Irritated Jokes
65 irritated jokes and hilarious irritated puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about irritated that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Irritated Short Jokes
Short irritated jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The irritated humour may include short irritating jokes also.
- My grandpa tried to warn everyone The titanic was gonna sink. When everyone just ignored him, he yelled at them three more times, eventually they got irritated and kicked him out of the theater.
- Okay, I am getting really irritated This is the 5th ATM I've been to today that's had "insufficient funds"
- I'm writing a book about my time growing up as a shy young boy with irritable bowel syndrome... ... i've decided to call it 'Diarrhoea Of A Wimpy Kid'
- When I went to the toilet, I left the door open so I could keep watching the movie. The other passengers on the plane were slightly irritated.
- Today I met someone who never finishes his proverbs. It's very irritating to talk to him, but you know what they say,
- One girl just told me she has feelings for me As examples she mentioned irritation and vicarious embarrassment.
- I know eyelashes are meant to keep things out of your eyes, but it seems to me the only things that get in my eyes and irritate them are eyelashes... It's eye-ronic
- Why do people with irritable bowel syndrome have a hard time making decisions? They can't trust their gut
- My dad got fired recently for being such an irritated electrician He never conducted himself positively at work
- Took my dog to the vet because he won't stop barking Turns out he's got irritable bow-wow syndrome
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Irritated One Liners
Which irritated one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with irritated? I can suggest the ones about infuriated and annoyed.
- Know why the letters a, e, i, o, and u are so angry? Irritable vowel syndrome.
- It irritates me that I never win the lottery Maybe I should start buying lottery tickets.
- I'm so irritated This is the 5th ATM I've been to today that has 'insufficient funds'.
- I don't use condoms. They irritate my sores.
- When was Cleopatra at her most irritable? When she was on her pyramid.
- Hereditary Irritable Bowel Syndrome Runs in the family.
- Why are peppers irritating? Because they're jalapeno business!
- I once met an irritating man who upheld his family name. He was Hanoi-Ying.
- I've never seen a cross dresser. But I've seen some very irritated credenzas,
- Irritable Bowel Syndrome is genetic. It runs in your jeans.
- The campaign to re-irritate our international allies is called: Make America Grate Again
- I don't wear condoms.... they irritate my sores.
- How do you irritate Lady Gaga? Poker face.
- What do you call an irritated nerd? A noyd.
- What kind of Raspberry dishes do you eat to irritate your bowel? Raspberry tart
Humorous Irritated Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about irritated you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean incensed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make irritated pranks.
Second Opinion
A doctor and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was n**... and decides to make amends and calls home.
She comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?" Shouts the doctor.
"Getting a second opinion!"
A guy is laying in bed reading a book while his wife is sleeping...
Every so often he reaches over and tickles her funny spot. Eventually she wakes up and yells at him saying, "What are you doing, I told you I wasn't in the mood tonight!"
He responds back with, "I understand and respected your wishes".
Irritated she asks, "Then why do you keep touching me?"
and he retorts, "I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the page..."
So a kid gets on a plane for the first time
and he is really excited about it. He is sitting inside the plane mid-flight when he finds out the plane's a Boeing. So he starts saying "Boeing.. Boeing.. Boeing.."
After a while when he doesn't stop the passengers start getting irritated, and the hostess comes along and tells the boy "Be Silent". So the boy starts "Oeing.. Oeing.. Oeing.. "
Father buys a beetle farm for Jhonny one evening
Jhonny is so excited he keeps shouting "Beetle.. Beetle.. Beetle.." the entire night and next day. By evening next day the father is really irritated and says "BE SILENT!".
So Jhonny pauses for sometime and starts shouting "eetle.. eetle.. eetle.. "
A naughty child
A naughty child was irritating all the passengers on the flight from London to New York.
At last one man could stand it no longer.
"Hey kid," he shouted.
"Why don't you go outside and play?"
So a man goes to the doctor...
and is told that he has a terminal illness with only 24 hours left to live.
He went home and told his wife who was completely shocked. So later, as they're laying in bed, he asks if they can make love one last time. They do. Later, the man wakes up at 3:30 in the morning and asks if they can go at it again. His wife tired and irritable says, "Well that's easy for you to ask, you don't have to get up in the morning..."
Sorry for the lousy wording
Raisin Bread
A baker hires a young female assistant who likes to wear very short skirts and a thong. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the assistant and then at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely. The girl nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf. The young man, standing almost directly beneath her, gets an excellent view just as he planned. Once she comes down he says he should get two loaves, as he is having company for dinner. As the girl retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what is going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see her climb up and down. After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try the bread herself. Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd, staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man: "Is it raisin for you, too?" "No," stammers the old man: "but it's quivering a bit!"
A man was overly excited to fly for the first time...
As he sat in his seat, he could contain his excitement no longer and began saying "Boeing! Boeing! Boeing!" over and over again.
Irritated, a stewardess comes over to him and says "Be silent!"
The man nods, and continues "Oeing, Oeing, Oeing..."
A young boy sees a tall black man
The boy says "wow you must be good at basketball!"
The black man irritably says "That's racist, just because I'm black doesn't mean I'm good at basketball."
The boy replies "I said you must be good at basketball because you are tall. If I judged you for being black, I wouldn't have said you were good at anything."
After 5 years of being married, the wife finds $7.500,00 and 4 eggs on the top of the wardrobe.
Perplexed, she goes running to her husband to ask what that was about, and he says:
- Honey, during these 5 years together, everytime you irritate me I get an egg and put it on the top of the wardrobe.
The wife gets happy because there were only 4 eggs, and then asks:
- But what about the $7.500,00 ?
He answers:
- Every time I complete one dozen, I sell it.
Mother of Six
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife Mother of Six in spite of her objections.
One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, Shall we go home Mother of Six?
His wife, irritated by her husbands lack of discretion shouts back… Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!
What's your name?
A cop pulls a guy over and asks for his license and registration.
The driver responds, "I don't have a license or registration, Officer."
"Tell me your name then," the cop demands.
"Mr. Kret," the driver says.
"TELL ME YOUR FULL NAME," the officer barks, sufficiently irritated.
The driver smiles..."Itza C. Kret."
Blonde Walks Into A Shoe Store.
"How much for these shoes?" – she asked the store manager. "$200″ – he replied. "That's too expensive! Can't you bring the price down?" – the blonde. The store manager said he couldn't, and got irritated when the blonde persisted. Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, "There's a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don't you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?!" – he yelled. "Fine. I will." – the blonde replied. After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her. When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones. Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed "Oh my gosh! This one doesn't have any shoes either!"
I was at my bank today and there was just an Asian lady ahead of me
who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
The asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!!"
A man is sitting in a bar when a friend comes running and shouts "Your wife is in bed with another man!".
He jumps in fury and run away. After some minutes he come back really irritated with the friend. "*Another man*, "*Another man*" he says "... he's the same man as always!"
So I was at my bank today.
There was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yuan for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated.
She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollar for yuan. Today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations.
The Asian lady says, "Fluck you white people too!"
In a bar, there's a guy hitting on a cute banker girl
The guy brags about all his riches and possessions, but he got shot down by the girl immediately.
The girl said, "Leave me a loan!"
The guy noticed the wordplay, he praised the girl. "That's a pretty clever pun! ...But not as pretty as you"
The girl, now irritated, said. "I'm not kidding, leave me a loan! I lost interest."
h**... is in his Bunker
One day, h**... is in his bunker planning his strategy for the next phase of the war when there is a knock at the door. He says "enter" and Goebbels walks in.
"What is it Goebbels? Can't you see I'm busy?!" asks h**..., clearly irritated.
"Mein Fuhrer," says Goebbels, "I have news. The Italians joined the war today."
"No problem," replies h**..., "send a division against them."
"Mein Fuhrer, they are on our side."
"Ah," says h**..., "then send two divisions."
The beard or me. You must choose.
A guy decides to grow a beard and his girlfriend hates it. She finally tells him: it's time to choose me or the beard.
He says: "What? Choose between the love of my life and a source of irritation that needs constant attention and tending? That's an easy decision....The hard question is who gets the apartment?"
Exchange rate
I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to
the currency exchange window at the local bank. Just one lady in front of me...an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty? Why it change?' The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations'. The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people, too'.
I asked my wife what three things she finds most irritating.
She said, "well, I really dislike Sunday drivers. I'm not particularly keen on loud, abnoixious children. But mostly, I really hate it when I have to repeat myself!"
"Oh, yeah, absolutely!" I replied, "You can say that again."
I got kicked out of my book club meeting because I tried to review Tommy Wiseau's book adaptation of his movie despite never actually having read it.
I should have noticed how irritated the crowd was getting at my inaccurate speech, but I didn't read The Room.
I was at my bank today...
There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange money for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated.
She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollars, today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"
A burglar breaks into a joint
While going through the owner's belongings a shrill voices goes:
"Heavenly Father is watching you! Heavenly Father is watching you!"
Slightly irritated, the burglar switches on the light and sees a parrot in the corner, repeating its line:
"Heavenly Father is watching you! Heavenly Father is watching you!"
Burglar: "Hahaha! Look at you, what's your name?"
