JokoJokes

Israel Jokes

146 israel jokes and hilarious israel puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about israel that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover a collection of hilarious jokes about Israel! From jokes about Israel & Palestine to football and even Infidels, explore the culture of Jerusalem and Palestine with a fun perspective.

Quick Jump To

Popular Israel Short Jokes

Short israel jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The israel humour may include short synagogue jokes also.

  1. I'm starting to think Jews really do run this country but don't want to jump to conclusions, this my first time visiting Israel
  2. I'm starting to think this country really is run by Jews But it's still only my first week in Israel.
  3. Some man I just met thought I was Israeli so I cracked the 10 lost tribes of Israel joke to him and he got gassed.
  4. Who's your favorite artist? UN: "Who's your favorite artist?"
    Israel: "Netta!"
    UK: "Dua Lipa!"
    Zimbabwe: "Fifty trillion Zimbabwean Dollars!"
    UN: "What?"
    Zimbabwe: "I'm sorry! 50 Cent, for you!"
  5. I met a conspiracy theorist in Israel the other day. He kept ranting about Jews secretly not controlling the government.
  6. Donald Trump has cancelled a planned trip to Israel. When asked why, Trump said, "They already have a wall and fear of Muslims. My work there is done."
  7. Have you heard about the new car from Israel? Not only does it stop on the dime, but it picks it up too!
  8. SNL Israel jewish joke Israel is reporting that they vaccinated half of their population,
    I’m going to guess it’s the Jewish half !
  9. Little known fact, Moses had a motorcycle It literally says so in the Bible:
    "And lo, the roar of Moses' Triumph was heard throughout Israel"
  10. Kraft foods is moving their entire operation to Israel. They'll be renaming themselves Cheeses of Nazareth .

Share These Israel Jokes With Friends




Israel One Liners

Which israel one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with israel? I can suggest the ones about republic and homeland.

  1. The Holy Land isn't a fake place Israel
  2. If Israel gets wiped off the map... Then we'll have to start calling it Wasrael
  3. My son thinks the land of the Jews is fake. I told him it Israel.
  4. Pakistan makes nuclear threat in response to fake news The struggle Israel
  5. Did you know that God is rich? Yeah, back in Israel he made a prophet.
  6. Though some people may tell you that the holy land is fake... ... it Israel
  7. How do you start a rave in Israel? You stick a quarter to the ceiling
  8. In Israel, why is it that only men are allowed to make coffee? Because of *Hebrew* law
  9. USA has 9/11, France has 11/13, and Israel has? 24/7
  10. What do Israel and Palestine have in common? Both are pro hummus
  11. Why does Google like Israel? Because Israel's leader is Not In Yahoo.
  12. What is Israel's most popular sport ? Jew-jitsu
  13. How do you express criticism of Israel in America? \[redacted\]
  14. What would Israel be called if it ever gets conquered? Wasrael
  15. What town is Strawberry Fields in? Nothing, Israel.

Israel Palestine Jokes

Here is a list of funny israel palestine jokes and even better israel palestine puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Israel and Palestine cooperatively mixed liquids and gases in a test tube today They were trying out a two state solution
  • Why isn't Israel pushing harder for finalizing the peace deal with Palestine? ....They aren't a fan of "Final Solutions".
  • Due to the conflicts in Europe some people believe that Palestine is not a real country... But I think it Israel!
  • BREAKING: Palestine granted statehood by UN decree Israel or is it just fantasy?
  • I have the perfect solution for the Israel-Palestine conflict: Christianity.
  • Palestine is still in conflict... This Israel
  • Hi, I'm Israel. Will you be my Palestine? So that we can live together and fight.
Israel joke, Hi, I'm Israel. Will you be my Palestine?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about israel can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of israel puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Cheeky Israel Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle

What funny jokes about israel you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean nation jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make israel prank.

Two Jews emigrate from Russia.

One goes to Israel and the other goes to Germany. One year passes and they get together at a restaurant to catch up.
"Moshe, I'm very lucky" says his friend, "I live in Haifa now where I own a supermarket. The weather is wonderful, and everyone is so kind. I truly have it made."
"Izya, I am lucky as well. I live in Munich and work at a local crematorium, and you won't believe it, BUT I'M BURNING GERMANS!"

To get around emission rules Volkswagen has a new prototype

The vehicle directs the exaust gas into the passanger compartment.
To be fair Israel was not the best test market.

An Israeli Joke

An El Al plane lands at Ben Gurion Airport in Tel Aviv the morning of December 25. As they land, the pilot makes the following announcement: "Please remain seated with your seatbelts securely fastened while we taxi to the terminal. To those of you seated with your seatbelts securely fastened, Merry Christmas. To those of you in the aisles getting your suitcases from the overhead bins, welcome home."

