Issues Jokes
137 issues jokes and hilarious issues puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about issues that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article explores the use of comedy to address the difficult topics of trust, mommy, anger, commitment, abandonment and attachment issues. Through the use of problem-solving humor, the article provides insight on how to identify the strengths and weaknesses associated with these issues. Read on for tips on how to use humor in a constructive way to confront these difficult issues.
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Funniest Issues Short Jokes
Short issues jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The issues humour may include short discussion jokes also.
- I just hired a beautiful 21 year old girl to look after my 1 year old baby. Now I have two issues: 1. How to tell this to my wife
2. Where to find a 1 year old baby - My girlfriend left me because of my abandonment issues... Oh wait. She's back. She just went to get some milk.
- How many programmer does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. We don't address hardware issues.
- My girlfriend tried to take a selfie in the shower, but it was too blurry. She has selfie steam issues.
- My biggest fear, when I first started dating, was meeting the girl's father. But I mainly dated black girls, so it was never really an issue.
- My boyfriend left me because of my anxiety issues... Oh, wait. He just went to the kitchen to grab some coffee.
- I took ten photos of myself in the shower, but hated them all. Turns out I have selfie-steam issues
- What do you call it when a Necromancer has issues raising the dead? Resurrectile Disfunction!
- A man died due to his obsession of taking photos of himself next to a boiling kettle He had serious selfie steam issues.
- Me: Boss, I'm sorry I am late. I was having computer issues. Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It was my computer.
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Issues One Liners
Which issues one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with issues? I can suggest the ones about topic and relations.
- Why did Shakespeare only write in ink? Pencils posed an issue; 2B or not 2B
- I joined ISIS to help my self esteem issues. Everyone kept telling me You're the bomb.
- My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues.
- Feminism is a broad issue.
- My second wife left me because I have "revenge issues" We'll see about that...
- Girl are you a newspaper? Cause you've got a new issue every day.
- My girlfriend is mad at me According to her diary, I have "boundary issues".
- According to my wife's diary, I have boundary issues.
- My psychiatrist says I have revenge issues... I'll show him.
- I found a useful website for people with commitment issues. But I didn't want to sign up.
- How many programmers do you need to fix a light bulb? None, it is a hardware issue!
- Marriage brings two people together to solve issues they never had before
- I asked an electrician to fix an electrical issue at my house He refused
- Why don't programers pay tax to the Devil? Because that would be a sin-tax issue.
- I am completely obsessed with collecting magazines. What can I say, I have issues.
Trust Issues Jokes
Here is a list of funny trust issues jokes and even better trust issues puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I read in my girlfriend's diary...... that I have real trust issues!! What a bunch of BS...
- My girlfriend has a lot of trust issues. Well, one of them does.
- I'm 99% sure I have trust issues. Though I'm not sure I trust my math.
- I have trust issues Been wearing them for 3 years now. Good as new
- Why did the shampoo have trust issues? Because the soap was a lye.
- My girlfriend has real trust issues, always paranoid. My wife on the other hand is a lot more chill.
- My Black friend asked me why I have trust issues
- My girlfriend told me I have trust issues. I just couldn't believe what I was hearing.
- Game of Thrones is why I have trust issues.
Anger Issues Jokes
Here is a list of funny anger issues jokes and even better anger issues puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My therapist told me to listen to classical music before work to help with my anger management issues. This morning I woke up and chose violins.
- What do you call a protein that has anger management issues? Amino acid!
- Why do T Rexes have such bad anger issues? Because their fathers never hugged them.
- It's best to hire people with anger issues into high positions Most of them have already had management training
- What does a beatboxer do when he's extremely angry at some boxes? He realizes he has anger issues.
- What do you call a workaholic with anger issues? My father.
- What do you call the glamorously dapper bouncer at the local laundromat who helped the singer of "Never Gonna Give You Up" through his anger issues? Fab Rick softening deter gent.
- I've been having anger issues and I keep hitting my keyboard But just today I realised I've lost control
Abandonment Issues Jokes
Here is a list of funny abandonment issues jokes and even better abandonment issues puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My abandonment issues are gone! They decided to leave me too I guess..
- Abandonment issues: they've stayed with me my whole life
- If you are looking for a witty guy with abandonment issues Then look no father
Attachment Issues Jokes
Here is a list of funny attachment issues jokes and even better attachment issues puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My girlfriend just emailed me a photo of us on our first date together. It's a very treasured memory for me. Problem is, the file wont open on my computer. I guess I have emotional attachment issues.
- I shouldn't have bought balloons from a salesman with commitment issues. There were no strings attached.
- I sent my therapist a PDF of my problems. She said I have attachment issues. I resent it.
