Irritable Jokes
37 irritable jokes and hilarious irritable puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about irritable that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you the type of person who gets irritable easily? Do you suffer from IBS, Tourette, or just have an impatient attitude? Then this article is for you! Check out these hilarious, cranky jokes tailored specifically for those with an irritable disposition!
Funniest Irritable Short Jokes
Short irritable jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The irritable humour may include short touchy jokes also.
- Okay, I am getting really irritated This is the 5th ATM I've been to today that's had "insufficient funds"
- I'm writing a book about my time growing up as a shy young boy with irritable bowel syndrome... ... i've decided to call it 'Diarrhoea Of A Wimpy Kid'
- When I went to the toilet, I left the door open so I could keep watching the movie. The other passengers on the plane were slightly irritated.
- Today I met someone who never finishes his proverbs. It's very irritating to talk to him, but you know what they say,
- One girl just told me she has feelings for me As examples she mentioned irritation and vicarious embarrassment.
- I know eyelashes are meant to keep things out of your eyes, but it seems to me the only things that get in my eyes and irritate them are eyelashes... It's eye-ronic
- Why do people with irritable bowel syndrome have a hard time making decisions? They can't trust their gut
- My dad got fired recently for being such an irritated electrician He never conducted himself positively at work
- Took my dog to the vet because he won't stop barking Turns out he's got irritable bow-wow syndrome
- How to irritate an archaeologist? Show him a used women's pad and ask him which period it belongs to.
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Irritable One Liners
Which irritable one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with irritable? I can suggest the ones about grumpy and angry.
- Know why the letters a, e, i, o, and u are so angry? Irritable vowel syndrome.
- It irritates me that I never win the lottery Maybe I should start buying lottery tickets.
- I'm so irritated This is the 5th ATM I've been to today that has 'insufficient funds'.
- I don't use condoms. They irritate my sores.
- When was Cleopatra at her most irritable? When she was on her pyramid.
- Hereditary Irritable Bowel Syndrome Runs in the family.
- I once met an irritating man who upheld his family name. He was Hanoi-Ying.
- Irritable Bowel Syndrome is genetic. It runs in your jeans.
- How do you irritate Lady Gaga? Poker face.
- What do you call an irritated nerd? A noyd.
- What kind of Raspberry dishes do you eat to irritate your bowel? Raspberry tart
- Why are roofers always irritated. Because they have to deal with shingles all the time.
- Why does Anakin dislike Spongebob Squarepants? He finds Sandy course and irritating.
- Pain is temporary, pride is forever. Does not apply to irritable bowel syndrome.
- Was making dinner and rubbed my eye Instantly it was irritated with me.
Irritable Bowel Jokes
Here is a list of funny irritable bowel jokes and even better irritable bowel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Worst Dad Joke of the Day? You know what IBS is, right? Irritable Bowel Syndrome. What I've got is worse, IWS, Irritable Wife Syndrome. And that kids is why Dad is sleeping on the couch tonight.
- Told my wife that the doctor thinks I have irritable vowel syndrome. She said, "I think you mean 'bowel'." I said, "Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyybeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."
- What's a good name for a therapy book on coping with irritable bowel syndrome?
Happy Irritable Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about irritable you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean agitated jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make irritable pranks.
A man walks into a fish & chip shop to order the evening meal.
He asks for two cod & chips.
Owner: Apologies, we don't have any cod.
Man: Ok… I'll have two cod & chips then.
Owner (slightly irritated): Sorry, we haven't got any cod, like I said.
Man: Sorry, sorry!… I'll just have two cod & chips then.
Owner (now irate): Look mate, we've got no cod! C-O-F-D COD!!
Man (confused): There is no F in cod.
Owner: That's what I've been trying to tell you!!
An elderly man suspected his wife was losing her hearing
So he decided to test his suspicions. He stood about 20 feet behind her and asked, Can you hear me, my love? But she didn't respond.
So he got about 10 feet away from her and asked her again, Can you hear me, sweetie?
When she didn't say anything, he got up to 5 feet from her and asked her again, Dear, can you hear me?
She still didn't say anything so finally he crept up right behind her and said in her ear, Do you hear me?!
His wife irritably turns to him and says, For the fourth time now, yes! I can hear you!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young boy sees a tall black man
The boy says "wow you must be good at basketball!"
The black man irritably says "That's racist, just because I'm black doesn't mean I'm good at basketball."
The boy replies "I said you must be good at basketball because you are tall. If I judged you for being black, I wouldn't have said you were good at anything."
So a kid gets on a plane for the first time
and he is really excited about it. He is sitting inside the plane mid-flight when he finds out the plane's a Boeing. So he starts saying "Boeing.. Boeing.. Boeing.."
