Iron Man Jokes

A m**... has been committed.
Police are called to an apartment and find a man standing, holding a 5-iron in his hands, looking at the lifeless body of a woman on the ground.
The detective asks, "Sir, is that your wife?"
"Yes."
"Did you hit her with that golf club?"
"Yes. Yes, I did," the man answers. He stifles a s**..., drops the club and puts his hands on his head.
"How many times did you hit her?"
"I don't know. Five...six ...put me down for a five."

What is Iron Man's least favorite operating system?

ThanOS

A plane is about to c**......

A plane is going down and about to c**... when a woman suddenly leaps from her seat and screams,"If I'm going to die, I want to feel like a woman before I do!" She rips all her clothes off and screams,"Who here is man enough to make me feel like a true woman?"
A man stands up and calmly says OK. He unbuttons his shirt, takes it off, hands it to her and says,"Here. Iron this."

A plane is about to c**....

(Don't know if this is a repost. If it is, I didn't know.)
The pilot of a plane tells the passengers that the plane is going down.
A woman frantically gets up from her chair and announces, "All my life, I've never made sweet passionate love with a man. Before I die, I want someone to really make me feel like a woman."
Just then, a handsome man gets up from his chair. He walks down the aisle to the woman, removes his shirt,
and asks her to iron it.

A plane above the ocean is crashing

A woman in this plane knew she was going to die so she got up and shouted "Before I die I want someone to make me feel like a woman"
A couple rows down a man got up, took off his shirt and said "Here iron this"

How does Tony Stark keep his clothes wrinkle-free?

Iron, man.

As airplanes about to c**......

As an airplane is about to c**..., a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

Why should only women Iron?

Because a man with an iron is a Fe Male
^^^^Sorry ^^^^for ^^^^the ^^^^Sexism

What do you call Iron Man when he is feeling sad?

A bit of a Downey

A plane is going to c**......

The passengers on board know they only have a few minutes left to live and one woman stands up from her chair and calls out to everyone. "We're all going to die...but before we do, is there anyone on board who can make me feel like a woman?"
A young handsome man rises up from his seat with a look of strong determination and nods with certainty. "Of course, I can!" And he pulls his shirt off at once.
He holds it out to her and says "Here, iron this!"

Do you guys have any clean ish Super Hero jokes?

I'm going to be an Emcee at a superhero themed event and some jokes would be great. The s**... assault superman one just won't fly. Many people there aren't really into super heros but some (very few) are.
My favorite so far is...
If Iron Man and Silver Surfer teamed up....they would be alloys.

What do you call a coked-up Iron Man?

Steel Man.

why does iron man act like a girl?

he's a Fe male.

What is Iron Man when he removes his suit?

Stark n**....

What do you get when you cross iron man and Matthew Broderick?

Ferrous Bueller

Saw a man selling umbrellas in the rain today.

He ironically was umbrella-less. When I asked him why, he replied: "Man, I don't stay dry off my own supply."

I read recently that Iron Man is actually a woman.

I mean it makes sense, he is clearly a Fe Male.

A man walks into a bar

His name is Nathan Abe (initials NA) and he is firefighter, a second later a arsonist girl named Clair Laurence (initials CL)walks into the bar. The two start to hit it off. Eventually they go home together, the next day the mans mom calls. She asks about love life. He says, "its kind of ironic bond".

A plane was going down....

A plane was going down and the captain said to the passengers "I'm sorry everyone we are going to c**... in a few minutes" The passengers looked at each other in fear. One woman got out of her seat and yelled "Before I die I want a man to make me feel like a real woman!" a man a few rows back got out of his seat and said "I will!" she smiled and ran up to him. He then took his shirt off and said "Here, iron this"

What do you call iron man and silver surfer when they work together?

Alloys.

FEmale

The original iron man. (clever feminist joke I read on a T-shirt. Not actually a huge feminist.)

If an Iron Man movie was made with Magneto as the villain, what would its title be?

Stop hitting yourself.

Why do Feminists Like Iron Man?

Because he is FeMale.

An old woman wants to make love to her husband.

She shows up completely n**... while he is watching TV. The man says: 'What are you doing?'. She answers with: 'I am wearing the Dress Of Love, do you like it?'. He thinks a little while and replies: 'You know, it might have looked better if you ironed it first'.

What's Iron Man's favorite carnival ride?

The ferrous wheel.

What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

The first is a super hero, the second is a simple command.

Imagine Iron Man having an iron deficiency

That would be ironic.

Make me feel like a woman one last time

The pilot of an aeroplane announces they're about to c**... and there is no sign of hope. Upon hearing this a beautiful young woman stands up from her seat and yells "Is there anybody man enough to make me feel like a woman one last time?" To which a man stands up, rips off his shirt and yells "Here, iron this!"

What do you call it when Iron Man poses at a n**... photo shoot?

Stark n**....

What did Iron Man say when War Machine asked to come with him to the future?

Rhodes? Where we're going, we don't need Rhodes.

A plane was about to c**..., and a woman stood up, took off her top, and exclaimed "Before this plane goes down, is there a man on board who will make me feel like a woman before I die!?"

A man stood up, took off his shirt and threw it at her, and said
"Here, iron this!"

What is iron man without his suit?

Stark n**....

Febreeze

Two men were urban exploring in the ruins of Detroit on a windy day. As they walked past the old factories, one man smelled a strange smell.
He said to his friend, "This smells like rusting iron.".
His friend replies, "I agree, it smells like FeBREEZE."

I told Iron Man to break a leg, he tripped and broke his leg.

Oh the iron knee.
Note: I'm r**... and don't know 100% what irony is so this might make no sense.

An old blacksmith ...

... realised that soon he would not be able to work so hard. He picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the boy. "Just do whatever I tell you to do." One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard."
Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith.

A plane is about to c**...

A female passenger gets up and frantically announces, "if I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "here iron this."

The other day, Iron Man broke his leg in his unbreakable armour.

So much ironknee

Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?

As an airplane is about to c**..., a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

"Your parents when you move out."

I needed a woman e**... to attend an event but I couldnt find one

So I had my buddy dress up as Iron Man, that way he was Fe male.

A man, that gets drunk almost every night, sees his friend while walking.

This one notices that the drunk guy has both ears burned and very injured, so he asks:
"How did it happen?"
The other night my wife left the iron on, then someone called me, and I took accidentally the iron instead of the telephone.
Oh...That s**.... And the left ear?
The idiot called again.

A plane loses power at 22,000ft, and all the passengers start to freak out. A woman yells "I can't die like this, will no man here come and make me feel like a woman?"

A man gets off his seat, rips off his shirt and says "Here
Iron this"

Iron Man...

is a FeMale.

What do you call a woman in an Iron Man suit?

Fe-Male

A man went into the doctors with both ears severely burned...

The doctor said 'Christ man, how did you manage that?!'
The man replied 'Well, I was doing the ironing when I suddenly heard the phone ring. I can't believe that I did this, but I accidentally pressed the iron to my ear instead of the phone!'
The doctor thought for a moment and said 'that explains one ear, but how did you burn the other one?'
The man replied 'Well, I burned that one trying to call an ambulance!'

What if Iron Man put the face of Adam Savage onto the Hulkbuster suit?

That means it's now the Mythbuster.

If Iron on the Periodic Table is "Fe,"

Couldn't Iron Man also be called Female?

A feminist woman is on an airplane that's about to c**..., she stands up and says "Before I die I want to feel like a real woman, is anyone here man enough to help me?"

A man stands up, takes off his shirt and tosses it towards her "Here honey, iron this."

What happened when tge Silver Surfer met Iron Man?

They became alloys!

A man visit the doctor with terrible burn marks on his ears

A man visits the doctor to look at the burn marks on his ears.
How did you manage to get these burns? the doctor asks.
I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang, and in my haste I put the iron up to my ear. the man replies.
But you burnt both of them! the doctor says confused.
Well I had to call an ambulance!

What is the most ironic name for a fat man?

Jim

A plane gets struck by lightning

A plane is struck by lightning. A woman screams, "I'm too young to die! I want my last minutes of life to be meaningful. Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up and says. "I can make you feel like a woman." He starts to walk up the aisle, slowly unbuttoning his shirt, and whispers, "Iron this."

What do Iron Man and Katie Price have in common?

They have both had a Downey Junior Inside of them

Iron Man is sexist

The fellas down at Marvel need to create an Iron Woman. She would use her super strength and agility to get even the toughest stains out of my office slacks.

A plane is going to c**...

A woman rips her shirt off and shouts "I wanna feel like a woman one more time". A man a few rows back rips his shirt off as well and shouts "Take it, you can iron this too"

A man and a woman get stuck in an elevator and after a long time, it seems there is nobody to come to their rescue.

Desperate, the woman whispers: "Oh when this is the end, please let me really feel like a woman, for a last time."
The man immediately tears off his shirt,............

....
throws it to the ground and yells:
"Wash and iron, and hurry up!"

Captain Marvel wasn't the first standalone female superhero...

Iron man was, because he's Fe-Male

Did you know that Iron Man

is actually Fe-male?

Three Bulgarian are brag about sons.

My son is soldier. He have r**... as many women as want - say first
Bulgarian.
The second man says - My son is farmer. He have all potato he want!
Third Bulgarian wait long time, then say, - My son is die at birth. For
him, struggle is over.
Wow! You are win us - say others. But all are feel sad.

The other day a girl asked me if I like b**... or thighs. I told her I prefer bubble butts and a trimmed p**... with thin lips...

So I got kicked out of KFC.

Two friends meet up, one of them has bandages over his ears

-Hey, man, what happened?
-Well, I was still sleepy when I was ironing my clothes in the morning, I heard my phone ringing and put the iron against my ear!
-Oh man, that's rough. Hold on, you burned your ear, but why is the other one also bandaged?
-I immediately called an ambulance!

Iron Man stands in front of his magic mirror one morning,

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the ferrous of them all?"

A man saw his wife wearing nothing. What are you doing? he said. It's the emperor's new cloth. she replied.

You should iron it first.

What does Iron Man Identify as?

A FE Male