Irish Girl Jokes
35 irish girl jokes and hilarious irish girl puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about irish girl that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Irish Girl Short Jokes
Short irish girl jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The irish girl humour may include short irish women jokes also.
- Grampa O'Malley A little boy asks Grandpa O'Malley, "Can I have five bucks to buy a guinea pig?"
"Here," says the old man as he hands the boy a $10 bill. "Go get yourself a nice Irish girl instead." - White girls be like. 40% Irish, 10% Native American, 5% Scottish,
20% French, 23% German and 2% Whole Milk. - I want to date a Chinese girl, an English girl, a Vietnamese girl, an Irish girl, and another Chinese girl. So I can tell people I dated Hu, Watt, Nguyen, Weir, and Wai.
- An irish girl tells her mom she decided to be a p**.... her mom says "A WHAT"?!! The daughter says "a p**..." then the mom says "thank god... I thought you said a Protestant"
- A girl tells her Irish mom she wants to be a p**.... 'A WHAT?' The mother shouts.
'A p**...' replies the girl.
'OH thank god!! I thought you wanted to become Protestant! - Irish swingers Two Irish couples decide to swap partners for the night.
After 3 hours of amazing s**..., p**... says: "I wonder how the girls are getting on". - Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing s**..., p**... says "I wonder how the girls are getting on"
- Two Irish couples decide to swap partners to spice up their s**... lives. Afterwards p**... says to m**... "That was incredible, I wonder how the girls got on!"
- Did you hear the one about the Irish r**...? He began by tying the girl's legs together so she couldn't run away....
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Irish Girl One Liners
Which irish girl one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with irish girl? I can suggest the ones about irish wife and irish man.
- What is the name of an Irish girl who hangs out on your lawn?
Patti O'Furniture - Why are Irish girls bad a trigonometry? Because they can't tan.
- Did you hear about that hot Irish girl? Yeah, me neither.
- Why do guys love Irish girls? Because they're always wet.
Comical & Quirky Irish Girl Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about irish girl you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean irish people jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make irish girl pranks.
Mom, I want to be a p**... when I grow up.
"Mom, I want to be a p**... when I grow up." Said the Irish girl.
"A what?" Replied the mother with a startled expression on her face.
"A p**...."
"Oh, a p**.... Thank god, I thought you said a Protestant."
Drunks
Drunk guy: "Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten minutes before
the devil knows you're dead!"
Drunk girl: "What's that mean?"
Drunk guy: "It's an Irish toast."
Drunk girl: "Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon."
Drunk guy: "Huh?"
Drunk girl: "That's
Probably old, but I got it in email and it made me chuckle.
An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her
return, her father cursed her heavily. "Where have ye been all this
time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why
didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother
through?""
The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff... Dad...I became...a p**...."
"Ye what!!? Get outta here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a
disgrace to this Catholic family."
"OK, Dad, as ye wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxurious
fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $2 million savings certificate.
For me little brother, this gold Rolex, And for ye, Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes Limited Edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a membership to the country club... (takes a breath)... and an
invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera."
"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" asks Dad.
The girl, crying again answered, "Sniff, sniff...a p**..., Daddy!
Sniff, sniff."
"Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant.
Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!!!"
A teacher asks her class
to use the word "contagious". Roland, the teacher's pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious."
"Well done, Roland," says the teacher.
"Can anyone else try?"
Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."
"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"
Little Irish Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a two inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious."
A North Irish girl lives with her grandmother...
and they find that they are running very low on money. The girl tells her grandma,
"I'm going to head off south to find work, I'll come back with money. I promise."
The girl is gone for many months, and when she returns home she has tons of money! The grandmother is overjoyed and says,
"How did you make all this money, child?"
The girl says in a hushed voice, "Well, I was a p**... grandma."
The grandmother looked enraged, "What did you say?!"
"I was a p**..., grandma! I'm sorry."
The grandmother calms down, "Oh thank God! I thought you said you were a protestant!"
Irish man in Dublin
An Irish man, enjoying a pint of Guiness in a pub in Dublin when he approaches a couple of very fat girls with british accent:
- Hi ladies! Are you from England?
- No! Wales!
- Hi whales! Are you from England?
an irish girl confesses shes a p**... to her father
at first he gets s**... angry starts yelling at her, how could she betray him, calls her all kinds of names including soup taker. She looks confused at this and asks her father to accompany her to confession. Her dad stares at her for a moment and then he hugs her, crying tears of relief. The he says, "I thought you said you were a protestant!"
Giovanni said to his daughter, "I no like-a that Irish boy taking you out-a. He is-a rough and common, and besides-a, he is-a a big-a dumbbell!"
"No, papa," replied the girl, "Tim is the cleverest fella I know." "Why-a you say-a that?" "We have only been dating nine weeks and he has already cured me of that little illness I used to get every month!"
An Irish girl came home with a depressed look on her face.
Her mother says "What's wrong m'deary?" Her daughter says "I've got a case of chlamydia.".
The mother says "Tis fine love. Put it down in the cellar. Your father will drink anything.".
Three "plus size" women walk into an Irish bar, and order 3 Bwrz Fynt's
The bartender says, "I can't understand what you said."
One of the girls says, "I'm sorry, we're from Wales."
The bartender replies, "That explains everything."
An Irish woman is 3 months pregnant...
She gets into a car accident and falls into a coma.
After nearly six months, she wakes up to find that she is no longer pregnant.
Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "You had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are grand. Luckily your brother named them!"
"Oh no, not my brother, he's a feckin eejit!" she says.
She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
"That's not so bad, what's the boy's name?" she asks the doctor.
"Denephew."
A young Irish man is going out with a woman.
He decides to introduce her to his parents over dinner. At their house, the boy's mother asks the girl what she does for a living. The girl hesitates. "I'm a p**...," she eventually says. Suddenly the mother lets a scream out of her, and faints. After she regains consciousness and comes to her senses, she says to the girl, "I'm sorry, my dear, did you just say that you were a p**...?"
"Yes," the girl says.
"Oh, thank God," says the mother. "For a minute there I thought you said you were Protestant!"
Meeting the Irish Mother
A young Irish lad takes the girl he loves to meet his family.
The matriarch of the family asks the girlfriend, "So, tell me, lass, what is your occupation?"
The girl hesitantly says, "Well, Mrs. O'Malley, I'm a p**...."
Immediately, the lad's mother faints. After regaining consciousness, she asks again, "Forgive me, dearie. I don't think I heard you correctly. What is your occupation?"
Again the girl says, "Mrs. O'Malley, I'm a p**...."
The mother laughs, "Oh my, dearie, for a moment there I thought you said you were a Protestant!"
The Irish brothel
Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat, watching the front door of the brothel over the road.
The local Methodist pastor appears and quickly goes inside.
"Would you look at that!" says the first Irishman, "Didn't I always say what a bunch of hypocrites they are?"
No sooner are the words out of his mouth than a Rabbi appears at the door, knocks, and goes inside.
The second Irishman says "Another one trying to fool everyone with pious preaching and s**... hats!"
They continue drinking their beer, roundly condemning the vicar and the rabbi, when they see their own Catholic priest knock on the door.
"Ah, now dat's sad." says the third Irishman. "One of the girls must have died."
An irish couple is in the hospital as the wife is having a baby....
...The doctor delivers the baby and says to the husband "Congratulations! You now have a bouncing baby boy!" The couple is overjoyed with the successful delivery of their new son. Just then the doctor says "Oh wait! There's more!" and proceeds to deliver a second child, this time a beautiful baby girl. The couple is surprised, but still happy with their new twin babies.
Just then the doctor says "Hold that thought! There's still one more!", and delivers ANOTHER baby boy.
The couple is more shocked now than anything else, until the husband seems to come to a realization. "3 babies! I knew it. We never should have used that 3-in-1 oil when we ran out of lubricant 9 monts ago. " to which the wife responds "Well, could be worse. We could've used the WD40!"
The Most Famous Man Who Ever Lived
One day at primary school, the teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give 50 cents to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."
An Irish lad put his hand up and said, "It's Bono!"
The teacher said, "Sorry, Sean, that's not correct."
Then a Scottish boy put up his hand and said, "It's Sean Connery!"
The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Harry, that's not right either."
Finally, a little Jewish girl raised her hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ."
The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Esther. Come up here and I'll give you your 50 cents.
As the teacher was giving Esther her money, she said, "You know Esther, you being Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ."
Esther replied, "I know- in my heart it's Moses, but business is business."
The Scottsman
Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar one evening fair
And one could tell by how he walked the he'd drunk more than his share
He fumbled 'round until he could no longer keep his feet
And he stumbled off in to the grass to sleep beside the street
About that time two young and lovely girls just happened by
One says to the other, with a twinkle in her eye
"See yon sleeping Scotsman, so strong a handsome built?
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt."
They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see
And there, behold, for them to view beneath his Scotish skirt
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth
They marveled for a moment, then one said "We must be gone.
Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along"
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied in to a bow
Around the bonnie star the Scot's kilt did lift and show
Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards the trees
Behind the bush he lifts his kilt, and gawks at what he sees
And in a startled voice he says, to what's before his eyes,
"Lad, I don't know where ya been, but I see you've won first prize"
The Irish Rovers, "The Scottsman"
An old one my late grandmother used to tell
In a Catholic school English classroom, a nun was giving the lesson.
"Today, children, we'll be talking about rhyme. Does anyone have a rhyme they'd like to share?"
Several little hands shot up. The nun pointed to the smallest girl, Sally, in the front.
"Hey, d**..., d**...,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon.
The little dog laughed
To see such sport,
And the dish ran away with the spoon."
"Very good, Sally." said the nun. "Who else?" She called on a little boy, Jack.
"It has my name in it!
Jack, be nimble,
Jack, be quick,
Jack, jump over
The candlestick.
Jack jumped high
Jack jumped low
Jack jumped over
and burned his toe."
"Wonderful rhyme, Jack!" replied the nun. Now, in the back of the class sat Michael. Michael came from a loud Irish family and was known as a troublemaker. The nun had tried to pick the other students before him, but he was beginning to make a commotion so she sighed and called out "yes, Michael."
"I've got a rhyme for you, Sister" he said.
"Mary came from Boston, Mass. and went into the water up to her knees."
"Michael," began the nun, "that doesn't rhyme."
"Oh, I know Sister. But wait until the tide comes in."
