"There's a woman trapped under a motorway bridge in Italy."

"Genoa?"

"I'm not sure, I can't see her face."

Genoa bout the bridge collapse in Italy?

Ah well, we won't go over it then.

I checked my phone bill after my trip to Italy, and it said I spent DCXII dollars.

I must have left on Data Roman.

What part of Italy has the highest crime rate,

The spaghetto

Did you know there was a Jedi from Italy who was really strict about diets?

His name was Only One Cannoli.

How does Italy execute its criminals?

Guidotine

France and Italy are at war. Who wins?

No one. France surrenders and Italy changes sides

did i ever tell you about the time that i was contacted by a former partner who was working in italy via the money transfer service i was using?

I was not ready when my ex communicated by the paypal authority

I work as a spy for the US government.

One of my more deadly assignments involved going after a mad scientist in Italy. I was having dinner with one of my contacts over some delicious cheesy rigatoni. Then, out of nowhere, I was hit by a shrink ray and tossed into my food with the sound of evil laughter. Fraught by the perils of steaming hot carbs around me, I knew that for now, escape would have to be my mission.

Mission in pasta bowl.

I ordered a pizza from a new store close to me and it was covered in oil.

Expected Italy; got grease.

I got a new dog from an island off the coast of Italy recently.

The problem is it Maltas everywhere.
Bu dum tssh

Making tanks in WW2 Italy was a really fun job.

It was always riveting work.

β€ͺThis is the first year I'm not going to Italy because of the coronavirus. ‬ β€ͺ

Normally I don't go because I'm poor‬

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.

Thank you honey, she says, Is there anything I can bring back for you?

He laughs, and says, An Italian girl!

When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, How was the trip?

Very good, she replies.

And what happened to my present?

Which present? she asks.

The one I asked for - an Italian girl!

Oh, that. I did what I could. We'll just have to wait 9 months to see if it's a girl.

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.

Thank you honey, she says, Is there anything I can bring back for you?
He laughs, and says, An Italian girl!
When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, How was the trip?
Very good, she replies.
And what happened to my present?
Which present? she asks.
The one I asked for - an Italian girl!
Oh, that. I did what I could. We'll just have to wait 9 months to see if it's a girl.

I met a girl in Italy

Genoa?

Coronavirus really changed my Tour of Italy...

... the waitress at Olive Garden had to bring it out to my car.

Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...

...But now he's an Air Friar.

What is 5 feet tall, has 22 legs and feigns death if you approach it up to two meters?

The Italy national football team.

What is 1.60 m high, has 22 legs and feigns death if you touch it?

The Italy national football team.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the italy greeks jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working italy sweden piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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