A husband and Wife from the States visit the Holy Land...

During the trip the wife tragically dies. A f**... director in Israel tells the husband that she can be buried in the holy land for $500, or shipped back to the US for $4000. The husband immediately says, "Let's ship her back to the states." The f**... director asks why, when it's so much cheaper to bury her her. Husband says "Someone else came back to life after 3 days being buried here before, I'd rather not take that chance."

So an Israeli and an Iranian are sitting under a tree...

A caterpillar falls on the Israeli, who looks at it in disgust and flicks it onto the Iranian. The Iranian pops it into his mouth and eats it without a second glance.
A few minutes later, another caterpillar lands on the Israeli. The Israeli turns to the Iranian and says, "Would you like to buy a caterpillar?"

They're making a new movie about a Palestinian Muslim who falls in love with a girl from Israel.

It's called Romeo and Jewliet.

Tense political humor

What's the only thing a Palestinian likes about Israel? Their food. Why? Because Israeli good.

Volkswagen announces it will open a facility in Israel to make a new advanced vehicle...

The new models are are so advanced not only will they stop on a dime, they'll actually pick it up.

American

A man from Israel got his citizenship, I guess you could say he Israeli American now

An Israeli is going through passport control at JFK...

The immigration officer asks: Occupation? The Israeli says: No. I'm just visiting."

So an Israeli guy flies into Heathrow and arrives at British customs.

"Occupation?" the agent says.
"No, just visiting."

What is the coldest country in the world?

Israel. Because israeli cold.

Have you heard about the new wine from Israel?

Connossieurs are praising its distinctive nose.

When you and your significant are Jewish...

that's when you know Israel.

Sean Connery has been scouring Israel for ancient musical instruments.

When asked about his progress, he replied, "I've only found one shofar."

The Israeli Prime Minister

I was Searching the Internet for some information about the Israeli Prime Minister, it seems he is Not-On-Yahoo.

What do Israelis like to do on the computer?

Net and Yahoo

An Israeli man visits Britain

An Israeli man visits Britain. The customs officer asks "Occupation?"
"No, just visiting."

What do they call American Liberty in Israel?

A valid target.

So I was in Jerusalem and a man was trying to sell me a gold watch...

I kept telling him I don't want it. It looks too fake, not real gold.
He looked at me and says "It's not fake, Israel."

What's the most popular search engine in Israel?

They surf the Net On Yahoo.

Why Do Jews Make Good Philosophers?

They think that everything Israel.

A Jewish businessman in Brooklyn

A Jewish businessman in Brooklyn decided to send his son to Israel to absorb some of the culture of the homeland.
When the son returned, the father asked him to tell him about his trip.
The son said, "Pop, I had a great time in Israel. Oh, and by the way, I converted to Christianity."
"Oh, my," said the father. What have I done?"
He decided to go ask his old friend Jacob what to do.
Jake said, "Funny you should ask. I too sent my son to Israel, and he also came back a Christian. Perhaps we should go see the rabbi and ask him what we should do."
So they went to see the rabbi.
The rabbi said, "Funny you should ask. I too sent my son to Israel. He also came back a Christian. What is happening to our young people?
The three of them prayed and explained what had happened to their sons and asked God what to do.
Suddenly a voice came loud and clear from Heaven.
The Voice said, "Funny you should ask. I, too, sent my Son to Israel...

In Israel, we just want peace.

A piece of Jordan, a piece of Egypt, a piece of Lebanon...

I'm a tree born and raised in Israel...

...A Hasidic Yew.

What does a rich guy from Israel wear?

Jewelry.

Why does the US love Israel so much?

Because is a raeli good country

What's an Israeli ghetto called?

Palestine.

Why does Germany pay reparations to Israel?

Arson insurance fraud.

What's the most popular form of martial arts in Israel?

Jew-jitsu

What type of martial arts do they practice in Israel?

Jew jitsu

Moses Meets Dubya

George W. Bush was getting off of Airforce One in Israel, when he walked passed Moses, who didn't seem to notice him. He turned to Moses and said, "I am George W. Bush, the President of the USA, the most powerful nation on earth. Why didn't you greet me?"
Moses replied, "The last time I spoke to a bush, we starved for 40 years!"

What did the Israelite say to the american when offering him a drink?

"Here, try this, Israeli refreshing!"

What does the Israeli Defense Force call their firebombs?

Mazel-tov Cocktails

What do the World Wide Web and the Prime Minister of Israel have in common?

They are both Net and Yahoo.

Everyone keeps telling me that the holocaust happened..

But I don't know if it Israel.

After Israel threatened to take the Security Council vote as an act of war, the New Zealand Ambassador called Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu....

...Picking up the phone, he spoke "Hebrew."

Why doesn't ISIS attack Israel?

