The Best 71 Italians Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Italians jokes. There are some italians moustaches jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these italians irish italian puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Italians Jokes and Puns

Now I know it's the 100 Aniversary of the Titanic and all...

But aren't the Italians going a little far with their tribute

Why are a lot of Italians named Tony?

Because as they got on the boat to leave Italy, they were stamped on the head, "TO NY".

REQUEST: Jokes about Italians

I vaguely remember a joke about Italians talking with their hands, maybe while driving and/or on cell phones. If anyone remembers a joke like this, I will give them all of my upvote.

Why are Italians named Tony

Cause when they were shipped to the US, they were stamped "TO NY" on their foreheads.

jokes about italians

Whats an Italians favourite part of football?

Half time, they get to switch sides again


Why do Italians wear gold chains?

So they know where to stop shaving.

What do pink flamingos have on their front lawns?

Plastic Italians.

Italians joke, What do pink flamingos have on their front lawns?

Where do impoverished Italians live?

In the spaghetto

The U.N. initiates a poll...

The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."

The poll was a total failure.

The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Europeans did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of the world".

Why are so many Italians named Tony?

Because when they left the old country, immigration officers put a sticker on their lapel that read To NY.

You know, not all Italians are in the mafia.

Some are in the Witness Protection Program.

You can explore italians italian reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean italians italy dad jokes. There are also italians puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I can't stand Italians and their slanty eyes...

...no, wait, *italics*.

An Italian and a Greek get in a fight over sex

Greek: the Greeks invented sex centuries before the Italians!

Italians: maybe so but we improved on it by introducing it to women!

What's accounting?

Something Italians learn in preschool.

What tense do Italians speak in?

Pasta continuous.

Why don't Italians do bondage?

Because they can't say the safeword while they're wearing handcuffs.

Italians joke, Why don't Italians do bondage?

Why do Italians hate Jehovah's Witnesses?

Because Italians hate any witnesses.

Why do Italians throw pizza onto the field after they win a match?

Because they rain supreme.

The Leaning Tower of Pisa is a good representation of all Italians

Not straight.


Why are so many Italians named Tony?

Because on the boat over to America their shirts said To N.Y.

The invention of sex

A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture.

The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon"
The Italian says, "We have the Colosseum"
The Greek says "We had great Mathematicians"
The Italian says "We had the Roman Empire" and so on and so on and
Then Greek Says: "We invented sex" The Italian says:"That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women"

Why are Italians so good at football?

Because it involves changing sides halfway through.

What do the Italians refer to the speaker of their church as?

The pasta.

What do you call it when two Italians get in a fight?

Italian beef

Why was the Italians cell phone bill so high?

He was always Roman.

I'm sorry.

Hitler is in his Bunker

One day, Hitler is in his bunker planning his strategy for the next phase of the war when there is a knock at the door. He says "enter" and Goebbels walks in.
"What is it Goebbels? Can't you see I'm busy?!" asks Hitler, clearly irritated.
"Mein Fuhrer," says Goebbels, "I have news. The Italians joined the war today."
"No problem," replies Hitler, "send a division against them."
"Mein Fuhrer, they are on our side."
"Ah," says Hitler, "then send two divisions."

Italians joke, Hitler is in his Bunker

Why do italians love soccer?

Because halfway through they get to switch sides

Why do Italians wear necklaces

To show them where to stop shaving.

Why would Italians make a faithful spy?

Because they won't utter a word when their hands are tied.


What do Italians say when their mother gets lost during a war?

Mama MIA.

I wrote a book on Italians diagnosed with Dementia...

It's called "fogettaboudit"

I also wrote a book about Italians being diagnosed with Amnesia,

I called that one "fogottaboudit"

Long before the Turks invented condoms

The greeks invented sex.

And the italians thought it was so good, they introduced it to women

Why did the Italians lose the war?

They ordered Ziti instead of shells.

Where do Italians get their stock photos from?

Spaghetti Images


How do Italians say goodbye?

Pasta la vista.

Italians are the quietest people,

Hands down.

Today was the opening World Cup match.

Or as the Italians call it: Thursday

Why have no Italians ever lost an eating contest at a Thai restaurant?

Because even if they eat less, they can still say its-a Thai! .

Why don't Italians like Jehovah's witnesses?

Italians don't like ANY witnesses.

Italians don't just have style...

...They have pizzazz...

Where do the poor Italians live?

In the spaghetto

What does a group of Italians say when they start a diet?

Ciao belli

"Herr General, the Italians have entered the war"

said the Wehrmacht commander's subordinate.

