Italia Jokes
111 italia jokes and hilarious italia puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about italia that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Italia Short Jokes
Short italia jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The italia humour may include short gen jokes also.
- My wife was none too pleased when I named our newborn daughter "Jen". I don't know why, I think Jen Italia is a beautiful name.
- What did the Italia airship do when it crashed in the North Pole on May 25th, 1928? It broke the ice. Nice to meet you :)
- Italy launched a hip new campaign to encourage young entrepreneurs: #GenerationItaly Soon the youth couldn't stop talkin about Gen-Italia
- Where are you from? Roma!
Romania?
No, no, colosseo, Italia!
Ah, Silvio Berlusconi!
No, no, Romania...
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Italia One Liners
Which italia one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with italia? I can suggest the ones about bologna and .
- What Football (soccer) Cup does Super Mario compete in? Koopa Italia
Comical Italia Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about italia you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make italia pranks.
There's an old Italian man
There's an old Italian man, and every year, he and his son plant a tomato garden together. This particular year, however, the son is in jail, and so the old man writes him a letter.
"My son, it is regrettable that you can't be here to plant the tomato garden with me this year. The soil is too hard for me to dig myself. I look forward to the day you come home so we can continue this tradition together."
The son writes back, "Father, don't dig up the tomato garden, that's where the bodies are buried."
That night around 2 AM, the police show up at the old man's house with a warrant to search the ground for bodies. After several hours of digging around, they find nothing, apologize to the man, and go on their way.
The next day, the man receives another letter from his son, "Father, given the circumstances, this was the best I could do. You should be able to plant the tomatoes now."
Why are Italians named Tony
Cause when they were shipped to the US, they were stamped "TO NY" on their foreheads.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
ITALIAN MUSTACHES
WHY DO MOST ITALIAN MEN HAVE MUSTACHES?
A: SO THEY CAN LOOK LIKE MOM
How did the Italian die?
Talking while driving.
Italian restaurant.
I went to my local Italian restaurant last night, but there was a large fat woman standing at the entrance.
I couldn't get pasta.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Italian, a Mexican and an American are all on a boat...
The captain runs out yelling we're sinking we're sinking!! Everyone needs to throw something off the boat! The Italian says "We have too many of these in our country" and throws over pots of spaghetti . Mexican says "we have too many of these in country" and throws burritos over board. Finally the American says "We have too many of these in our country." Then he picks up the Mexican and throws him overboard.
Good ol' fashions racism.
Italian Hot Tub
What was the Italian hot tub that was so small it's occupants always bumped into each other called?
Ja-scusi.
Why couldn't the Italian talk?
Carpal Tunnel Syndrome
An Italian and a Jew go into business together, who looses?
the government
The Italian spy
A german, French, and Italian spy get captured. The French spy is tied with his hands strapped behind his back, a d is tortured and interrogated. He confesses after one hour. The German spy lasts two hours before confessing. The Italian spy lasts hours before his captors give up on him. The German and French spies ask how he lasted so long without talking and he says "I wanted to talk, but I couldn't move my hands."
How did the Italian lose his voice?
He broke his arms.
I'm so Italian . . .
I even text with my hands.
Where do Italian gangsters come from?
The spaghetto
I think I was Italian,
in a pasta life.
You know, not all Italians are in the mafia.
Some are in the Witness Protection Program.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Italian and a Greek get in a fight over s**...
greek: the Greeks invented s**... centuries before the Italians!
Italians: maybe so but we improved on it by introducing it to women!
What did the Italian baseball coach say about the only woman on the team?
Ciabatta very good!
An Italian man goes to a cake shop
He asks for a cake that looks like a stack of pizzas, the shop owner says "No problem, I can have that done by the end of the day."
"The end of the day? That soon? I thought it would take at least a week."
"It'll be a pizza cake."
An Italian man with spells of amnesia goes into a boutique coffee shop...
The barista asked what he wants, and he replies "Affogato".
Why are so many Italian men named Tony?
When they ship them over from the Old Country, they stamp "To N.Y." on them...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why don't Italians do b**...?
Because they can't say the safeword while they're wearing handcuffs.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Italians hate Jehovah's Witnesses?
Because Italians hate any witnesses.
Why did the Italian wear handcuffs to bed?
So he wouldn't talk in his sleep
I'll have an Italian BMT on Cheddar bread with everything but lettuce. A squirt of mayo and yellow mustard too please.
Oops. Wrong sub.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you know if an Italian person is mute?
When you see he has no hands.
Why do Italians throw pizza onto the field after they win a match?
Because they rain supreme.
Italian wedding invitation
, 2 D wedding rosa Mr .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How can tell if there's an Italian at the c**...?
He brings the duck
How can you tell if there's a Sicilian at the c**...?
He bets on the duck
How can you tell if the Mafia is at the c**...?
The duck wins
What does an Italian cow say when he gets an extra delivery of hay to the barn?
That's amorehay!
An Italian herb seller gets a loan from the mafia.
Two weeks later, the boss walks in for his payment. Unable to pay his debt, the herb seller pleads for his life.
