iran Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious iran puns

Donald Trump...

-A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East.

-Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.

-Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.

-The rest of the world is in shock.

-Britain is sending troops to help keep the peace.

-Saudi Arabia is sending oil & monetary assistance.

-Latin American countries are sending clothing.

-New Zealand and Australia are sending sheep, cattle and food crops.

-The Asian countries are sending labor to assist in rebuilding the infrastructure.

-Canada is sending medical teams and supplies.

-President Trump, not to be outdone, is sending back two million replacement Muslims.

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The Nun

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please may I hide under your skirt? I will explain later."

The nun agreed. A moment later Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier run by here?"

The nun replied, "Nope, not today sir, god bless you" After the Police ran the other direction the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough Sister, you see, I don't want to go to war in Iran." The nun said, "I understand completely." The soldier added, "I hope this isn't rude sister but you have a great set of legs!"

The nun replied "Well, If you had looked a little higher you would have seen a great pair of balls... I don't want to go to Iran either!"

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How did I get out of Iran?

Iraq.

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Iran bans Americans from traveling there.

Won't beheading there anymore

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How did I get from Afghanistan to Iraq?

Iran.

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An Iranian man comes home to his wife

He says :" Honey! Honey! I missed the bus today and chased it all the way home. I saved myself 2 dollars!"

The wife responds: " you idiot! You should've chased the taxi. You could have saved 20 dollars!"

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Donald Trump Pulls Out of Iran Deal.

Man, these porn stars come up with weird names.

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In Iran, everyone's scared of spiders..

But in Iraq, no phobia.

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A big earthquake hits the Middle East...

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hit the Middle East. Two million Muslims died and over a million were injured.
Iraq and Iran are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock. The USA is sending troops to help. Saudi Arabia is sending oil. Latin American countries are sending Supplies. New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops. The Asian continents are sending labor to assist in rebuilding the Infrastructure. Canada is sending medical teams And supplies.

GREAT BRITAIN, not to be outdone, Is sending two million replacement Muslims.

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How I escaped Iraq

Q: How did you escaped Iraq?

A: Iran

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How did I escape Iraq?

Iran

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How did I escape from Iraq you ask?

Iran

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Wanna know how I got away from ISIS?

Iran

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How did I escape Afghanistan?

Iran.

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How did I get out of Afghanistan?

Iran.

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The people of Iran don't watch The Flintstones...

but the people of Abu Dhabi do!

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I'm Hungary

Timmy: I'm Hungary,

Mum: Why don't you Czech the fridge.

Timmy: OK I'm Russian to the kitchen.

Mum: Hmmm.. may be you'll find some Turkey.

Timmy: Yeah but its all covered in Greece. yuck!

Mum: There is Norway you can eat that.

Timmy: I know, I guess I'll just have a can of Chile

Mum: Denmark your name on the can.

Timmy: Kenya do it for me?

Mum: OK, I'm Ghana do it.

Timmy: Thanks, i'm so tired Iran for an hour today

Mum: It Tokyo long enough.

Timmy: yeah Israelly hard sometimes...

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Why did the gay man want to go to Iran?

He heard all the gays were hung .

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America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars...

America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars as the country watched with pride. Iran, wanting to gain a technological/global edge, decided to show up America by announcing a manned mission to the sun the very next day. The Americans, along with other western allies, decided to meet with the Iranian government to express their concern. In a conference room filled with diplomats and astrophysicists, the US delegation protested to the Iranians, Listen. Differences aside, we can't let you send people to the sun. It's suicide. They burn to death even at far distances! Please don't carry out this mission! The Iranians laughed wittily amongst themselves, jabbing each other with elbows and pointing at the westerners as one Iranian says, Stupid Americans! They think we're going during the daytime!

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After Usain Bolt retires, he'll move to Iran.

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How did I get from Iraq to Pakistan?

Iran

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Wanna know how I escaped Iraq?

