Islam Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Islam puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Islam

After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...

...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:

"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages suicide bombing and violence."

OK, there - I said it. Now can you please stop sending me death threats?

Chess is banned under Islam

They hate that the queen moves freely.

I don't see why you would become an Islamic fundamentalist suicide bomber on the off chance that when you die you get 72 virgins.

Just become a Catholic priest and get them now.

Why is the British weather like Islam?

Because it's either Sunni or Shi'ite

What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism?

No more jokes about the profit.


What do you call a man that as sex with his 9 year old wife?

The holiest Prophet of Islam.

What happens when you cross Islam with Capitalism?

No more jokes about the profit.

Islam is a peaceful religion

A piece over there, a piece over there, a piece over here

What do you get when you square root a Muslim?

Radical Islam.

What do you call a Mexican girl who converts to Islam?

Dora the Exploder

Always Wanted to get Married

My daughter always dreamed of getting married when she was a little girl.

So we converted to Islam.


Do you remember Buckwheat from the little rascals? He recently converted to Islam.

And became Kareem of Wheat.

I know Muslims can't eat pork.

Islam ok though?

Islam is a religion of piece.

There's a piece of you over there, a piece over there, another over there..

Why is chess banned in islam?

Cause the queen moves freely

What do Islamic McDonalds employees wear?

A cheeseburka

Catholicism has 1.2 billion followers around the globe, second only to Islam with 1.8 billion

But that's okay because the Catholic church doesn't mind coming in a little behind.

Islamic terrorists makes no sense . Commit suicide and might get 72 virgins ?

Become a Catholic priest and get them now

Don't become an Islamic suicide bomber for the off chance you'll get 72 virgins after death.

Become a Catholic priest and get them now!


Islamist advantage:

When you divorce your wife and remarry, you can still keep the same photo on your desk

Islam is a religion of piece.

A piece of you here, there, everywhere.

The Arabs invented a time machine.

It's called Islam. It can take any civilization back to the 7th century.

Islamic joke I saw somewhere

A man walking in New York's Central Park sees a Rottweiler attacking a little girl. He subdues the dog and saves her life.

A passing Fox News reporter says: You're a hero. Tonight's TV news bulletin will say: 'Brave New Yorker Saves Child.

The man replies: I'm a tourist from Saudi Arabia.

That night the news on Fox TV says: Islamic extremist kills New York dog.

My gf asked me if gorilla meat was forbidden in Islam

My gf asked me if gorilla meat was forbidden in Islam.

I told her, "Yeah, it's haram, bae."

What do you call a cow that's converted to Islam?

A Mooslim

Islamic sex dolls are the best

They blow themselves up

Why does the Islamic State have sex education classes and driver's education in different weeks?

So it's not too hard on the goats.

A woman converting to Islam

is like a black person converting to slavery.

I think I'm gonna fail my Women in Islam class

The course covers everything

I have a test on Islam next period in my World Cultures class...

I'm gonna bomb it.

I made a new app for Muslim wrestlers.

iSlam

Why did F and H not convert to Islam?

Because Jihad.

Islamic pubs and bars are the worst

You can't drink alcohol
Or dance.


Women can get Stoned though, no questions asked.

The Islamic State is hosting a music festival in Iraq.

The first annual Allahpalooza is sure to go off with a bang.

The Islamic temple I went to had a weird smell...

it was a strange mosque

An Islamic terrorist blows himself up and ascends to paradise.

When he gets there he's greeted by Allah and an elderly lady who immediately wraps her frail arms round the terrorist, removes her false teeth and gives him a huge sloppy kiss.

Confused, the terrorist says, "Allah, I'm sorry to question your benevolence, but I thought there would be 72 virgins awaiting my arrival?"

Allah replies, "This is widely misconcepted my child. You've done us proud, now enjoy the rest of eternity with this 72 year old virgin"

What do you call the fruit of Islam?

Quran-berries

Eminem has decided to convert to Islam.

He's now known as Muslim Shady.

What do you do if your Islamic dog bites you?

Muslim

Islamic men get 72 virgins when they die. What do Islamic women get?

73 sets of clothes to wash.

What do you call a skateboarding Muslim

Radical Islam

Buckwheat has converted to Islam

He is now known as Kareem of wheat.

Q: How does every Islamic joke start?

A: By looking over your shoulder.

What is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's religion?

I-SLAM!

What do you call a surrealist painter that converts to Islam?

Muhammad Dali

What's the Islamic equivalent of cafeteria Christianity?

Allah-cart.

What do you do if an Islamic dog bites you?

Musl-im

Rumour has it Eminem has converted to Islam.

From now on, he will call himself "Muslim Shady."

What's the difference between Feminism and Islam

One is a woman led group that aims to beat the patriarchy.


The other is a patriarchy that aims to beat women.

What's the difference between heaven according to Islam and 60 engineering students?

12 virgins

Scottish boy asks his dad about Islam

Son: "Ey dad, what is Islam?"

Dad: "Oh, well Sunni, it's a Shiite religion"

How do you make a pigeon explode?

Convert it to islam

My wife told me she was converting to Islam and changing her name...

to Seldom Bin Laid

*my wife actually said this to me.

Why Islam is growing rapidly !!!

Father Francis of Bradford was unhappy that the church attendance had steadily declined in the past few years but the mosque across the street was jampacked every Friday.

So he invited the imam for a cup of tea and then finally brought up the topic

Imam :So tell me,what happens if a man visits church every Sunday and follows the word of Jesus

Father: He will go to heaven after he dies

Imam: What will he get there?

Father: He will forever be in the company of Father,Jesus,Holy Spirit,Virgin Mary...

Imam: Thats the problem, Only One Virgin...

Why is Islam so unethical towards its employees

Ironically, it's all about prophets

What did Mohammed Ali do after converting to Islam?

He-jab

What did Miss Piggy become when Kermit converted to Islam?

Haram-Bae

A fat Hawaiian man recently converted to Islam

Aloha Snack-bar

Islamic Star Trek?

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech, and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to a United States Marine Corps General.

As they talked, the Iranian said, "I have just one question about what I have seen in
America ."

The General said, "Well, is there anything I can do to help?"

The Iranian whispered, "My son watches this show called 'Star Trek' and in it there
is Kirk who is Canadian, Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura who is black, and Sulu who is Japanese, but there are NO Muslims. My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians, Iraqis, Afghans, Egyptians, Palestinians, Saudis, Syrians, or Pakistanis on 'Star Trek'.

"The General leaned toward the Iranian Ambassador, and whispered in his ear, "That's because it takes place in the future..."

A long time ago, in the middle east

There was a town where everyone worshipped many gods. But one day, a young boy arrived from afar, claiming to be a prophet sent by Allah. He told them to convert to Islam, or else they would receive divine punishment.

Naturally, the townspeople rejected his words, and they executed him in public. Mere days later, a mysterious disease swept through the town and killed every last one of them.

They should have obeyed the Quran teen.

We all know Islam hates the West.

Turns out they hate the North, South and East just as much

I'm converting to Islam

for my haram bae

Muslims are spreading their religion to the roots of society

Textbook Radicle Islam.

Cheating

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes