Italian Women Jokes

I like my (wo)men like I like my coffee...

...hot, black, and strong
^(possibly the original)
...thin, pale, and extra-sweet.
...50% alcohol.
...all over my g**... while I'm trying to drive.
...I don't like coffee.
...imported from micronesia.
...free, fresh and in the breakroom.
...huge and cheap with room for cream.
...cold, bitter, expensive and Italian.
...in a plastic cup.
^(eddie izzard)
...ground up, roasted, and quickly disposed of.

An old Greek man and an old Italian man are arguing.

The Greek man says "Look, all I'm saying is that the Greeks invented everything the Romans get credit for!"
The Italian says "Yes, may be, but the Romans improved it and made it useful!"
The Greek man says "We invented the Democracy!"
The Italian says "We realized the challenge of direct elections and the benefit of the legislature, and thus created the Republic!"
The Greek man says "Yes, but we created beautiful architecture like the Parthenon!"
The Italian says "And we improved your building techniques, and used them to create aqueducts and structures that stood for centuries longer!"
The Greek man, frustrated, finally says "Ah, of course. But the Greeks, we INVENTED s**...!"
The Italian man says "That may be true, but we introduced it to women."

A Greek and an Italian...

are arguing the virtues of their respective cultures in antiquity.
The Greek says, "Us Greeks had great armies and built a great empire that expanded throughout the Mediterranean and Asia Minor."
The Italian says, "And the Romans had greater armies and a much bigger empire, encompassing most of Europe and parts of Asia and Africa."
The Greek says, "But the Greeks made great advances in art and philosophy!"
And the Italian says, "Yes, and the Romans made even greater advances in architecture and science!"
The Greek is getting frustrated now, and blurts out, "Well, we discovered the pleasures of love and s**...!"
The Italian responds, "Yeah, but we introduced the concept to women."

7 mildly offensive jokes

**What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? **
A speech impediment.
**What's the Cuban National Anthem? **
Row row row your boat.
**What's the fastest way to a man's heart? **
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
**Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a r**... baby? **
They named him Sum Ting Wong.
**Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking? **
Because those men already have boyfriends.
**What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? **
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
**What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? **
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Greek vs Italian Culture

One day , two men, a Greek and an Italian were sitting in a coffee shop discussing who had the superior culture.
Over triple lattes the Greek says, "Well, we have the Parthenon."
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."
The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics"
The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.
With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented s**...!"
The Italian thinks for a moment and then replies, "Ah, yes, that is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women."

The new boyfriend.

Mary and Nancy were having coffee at Mary's house when Mary said "Nancy, I don't know what I am going to do about my new boyfriend."
"What seems to be the trouble, Mary?" Nancy replied. "Well, it's a s**... problem, I'm a little embarrassed."
"What, is he too small, does he not last long enough?"
"No, no, nothing like that. It's just that all he wants to do is go down on me." "That's your problem?" Nancy said, "Most women would kill for that problem!"
"I know, but that's ALL he wants to do! A women needs some variety now and then, I need the D once in a while, you know what I mean?"
"Ok," Nancy replied, "Here's what you do, the next time you two are together, before you get intimate, take some raw garlic and rub it down there."
"Are you sure, Nancy?" "Yes, it will sting a little at first, but he won't put his face near there again." "Ok, Nancy, I'll try it."
A week later, the two friends are chatting again.
"So, Mary." Nancy said. "How goes it with your new boyfriend, did you do what I told you?"
"Yeah, Nancy, I did."
"Well, did it work?"
"No, it didn't, in fact, it's worse than before!"
"How can it be worse? did you use enough?"
"Yeah, I used plenty. that's not the problem."
"Then, what is?"
Well.......My boyfriends Italian,..........
and now he brings bread!"

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven, where they are met at the Perly Gates by St. Peter.
He says, "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I’m granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want."
The first nun says, "I want-a to be Sophia Loren" and *p**...!* she’s gone.
The second says, "I want-a to be Madonna" and *p**...!* she’s gone.
The third says, "I want-a to be Sara Pipalini."
St. Peter looks perplexed.
"Who?" he says.
"Sara Pipalini" replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says "I’m sorry but that name just doesn’t ring a bell."
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.
He reads the paper and starts laughing.
He hands it back to her and says “No Sister, this says 'Sahara Pipeline laid by 500 men in 7 days!'"