Iran

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I was Hungary...

so Iran to Turkey

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What did i do to escape Iraq?

Iran



Don't worry this story Israel

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Apparently France wanted to change their name after WWII.

Unfortunately the name Iran was already taken.

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An American and an Iranian meet at a bar.

The two begin to talk about themselves and their countries and find they have a lot in common. The American finally says, "Your country sounds wonderful, but there's on thing that bothers me. In America, if we want to, we can write a letter to the president of the United States that says, 'President Obama, I think you're running America wrong', but in Iran you can't do that."

The Iranian replies, "That's not true at all, just last week my cousin wrote a letter to our president that read, 'President Ahmadinejad, I think President Obama is running America wrong!'".

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Why dont they have Drivers Education and Sex Education class on the same day in Iran

Because it would kill the camel

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Roses are red, violets are blue...

Let's dispel once and for all with this fiction that Barack Obama doesn't know what he's doing. He knows EXACTLY what he's doing. Barack Obama is undertaking a systematic effort to change this country, to make America more like the rest of the world.

That's why he passed Obamacare and the stimulus and Dodd-Frank and the deal with Iran. It is a systematic effort to change America. When I'm president of the United States, we are going to re-embrace all the things that made America the greatest nation in the world and we are going to leave our children with what they deserve: the single greatest nation in the history of the world.

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how did I escape iraq

iran

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Timmy : I'm Hungary

Timmy : I'm Hungary.

Mum : Why don't you Czech the fridge.

Timmy : Ok, I'm Russian to the kitchen.

Mum : Hmm...maybe you'll find some Turkey.

Timmy : Yeah, but its all covered in Greece. Yuck !

Mum : There is Norway you can eat that.

Timmy : I know, I guess I'll just have a can of Chile.

Mum : Denmark your name on the can.

Timmy : Kenya do it for me?

Mum : Ok , I'm Ghana do it.

Timmy : Thanks, i'm so tired Iran for an hour today.

Mum : It Tokyo long enough.

Timmy : Yeah, Israelly hard sometimes !

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How did I escape from the Middle East?

Iran.

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Have I ever told you guys about how I escaped from the Middle East?

Iran.

Oman the whole story is ridiculous.

I basically had to Qatar cross the border.

Just like Bon Jovi, I was basically Lebanon a prayer the whole time.

I know it doesn't sound like a true story, but I assure you Israel.

Honestly I could tell you more but it Kuwait.

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Wanna know how I escaped from Iraq?

Iran

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The President of Iran calls Trump & tells him "I had a dream last night...."

"New York was in ruins & aflame, with Iranian flags flying above."

Trump replies: "Funny, I had a dream last night too. Teheran beautiful and prosperous, happy people celebrating in the streets, with big banners hanging everywhere."

"What did the banners say?", asked the Iranian President.

"I don't know," Trump answers, "I can't read Hebrew."

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So the 2017 World Chess Championships are being held in Iran. There's going to be some rule changes:

Queens won't be able to move without the king's permission, and bishops will face summary execution for spreading the word of the false prophet

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How did I escape Iraq?

Iran.

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Wanna know how I got to the Middle East?

Iran.

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Want to know how I escaped Iraq?

Iran.

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Today's weather is like Iran: sometimes Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite.

I might be going to hell for this, but I thought it was kinda funny.

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How did I get out of Iraq ?

Iran

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Three guys go to Iran for vacation

They find a tent filled with 100 beautiful women. They started getting very friendly with the women. The Sheikh of the women comes in and is pissed. He decides to punish these men according to their occupations. They ask the first man what he does, he says that he is a cop, so they shoot his penis off. They ask the second man what he does, his reply is a fireman, so they burn his penis off. They ask the third man what he does, and he replies with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman."

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I called the suicide prevention hotline in Iran

They got all excited and asked me if I could drive a truck

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How do we know Iran doesn't have weapons of mass destruction?

You can't destroy mass, silly.

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You know how i escaped Iraq?