"Really?" his boss sighed. "Send half a division to stop them."

"Nein, herr General." replied his subordinate; "they are entering on our side."

Upon hearing it, the General collapses onto the table, crying; "Send two armies to help them!"

What do Italians eat for holloween?

Fettuccine Afraid-o

Which Nationality always gets locked out of their house?

Italians because they always have gnocchis.

Where did the Italians keep the Jews during WWII?

In the Spaghettos

Italians don't die they...

Pasta way

It is WWI. The Germans and the Italians are fighting in trenches.

The Germans have a plan. Since almost all Italians are named Mario, a German would yell, "Hey, Mario!" An unfortunate Mario would pop his head up with "si?" and a German sniper would put a bullet into his forehead. Every day, a few Italians died with "Hey Mario!" "Si?" Boom!

One day, the Italians decide to reciprocate. One of them yells, "Hey-a, Fritz!" No reply. "Fritz!" Nothing. "Hey-a, Fritz!" "Is that you, Mario?" "Si!" Boom!

If Italian food is made by Italians and Indian food by Indians,...

who is making Dog food?

What food do Italians eat during sex? [Nsfw]

Fetishini

European heaven/ European hell

European heaven is a place where the chefs are spanish, the police is british, the mechanics are germans, the lovers are italians and everything is organized by the swiss.

European hell is a place where the chefs are british, the police is german, the mechanics are spanish, the lovers are swiss and everything is organized by the italians.

A friend was complaining about Italians. Damn those Italians and their slanted eyes! , he said.

I replied, I think you mean *italics*.

Something to offend everyone...

In Heaven:

The French are the cooks, and the Germans are the engineers. The British are the policemen. The Italians are the lovers, and the Swiss run everything.

But in Hell:

The Germans are the policemen. The British are the cooks. The Swiss are the lovers, the French are the engineers. And the Italians run everything.

A Teacher taught a very hyperactive class

The class had students from many parts of the world. One day the teacher was late and when she came to the class, it was pure chaos in there. Americans were constantly quarrelling, Australians were standing on their head, Italians were making pasta. But the Spanish kid was surprisingly quiet and was in his seat.

Nobody expects the Spanish in position

Why were so many Italians who emigrated to the US named Tony?

They stamped TO NY on their foreheads.

In the 1930s, the Italians developed an engine fuel technology that used household spices.

It's true. Mussolini made the trains run on thyme

Why are Italians always so short?

Because as kids they're always told:

"When you grow up one day, you're gonna go to work".

Greeks invented sex

The italians added women to it

Heaven is...

Heaven is where the cooks are French, the police are British, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by the Swiss.



Hell is where the cooks are British, the police are German, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Italians.

A man walked by a restaurant in London

He noticed all the customers drinking tea in saucers.

He asked one of them as to why he was drinking tea in a saucer.

With tears in his eyes, he replied, The Italians have taken away our cup"

How did the Euro Cup leave Wembley with the Italians?

Via the South Gate

As I walked by a restaurant in London at 8 am,

As I walked by a restaurant in London at 8 am, I noticed all of the customers drinking tea in saucers. I asked one of the customers, Why are you all drinking tea in saucers? He had tears running down his face saying, The Italians have taken our Cup.

Why cant you trust Italians at an award ceremony?

They've been known to rig a Tony

Heard there will be special scrutiny on Italians at the upcoming Tony Awards.

Word is they know how to rigatoni.

Heaven and Hell according to Europe

Heaven is a place where,
all the cops are British,
all the chefs are French,
all the engineers are German,
all the parties are organized by the Italians,
and it's all run by the Swiss

Hell is a place where,
all the cops are German,
all the chefs are British (sorry Gordon),
all the engineers are French,
all the parties are organized by the Swiss,
and it's all run by the Italians

Elsa dolls outsell Anna dolls in every country in the world, except Italy

because when Italians ask their kids which doll they want, they say You wanta Anna or Elsa!

The Italians set up two telecommunications networks. They called them Data-1, and..









...Dissa-1

What do Italians call ghosts?

Gaba-Ghouls!

An Italian and a Greek are hanging out

An Italian and a Greek are having an argument. Each is trying to one up the other.

Greek: Greeks do everything better than Italians. Did you know that Hawaiian pizza was invented by a Greek.

Italian: Sex too was invented by Greeks, but it was Italians that introduced women to it!

Why are Italians always locked out of their houses when they get home?

Gnocchi

What do you call an area with a large amount of poor Italians?

The Spaghetto

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the italians family guy italian jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working italians mean italian piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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