Island Time Jokes
28 island time jokes and hilarious island time puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about island time that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Island Time Short Jokes
Short island time jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The island time humour may include short island life jokes also.
- If i spent as much time working as i did procrastinating TIL there is an island in the Bahamas called Pig Beach populated entirely by swimming pigs.
- Why did the Navy captain have a hard time keeping up his insults of the island people? He had a wrecked isle diss function.
- The Englishman came to an uninhabited island and built three buildings there. The house where he lives.
The club where he spends time.
And the club that he ignores.
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Island Time One Liners
Which island time one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with island time? I can suggest the ones about island and island name.
- Where's the worst place for a girl to have her "First Time"? The v**... Islands.
Island Time Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about island time you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean island coast jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make island time pranks.
A man owned a Greek island, but there so much paperwork that came with tourists travelling there that he always had to sit inside working. Eventually, he decided to pass the island on to someone else. This way he could spend more time outside and focus on his real passion - maths.
So, he signed over Kos and got a tan instead.
Stranded on an island
Two men and a women end up shipwrecked on an island. Weeks and months go by and nature takes it's course, to pass the time, the woman starts having casual s**... with the two men.
Months later the woman gets sick and dies. As time passes, once again nature takes it's course and they men do what the have to do.
After a while they start to feel guilty, so they bury the body.
A drunk old Irish man told me this one...
A man, a pig and his dog are marooned on a deserted island. After a couple of months in isolation the man becomes lonely and begins getting ideas about the pig. But every time he tries it on with the pig, the dog would start biting his leg and barking at him.
One day the man spots a beautiful woman floating on a raft out in the sea. He swims out as fast as he can and rescues her, and brings her onshore. The woman is overwhelmed with gratitude for him and says
Thank you for saving me, I will do anything you want .
With a cheeky glint in his eye, delighted with this offer, the man eagerly says
Brilliant! You see that dog? Go take him for a feckin walk
The stranded Chinese, American and Dutch
So a Chinese, an American and a Dutch are stranded on an island. The American takes responsibility and says: "We need things to survive so I would say that go fish, you Chinese guy get some suplies and the Dutch should get firewood for the night."
Like the American said, it happend. In the evening the American is waiting with the Dutch at the fire and after some time the Dutch askes the American: "Nou seg, where is the Chinese?" He wasn't done yet when the Chinese jumps out a bush screaming:
"SUPLISE!!!"
An islander walks up to a h**...
And after checking the price he says hey I want to do it island style
Sure she says as they begin to go at it hammer and tongs through every position and technique known to man, and each time she would ask was that island style? to which the answer every time was no.. no.. no.. no.. no..
On and on they go until finally her repertoire is exhausted and they collapse in a sweaty heap, with the final answer also being no.
She can't believe there could be another style out there and has to know well what's island style?!
Oh Island style: pay you next week
So a guy gets shipwrecked on an island with nothing but a dog and a goat.
As time passes, he decides he needs some action, and, well, the goats not lookin half bad.
However, anytime the man tries to make a move on the goat, the dog gets jealous, snaps at him and won't let him by.
Eventually, another ship wrecks, this time carrying a blonde babe. Just absolutely gorgeous. The man looks to the heavens, thanks God for answering his prayers, then looks to the girl and says:
Would ya mind taking that dog for a walk?
3 men were stuck on a deserted island 10kms off shore.
The first informed the others We've been here 3 days now, it's time I swim back before it's too late.
He swam and swam but after 4kms his arms gave up, he couldn't keep his head above water and drowned.
The second thought they were better than the first and also attempted to swim back, but after 7kms he also drowned.
The last, left stranded, believed he could make it and so also swam. He swam and swam but after 9kms, he felt too tired, so turned around and swam back.
The CIA, Mi6, and KGB all meet for a competition [LONG]
Dropped off on a deserted island each team is tasked with the same mission. Go into the jungle and catch a rabbit. Fastest time wins.
The CIA team goes first, within 5 minutes they come out with a rabbit squirming around in hand. As the the other teams seem mildly impressed.
Next, the Mi6 team goes in and within 3 minutes They come out not only with one but 3 rabbits.
Finally the KGB goes in and within 30 seconds you hear this massive scuffle making its way through the jungle guns pointed and yelling and they pull out a massive elephant. As the elephant desperately yells, "I'm a rabbit, I'm rabbit!!!".
A man was marooned on a desert island.
One day a beautiful woman arrives in a wet suit.
'When did you last have a smoke?' she asks. 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a cigar and he smokes it.
She unzips her wet suit a bit and says, 'When did you last have a drink?' He said, 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a bottle of Scotch and he has a drink.
Then she unzips her wet suit a bit more and says, 'And when was the last time you played around?' He looks at her in amazement and says: 'You're not telling me you've got a set of golf clubs in there?'