Parrot: "Jared Leto"
Burglar: "That's an odd name for a parrot. Who would name their parrot 'Jared-Leto'?
Parrot: "The same person who would name his rottweiler 'Heavenly Father'!
*First Cake day joke!
An elderly man suspected his wife was losing her hearing
So he decided to test his suspicions. He stood about 20 feet behind her and asked, Can you hear me, my love? But she didn't respond.
So he got about 10 feet away from her and asked her again, Can you hear me, sweetie?
When she didn't say anything, he got up to 5 feet from her and asked her again, Dear, can you hear me?
She still didn't say anything so finally he crept up right behind her and said in her ear, Do you hear me?!
His wife irritably turns to him and says, For the fourth time now, yes! I can hear you!
A son was walking along side his father
While walking, the kid was looking at his phone and didn't notice a pole in front of him, which resulted with him colliding with the pole.
The father said, That was some a pole ing behavior and began to laugh at his own joke
The son, being slightly irritated, snapped back at the father saying, was that pun really necessary?
The father than replied with, well, you walked right into that one
Laws of physics vs the law
Heisenberg, Shrodinger and Ohm were driving down a highway when they get pulled over by a cop. The cop asks Heisenberg if he knew how fast he was going, as you can surmise, he claimed he didn't know because he knew exactly where they were. The cop, finding this suspicious asks them to open the trunk. He comes back to the front and asks them why they have a dead cat in the trunk and Shrodinger responds, "because you opened the trunk you fool!!". The cop, now visibly irritated promptly moves to arrest all three. Ohm, resisted.
I was at my bank today waiting in a short line.
There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"
A teacher was teaching her class about whales.
She said that it was physically impossible for a whale to s**... a human being as even though it was a gigantic animal, its stomach was very small. A little girl put up her hand and said that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher insisted that a whale couldn't possibly s**... a human. The little girl said, When I get to Heaven, I'll ask Jonah.
The teacher replied, What if Jonah went to h**...?
The girl said: Then you ask him.
A lady goes to the store to get a hair trimmer for her dog
..as she's browsing a clerk comes along and says "If you're using it on you're underarms, don't spray on deodorant for a few hours it will sting a lot." She says "No it's not for my underarms."
The clerk says "Well if you're doing your legs, don't wear pantyhose for a day, it can irritate your skin." She says "No it's not for my legs... if you must know, it's for my Schnauzer"
The clerk says "Ah, I see, in that case don't ride a bicycle for a week."
Two lawyers enter a restaurant.
They both pull up suitcases onto the table they're on, and take out a sandwich each from their suitcases. Seeing this, a waiter comes up to them and tells them they cannot eat their own food in the restaurant. With an irritated tsk and a shake of the head, the two lawyers exchange their sandwiches, much to the despair of the unfortunate waiter.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. At one point in the discussion, the teacher remarked that it was physically impossible for a whale to s**... an entire human being because
…even though the whale was a very large mammal, its t**... was very small.
"But the whale swallowed Jonah," the little girl insisted.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not s**... a human. It was physically impossible, she said.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to h**...?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
What do you call an irritating Hobbit?
d**... Baggins.
An old Harry Potter joke
Voldemort goes and knocks on Snape's door.
Who is it?
Voldemort: THE DARK LORD!!
Snape: Sauron?
Voldemort: No no, the other one
Snape: Vader?
Voldemort, irritated, thunders: THE ONE YOU FEAR THE MOST!!
Snape, confused: Hermione??
What I meant to say…
A man arrived at work, visibly frustrated and irritated. His colleague asked what's wrong.
The man said, Uggghhh, my wife got super mad at me because I misspoke.
The colleague asked what happened.
The man said, So my wife and I were eating breakfast. What I *meant* to say was 'Good morning, honey, would you please pass the syrup?
Instead, I accidentally said, You've ruined my life, you miserable Crone.
It's irritating when students get ahead of themselves...
These days many college students assume that they're doing the job already. That's not how it works, you need to get the certification, or get the job.
Engineering students shouldn't call themselves engineers
Medical students shouldn't call themselves doctors
Law students shouldn't call themselves lawyers
Business school students shouldn't call themselves minions
And Art students certainly shouldn't call themselves baristas or waiters...
A man walks into a fish & chip shop to order the evening meal.
He asks for two cod & chips.
Owner: Apologies, we don't have any cod.
Man: Ok… I'll have two cod & chips then.
Owner (slightly irritated): Sorry, we haven't got any cod, like I said.
Man: Sorry, sorry!… I'll just have two cod & chips then.
Owner (now irate): Look mate, we've got no cod! C-O-F-D COD!!
Man (confused): There is no F in cod.
Owner: That's what I've been trying to tell you!!
