Involved Jokes
127 involved jokes and hilarious involved puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about involved that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Involved Short Jokes
Short involved jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The involved humour may include short involving jokes also.
- Breaking News: Local Kindergarten reports major Peek-a-Boo accident. All involved were rushed to the ICU
- I wanted to change my name to Frieza but had no idea how much paperwork would be involved. This isn't even my final form.
- When German children play a game involving touching each other with bread... it's called gluten tag.
I'll show myself out. - I started carrying a gun after being involved in an attempted robbery a few months ago. Ever since, my robberies have been going a whole lot better.
- There are four stages of life and they all involve Santa 1. You believe in Santa.
2. You don't believe in Santa.
3. You are Santa.
4. You look like Santa. - I'm still a bit shaken up. I was involved in a violent mugging this morning. On the plus side I did make $43 and I think the watch looks really good on me.
- [Bad joke] The other day my sister asked me what the difference between cellular division and a sock is To which I replied 'Nothing, they both involve mitosis'
- My younger brother is an example of what can happen to people who get involved in drugs. ......an audi Q7 & his own house by the age of 20.
- If Satan was a teacher, which subject would he teach? Trigonometry. There's a lot of sin involved.
- What does a gangster rapper Juice Wrld do when they are involved in a shipwreck? Swim fo sho
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Involved One Liners
Which involved one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with involved? I can suggest the ones about engaged and concerned.
- I hope elon musk never gets involved in a scandal Elongate would be really drawn out.
- Why are Italians so good at football? Because it involves changing sides halfway through.
- I wasn't sure about getting involved in human trafficking at first... But now i'm sold.
- What Olympic event that involves throwing should be eliminated? Discuss
- Thought of starting an origami business but too lazy to do all the paperwork involved.
- What involves a man and two women, and doesn't even last a minute? A Ronda Rousey fight.
- Why are vegetarians never involved in Any drama? They can't stand beef
- What if Stephen Colbert got involved in a scandal? It would be called Colgate.
- I wasn't sure about getting involved in human trafficking. But now I'm sold.
- Why didn't 4 get involved in the 789 incident? He was 2²
- A Sapiosexual couple's foreplay Involves blowing each other's minds
- The steps involved in constipation: 1) Sit on the toilet.
There is no number two. - There was an accident involving 2 cars in mexico 17 people were injured.
- Why do churches hate geometry? There's too many sins involved.
- Marriage involves three rings. The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.
Cheerful Fun Involved Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about involved you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean participated jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make involved pranks.
Can you write a whole paragraph without the letter A?
I wouldn't recommend it.
Honestly, your sentences willl just sound wrong.
Everyone will notice you're doing something
different. Your writing won't flow smoothly. You'll
use weird words.
It's not worth the effort involved in spending
time online looking up tons of synonyms which
don't feel right, just to produce weird, stilted
prose.
You'd be better off giving up, to be honest.
A young couple dies on their way to their wedding....
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven.
St. Peter said, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,' and he left.
The couple sat and waited for an answer.... for a couple of months.
While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all?
What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?'
Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.
Yes,' he informed the couple, 'You can get married in Heaven.'
'Great!' said the couple. 'But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?'
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.
'What's wrong?' asked the frightened couple.
'OH, COME ON!!!' St. Peter shouted. 'It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?
Why is everyone criticising EA?
I've only ever known EA as an excellent video game company and pioneer of the early home computer games industry. EA has always had my enjoyment as their primary concern and their community involvement is phenomenal.
($50 has been deposited into your Paypal account, remember to delete this part of the message before posting it).
Gimme your best Mickey Mouse/Disney character joke!
Going on a Disney Cruise and need your funniest, raunchiest or most n**... joke involving a Disney character.
The last time I was involved in s**... i**... was when
I was a s**....
I witnessed a huge accident on the highway today involving a semi truck packed full of toupees that overturned.
police are still there combing the scene.
I used to supply filofaxes to the mafia
I was involved in very organised crime
Confession
A Jewish guy goes into a confession box. "Father O'Malley," he says, "my name is Emil Cohen. I'm seventy eight years old. Believe it or not, I'm currently involved with a 28 year old girl, and also, on the side, her 19 year old sister. We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire life I've never felt better." "My good man," says the priest, "I think you've come to the wrong place. Why are you telling me?" And the guy goes: "I'm telling everybody!"
They say love produces the same effects as c**...
And certainly whenever I make love it involves the death of an orphaned Columbian street child.
- Credit to Frankie Boyle
I have the punchline, can't remember the joke.
My father used to tell a joke, that involved the guy talking to a priest or therapist, and he is worried about a reoccurring dream that involves him having s**... with a chicken (can't remember who was doing what with who). It ends with the teller blowing a ripped up napkin all over the table.
Any help?
What jokes do you know that can only be understood if you know two (or more) languages?
Like a joke that involves a pun on a word that has different meanings in different languages.
Please tell us what languages they are in.
Jesus walked into a tavern and saw a man who could not walk.
He said,
"FRIEND, HAVE YOU BEEN INVOLVED IN AN ACCIDENT AT WORK THAT WASN'T YOUR FAULT?!"
So a college teacher is talking to his male students...
"Access to the women's dorms is strictly prohibited. If someone is caught there for the first time, they will suffer a fine of 100 dollars. The second offence will involve a 300 dollar fine. Getting caught there for the third time will cost you a hefty fine of 500 dollars."
Suddenly, a student in the back raises his hand and asks:
"How much for a semester pass?"
How can we be sure the government wasn't involved in the kennedy assassination?
Well he's dead, isn't he?
(Adapted from Neil Gaiman's *American Gods*)
Working on a new type of martial arts that involves taking money from Hispanics..
called TakeJuan'sDough.
A series of thefts involving ice cream have been reported.
They have been dubbed the Baskin Robbings.
Why Santa got involved with Christmas
Mrs. Clause overheard Santa on the phone:
Santa: Have you been naughty? ….That actually sounds nice. You can sit on my lap and tell me what you want while those wet stockings dry ….. I want to (come) down your chimney and eat your (cookie). What kind of (toys) should I bring?…. Yes, I'd love to see how you trimmed your (fir) … I just want to unload my (sack) when I see an angel on top.
Now, every year he has to keep doing the b**... lie he told.
Foreplay
After the first week of s**... education class, a young shapely teen stormed out of the room after the class was over. Encountering a female friend in the hall, the friend asked, "Lori, what in the world is the matter with you? You look as if you're about to kill someone." "I am !!!" Lori fumed. "You just wait until I catch up with that Dennis. All summer long, that clown had me convinced that 'foreplay' involved tossing a coin for position."
How much of s**... is work?
A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of s**... was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?" A Major chimed in with 25-75% in favor of work . A Captain said it was 50-50%. A lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure , depending on how drunk he was at the time.
There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the Private who was in charge of making the coffee. What was your opinion?
Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."
The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why.
"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."
Pizza is like s**......
If three people are involved, someone's not gonna get as much as they want
A city bus driver is doing his route.
After picking up some passengers, an argument about race broke out. Most of the passengers on the bus are getting involved and after twenty minutes of bickering the driver, tired of the argument, slams on the brakes and stops in the middle of the street. Everyone shuts up. He stands up and shouts at them, "I'm TIRED of this. I'm an old man and I can't bear to listen to this arguing anymore. From now on, there's no black, there's no white, got it? We're all the same color. We're all green. Now everyone sit down, dark green in back, light green in front."
Donald Trump has just announced a massive jobs program involving tax credits for shredded cheese factories.
He says he wants to "make America grate again."
A man orders a coffee
A man enters a bar and the bartender comes over and asks "Can I help you sir?".
The man answers "What does a cup of coffee cost in this place?".
The bartender says "That would be $2.60".
"Alright, I'll have one." says the client and he takes 26 dimes out of his wallet and he throws them on the ground.
The bartender doesn't want to get involved in a fight so he just picks up the money and he brings the man his coffee.
A week later, the same man enters the bar. He orders a coffee again but this time he pays with a five dollar bill.
The bartender smelled an opportunity for revenge and when he brings the coffee, he throws 48 nickels on the ground as change. The client throws 2 extra dimes on the floor and orders a second coffee.
An Irish man decides to go on Mastermind....
He's called to the chair.
'Your chosen subject?' asks the presenter.
'Easter Rising of 1916, sir,' he replied.
Time starts now ... What was the date of the Easter Rising of 1916?'
'Pass.'
'Who led the Easter Rising of 1916?'
'Pass.'
'How many men were involved in the Easter Rising of 1916?'
'Pass.'
Suddenly an Irish voice boomed from the studio audience:
'That's right, p**... - tell them nothing!'
I was involved in quite a violent mugging the other day.
On the plus side I made a few bucks.
Awesome Reporting of the Accident
A car was involved in an accident. As expected a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story, could not get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim. The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
I tried to do an intense workout that involved 500 sit ups per day
But my body couldn't take the ab use
What letter do pirate's hate the most?
Dear Charter Internet Customer:
Charter Communications ("Charter") has been notified by a copyright owner, or its authorized agent, that your Internet account may have been involved in the exchange of unauthorized copies of copyrighted material (e.g., music, movies, or software). We are attaching a copy of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) notice that Charter received from the copyright holder which includes the specific allegation.
I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events
Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address.
One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog.
I cannot wait until..
There is a scandal involving an actual Gate!
What's the best job?
Any job that involves operating a crane. It's seriously uplifting.
When interviewing the police officers involved in Tiger Woods' arrest, they told how they came to suspect he was under the influence.
"Simple" The officer responded. "It was the straightest drive he's had in years. We knew right away something was up."
There's a new scam involving counterfeit copper tone sunscreen.
Police are warning the public to read the ingredient list to avoid getting burned.
A man called the hotel manager...
He said "Come up quickly, I fought with my wife and now she wants to throw herself out the window!". The manager replied "Sir this is a personal matter and we can't get involved. I can call sec..." The man interrupted "No! This is a maintenance issue. The window won't open!".
Two Jewish kids are fighting, one throws ash on the other.
The other says:"Don't get your parents involved"
After hearing about how her son was involved in a tragic accident, the mother rushes to the hospital
There she sees her son lying in a coma in bed with a doctor watching over him.
Completely disheartened, she asks the doctor:
"What state is my son in?"
To which the doctor replies:
"Err, Oregon?"
Is R Kelly a rapper or a r**...?
It depends how much pee is involved.
A t**... involves three people. A twosome involves two.
I guess that's why everybody keeps calling me handsome.
I drove past an accident involving an ice cream truck.
It must have been pretty bad because I heard one of the paramedics say that it looks like they lost a few pints.
There was an incident at my school today--one of the teachers caught a boy sharpening an arrowhead under his desk. She called 911, and the police got involved.
As it turns out, though, it was just a kid knapping.
I was involved in a car accident today
Got away with a broken arm, no idea who it belonged to but now it's mine.
A man calls the hotel front desk
"Hello how I may I be of assistance sir?"
"I NEED YOU TO SEND SOMEONE TO MY ROOM RIGHT AWAY."
"Calm down Sir, what seems to be the problem?"
"My wife is trying to jump out of the window..."
"Oh that sounds like a personal matter, I'm afraid we cannot involve ourselves."
"Listen here you smartass, the window isn't opening up and that's a maintenance matter!"
A man wants to know about his future
He heads over to the most renown Gypsy card reader in the country.
"Please, what does my future hold for me?"
"Mmmmmmmm the cards tell me your ex-wife will be involved in a terrible accident!" Yelled the Gypsy.
The man rolls his eyes and says:
"....Yes, yes I know, but is there gonna be any evidence against me?!?"
"Doctor, I've listened to your advice, about getting my family involved in trying to help me recover."
He said, "Well, I've told you what the cures are. There are three. Two of them your children should have been able to aid you with, the third is s**...."
"Yes," I said, "of that I am aware."
"So..." he began. "What does your son give you?"
"Ibuprofen."
"What does your daughter give you?"
"Paracetamol."
"Then what does your wife give you?"
"A headache."
I was getting a prostate examination when the doctor said "just so you know, this is a digital r**... exam".
"I understand. I know what is involved", I reply.
The doctor elaborates, "Just so you know, this exam will likely cause an e**...".
I consider it for a moment and say, "That's fine, I've got it under control. It should be ok".
The doctor replies, "I wasn't talking about you."
I'm surprised we haven't heard a peep out of the NRA over the whole Disney/Guardians of the Galaxy thing
Usually they are hellbent on defending anything involving a Gunn.
Skinny dipping involves a swimming pool.
Fat dipping involves a ranch cup and chicken nuggets.
My wife crashed our car this morning.
When the police came she said the guy involved was on his mobile and eating a pie at the time.
The police advised her the guy was entitled to do what he wanted in his own living room.
I decided to go vegan after visiting the meat production factory.
The livestock conditions were appalling.
The process involving production of Meatballs and Salami was bad.
But wait till you see the one of German sausage. It was the wurst.
Edit : Sweden has already decided to bring in regulations. I'd say they are ahead of the korv.
My girlfriend said she needed time and distance
I said: "Why do we have to involve velocity with this?"
American intervention is kind of like my cooking...
It always involves a lot of oil... I steam in without really knowing what I'm doing... and lots of people die.
There isn't much training involved in being a garbage man
You just pick it up as you go along
There was a mystery involving an office worker and a small bag.
It was a brief case.
I work as a spy for the US government.
One of my more deadly assignments involved going after a mad scientist in Italy. I was having dinner with one of my contacts over some delicious cheesy rigatoni. Then, out of nowhere, I was hit by a shrink ray and tossed into my food with the sound of evil laughter. Fraught by the perils of steaming hot carbs around me, I knew that for now, escape would have to be my mission.
Mission in pasta bowl.
What do you call sibling lemon peels getting romantically involved with each other?
Inzest
A crow was arrested today under suspicion of being involved in a m**...
The judge threw the case out. He said he had just caws.
What's the difference between an o**... and a r**... thermometer?
The taste.
(My dad loves this joke. He loves jokes that are slightly dirty and involve doctors, nurses, nuns or priests. Anyone got any more?)
Bonus joke:
A doctor is doing his rounds at the hospital, going from patient to patient. He turns to a nurse and asks, "Sister, have you got a pen?"
The nurse reaches into her pocket and pulls out a thermometer. "Oh no," she says, "some a**...'s got my pen."
Since its my cake day
I used to work at a very large balery known for making some of the most exquisite and famous cakes.
These cakes required a very intricate and delicate process to make them and involved a lot of processes and a secret recipe.
However in all my 20 years, the head baker never told me the full recipe only my part required in the preperartion.
He always told me that Bakers only trade recipes on a Knead to know basis.
Her:What's your favourite s**... position?
#Me: I am just happy to be involved.
How many Republican does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Twelve to investigate Obama's involvement in the failure of the old bulb, 23 to deregulate the lightbulb industry and 51 to pass a tax credit for lightbulb changes.
What do relationship advice and communist p**... have in common?
There are loads of red flags involved.
