Iraq Jokes
113 iraq jokes and hilarious iraq puns to laugh out loud. Read ethnic jokes about iraq that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Iraq Short Jokes
Short iraq jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The iraq humour may include short veteran jokes also.
- Son In Iraq I killed 15 people. Son: Dad you were a helicopter mechanic
Dad:Never said I was a good one - A father in Iraq gifted his daughter a new bag. The girl replied, "Thanks for the Baghdad"
- Zelensky: Why did you invade Iraq? United States: Because we "suspected" nuclear weapons.
Zelensky: So why not attack Russia now?
United States: Because we know that Russia has nuclear weapons. - I told a Saudi friend my best joke and he didn't get the reference. It's like he's living under Iraq.
- "Mr. President, two Brazilian soldiers were killed yesterday in Iraq." "Oh my god... How many is a Brazilian?"
- The new Call of Duty just got released in Iraq They call it the Sims
Note: this technically a repost - George W. Bush couldn't decide what country to invade next... He says, "It seems we're stuck between Iraq and a hard place.."
- How did President Bush know that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction? Well he kept the receipts.
- We should have sent the Opportunity rover to Iraq since its original mission was supposed to be 3 months but then it kept going for 14 years for no good reason
- Apparently the US government has to choose between supporting ISIS and the al-Assad regime... I think that's called getting caught between Iraq and a hard place.
Share These Iraq Jokes With Friends
Iraq One Liners
Which iraq one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with iraq? I can suggest the ones about refugees and .
- Why are there no Walmarts in Iraq? Because they're all Targets.
- How did I get out of Iran? Iraq.
- Did you know? Call of duty has been released in Iraq and Afgahnistan as "The Sims."
- In Iran, everyone's scared of spiders.. But in Iraq, no phobia.
- What do you call sandpaper in Iraq? A map.
- My father went to Iraq. I miss him so much. Please come Baghdad.
- I feel bad for the Kurds... They're stuck between Iraq and a hard place.
- What did Spider-Man say when he was deployed to the Middle East? Iraq, no phobia
- Where was Saddam Hussein found hiding? Between Iraq and a hard place.
- How did I get out of Iraq? I ran
- What did I do when Iraq was attacked? Iran
- What did I do when I accidentally landed in Iraq? Iran
- I served 2 years in Iraq Until they shut down the restaurant
- People always ask me how l escaped Iraq and l always tell them the same thing... Iran
- i got hit by iraq so iran
Iran Iraq Jokes
Here is a list of funny iran iraq jokes and even better iran iraq puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Do you know how I got from Iraq to Pakistan? Iran
- I was gonna catch the bus in Iraq, but Iran
- I tried to take on ISIS with a shotgun. Iraq'd and then Iran
- Why are there no Wal Marts in Iraq, Iran, or Afghanistan? Because there are already too many targets.
(cr - Guy: How did you get out of Iraq? Iran
- I WAS going to walk to Iraq, but instead Iran
- What's Hillary's thoughts about her campaign? Iran, Iraq, I lost
- How did he get from Afghanistan to Iraq? Iran (He ran).
Thought of this when looking at the world map, sorry that it's terrible. - You know what I did when I got to Iraq? Iran
- A man is found in the middle of Iraq and the locals asked him where did he come from and how did he get there He said "Iran"
Syria Iraq Jokes
Here is a list of funny syria iraq jokes and even better syria iraq puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- No one told him Syria borders Iraq Why did Obama provide weapons to Al-Qaeda in Syria
Afghanistan Iraq Jokes
Here is a list of funny afghanistan iraq jokes and even better afghanistan iraq puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm in the military. My friend bank home was impressed with how I traveled from Iraq to Afghanistan. I told him Iran.
Cheerful Iraq Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about iraq you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make iraq pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I called a s**... hotline in Iraq..
They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
What is George W. Bush's favorite song?
Twisted Sister - I Want Iraq
Why is Saudi Arabia so late to givng rights to women?
Because they have been living under Iraq.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did so many b**... die in Iraq?
Because when the sergeant said, "Get down!", they all started dancing.
So George W. Bush is in his office..
when his secretary of defense walks in, "we lost 2 Brazilians in Iraq today."
GW puts his head in his hands looks up very sullen and asks, "How many is a Brazilian?"
LAPD Sent to Train Iraqi Police, Find Weapons of Mass Destruction
Within 2 months of being in Iraq to help train Iraqi Police recruits the LAPD sent the following message up to Army command:
It's over. We have weapons of mass destruction, need guidance on who we are supposed to find them on.