Mommy Issues Jokes
Here is a list of funny mommy issues jokes and even better mommy issues puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Daddy issues are kind of hot... But mommy issues are something to be a-Freud of.
Hilarious Fun Issues Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about issues you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean incident jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make issues pranks.
There were three friends...
There were three friends - a lawyer, a doctor and a manager. The three of them were talking about the merits of having a wife vs. the merits of having a mistress.
The lawyer says, "It is more convenient to have a mistress. If you have a wife and want a divorce, there are all sorts of legal issues."
The doctor remarks: "It is certainly better to have a wife as it gives you a sense of security which in turn lowers your stress and helps you lead a healthy life."
The manager differs by saying: "I don't agree with either of you. I think it's best to have both. So when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress believes you are with your wife - you can go to the office and finish some work."
What kind of shoes do therapists wear?
Issues.
I once dated a girl that collected magazines.
We had to break up because she had too many issues.
A man goes in for a job application...
...and the interviewer asks, "What would you consider to be your main strengths and weaknesses?"
"Well," he began, "my main weakness would definitely be my issues with reality-telling what's real from what's not."
"Okay," said the interviewer, "and what about your strengths?"
"I'm Batman"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Irish sectarianism joke
An American is visiting Ireland, and walking back to his hotel from the local pub. Suddenly he hears a voice behind him, demanding, "Are you a protestant or a catholic??". The American is well aware of the sectarian issues in Ireland and is understandably afraid to admit to either affiliation. In a flash of inspiration he responds, "neither, in Jewish!". And the voice comes back, "I must be the luckiest Palestinian in all of Ireland!"
I used to date a periodicals librarian…
…but we broke up because she had too many issues.
I keep hearing there's lots of issues with police seizures in the US.
Perhaps their cars shouldn't have flashing lights.
Do you know 25% of woman are seeking help for mental issues?
That means 75% are not getting the help they need
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Women are like magazines
They have a lot of issues
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An farmer walks in to a lawyer's office in Alabama...
And he says to the lawyer, "Sir, I'd like to get a divorce."
To which the lawyer says, "Well, do you have a suit?"
"Yes, I sure do", the man replies. "Wear it to church every Sunday."
"That's not what I mean. Do you have a case?"
"No, you see I've always been a John Deere man myself. Never had a Case in my life."
"Sir, do you have any issues with your wife. Did she cheat on you, is she a n**...?"
To which the farmer replies, "No, but the baby is. And that's why I want a divorce."
My girlfriend says I've got commitment issues....
Well she's not really my girlfriend, more of a wife.
-Stuart Francis
I can't figure out if I only date girls with self esteem issues because I'm ugly or because we have something in common
I have a friend with only one leg.
He's been having some issues with stares.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told my doctor I was having issues during s**.... He said Cialis.
Could someone tell me where I find Alice?
Why do men with prostate issues have issues stealing video game systems?
Because they have trouble taking a Wii.
Hillary was shown a video of her flip-flopping on issues all over her career.
At first, she was upset. Now she says she's ok with it.
A town decided to form a clergy group to have Catholics, Jews, Protestants and Muslims gather to talk about various issues facing their places of worship.
The Rabbi went first and said they were having a terrible issue with squirrels. He said they were hanging around outside of church and aggressively begging for food. He said they were scaring their kids. The preacher said they were having the same issue, in fact, a few of the squirrels had actually gotten inside of the church and had done some damage to the roof. The Imam agreed saying that in fact one of the squirrels had bitten a few people at the mosque. The Priest then spoke up and said they used to have the same issue but had solved it. He said they took all of their squirrels, Baptized them, confirmed them, and now they only come around on Christmas and Easter.
Trump is asked what his position on women's issues
Trump replies "Look, I know a lot of women and they all have issues"
If you find it hard to take pictures of yourself in the sauna...
You have selfie-steam issues.
I feel sorry for people who sell magazines.
Seems like they got a lot of issues.
My mother and father separated last year
My mother and father separated last year and my father recently started seeing someone and it's been very hard for me. There are two major issues I have with his new partner.
He's black.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Life has never given me lemons
It has given me anger issues, anxiety, stress, a love for alcohol, and a serious dislike for s**... people
I hate it when people lie to me
Like one time I broke up with a girl who told me she had a lot of abandonment issues. I looked it up online and it isn't even a real magazine.
So I just up and packed my things and left right there in the middle of the night.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What happens to male anarchists as they get older?
They go from having anti-state issues to having prostate issues.
I buy every comic book I see. . .
My friends say I have lots of issues.
Surround yourself
with people who have issues.
People with issues always have alcohol.
My girlfriend and I were moving each others comic book collection and now we both have to see a chiropractor.