Ronnie Corbett (1930 - 2016)
An American, a Brit, and a Japanese guy are stranded on a desert Island...
...the American says, "We're great at running the world, so I'll be President of the island." The Brit says, "We do whatever you blokes say, so I'll be Vice President." The American starts drawing out plans to build shelter and explaining them to the Brit. The Japanese guy asks, "Wait, what about me?" "Umm, you can be in charge of supplies."
So the Japanese guy goes off into the jungle and the American and Brit commence building. By the time they finish, the Japanese guy still isn't back. The other two start to get worried, so they decide to go in after them. When they're a good way into the jungle, the Japanese guy jumps out from behind a bush and yells "SUPPLIES!"
A man is flying on the same plane as Brooklyn Decker...
...and it crashes in the ocean near a remote island. The man and Brooklyn Decker swim to shore and are the only survivors. They immediately find food and build shelter. With nothing else to do, they begin having s**....
They are having s**... multiple times a day for over two weeks, until one day Brooklyn finds the man standing on the beach alone. She approaches him and asks "What's wrong? Is it me? Is it the s**...?" The man replies, "No, it's not you and the s**... is great... It's just, well... Do you mind if I do something?" Brooklyn replies, "No, whatever you want, I just want you to be happy."
The man then takes off his hat and puts it on Brooklyn's head, tucking her hair up into it. Then he rubs mud on her face in the shape of a beard and says...
"DUDE! I HAVE BEEN HAVING s**... WITH BROOKLYN DECKER FOR THE LAST TWO WEEKS!"
Battle of the kingdoms
There were three kingdoms, each bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all. The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy, and sent only 10 knights, each with 2 squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor, and only sent one elderly knght with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a p**... high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight's armor.
The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.
The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.
And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high p**... and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
On A Desert Island For 10 Years
A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit...
The man runs to greet her, "Am I ever happy to see you."
The girl says "Hi! Looks like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" The man says, "It's been ten years!" With this information the girl unzips a pocket on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man cigarette.
The man says, "Thanks!" The girl says, "So tell me, how long its been since you had a drink?"
The man replies, "It's been ten years" The girl unzips a little longer zipper on her wet suit and out comes a flask of whiskey. The man takes a drink.
The man is so happy. "Wow. Thanks. You are a life saver!"
The girl begins to unzip the front of her wet suit. She says seductively, "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?" Excitedly, the man says, "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there too?!"
There was a cruise ship that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island.....
There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women.
After several years of casual s**... all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having s**... with both guys was so bad that she killed herself.
It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course.
Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing. So...
They buried her.
Three Europeans wash ashore on an island occupied by cannibals...
They are caught quickly, and the cannibal chief tells them that they are to be eaten and their skins used to make canoes. They are horrified at the thought of being cooked or eaten alive, but at least a little of their fear is relieved when the chief tells them that they will be permitted to kill themselves in a manner of their own choosing.
The first, an Englishman, elects to shoot himself and asks for a p**.... He is presented with one, and says farewell to his friends before ending it.
The second, a Frenchman, asks for poison. He turns to the other, says "au revoir," and drinks the poison, dying shortly.
The third, a Pole, asks for a fork. The chief is confused, but hands him one anyway. The Pole proceeds to stab himself an excessive number of times all over his body, drawing copious amounts of blood and astonishing and even disturbing the onlooking cannibals somewhat. The chief grabs hold of him and asks him why he would make himself suffer so. The Pole says, "I can't stop you from eating me, but it looks like you're going to be short one canoe."
So I was playing Golf toady.
I was solo and decided just to get partnered up at the Club house. After a little bit I was partnered with this fairly lovely lady. We went out playing and started chatting it up. We were laughing and talking and finding out we have a lot in common. though all the fun though we were not actually playing very well. By the time we got to the 18th hole we both had pretty difficult putts ( I was 25 feet on a bad lie and she was slightly closer on the same lie )
I had been enjoying my time with her so much I made her a deal. I told her if I made the putt I would take her out to dinner ( if she didn't mind ) at one of the best restaurants on the island. I lined up and hit the ball after a tense moment the ball passed the cup but stopped and rolled back dropping in.
I guess she didn't want to be out done, so she turns to me and says. " If I make this putt, after dinner I will invite you back to my place for drinks. We can relax in my hot tub and drink Champagne and see what happens from there, but only if I make this putt."
Hearing her proposal I quickly walk up to her and ask her to let me help her line up the putt. She agrees. So I walk up to her ball bending down and pick it up, then handing it back to her. She looks at me and asks me what am I doing? I look back at her with a straight face and tell her " That's a gimmie if I ever saw one "
Bill, Bonnie, and Ted
So Bill, Bonnie, and Ted are stuck on a deserted tropical island. And I mean completely deserted. After a week they haven't seen any other inhabitants, they've seen no boats, planes, anything.