Edit* changed were to are
What do you call a person of mixed heritage from eastern Turkey/northern Iraq, and from Wisconsin?
A Cheese Kurd.
George W. Bush was sitting in the Oval Office when...
...his secretary walks in with a phone in his hand.
He says, "Three Brazilian soldiers were killed today in Iraq."
Upon hearing this The President says, "Oh my God!" and he buries his head in his hands.
The entire Cabinet was stunned. Usually George Bush showed no reaction whatsoever to these types of reports.
Just then, Bush looked up and said, "How many is a Brazilian??"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the bicycle repairman done?
George Bush and Al Gore walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "what's up?"
Bush says "Well, tomorrow, I'm going to have the troops storm into iraq and kill 2000 Iraqis and one bicycle repairman.
The bartender replies "Oh my god, what did the bicycle repairman done to deserve this?"
Bush then turns to Gore and patted him on the back and says "See, i told you no one would care about those 2000 iraqis."
A man ordered two drinks at once every day...
The bartenders curiosity got the better of him, and he asked "Why not just get a double?"
The man answered "I'm drinking one for myself and one for my buddy that didn't make it back from Iraq."
After a couple of months, the man started ordering just one drink. The nosy bartender asked what's up.
"My doctor told me I have to quit drinking."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
why are s**... ed and drivers ed never on the same day in Iraq ?
the camel would get overworked
I had to make a difficult decision when arrested at the border on the way to Mecca...
I was caught between Iraq and a Hajj place.
Why don't veterans like Chevy?
Because they're "like Iraq"
What does the US call its new offensive in Iraq?
Operation Extended Warranty.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three Muslim women are sitting talking...
The first one says, "I miss my eldest son Ahmed. He was martyred in Iraq last year."
"Oh I know," says the second women, "I miss little Hamza. He drove a car-bomb into a Syrian checkpoint six months ago."
The third woman nodded, "Me too. My Omar was a s**... bomber in Gaza, so sad."
The first woman shook her head sadly. "Kids these days. They blow up so fast."
Geogrophy
If Iraq invaded Turkey from the rear, do you think Grease would help?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why don't people in Kuwait know who Obama is?
Because they've been living under Iraq.
What's harder to pull out of than Iraq?
Bristol Palin.
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 is getting released for the second time in Iraq.
They're renaming the game to The Sims 5.
The Islamic State is hosting a music festival in Iraq.
The first annual Allahpalooza is sure to go off with a bang.
What did the Iraqi boy say to his father when he got home from school?
I forgot my Bagdad.
What was the main difference between the war in Vietnam and the war in Iraq?
George Bush had a plan to get out of Vietnam.
What's the weather like in Iraq ?
Sunni in the North Shiite in the South.
An Iraqi official calls all of his 8 Saddam's doubles...
He says, i have good news, and bad news. The good is that Saddam is alive, the bad is that he lost an arm.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why isn't there a Wal-Mart in Iraq?
....because there is a target in every corner.
Where did Saddam Hussein keep his CDs?
In Iraq
I love Iraq.
That place is a blast.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I met a r**... on the bus today.
"What country are you from?" I asked.
"Iraq" he said.
"How did you escape?" I asked.
IRAN
What's a compliment in America and a death sentence in Iraq?
You're the bomb!
Why are there no Iraqis in Star Trek?
Because it's set in the future.
You have to wonder about a country where the bombs
... are smarter than the high school graduates. At least the bombs can find Iraq on the maps.
(quote by
Alan Whitney Brown of SNL fame)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I also called a s**... hotline in Iraq...
They told me to try calling back in a few days because they already had enough volunteers for the week.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you get for calling a s**... hotline in Iraq?
A job offer
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does Dora say in Iraq?
s**... no Sniping
My friend said he didn't know there was a war going on in the middle east...
He must have been living under *Iraq*
A guy in Baghdad sinks the 8-ball in regulation...
A guy in Baghdad sinks the 8-ball in regulation. His friend says "nice win, play again?" He responds "Okay, but Iraq."
Match the middle eastern country to its sworn enemy...
- Bahrain
- Lebanon
- Qatar
- United Arab Emirates
- Egypt
- Syria
- Jordan
- Iran
- Iraq
- Saudi Arabia
- Algeria
- Morocco
- Yemen
- Oman
- Kuwait
1. Israel
Lucy, Linus, and Charlie Brown are assigned a history project.
Each person was assigned a country to report on.
Wow! Lucy said. I got Italy!
Interesting exclaimed Linus. I got Germany.