"Please sir, give me one more week!" he exclaims.
"No," responds the boss, "your thyme is up."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why can't an Italian snake talk?
Because it doesn't have any hands.
What did the italian man with dementia have for dinner?
Forgetti Bolognese.
Why Did the Italian Go to the sauna?
For a self'a steam.
What did the Italian chef say when his boss tried to pick a fight?
You wanna pizza me?!
Why are Italians so good at football?
Because it involves changing sides halfway through.
What does the Italian cat say?
Cheow!
Why couldn't the Italian explain himself to the police?
He was handcuffed.
How did the Italian chef die?
He past-a-way
Bigamist…
What an Italian calls very thick fog
Why did the Italian get kicked out of heaven?
He ate too much angel hair
Italian Bodybuilder
Did you hear about the Italian Bodybuilder? He loves astrophysics! He even said:
"I love-a steroids"
Why was the Italians cell phone bill so high?
He was always Roman.
I'm sorry.
Why does the Italian Navy have glass bottom boats?
To see the old Italian Navy
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does an Italian have when he is missing one arm?
A severe speech impediment.
Why do italians love soccer?
Because halfway through they get to switch sides
Why do Italians wear necklaces
To show them where to stop shaving.
What does an Italian Lightning McQueen say?
Ka-ciao
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why would Italians make a faithful spy?
Because they won't utter a word when their hands are tied.
What do Italians say when their mother gets lost during a war?
Mama mia.
Why couldn't the Italian get inside his house?
He had gnocchi
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Italian bread is Italian bread, and French bread is French bread, what do you call southern bread
i**...
How come there are zero Italian tourist travelling by car?
Because all roads lead to Rome.
My Italian math teacher made a joke about moving shapes...
Unfortunately the joke was lost in translation.
Why did the Italians lose the war?
They ordered Ziti instead of shells.
What did the Italian say after the hail storm?
"My car! issa Al Dente."
How does an Italian win an award in television?
He has to rigatoni
A Italian chef was diagnosed with terminal illness a year ago...
He's about to pastaway
He cannoli do so much...
What did the Italian barista say when he received a new car for his christmas bonus?
It's a merry car, no?
An Italian soldier wakes up in a hospital having been dragged out of the battle.
The doctor walks in and tells the soldier, "I'm sorry to inform you that both your arms and legs we're blown off in the heat of the fight".
The war hero starts to crying like a baby. The doctor peers round at his wife and asks, "do you think he'll be OK?"
She replies, "Would you be OK if you could never talk again?"
What's an Italian baker's favourite book?
*Focaccia in the Rye*.
Italian wisdom
Eat spaghetti to forgetti your regretti
Why don't Italians like Jehovah's witnesses?
Italians don't like ANY witnesses.
Italians don't just have style...
...They have pizzazz...
Where does an Italian keep their loose change?
In their penne jar
In an Italian restaurant, if you saved any amount of pipe shaped pasta, you could take it home.
Each penne saved was a penne earned.
Why did the Italian baker close shop?
Everything went a rye
What was that Italian that you always can't remember?
Affogato
Why don't Italian appetizers remember you?
'Cause they Foccacia!
What did the Italian asparagus say to the man trying to kill him?
Aspargi
Italian Chefs can now get an exclusive software update for their Tesla
It's been named Carpatchio
My italian friend died recently
I guess you could say he pasta way
An Italian tells a magical door, "Open!"
"Says who?" Asks the door. The man replies, "Open, says-a me!"
What do Italians eat for holloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-o
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where did the Italians keep the Jews during WWII?
In the Spaghettos
What is an Italian Terminators Catchphrase?
Pasta la vista, baby.
The Italian government has decided to put a big clock similar to Big Ben in the leaning tower of Piza.
Now they'll have the time as well as the inclination.
An Italian, an American and a Spanish guy walk into a bar
Shouldn't have done that, now they all got corona
The Italian government has cancelled the town of Ferno's annual fiesta
This year there'll be no disco in ferno
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Italian went to church to admit his sins.
When the father opened the confessional's window, man stated talking:
-Father, I have done sin. During ww2 in my neighborhood lived a very beautiful Jewish girl, who asked if I could hide her from the Germans.
Father answered:
-Well, that's bravery and not sin.
The man continued:
-But it wasn't just that. I started to collect "rent" in form of s**.... First once a week, but eded up to every day and twice on Sundays.
Father said:
-That time meny people surely did the same. Thus your sins are forgiven and you are free to go home.
The man still continued:
-Father, I still have one question. Should I tell the woman, that the war is over.
Italian Computer Repair shop
Everytime I try to use Microsoft's search engine on my Italian laptop, the computer explodes. I took it to my Italian Computer repair store. The Italian repairman said "What seems to be the problem? Please keep it brief" so I said "Bad-a-Bing, Bad-a-boom!"
Two Italian guys, Dino and Marcello, go fishing on a boat
Suddenly, Dino spots an old WWII bomb floating towards them.
Dino screams "Marcello! Look! It's a mine!"
Marcello -scared- replies "Okay okay Dino, you can a have it!"