Same reason children don't attack their parents...

How do you know it's spring in Israel?

There's a Rosenbloom on every block!

I just don't get why so many Trump supporters are into b**...?

Seriously though. His supporters even love that big beautiful Jewish one in Israel.

Unemployment at its best!

An Israeli doctor says: "In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver put them on another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work."
The German doctor says: "That's nothing,
in Germany we take part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."
The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we take half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."
The American doctor laughs: "You all are behind us. Two days ago, we took a man with no brains, no heart, and no liver and made him President.
Now, the whole country is looking for work!"

An advertiser for coke is dispatched to Israel

When he comes back, his friend asks him how it went. He replies that it did not go well.
"What happened?" his friend asked.
"Well, since I didn't know hebrew, I decided to convey the ad through a comic. The first panel showed a guy in a desert, dying of thirst. The secone panel showed him drinking coke. And the third panel showed him completely rejuvenated."
"That sounds great! Why didn't it work?"
"Nobody told me they read right to left!"

what do you call someone from israel that has to sneeze?

A Jew

Did y'all hear about that kid in Israel born without eyelids?

They used his f**... to make eyelids. They say his sight will be fine; he'll just be a little bit c**...-eyed.

Israel officially decriminalizes m**... use

So that's one country in the middle east where I wouldn't mind being s**....

I was buying a map of an expensive brand.

When I was looking at the Middle East, I noticed that the countries were improperly named. I thought, maybe its a cheap copy of the brand and not actually from that brand?
So I went up to the shopkeeper, pointed at the improperly named countries in the middle east, and said "Is this fake?"
The shopkeeper replied by saying "No, no, Israel."

What is a Israeli astronomers favorite planet?

Jew-piter

Trump's in Saudi Arabia, Israel...

... and the Vatican this week, cradles of USA's 3 great religions:
Christianity, Judaism, and Oil.

Have I ever told you guys about how I escaped from the Middle East?

Iran.
Oman the whole story is ridiculous.
I basically had to Qatar cross the border.
Just like Bon Jovi, I was basically Lebanon a prayer the whole time.
I know it doesn't sound like a true story, but I assure you Israel.
Honestly I could tell you more but it Kuwait.

Israeli tourist

An Israeli tourist is visiting New York and hires a cab to drive him around the city. He engages the driver in small talk to get better acquainted.
"Where are you from?" he asks.
"I'm from Palestine" replies the cab driver, "and you?"
"I'm from Narnia."
"b**..., that place doesn't exist" says the cab driver.
"Well, you started it" says the Israeli.

The Jews run everything - the government, the media, the banks...

Israel is an interesting place.

The Israeli Prime Minister

I wanted to know the name of the Israeli Prime Minister. I had to use Google as it was not in yahoo.

Match the middle eastern country to its sworn enemy...

- Bahrain
- Lebanon
- Qatar
- United Arab Emirates
- Egypt
- Syria
- Jordan
- Iran
- Iraq
- Saudi Arabia
- Algeria
- Morocco
- Yemen
- Oman
- Kuwait
1. Israel

Two Jews leave Russia

One goes to Israel and the other goes to Germany. When they get together a year later, one of them says,
"Abram, I'm doing great. I opened my own business in Haifa. The weather is nice, and everyone speaks my language!"
"You know, Khaim," says Abram. "I'm not doing too bad myself. I live in Munich and work in a crematorium. You won't believe it friend, but I'm actually burning Germans!"

In what Olympic sport did Israel win a gold medal?

Jujitsu

What is the Israeli film industry called?

Is-reel.

How did the Israeli get his coffee?

Hebrew'd it.

I'm really worried about Jerusalem being recognised as the capital of Israel.

Who's going to Tel Aviv?

Jerusalem is not a fake city!

Israel

America is now invading Israel!

They found out that their oil lasts 8 days instead of 1

What's the national drink of Israel?

Mountain Jew.

Who provides tech support for Israel?

RabbIT

A joke from Israel

o**... is driving his car in Tel-Aviv, looking for a parking spot. It's a busy day, and there's absolutely nothing available. So he starts praying to God. "Please, God, I need a parking space. Help me. I promise to go to the temple every Saturday, I promise to fast on Yom-Kippur, I will give money to charity, anything. Please help me find parking!". And indeed, in a few seconds he sees a car pull out, vacating a great spot. So he says "Okay forget it, I'm all set".

Why is google angry with the Prime Minister of Israel?

Because he prefers to browse the net in yahoo

I tried to open a record/ DJ shop in Israel.

I probably shouldn't have named it Vinyl Solution.

What did Aladdin sing when he saw Israel for the first time?

A whole Jew world.

Israel joke, What did Aladdin sing when he saw Israel for the first time?

jokes about israel

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these israel jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.