Because we both have back issues.
Why did the therapist's patient like to run so much?
Because he had ten issues.
There is definitely something wrong with comic book collectors...
They have issues, man.
How many magazines do you need to buy to get a pair of tennis shoes?
Ten issues.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog and his froggy son go to a restaurant...
The young frog has been having trouble eating food, and not much seemed to help. The two are eating, and the little frog manages to s**... something without any issues! The father frog notices that the son didn't upchuck. Beaming with pride, the father frog grins over at his son.
"Ah, son! Your fly is down!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend said her husband has erectile dysfunction
Me: "Well, I guess your husband has t**... issues."
I'll see myself out.
TIL of a Nine Inch Nails and Tool collaboration project that never made it to the studio because of union issues
It was called Unlicensed Carpentry
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Women say I have commitment issues because of my unhealthy relationship with my father
But I still talk to my dad all the time, our s**... life has never been better.
I was once addicted to commitment issues.
I quit before it got serious.
I can't get my satellite radio to work
I'm having sirius issues
People who get road rage against people riding bicycles.
They've got serious cyclelogical issues.
I sure hope Roy Moore wins today
Alabama needs a congressman who isn't afraid to get his hands on the issues before they get too big.
My therapist says that I have revenge issues.
We'll see about that, won't we?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.
Until someone told me I put the s**... in dyslexia.
I love taking photos of myself standing next to boiling water.
My doctor says I have selfie steam issues.
A Lady Threatened to Sue Her Husband's Doctor
A lady threatened to sue her husband's doctor because after he recovered from surgery he had performance issues in bed. She claimed that he could no longer get it up and therefore could no longer please her.
The Doctor responded with "How's that my fault? I only removed his cataracts."
A young man helps his grandfather with his computer issues
His grandfather seems to be unable to set a password.
Trying to figure out the problem the young man looks at the password the old man is trying to set
His password is ParisLondonMickeyMouse
Puzzled by this, the man asks his grandfather why he wants to set this password anyways.
The grandfather simply replies: It wanted two capitals and a character .
Heard about the man that refuse to let other use his sauna?
He has selfish steam issues
I changed the name of my printer to George R. R. Martin
It's old, works slow, has issues finishing jobs, and constantly disappoints me.
Things have gotten so bad in The US that during the last parade they surrounded Donald Trump with bullet proof glass.
Just because he's a White guy with mental health issues doesn't mean he's gonna start shooting up the crowd
I feel sorry for comic book collectors.
They have so many issues
My wife has rejection issues. She asked me to help by rejecting her from time to time.
I said no.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I refuse to insult someone by saying that they have mental issues
Only r**... do that
I went to ask a farmer for help
"I'm having lots of issues with a flock of cows"
"Heard of cows?"
"Yeah of course I've heard of cows there's a flock of them over there"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why didn't the paranoid plane take off?
It had t**... issues
Clinton and Pence
You know both sides of the aisle are more alike then you think. Both Clinton and Pence had issues with their flies...
There is absolutely nothing wrong with asbestos
My grandfather worked around asbestos for 60 years and never developed any health issues. It did take 3 straight days to cremate him, but that's besides the point.
My boyfriend said I have daddy issues
That's hilarious because I never even met the man!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The government announced that because of Covid, we can have gatherings of up to 5 people without issues.
Where the h**... am I going to find 5 people without issues?
My girlfriend and I have been really stressed and having some issues so we decided to take a mini vacation, a weekend trip to a ski resort.
Everything started off well, but things went downhill really fast.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I Think My Toilet Has Anger Issues
Whenever I flush it, it completely loses its s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old men and their bathroom problems (Long)
Three men are sitting around the table at their nursing home talking about bathroom issues because of age. The first guy says.
"At 6 every morning I try and s**.... But I am so constipated it takes an hour." The second man speaks up.
"Every morning at 7 I try and p**.... But it is slow and just drips out." The 3rd man says.
"I have you both beat. Every Morning at 6 I take a huge c**.... must be a pound of turns there. Then at 7 I p**... heavy. must be a gallon of p**...." The other two men look confused.
"Why is that bad."
"I dont get out of bed until 9."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Psychiatrist
A guy goes to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist draws a circle and shows it to him.
"What's this?" asks the psychiatrist.
"A t**...," says the guy.
The psychiatrist then draws a square.
"What's this?
"It's a t**...," says the guy.
The psychiatrist then draws a triangle and shows it to the guy.
"So, what do you think this is?"
"It's a t**...!" yells the guy.
"Sir, I'm afraid you have serious s**... issues," says the psychiatrist.
"I have issues? What about you? You keep drawing t**...!"