Over the next couple of weeks they manage to find and gather some food, create a shelter, and generally start living a pretty decent life. They have food in abundance, and their shelter protects them from occasional rains. A few weeks go by and once the stress of washing up on an island ebbs away, they start having urges. So they start having s**.... They're only human, they all have needs. Luckily enough Bonnie never gets pregnant, so they've basically got the perfect setup.
This goes on for a number of months, and all of a sudden Bonnie dies from a mysterious illness. Bill and Ted are crushed, they feel like their having s**... with Bonnie caused her to develop this sickness and die. They're deep in mourning but, eventually, time does heal all wounds, and after a few weeks, they start having urges again. And hey, there's no one around to judge them, so Bill and Ted continue having s**.... This continues for a couple of weeks, and then one morning Bill and Ted wake up with this weird feeling... Like what they're doing is wrong, like it's against God's will, it's not what he would have wanted...
So they decide to bury Bonnie
Three women started boasting about their sons...
"What a birthday I had last year!" exclaimed the first. " My son, that wonderful boy, threw me a big party in a fancy restaurant. He even paid for plane tickets for my friends."
"That's very nice, but listen to this," said the second. "Last winter, my son gave me an all-expense-paid cruise to the Greek islands. First class."
"That's nothing!" interrupted the third. "For five years now my son has been paying a psychiatrist $150 an hour, three times a week. And the whole time he talks about nothing but me."
Irishman granted three wishes
An Irishman, stranded on a desert island finds a lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie comes out, and tells the Irishman he will grant three wishes.
Irishman: "My first wish is that all of my friends and family back home will live happy lives."
Genie: "Granted, what is your second wish?"
Irishman: "My second wish is for a pint of Guinness that refills itself every time it is emptied."
Genie: "Granted, what is your third wish?"
The Irishman takes a sip of the Guinness, smiles, and says to the Genie "I'll have another one of these!"
What is the best thing that happened to you?
As a kid I always dreamt of travelling the world, learn about other cultures and write my own book. When my father passed away he left me enough money to do so. I decided it was time to fulfill my dream.
One place my journey took me to was an island with an ancient tribe living on it that was almost untouched by western civilization. I decided to dedicate one chapter in my book to this tribe. It took me months to learn their language, but I finally managed to interview one of the natives.
"What was the best thing that has happened to you here?" I asked.
-"One time" he said, "a girl got lost in the jungle. When we found her the chief let everyone of us have s**... with her as a reward."
Of course I couldn't write that down, so I asked: "Is that really the best thing that happened to you?!"
-"Well, now that you mention it: One day TWO girls got lost in the jungle. When we found them, everyone was allowed to have s**... with them."
I realized I'm not getting anywhere with this question, so I asked him:
"Ok, what was the worst thing that has happened to you?"
He looked down.
"You see... one time, I got lost in the jungle."
The Fukawi Tribe
There was once a tribe of very short people who lived on an island in very long grass. One day an explorer stumbled upon this large grass covered island and intact discovered the tribe. He was very excited but decided since he was not sure if they were a peaceful people or not he would not engage this time, instead he would come back better equipped in a few days. When he got home he decided to tell his fellow explorers about the tribe he had discovered. He sat with them in a bar and told them all about the island and the long grass and the tiny people. Finishing his story he said so I've discovered this incredible tribe they're new and they're called the Fukawi tribe his best friend astounded said but how did you come up with the name?
Oh I didn't came the reply they named themselves, and when I approached them they kept jumping up yelling we're the Fukawi
There are three men on a desert island: Genius, Smart, and Idiot.
Genius has concluded that at least one man must swim to shore and get help.
Genius volunteered himself, as he is the most likely to get remember to get help.
Genius, not being very athletic, swam halfway to safety and then drowned.
Days later, Smart finally realized Genius drowned.
Smart then decided it was his turn to swim and get help.
Idiot agreed because he didn't know what was happening.
Smart, not being very athletic, swam three quarte rs of the way to safety and drowned.
Days later, Idiot decided it must his turn to swim.
He also did not know what his goal was.
Idiot, not having very much intelligence, swam halfway to safety, felt tired, so he swam back to the island he was stranded on.
A man, his wife and a good-looking stranger are stranded on a desert island.
The wife quickly loses interest in her husband and begins flirting with the good-looking stranger.
The three start to build a watchtower.
The stranger offers to take first watch.
While the husband and wife gather driftwood on the sand, the stranger yells, "Hey! No s**... on the beach! Get back to work!"
The husband yells back, "We're not having s**...!"
Later, the stranger yells out to them again.
Again, the husband yells back and corrects him.
This happens several times during the stranger's shift.
Finally, the husband's takes his shift in the watch tower.
His wife and the good-looking stranger make passionate love on the beach.
The husband on watch exclaims, "Wow, it really does look like f**king from up here!"