After a while when he doesn't stop the passengers start getting irritated, and the hostess comes along and tells the boy "Be Silent". So the boy starts "Oeing.. Oeing.. Oeing.. "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. At one point in the discussion, the teacher remarked that it was physically impossible for a whale to s**... an entire human being because
…even though the whale was a very large mammal, its t**... was very small.
"But the whale swallowed Jonah," the little girl insisted.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not s**... a human. It was physically impossible, she said.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to h**...?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... is in his Bunker
One day, h**... is in his bunker planning his strategy for the next phase of the war when there is a knock at the door. He says "enter" and Goebbels walks in.
"What is it Goebbels? Can't you see I'm busy?!" asks h**..., clearly irritated.
"Mein Fuhrer," says Goebbels, "I have news. The Italians joined the war today."
"No problem," replies h**..., "send a division against them."
"Mein Fuhrer, they are on our side."
"Ah," says h**..., "then send two divisions."
So a man goes to the doctor...
and is told that he has a terminal illness with only 24 hours left to live.
He went home and told his wife who was completely shocked. So later, as they're laying in bed, he asks if they can make love one last time. They do. Later, the man wakes up at 3:30 in the morning and asks if they can go at it again. His wife tired and irritable says, "Well that's easy for you to ask, you don't have to get up in the morning..."
Sorry for the lousy wording
Raisin Bread
A baker hires a young female assistant who likes to wear very short skirts and a thong. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the assistant and then at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely. The girl nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf. The young man, standing almost directly beneath her, gets an excellent view just as he planned. Once she comes down he says he should get two loaves, as he is having company for dinner. As the girl retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what is going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see her climb up and down. After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try the bread herself. Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd, staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man: "Is it raisin for you, too?" "No," stammers the old man: "but it's quivering a bit!"
Blonde Walks Into A Shoe Store.
"How much for these shoes?" – she asked the store manager. "$200″ – he replied. "That's too expensive! Can't you bring the price down?" – the blonde. The store manager said he couldn't, and got irritated when the blonde persisted. Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, "There's a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don't you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?!" – he yelled. "Fine. I will." – the blonde replied. After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her. When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones. Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed "Oh my gosh! This one doesn't have any shoes either!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher was teaching her class about whales.
She said that it was physically impossible for a whale to s**... a human being as even though it was a gigantic animal, its stomach was very small. A little girl put up her hand and said that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher insisted that a whale couldn't possibly s**... a human. The little girl said, When I get to Heaven, I'll ask Jonah.
The teacher replied, What if Jonah went to h**...?
The girl said: Then you ask him.
What's your name?
A cop pulls a guy over and asks for his license and registration.
The driver responds, "I don't have a license or registration, Officer."
"Tell me your name then," the cop demands.
"Mr. Kret," the driver says.
"TELL ME YOUR FULL NAME," the officer barks, sufficiently irritated.
The driver smiles..."Itza C. Kret."
In a bar, there's a guy hitting on a cute banker girl
The guy brags about all his riches and possessions, but he got shot down by the girl immediately.
The girl said, "Leave me a loan!"
The guy noticed the wordplay, he praised the girl. "That's a pretty clever pun! ...But not as pretty as you"
The girl, now irritated, said. "I'm not kidding, leave me a loan! I lost interest."
A naughty child
A naughty child was irritating all the passengers on the flight from London to New York.
At last one man could stand it no longer.
"Hey kid," he shouted.
"Why don't you go outside and play?"
A guy is laying in bed reading a book while his wife is sleeping...
Every so often he reaches over and tickles her funny spot. Eventually she wakes up and yells at him saying, "What are you doing, I told you I wasn't in the mood tonight!"
He responds back with, "I understand and respected your wishes".
Irritated she asks, "Then why do you keep touching me?"
and he retorts, "I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the page..."
Laws of physics vs the law
Heisenberg, Shrodinger and Ohm were driving down a highway when they get pulled over by a cop. The cop asks Heisenberg if he knew how fast he was going, as you can surmise, he claimed he didn't know because he knew exactly where they were. The cop, finding this suspicious asks them to open the trunk. He comes back to the front and asks them why they have a dead cat in the trunk and Shrodinger responds, "because you opened the trunk you fool!!". The cop, now visibly irritated promptly moves to arrest all three. Ohm, resisted.
The beard or me. You must choose.
A guy decides to grow a beard and his girlfriend hates it. She finally tells him: it's time to choose me or the beard.
He says: "What? Choose between the love of my life and a source of irritation that needs constant attention and tending? That's an easy decision....The hard question is who gets the apartment?"
