The Best 66 Invite Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Invite jokes. There are some invite ask jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these invite shindig puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Invite Jokes and Puns

I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn't show.

I hope she gets the message that we're not working out.

How do you keep a Baptist from drinking all of your alcohol when you invite them for dinner?

Invite 2 of them.

What's the difference between a toilet and a microwave?

If your answer was "I don't know", please don't invite me over for dinner.

Why do you always invite at least two mormons to go out fishing with you?

If you invite only one, you'll have to share your beer.

jokes about invite

Who's the best person to invite over for Christmas?

Charlie Sheen. Because you know it's GUARANTEED to be a white Christmas when he's around.

How do you invite a Native Alaskan to your home?

You Eskimover!

A women invites 3 military men to her house

During WW2 many families near military bases would invite service men over to their house for an evening to forget about the war, and to enjoy a home cooked meal. So a women calls the military base and says she would like to invite 3 men over but expresses that they CANNOT be Jews. Absolutely no Jews. The base commander says fine he will send 3 over on Sunday. She agreed and hanged up. On Sunday a jeep drives up and 3 black men got out of the vehicle. The women is in shock and asks the men is this a mistake? Surely this HAS to be a mistake! One of the men replies, "No ma'am, Captain Goldstein never makes a mistake."

Invite joke, A women invites 3 military men to her house

How do you keep a mormon from drinking all your beer?

Invite 2 mormons

How do you get a Mormon to stop drinking all of your alcohol?

Invite two of them.

I was invited to a theater to watch a pornographic horror movie...

But I was too scared to come.

Why should you always invite more than one Baptist on a fishing trip?

Because if you only invite one, he'll drink all your beer.

You can explore invite urge reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean invite solicit dad jokes. There are also invite puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

We should invite all of the ISIS fighters to Texas.

They could have a yeehawd.

Why did vatican invite Bernie not Hillary?

They couldn't afford it.

I was invited to a party and was told "dress to kill"

Apparently a turban, beard, and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind

How does a yoga instructor turn down an invite?

Namaste home tonight.

Why did everyone invite mushroom to the party?

Because he's a fungi.

Invite joke, Why did everyone invite mushroom to the party?

My son told me that he had something to say.

"What is it, boy?" I asked.

"Dad..." he said. "Is it OK if I invite my date over for dinner?"

"That's fine," I smiled. "as long as she isn't black!"

He said, "Don't worry. He isn't."

My friend had party the other night and didn't invite me, only midgets.

He said it was just a little get together.

I was invited to a party...

'Black tie only' was written on the invitation card. When I got there, I noticed that other people worn shirts and pants, too.

I was invited to a party...

The dress code said "black tie only".

But when I got there, I noticed other people had worn shirts and trousers too

We're having a traditional Thanksgiving this year.

We're going to invite the neighbors to dinner, murder them, and take their land.

Why are Alabama weddings so small?

They've only gotta invite one family

"Honey," said a husband, "I Invited a friend home for dinner."

"What? Are you crazy?" The wife replied.
"The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal."

" I know all that," he said.

"Then why did you invite a friend for dinner?" she asked.

he replied, "because the poor fools thinking about getting married."

How do you keep a Baptist from drinking at your party?

Invite two of them

I'm happy to invite you to tomorrow's "Masturbaters Anonymous" meeting.

Please come alone

Why 10 wasn't invited to the number party?

9/11 conspiracy.

Invite joke, Why 10 wasn't invited to the number party?

My friend once got an invite to a party that said "black tie only"

But when he got there, everyone else was in tuxedos.

Why are Alabama weddings so small?

Because you only need to invite one family.

How do you stop a Baptist from drinking all of your beer at a party?

Invite another one.

I got thrashed for RSVP'ing a wedding invite,

Apparently "maybe next time" wasn't a good reply.

Why didn't Thor invite many people to his brother's surprise party?

He wanted to keep it Loki

The EU was invited to a thanksgiving dinner

but they refused to have turkey

She said "should I invite my mum down for Christmas?"

"No, leave her in the attic", I replied

When you go on a fishing trip with a Mormon, how do you keep him from drinking all of your beer?

You invite another Mormon.

I got invited to a ball drop celebration at NYC tonight

Turns out it was a bar mitzvah

How do you stop a Mormon from drinking all the beer at your party?

Invite a second Mormon.

How do you keep a Baptist from drinking all your beer on a fishing trip?

Invite two of them.

Why didn't the narwhal invite the unicorn to his party?

He wanted to keep it real

I invited Superman to a funeral this evening...

But he said he was feeling weak so he didn't want to go to the crypt tonight.

Why did Donald Trump invite Kim Kardashian to talk about prison reform?

Because she's had more black dudes in her than a jail.

So apparently RSVP-ing to a wedding invite with...

"Maybe next time" wasn't the best response. Who knew?

I was invited to a funeral at 6 AM

But I declined, because I'm really not a mourning person.

I invited necrophiliacs to my funeral

Everyone came

Who the he'll

Invited autocorrect?

I invited my erectile dysfunction support group over for a BBQ...

Nobody came.

I'm afraid my wife might be a vampire.

She like to stay out all night, all of her guy friends invite her over before she can visit them and she always seems genuinely concerned when I try to stab her with a wooden stake.

I was invited to a dinner the other night.

The host warned me ahead of time, "Just so you know, we only serve vegetarian dishes. I hope you're alright with that."

I told him, "Of course! I have no problem with vegetarian dishes. In fact, I prefer them. But for the sake of conscience I do prefer it if the vegetarians were free range and locally sourced."

I was invited to a Mexican party, but I had to pay to get in

It was a fee-esta.

I invited my buddy to a costume party and he said he was going as his dad

He didn't show up

Why did I invite a mushroom to my cake day party?

Because he was a fungi

Old soviet man is lying on his deathbed... his end is nearing, he surprises everyone by inviting communist party secretary instead of priest, saying he wants to join the communist party before he dies.

"Why did you invite me here? Your whole life you didn't want to join, what changed your mind now?" wonders the communist official.

Old man replies: "If someone has to die, it must be a communist!"

Husband: Honey, I invited a friend home for dinner.

Wife: What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, all the dishes are dirty, and I can't cook meal.

Husband: I know all that.

Wife: Then why did you invite the friend?

Husband: Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married.

Derby winner Medina Spirit turned down an invite to Mira Lago...

...saying if he wanted to see a horse's ass he would have come in second.

Why did Einstein invite time to his wedding?

Because it was relative.

I was invited to a banquet in Germany, but all they served was sausage and cheese.

And that felt like the wurst kΓ€se scenario...

How do you make a mormon stop drinking?

You invite another one.

My best friend went to prison because he kept stealing things from people's gardens. He was just released but my wife told me not to invite him to our BBQ next week.

I feel a bit bad. I hope he doesn't take a fence.

[oc] Why do you never invite a DJ to fishing

They always drop the bass

I invited my friends to play Russian Roulette with me.

We had a blast playing.

Just found out that the Oscars is a big lie....

Those people they invite to their ceremonies, are all paid actors.

I invited my friends to a sperm bank

But nobody came….

Why did Einstein invite time to his birthday?

Because time is relative.

what did 16 say to 4 when

2 was not invited to 4's party?

Never forget your roots.

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then, why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor guy is thinking about getting married."

I invited my girlfriend to the gym with me, but she stood me up.

I guess the two of us aren't going to work out after all.

[Click Here to invite Vampire Cat inside.]

Vampire Cat: Mwahaha! You fool!

*Walks inside*

*Walks back outside*

Vampire Cat: May I come in?

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the invite send jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working invite asked piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes