isolated Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious isolated puns

So only 7 people survived the shipwreck

6 men and a woman ended up on a isolated island after surviving the shipwreck. Soon an agreement was made: each day of the week she'd have sex with one of the men.
Everything was going great, they were getting along, everybody was as happy as possible.
One day the woman dies.
After the first week things get a little strange, but they just hold on.
The second week goes by, bit they manage to keep things under control. After the third week one of them finally says:
- Well, that's it. I can't handle it anymore. There's nothing else to do. We're gonna have to bury her corpse...

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A cop drives up an isolated country lane and sees a car parked.

He walks up to the car and sees a girl in the back seat and a boy in the front seat.

The cop asks the boy how old he is and what he's doing. The boy answers, "I'm reading a book, and I'm 20."

Then the cop asks what the girl's doing and how old she is.

The boy replies, "She's listening to music, and she'll be 18 in about five minutes."

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The mailman

A mailman gets a new route in a rural community. Walking up to a isolated little farmhouse, he sees a woman out back getting hammered by a goat.

He looks at the kid sitting on the porch, and asks him "Hey kid, doesn't it bother you, what your mom's doing back there?"

The kid looks at him and says "NAAAAAAA!"

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A man goes into the doctor's office feeling really bad.

A man goes into the doctor's office feeling really sick. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says, "I have some bad news. You have HAGS."

"What is HAGS" the man asks.

"It's herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis," says the doctor.

"Oh my God," says the man. "What are you going to do?"

"We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza."

"Is that going to help me?" asks the man.

"No," says the doctor. "But it's the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door."

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A cruise ship passed a tiny, isolated island.

Everyone on board could see a bearded man on the island, shouting and desperately waving his hands.

"Who is that man?" a passenger asked the ship's captain. "Why is he so upset?"

"I have no idea," said the Captain, "but every year when we pass by here, he goes nuts."

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A funny true encounter

I was spending some time alone in an isolated cabin in the Ozarks. Not a neighbor for hundreds of meters. One day at around 9 p.m. I get a knock on the door, so I go to answer it. I see a large, pot bellied man with a huge bushy beard.

"The name's Hank. I live just a mile down the road. I see you're new around here. I'm throwing a party tonight and I thought you might like to come."

"Sure, sounds great!" I said.

"There's gonna be drinking!"

"I can drink with the best of them!"

"There's gonna be fighting!"

"Sounds like fun!"

"There's gonna be some wild sex!"

"Sweet! What should I wear?"

"It don't matter. Just gonna be the two of us."

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A man has to take a shit..

While driving down an isolated highway with his buddy. They can't find a nearby restroom so he musters up the courage to go do his business outside. But he asks his friend, 'what should I wipe with.' His friend replies, 'Use a dollar? I don't know, man!'

So he goes off to do his thing and later comes back with shit-covered hands. 'What did you do!?' His buddy shouted. 'Well it's hard to wipe your ass with 2 quarters, 4 dimes, and 2 nickels!'

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A new lieutenant in the French foreign legion ...

Arrives at an isolated base in Algeria. As a corporal shows him his quarters, he asks the corporal "the base is rather isolated, what do the men do for female companionship?" The corporal replies "on Fridays, they let us use the camels" the lieutenant is disgusted, but says nothing. After a few weeks, however, the new officer is very lonely. He decides that if everyone else is doing it, why shouldn't he? The next Friday, the young lieutenant slinks over to the camel pens, and after looking around, drops his pants and starts humping a female camel. The camel is not amused and makes a huge uproar. The same corporal comes to investigate "lieutenant! What the hell do you think you are doing?!" "Come on man," replied the embarrassed officer "you yourself told me that we could use the camels on Fridays." "Yes, sir" replied the corporal "but we usually just ride 'em into town"

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If we isolated all the worlds criminals on an island for a hundred years what would they say if we met them again

G'day mate

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George visits an isolated village

As he walks down the street he sees three children playing. He is inspired by their happiness, approaches them and asks for their names. "Sunflower", says the freckle-faced girl. "Sunflower?", asks the man, "Why would that be your name?" - "It is said that when I was born, a sunflower fell on my head!" - "Oh, I see." He turns to the second child who has a very shiny face and asks him for his name. "My name is dandelion." - "How come?" - "When I was born, a dandelion fell on my head!". Lastly, he turns to the third child who is a deformed boy with a maimed face and a crippled appearance. "What's your name?", asks the man. "Treeeeee".

^^^It's ^^^funnier ^^^when ^^^told ^^^aloud ^^^with ^^^a ^^^disfigured ^^^"tree"

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There is an isolated indigenous tribe that lives in the Amazon.

What's interesting about them is that in their language they only have words for numbers 1 and 2, and every number higher than 2 is just 'many'. You have 3 kids? You have many kids, You caught 20 fish? You caught many fish.

I guess trying to come up with words for three numbers was just one too many.

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A city boy got a job at a lumber camp up in the Great White North . . .

. . . and was noticing how far removed the camp was from the nearest civilization. So he approached his foreman and said, "Hey, we're pretty isolated out here. What do you guys do when you get - y'know - horny?"
The foreman, a burly French Canadian, said, "Come weeth me."
He took the city boy behind the lodge, and there was a large barrel with a knot hole in it.
"Now steeck your deeck in ze knot hole," said the foreman.
The city boy was hesitant, but not wanting to look like a chicken, unzipped his pants, stuck his dick in the knot hole and - WOW! It was the greatest thing he'd ever felt! He stayed there, thrusting into the knot hole till he came several times.
When he had finished, he panted to the foreman, "That was unbelievable! That barrel is something else!"
The foreman nodded sagely. "You can use ze barrel whenever you like, except for Tuesdays."
"Tuesdays?" said the city boy. "Why can't I use it on Tuesdays?"
"Tuesday is your day to be in ze barrel."

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A joke about an old man in an isolated village

A newspaper editor goes to an isolated mounatin village in order to write an article. He wants to know more about life up here so he interviews an old man.
"Please tell me a funny story I could include in my article"
"Well,"says the man"One day one of my neighbour's goats got lost in the mountains. So we spent hours trying to find that poor little creature, and when we did find it, we circled it and fucked it!"
"I can't write that in a newspaper! It's not family friendly and it's not even funny! Can you tell me another, please?"
"Ok. So one day one of my friends got lost in the mountains. So we spent hours trying to find him , and when we did , we circled him and fucked him!"
"This is not going as planned... Tell me a sad story instead."
"One day I got lost in the mountains......"

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The Human Genome Project had a breakthrough and isolated the genes that make someone homosexual.

They are skinny genes.

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My psychiatrist explained why I was depressed

Doctor: I believe you are feeling isolated, lonely, and inadequate because your body is going through extreme hormonal changes. This is very common.

Me: Really? It's made me worried on top of everything else.

Doctor: I can recommend some medication to try and stabilize your hormones, but this is a very normal process that occurs to women experiencing menopause.

Me: But doc, I'm a 23-year-old man.

Doctor: Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't realize that. But I suppose it's also very normal to be depressed if you're a 23-year-old man and you look like a menopausal woman.

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Bad weather..

I just received this report from a friend in the USA regarding the bad weather there at the moment. He lives in Boston and for the last 2 days they've had non stop snow temperatures of -16 degrees and gale force winds of up to 60mph. They are totally isolated and his mother-in-law hasn't done anything else other than looking through the kitchen window. He was saying that if it carries on like that he will have no alternative but to let her in.

[EDIT]
TL;DR (upon advice):

The weather here is terrible. My MIL hasn't done anything else other than staring through the kitchen window. I might have to let her in.

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Scientists Have Isolated a Single Unit of Potato and Taught it to Use 4chan

They've named the project Channing Tatum.

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Scientists have finally isolated the gene...

That makes scientists isolate genes

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I got removed for masturbating in the corner of the gym, but it's my personal trainer's fault.

He told me to do an isolated exercise.

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My personal trainer said I should do an isolated exercise.

So I wanked in the corner of the gym.

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Joe, John, and Jim get captured by cannibals...

on an isolated island. The men are released and told to come back with 10 of the same fruit. Joe is first back carrying 10 apples. The cannibal tells him he must shove all 10 apples up his ass, without making a single cry or a laugh, or his head will be chopped off. Joe gets to 6 apples before he cries in pain. The cannibal chops off his head, and Joe dies and goes to heaven. John then comes back holding 10 blueberries. The cannibal tells him the same thing, John gets to 9 blueberries up his ass and then bursts out laughing. The cannibal chops off his head, and John dies and meets Joe in heaven. Joe says to John, "Why did you start laughing? You were so close, You wouldve survived!" John replies, "I saw Jim come back carrying 10 pineapples"

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The Creation Of Sodium

Sodium, atomic number 11, was first isolated by Humphry Davy in 1807. A chemical component of salt, he named it Na in honour of the saltiest region on earth, North America.

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Hey girl, you must be Japan...

Cause when I'm with you, I feel isolated and emotionally distant.

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What do you call an isolated mystical forest creature?

Gnome alone.

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What are the most funny Isolated jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Isolated? Well, here are the best Isolated dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Isolated pick up lines to share with friends.

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