iran Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious iran puns

How did I get out of Iran?



Iran bans Americans from traveling there.

Won't beheading there anymore


An Iranian man comes home to his wife

He says :" Honey! Honey! I missed the bus today and chased it all the way home. I saved myself 2 dollars!"

The wife responds: " you idiot! You should've chased the taxi. You could have saved 20 dollars!"


In Iran, everyone's scared of spiders..

But in Iraq, no phobia.


How I escaped Iraq

Q: How did you escaped Iraq?

A: Iran


Wanna know how I got away from ISIS?



How did I escape Afghanistan?



How did I get out of Afghanistan?



The people of Iran don't watch The Flintstones...

but the people of Abu Dhabi do!


Why did the gay man want to go to Iran?

He heard all the gays were hung .


America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars...

America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars as the country watched with pride. Iran, wanting to gain a technological/global edge, decided to show up America by announcing a manned mission to the sun the very next day. The Americans, along with other western allies, decided to meet with the Iranian government to express their concern. In a conference room filled with diplomats and astrophysicists, the US delegation protested to the Iranians, Listen. Differences aside, we can't let you send people to the sun. It's suicide. They burn to death even at far distances! Please don't carry out this mission! The Iranians laughed wittily amongst themselves, jabbing each other with elbows and pointing at the westerners as one Iranian says, Stupid Americans! They think we're going during the daytime!


After Usain Bolt retires, he'll move to Iran.


I was Hungary...

so Iran to Turkey


Apparently France wanted to change their name after WWII.

Unfortunately the name Iran was already taken.


Donald Trump...

-A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East.

-Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.

-Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.

-The rest of the world is in shock.

-Britain is sending troops to help keep the peace.

-Saudi Arabia is sending oil & monetary assistance.

-Latin American countries are sending clothing.

-New Zealand and Australia are sending sheep, cattle and food crops.

-The Asian countries are sending labor to assist in rebuilding the infrastructure.

-Canada is sending medical teams and supplies.

-President Trump, not to be outdone, is sending back two million replacement Muslims.


An American and an Iranian meet at a bar.

The two begin to talk about themselves and their countries and find they have a lot in common. The American finally says, "Your country sounds wonderful, but there's on thing that bothers me. In America, if we want to, we can write a letter to the president of the United States that says, 'President Obama, I think you're running America wrong', but in Iran you can't do that."

The Iranian replies, "That's not true at all, just last week my cousin wrote a letter to our president that read, 'President Ahmadinejad, I think President Obama is running America wrong!'".


Why dont they have Drivers Education and Sex Education class on the same day in Iran

Because it would kill the camel


Roses are red, violets are blue...

Let's dispel once and for all with this fiction that Barack Obama doesn't know what he's doing. He knows EXACTLY what he's doing. Barack Obama is undertaking a systematic effort to change this country, to make America more like the rest of the world.

That's why he passed Obamacare and the stimulus and Dodd-Frank and the deal with Iran. It is a systematic effort to change America. When I'm president of the United States, we are going to re-embrace all the things that made America the greatest nation in the world and we are going to leave our children with what they deserve: the single greatest nation in the history of the world.


Timmy : I'm Hungary

Timmy : I'm Hungary.

Mum : Why don't you Czech the fridge.

Timmy : Ok, I'm Russian to the kitchen.

Mum : Hmm...maybe you'll find some Turkey.

Timmy : Yeah, but its all covered in Greece. Yuck !

Mum : There is Norway you can eat that.

Timmy : I know, I guess I'll just have a can of Chile.

Mum : Denmark your name on the can.

Timmy : Kenya do it for me?

Mum : Ok , I'm Ghana do it.

Timmy : Thanks, i'm so tired Iran for an hour today.

Mum : It Tokyo long enough.

Timmy : Yeah, Israelly hard sometimes !


How did I escape from the Middle East?



Have I ever told you guys about how I escaped from the Middle East?


Oman the whole story is ridiculous.

I basically had to Qatar cross the border.

Just like Bon Jovi, I was basically Lebanon a prayer the whole time.

I know it doesn't sound like a true story, but I assure you Israel.

Honestly I could tell you more but it Kuwait.


The President of Iran calls Trump & tells him "I had a dream last night...."

"New York was in ruins & aflame, with Iranian flags flying above."

Trump replies: "Funny, I had a dream last night too. Teheran beautiful and prosperous, happy people celebrating in the streets, with big banners hanging everywhere."

"What did the banners say?", asked the Iranian President.

"I don't know," Trump answers, "I can't read Hebrew."


So the 2017 World Chess Championships are being held in Iran. There's going to be some rule changes:

Queens won't be able to move without the king's permission, and bishops will face summary execution for spreading the word of the false prophet


Wanna know how I got to the Middle East?



Today's weather is like Iran: sometimes Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite.

I might be going to hell for this, but I thought it was kinda funny.


Three guys go to Iran for vacation

They find a tent filled with 100 beautiful women. They started getting very friendly with the women. The Sheikh of the women comes in and is pissed. He decides to punish these men according to their occupations. They ask the first man what he does, he says that he is a cop, so they shoot his penis off. They ask the second man what he does, his reply is a fireman, so they burn his penis off. They ask the third man what he does, and he replies with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman."


I called the suicide prevention hotline in Iran

They got all excited and asked me if I could drive a truck


How do we know Iran doesn't have weapons of mass destruction?

You can't destroy mass, silly.


Yesterday, Iran asked the U.S. for an extension on disabling their nuclear program.

When asked how much time they needed, they said, 10, 9, 8…


What did I do when I accidentally landed in Iraq?



What's the difference between a drug-addict in Amsterdam and a homosexual in Iran?

Only one gets stoned and lives.


If you get caught stealing in most countries, the police take your fingerprints and release you...

If you get caught stealing in Iran, the police take your fingerprints and you don't get them back.


"Persian sonic, why are you tired?"



I'm Hungary

Timmy: I'm Hungary,

Mum: Why don't you Czech the fridge.

Timmy: OK I'm Russian to the kitchen.

Mum: Hmmm.. may be you'll find some Turkey.

Timmy: Yeah but its all covered in Greece. yuck!

Mum: There is Norway you can eat that.

Timmy: I know, I guess I'll just have a can of Chile

Mum: Denmark your name on the can.

Timmy: Kenya do it for me?

Mum: OK, I'm Ghana do it.

Timmy: Thanks, i'm so tired Iran for an hour today

Mum: It Tokyo long enough.

Timmy: yeah Israelly hard sometimes...


I met a refugee on the bus today.

"What country are you from?" I asked.

"Iraq" he said.

"How did you escape?" I asked.



What are the most funny Iran jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Iran? Well, here are the best Iran dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Iran pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes