The Best 35 It Was So Cold Today Jokes

Following is our collection of funny It Was So Cold Today jokes. There are some it was so cold today temperatures jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these it was so cold today coldest puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest It Was So Cold Today Jokes and Puns

It was so cold in D.C. today...

that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

I decided to become vegan today

The hardest part is quitting cold turkey.

I didn't realize how cold it was outside today...

... until I saw socialists with their hands in their own pockets

It was so cold out...

I was cold out today, I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

I agree

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold soda.

The day was really quite beautiful,
and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.

Finally I thought about the age old question:
Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful
than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.

Well, after another soda, and some heavy deductive thinking,
I have come up with the answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby;
and here is the reason for my conclusion.

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say,
"It might be nice to have another child."

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say,
"You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."

I rest my case.


A drunk stumbles out of the bar at 7am....

As he walks home, he sees a nun walking towards him. He stares her down the entire time as they get closer and closer. Right as they are about to pass, he punches her right in the face, knocking her out cold, then stands over her body and yells, "Not so tough today, are ya, Batman?".

Was cold at the stadium today.

Too many fans.

I've been smoking weed for most of my life, and today I quit cold turkey.

I'll make do with the much cheaper chicken cold cuts and put the extra money towards buying more weed.

Today's performance of Hamilton in Chicago was cancelled due to the cold.

Once again, Brrr killed Hamilton.

Today it was so cold in the morning that..

I saw a democrat with his hand in his own pocket.

Its so cold outside today

I was mugged by a guy using a water pistol.

You can explore it was so cold today warmer reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean it was so cold today freezing dad jokes. There are also it was so cold today puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I was planning on taking my little girls to the start of summer village fair today, but its raining, windy and cold so we decided not to go.

May weather won.

Russian man is watching weather forecast on TV and they say that it's -50°C in Siberia today...

In disbelief he calls his Siberian friend:

\- Hey, I've heard is super cold in Siberia these days?

\- Nah, it's nothing special, about -25°.

\- Yeah? On TV they've said it's -50° C!

\- Ah, this must be outside.

I had a cold call today asking about my recent accident

I said "well he's 22 now and I'm rather fond of him"

Today, I was thinking about the expression 'revenge is a dish best served cold'.

Then I considered 'revenge is sweet'. I've come to the conclusion that revenge is ice cream.

The hot farmer

A hot, sweaty farmer walks into a bar and orders a cold beer. "Dang, our baler broke down in the field today, and its humid and 100+ degrees out," the farmer complains. "I'm so hot and sweaty from repairing that thing that I just want to rip off all my dirty, sweaty clothes and run around the bar in frustration." "Wait!" the bartender exclaims before reaching under the bar and grabbing a bottle of Windex and spraying the farmer down. "There. That should stop you from streaking."

It's going to be a cold day today in Motown......

Three Degrees, Four Tops.

My dad passed away a few months ago, today would've been his 61 birthday. Blame him for my sense of humor.

My sister messaged me. "How are you doing?"
I Responded. "My elbow hurts and I have a cold sore on my tongue."
"Two lessons learned, don't fight a hooker and don't kiss one."

Super deflect..

Those childhood days(real incident)

I am sharing my childhood event and this makes me laughs hilariously

Teacher (on phone): You say Edward has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?
Voice: This is my father.


Swiper is unable to steal from Dora The Explorer today, as he has a cold.

"Sniper nose wiping."

Today I quit smoking cold turkey

Turns out hot turkey is much better for smoking.

Colds usually go from your nose to your throat to your chest...

If they go from your chest to your nose, is it called a retrovirus?

(Courtesy of my future father-in-law at lunch today)

"Baby Its Cold Outside" is a great example of today's sexual harassment problems.

A guy can't even talk about the weather without women assuming it's something sexual.

I moved into an advent calendar today...

Its very cold, all the windows are open.

I was going to go out in the cold today

but it snot worth it.

The climate in Canada is so cold right now;

Trudeau is trying to convince everyone that we should stop wearing Parkas, and start wearing *brrrqas*.

And you gotta shiver when you say Brrrrr.

My friend told that joke today at lunch.

Why does everyone think Trump is gonna start WW3?

If anything, with today's weaponry he'd start Cold War Part II

It must be cold today

Because I just saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets

My heroin dealer let me down yesterday .

Today I'm having cold turkey

I was so cold today that my jaw started to freeze...

So I gritted my teeth

Me: You're today's date

She: What?
Me: You're a solid 11/11
She: What kind of a rating scale is out of 11?
Me: I... I had cold feet on 10th October

Popular scientific opinion about food is like sunshine

Cold today, super hot tomorrow, known to the state of California to cause cancer and/or birth defects the day after tomorrow.

I was addicted to eating Thanksgiving leftovers straight out of the refrigerator

But I got some help, and today I quit cold turkey.

What's the best way to kick a habit today (day after Thanksgiving)?

Cold turkey.

It was so cold today, a Democrat had his hands in his own pockets!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the it was so cold today warms jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working it was so cold today 110th piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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