Iran.

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Yesterday, Iran asked the U.S. for an extension on disabling their nuclear program.

When asked how much time they needed, they said, 10, 9, 8…

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What did I do when I accidentally landed in Iraq?

Iran

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What's the difference between a drug-addict in Amsterdam and a homosexual in Iran?

Only one gets stoned and lives.

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"Persian sonic, why are you tired?"

"Iran."

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If you get caught stealing in most countries, the police take your fingerprints and release you...

If you get caught stealing in Iran, the police take your fingerprints and you don't get them back.

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I escaped

I escaped Iraq. Wanna know how?


Iran.

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I met a refugee on the bus today.

"What country are you from?" I asked.

"Iraq" he said.

"How did you escape?" I asked.

IRAN

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Do you know how I escaped Iraq?

Iran!

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You know how I escaped Iraq?

Iran

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An Iranian, Iraqi, Libyan, Somalian, Sudanese, Syrian and a Yemenite walk into a bar in america.

Just kidding, they can't.

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Why did the gay man go to Iran?

He heard the gays there were hung.

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People always ask me how l escaped Iraq and l always tell them the same thing...

Iran

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Did I ever tell you about how I escaped from Iraq?

Iran

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In Iran, people are afraid of spiders...

But in Iraq, no phobia

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How I escaped Iraq??

Iran!

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Match the middle eastern country to its sworn enemy...

- Bahrain
- Lebanon
- Qatar
- United Arab Emirates
- Egypt
- Syria
- Jordan
- Iran
- Iraq
- Saudi Arabia
- Algeria
- Morocco
- Yemen
- Oman
- Kuwait

1. Israel

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I was banned from the Middle East, so this is what I did...

Iran

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Another Iranian wife at the husband's deathbed

H: At this last moment, I have a question, have you ever cheated on me?

W: Only 3 times and all for your own good.

H: How so?

W: Remember in our town you wanted to join the soccer team and the coach rejected you but then later admitted you? That was in return of a favor I did.

H: Okay, I forgive that, what next?

W: Remember you played soccer and the team members did not pass you the ball, but then later they made you the captain? All the team members did that as return of my favors.

H: Hmm. And the the 3rd time?

W: Remember in Azadi stadium in Tehran, 100'000 spectators booed you, but then later everybody cheered for you? They all did that as return to my favors.

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i got hit by iraq

so iran

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What did the Arab Nations say when Iran blockaded the Strait of Hormuz?

OMAN...

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How did I get from Afghanistan to Iraq

Iran

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What do Iranians and Americans have in common?

They both hate the US government

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Why couldn't the flock of seagulls get to the Middle East?

Because Iran so far away

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What did I do when I had a bomb strapped to me chest?

Iran

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What did I do to escape Iraq

Iran

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I really wanna go to the Flock of Seagulls concert in the middle east...

But Iran so far away.

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Have you heard of the new running shoes that Apple's producing for the soldiers in middle East?

They're calling it iRan.

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Do you know how I escaped Iraq?

Iran.

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My friend from the middle east was telling me his story about how he left his home country. The story is rather short , all he said was...

Iran away.

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Do you know how I got out of Iraq?

Iran

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How did i escape Iran?

I ran

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What did a flock of seagulls say when they realized it would take them a long time to fly to the Middle East?

Iran, Iran so far away

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Do you want to know how i escaped Iraq?

Iran

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I was gonna catch the bus in Iraq,

but Iran

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What's the Shah's favorite band?

Iran Maiden

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How did you get out of Iraq?

Iran

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How did I escape from Iraq?

Iran.

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When asked if he would be called a Governor in Iran, Admiral Ackbar said, "No..."

"...It's Satrap."

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With terrorists in Iran, Turkey helping fund ISIS, and Greece in economic shambles I must ask.

If Iran attacked Turkey from the rear do you think Greece would help?

