Isaac Jokes

Following is our collection of levi puns and sarah one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Isaac jokes for adults, dirty boss jokes and clean carr dad gags for kids.

The Best Isaac Puns

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.


Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek

Einstein is counting down while Newton and Pascal are trying to hide. Pascal jumps into the bushes and Newton walks a few steps, picks up a stick, draws a square on the ground and just stands there. Einstein turns around and instantly spots Newton.

- Found you Newton, you lose!
- Now wait a minute good sir, can't you see what I drew below me? I am a Newton on a square meter so technically you found Pascal.

Why did Isaac Newton's son know so much about gravity?

The apple didn't fall far from the tree.

Did you hear that Apple Guy died?

R.I.P. Isaac Newton

All anti-semites

Young Isaac knocks on his boss's door.
Boss: "come in!, yes Isaac what can i do for you?"
Isaac: "I can't work here anymore! I quit! Everyone who work here is anti-semite!"
Boss: "What? What are you talking about? I guess there might be one or two, but everyone? come on, it's ridiculous!"
Isaac " I am telling you! They are! I asked all of them one question, and they all gave me the same answer."
Boss: "But... what was that question?"
Isaac: " I asked waht would they think if we exterminate all the jews and all the hairdressers"
Boss: "Hairdressers? Why the hairdressers?"
Isaac: "See? You're all the same"

Isaac Newton died a virgin. That means I have one up on history's greatest scientific genius.

Because I'm not dead.

My friend told me I was smart enough to be the next Isaac Newton...

Well Newton died a lonely virgin so clearly I'm doing something right

Why didn't Isaac Newton drink wine?

He knew better than to drink and derive.

What happened when Isaac Newton met the apple?

He found the apple was a surprisingly down-to-Earth kinda guy.

Albert Einstein, Sir Isaac Newton, and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek.

Einstein is it, so he closes his eyes and starts to count. Pascal runs off to hide, but Newton doesn't budge. Right in front of Einstein he bends down and scratches a box in the dirt, one meter on a side. The he just stands there, right in the middle of the box.

Einstein opens his eyes and says "Newton! I found you! You're it!"

"No," says Newton. "You found a Newton in one square meter. You found Pascal!"

Isaac Newton died a virgin

The man who discovered gravity didnt even go down

An apple falls on Isaac Newton's head

He shakes his fist at the sky and says, "There should be a law!"

Today we celebrate the birthday of a man who changed the way we see and understand the magic of the universe.

Happy Birthday Isaac Newton.

Why did Isaac Newton die a virgin?

Because he respected girls limits

A Jew was on his deathbed and told his only son

-Isaac, my son, i am dying. I just want you to know that the 8 houses, 3 apartment buildings, 24 taxis, 17 hotels, 8 shops, 3 swimming pools, the statues, jewelry...

-Are you going to give them to me, dad?

-I'm selling them to you. Very cheap

Sir Isaac Newton dies

Everybody: ma

Christians have the first name Christian, Muslims Mohammed, Jews Isaac, what boys name do atheist have?


Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek

Einstein starts counting and Pascal runs off and hides, but Isaac Newton just stands in front of him and draws a square on the ground. When Einstein opens his eyes he says I found you Isaac , but Isaac Newton responds no you found a Newton over a square - you found Pascal!

Why do I think Sir Isaac Newton was such a chill guy?

I don't know, he just seemed pretty down-to-Earth to me.

Isaac neutron died a virgin

I guess you could say he wasn't very attractive

Inspiration to look up to

Sir Isaac Newton was only 23 when he discovered the law of gravity.
T-pain was only 22 when he rhymed mansion with wiscansin.

How did Isaac Newton formalize calculus?

He went out on a lim.

Given Isaac Newton's links to the slave trade,

perhaps we ought to abolish gravity.

It would be a weight off his shoulders.

Mommy, buy this puppy, please, buy it!

"Look at how cute the puppy is!"

"No Isaac, I will not buy any puppy"

"Please mother, buy the puppy, pleaaaase..."

"I said no! Isaac, sell the puppy to someone else!"

Isaac Newton's theory.

Isaac Newton was outside trying to explains the forces of the world and then it hit him.

An apple didn't fall on Isaac Newton's head.

He missed the gravity of the situation.

A friend asked me, "Did you know Isaac Newton died a virgin"?

I replied, "What colour?"

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the dead baby in my microwave?

Isaac Newton died a virgin

As Isaac Newton once proposed, "everything in the universe is attracted to one another."

So... How about it?

Intelligent Minds

Albert Einstein: Genius mind

Isaac Newton: Extraordinary mind

Bill Gates: Brilliant mind

You: Never mind


If sapiosexuals existed, Sir Isaac Newton would not have died a virgin.

You know, I frankly don't find Isaac Newton's work all that original.

I mean, half of his works were all derivatives anyway.

Why didn't Isaac Newton dodge the apple?

He didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

When Gottfried Leibniz first red Isaac Newton's work on Calculus.....

He found it quite Derivative.

Oscar Isaac wasn't nominated so far despite his performances in Inside Llewyn Davis and Ex Machina

Talk about an Oscar being snubbed

Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.

The Gravity of this Situation.

The problem with quotes is that they mostly aren't historically accurate

- Isaac Newton

Isaac Newton took his son to an apple tree.

When an apple fell on his sons head, Newton said, "Well son, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

Isaac Newton was having a family reunion...

It turns out that his cousin Gravity is a really down to Earth guy

Why did Sir Isaac Newton bet on the Patriots?

Because he knows that force equals Massachusetts.

Isaac Newton: *slaps roof of car*

Car roof: *slaps Isaac Newton*

Do you know what kind of computer Isaac Newton had?

An Apple!

If Isaac Newton were alive today.

I think his favorite song would have been "Fat bottomed girls", by Queen.

He was the type of guy who could appreciate being attracted to large masses.

Brian May reminds looks a lot like Sir Isaac Newton..

..except that a guitar fell on his head.

Isaac Newton's friend was 16 minutes late the first time they met.

At their second meeting, the friend was 8 minutes late. At this rate, said Newton, "you'll never be on time."

Why was Sir Isaac Newton buried at Westminster Abbey?

Because he was dead.

Isaac Newton couldn't become a surgeon ...

because blood is non-Newtonian!

"Isaac, how much is two times two?"

"Are we buying or selling?"

There is an abundance of entirety jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 48 funniest jokes and isaac puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any jonathan witze you can hear about isaac.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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