With dismay, Charlie Brown said, I got Iraq.
After years of searching for his missing journalist father, a man gets a call from the U.S. Embassy...
I regret to inform you that we've located your father's remains. They were found buried in a sack somewhere in Iraq.
Oh no! Baghdad?
Try to remember how he lived, not how he died.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Afghan soldier called me earlier and told me he was in a r**... camp...
...but when he told it to me, he said he was caught between Iraq and a hard place.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You wanna hear a geography joke?
Bob : "Hey Tom if you're Hungary I'll Serbia a Turkey Sandwich"
Tom : "Oman that was a bad joke"
Bob : "Yemen I know"
Tom : "You Syriasly need to stop with these jokes..."
Bob : "But Iraq at making jokes :("
A hermit in the middle east has not heard about any current events.
I guess you could say he lives under Iraq.
Why didn't Saddam Hussein watch Return of the King?
He was living under Iraq
I must be from Saudi Arabia.
I didn't even know about the royal wedding.
Apparently, I spent my whole life living under Iraq.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There were too many s**... bombings happening in Iraq.
I think it is fair to call it abomination.
Obama dies and then visits in an NY bar
So Obama dies and goes to Haeven. And after a while he becomes curious and is allowed to spend an hour in NY.
He goes to a bar and while ordering a whisky asks the bartender how things go.
Like "what is going on with Iraq and Syria?"
- Oh, all is fine: they are ours. And even half of China is ours. - answers the guy.
Obama:
- Nice to hear it. So how much does this whiskey cost?
- 2.50 Rubel. Without the ice.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Reporter: "Why did you attack Iraq in the 90s?"
Reporter: "Why did you attack Iraq in the 90s?"
USA: "Because we suspected that they had Weapons of Mass Destruction"
Reporter: "Why did you attack Syria now?"
USA: "Because we suspect they have Weapons of Mass Destruction"
Reporter: "Why didn't you attack North Korea then?"
USA: "Are you out of your mind? They really have Weapons of Mass Destruction"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Army Captain is assigned to a remote desert post in Iraq
During inspection, he notices a camel t**... outside the barracks. He asks the soldier, "why is that camel there?"
The soldier says: "There are 250 men here and no women. Sometimes men get urges."
A month later the Captian has urges himself. He puts the ladder behind the camel, drops his trousers and has s**... with the camel. He asks the soldier: "Is that how the men do it?"
"No sir, they usually ride it to the brothel!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I went to Iraq for holidays...
And I found out that my girlfriend cheated on me back home...
Knowing that I can't trust anyone I wanted to kill myself.
So I called the s**... hotline...
They got excited and asked me if I can drive a plane.
WMD
Donald Trump says intelligence points to Covid-19's origins in a Chinese laboratory. Now, i'm not saying that it wasn't developed in a Chinese lab, and i'm not saying that his intelligence agency's could be wrong. But i do have one question - Have we found the Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq yet?
I was going for a walk in the desert in Afghanistan.
Off in the distance I saw what I thought was a mirage but as I got closer I could see it's wasn't a mirage, Israel.
It was two men arguing, so I tried to calm the situation down but they turned against me. The one man threw Iraq, so Iran all the way home.
Agitated by the encounter I told my wife I wanted to get revenge for the assualt, but she calmed me down and assured me it Kuwait.
Breaking News: Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan and North Korea to send a joint expeditionary force...
...to Washington D.C. in order to bring peace, democracy and the rule of law to the troubled nation of United States of America.
A man and a woman go on a date.
They finish up dinner and the man drives the woman to her house, and walks her to the front door. The man pulls out a gift box from his pocket.
"I have something for you." the man says. "It's from my heart."
"Oh, thank you!" the woman responds. The woman opens up the box, and finds a bullet. "What is this?" she asks, already knowing it's a bullet, however.
"It's from my heart." the man says. "I got it when I was in Iraq."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are there no Walmarts in Iraq?
They're all targets!
Teacher: Who is the President of Iraq?
Teacher: Who is the President of Iraq?
Johnny: I don't know miss
Teacher: You need to focus more on your studies
Johnny: Please miss, can I ask a question?
Teacher: Yes
Johnny: Do u know Angela?
Teacher: No, Why?
Johnny: You need to focus more on your husband!
What do you call a dad from Iraq?
Baghdaddy
There is one manor difference between Iraq and Iran
In Iran, everyone's afraid of spiders.
Iraq: no phobia.
Got this one from my dad, so I don't know if it's legible lol. I just thought I'd put it here.