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2 Iranian Religious Leaders

...are discussing some of the finer points of sharia law. The first exclaims after a silent minute of intense googling, "Huh, I guess you were right!"

The second says "Ayatoldyah!"

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Punchline not included.

Timmy : I'm Hungary.

Mum : Why don't you Czech the fridge.

Timmy : Ok, I'm Russian to the kitchen.

Mum : Hmm...maybe you'll find some Turkey.

Timmy : Yeah, but its all covered in Greece. Yuck !

Mum : There is Norway you can eat that.

Timmy : I know, I guess I'll just have a can of Chile.

Mum : Denmark your name on the can.

Timmy : Kenya do it for me?

Mum : Ok , I'm Ghana do it.

Timmy : Thanks, i'm so tired Iran for an hour today.

Mum : It Tokyo long enough.

Timmy : Yeah, Israelly hard sometimes !

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How did i escape Iraq?

Iran.

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A lot of people in Iran think that president, Hassan Rouhani went way over the line when he threatened the US with the mother of all wars in his latest speech.

In fact they are so concerned about the angry Twitter response from president Trump that they are going to set up their own 'Mullah investigation' to look into the matter.

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Why are Iranian women always eating?

They can't stop getting stoned

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Donald Trump was guaranteed to become president and Muslims native to America started fleeing the country, trying to find out where to head next.

I don't know about the others. But for me, just to get away from Trump, Iran.

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I tried to take on ISIS with a shotgun.

Iraq'd and then Iran

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Why won't A Flock of Seagulls perform in the Middle East?

Iran so far away

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Just bought a new game where you have to paint pictures of Ancient Iran

It's called Prints of Persia

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Why don't flock of seagulls tour the Middle East?

Because Iran so far away.

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Why are there no Wal Marts in Iraq, Iran, or Afghanistan?

Because there are already too many targets.

(cr

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An Iranian goes to exchange some currency

He asks the teller what the current rate is for the US Dollar.

"Now, or... now?"

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I asked a refugee: "How did you get out of Iraq?"

He answered: "Iran"

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Did you hear about the bank robbers who got away in Iran last week?

The police are investigating several Persians of Interest.

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Trump announced plans to pull out of Iran deal.

And if that doesn't work he'll just pay them a bunch of taxpayer money to get the abortion and keep quiet about it.

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What did the Iranians do after shoplifting?

They-ran

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How did I get out of Iraq?

Iran.

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Where does the Iranian Air Force store all its flying craft?

The carpet store

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A student is taking private tutoring lessons on the middle east. The tutor asks if the student has any more questions, to which the student replied...

"Iran out of questions"

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Typos change everything

Mollahs wanted to bring the scientific method to Iran, but then someone in the process mistyped "trial and error" into "rial and terror"

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How Did I Make It To The Middle East?

Iran there.

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I ran into isis in the middle east...

Iran

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What country is slower than Iran?

Iwalk.

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I wanted to go see A Flock of Seagulls performing live in the middle-east

But Iran so far away.

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Hiw did I escape Syria?

Iran.

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Why did Iran hire Stormy Daniels as a consultant?

To gain intel on Donald Trumps Pull Out techniques.

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When I used to live in the Middle East how did I get to work?

Iran

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The TSA was like "Damn how did you get out of Iraq?"

Iran

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How did I get out of Iraq?

Iran

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[my original] Why have human fossils never been found in Iran?

Because homos in Iran do not exist.

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After Iran and Saudi Arabia cut ties Iranians stopped praying towards Mecca

... all their prayers are going to go to Spam anyway

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What do you call a homosexual in Iran after he's been outed?

Low hanging fruit.

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Careful Iran, because here in America, these colors don't run...

...and that's why we're overweight so remember that exercise is very important.

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BREAKING NEWS: Iran announced they will be moving their Embassy to Jerusalem

All their documents, files, blueprints, CD's, videos are already there.

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Day 2: Iran Morroco

It was about 2018 kilometers

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Want to know how I got out of Iraq?

Iran

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Guess how I escaped Syria

Iran

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Just some lame jokes!!

How do people at NASA organize a party??
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They Plan-et!! bad i know! But you read the title..right?



Here's another...

Whats the type of music mummies listen to?
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W-Rap

How bored are you that you're actually even reading these!!


One more...

How did I get out of Iraq??
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I-Ran...

I personally like this one a lot... And you're still here.. so i assume you liked it too... :D

Last one.. okay??

What did the cobbler say when a cat wandered into his shop??
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You'll find the answer in the comments hopefully.. :P

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What did the Iranian men do when they saw a terrorist?

Tehran.

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A Parrot was charged with murder

A parrot was charged with murder in Iran with an owl as an accomplice. Two birds, one stoned.

/u/samuelmolt

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I saw a scary looking Middle-Eastern man

so Iran

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How did I get from Iraq to Afghanistan so quickly?

Because Iran

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What did Trump say about the Middle East?

Iran for president, then Iraq the nation.

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Did you hear about the man running a marathon on the afghanistan border? He actually went 3 miles further...

I guess Iran* a little too far

*I'm pronouncing it "e-ran"

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Iran can't possibly have weapons of mass destruction...

Because mass can neither be created nor destroyed.

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I was walking down the street when the Twin Towers came down

So Iran so far away

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What do you call a dinosaur loose in the capital of Iran?

A Tehranasauras

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What did I do after I impregnated my 7th wife?

Iran

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What did I do when I impregnated my 7th wife?

Iran

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What did Trump say about the deal?

"Iran from the deal"

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Iran has finally reached out to America politically

Concerned for its citizens, they want to send over a few election monitors to ensure a fair democratic election occurs without fraud.

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I hear the weather in Saudi Arabia is very Sunni...

But the weather in Iran is Shiite.

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What's Hillary's thoughts about her campaign?

Iran, Iraq, I lost

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I'm in the military. My friend bank home was impressed with how I traveled from Iraq to Afghanistan.

I told him Iran.

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did you see Iran play in the world cup?

I heard they played like Shiate'

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An American, Mexican, and Arab are in a plane...

They fly over America and the American drops a ball out of the plane. The others ask why and he replies, "This will make someone in my country very happy and I love my country."

They fly over Mexico and the the Mexican drops a flower out of the plane. The others ask why and he replies, "I love my country and wish to make it more beautiful."

When they fly over Iran, the Arab drops a bomb out of the plane. Seeing the shocked looks on the other's faces he says, "I hate this country."

When the American gets home he sees a boy crying on the street. He goes to see whats wrong and the boy says, "I was walking my dog and a ball fell from the sky and killed him!"

When the Mexican gets home he sees a woman crying holding her face. He goes to help and asks what the problem is. She cries out, "I heard a wooshing sound, looked up, and a flower stabbed me in the eye!"

When the Arab gets home he sees a man rolling on the ground laughing. He asks the man whats so funny and the man chokes out the worlds, "I farted and the building behind me blew up!"

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Iran is enriching uranium, and Iraq enriches uraqium

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Have you been to Iran?

You shouldn't go, I heard they don't like joggers there.

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In World War 3, which country would retreat first?

Iran.

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I bet you're wondering how I escaped Iraq.

Iran.

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Why is Islam in Iran so bad?

Not exactly sure why, myself, it's just Shiite

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What did the Iraqi refugee say when he crossed the border?

Iran!

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Have you been to Iran?

You shouldn't go, I heard they don't like Joggers there.

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Have you been to Iran?

I don't think you should go, I don't think they like joggers.

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Do you know how I got out of Persia?

Iran.

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When is Iran not Iran?

When it's a rock.

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What's the difference between a gay Muslim in Iran and a gay Muslim in Cuba?

In Iran, they're infidels. In Cuba, they're in Fidel.

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What are the best Iran puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Iran? Well, here are the best jokes about Iran to have fun with.

Joko Jokes