Invite Friends Jokes
104 invite friends jokes and hilarious invite friends puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about invite friends that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Invite Friends Short Jokes
Short invite friends jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The invite friends humour may include short friends show jokes also.
- A friend invited me to his place the other day. When I got there he said to make myself at home.
So I kicked him out because I don't like having company over. - My friend once got an invite to a party that said "black tie only" But when he got there, everyone else was in tuxedos.
- My friend invited me to go drag racing with him and I thought yeah that sounds fun Turns out it is really freaking hard to run in the heels
- My friend had party the other night and didn't invite me, only midgets. He said it was just a little get together.
- My friends are furious at me for taking off my pants. In my defense, the invitation specifically said GENDER REVEAL PARTY...
- My friend loves shrimp so much that she's gonna have a shrimp party without inviting anyone She's becoming shelfish
- I invited my flat-earther friend to play basketball. I invited my flat-earther friend to play basketball.
He brought a frisbee with him. - Mr. Pineapple and his Honey Melon are berry in love.. "Sweety, we are ripe for a wedding! Let's invite olive our fruity friends!"
"Are you sure we cantaloupe?" - Mom invited a friend from France called Soh Ciel for dinner. She rarely talks with me because I call her Aunty Soh Ciel.
- Some of my Satan worshiping friends invited me to an open discussion on Satanism... I'm not a Satanist myself, but I do like to play Devil's advocate...it was very confusing.
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Invite Friends One Liners
Which invite friends one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with invite friends? I can suggest the ones about friends inside and close friends.
- Friends invited me to a meteor shower party, but I couldn't make it. They were crushed.
- My friend thanked me for inviting him along to Fight Club. I replied "Don't mention it."
- A vegan invited my friends and I to a vegan restaurant.... the food really lettuce down.
- I invited my friends to play Russian Roulette with me. We had a blast playing.
- I invited a friend to go hunt some gods with me... But he just can't deicide.
- Invited my anorexic friend to an all-you-can-eat buffet. She had the ribs.
- TIFU after my wife requested foreplay. I asked which of her two friends we should invite.
- So a man's friend invites him out...
- A man on Facebook invites his friends to lunch, but he gets caught up in traffic.
- I got invited to go surfing with some friends, but I'm just not feeling very socal
- When going out invite your friends with extra chromosomes. ....theyll always be down
- My friends just invited me to go blaze But I don't like the idea of getting set on fire.
- I invited my friends to a s**... bank But nobody came….
- My friends invited me to a s**... party at his house But it was just a gender reveal
- I invited a few friends to an o**... I was hosting... Everyone came.
Laughter Invite Friends Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about invite friends you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean friends forever jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make invite friends pranks.
Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That's really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered, "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name three years ago!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Cuckoo Clock Mayhem
I was invited for dinner with my old friends.
I swore to my wife that I'd be back at midnight. She didn't believe me, but I still went there.
The meal was very tasty, time flied, my blood was already scarce compared to all of the alcohol and I was extremely drunk. At about 3 AM, I went back home. When I came in and closed the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall said "cuckoo" 3 times.
Quickly, thinking that my wife would wake up and have an argument with me, I said "cuckoo" 9 more times.
I was really proud of myself for having a great, quick idea, even while I was drunk, to avoid having a conflict with my wife.
The next morning, she asked me what time did I come back home and I said "midnight". She didn't seem to distrust me, not even a little.
Then she told me:
\- Honey, we need a new cuckoo for our clock!
When I asked her why, she said:
\- Well, this night the cuckoo said "cuckoo" 3 times and said "GAAAAAAH, I'M s**...!". It said "cuckoo" 4 more times, then he grunted and belched. It said "cuckoo" 3 more times, f**..., crazily laughed and said "cuckoo" 2 more times. Then, it hit the door I left ajar and said "SON OF A B\*\*CH!", stepped on the cat and said "SH\*T!" and only went to bed after falling twice while taking off his clothes. Don't you think we'd better get a new cuckoo while it's still under the warranty?
A friend of mine who was an officer invited me for a ride along.
As we were driving along he told me: "I've been a cop for almost 20 years now. I can follow anyone, and I mean anyone for just 1 mile down the road and I can find something I can cite them for."
I said prove it, so he started following the next guy he saw. After a mile he said "I can't believe it, he didn't do a single thing wrong. I'm going to pull him over and let him know."
He pulls the guy over, goes up to him and says "Sir, I'm sorry I pulled you over. I just wanted to compliment you. I followed you for a while and not once did you speed, change lanes without signaling, or do anything else deserving of a citation. I rarely see this so I wanted to thank you for you safe driving."
The guy looks up at him and replies: "Well, you've got to be careful when you're drunk."
My friend opened a Convent Store the other day.
He invited me to check out his merchandise, but I didn't want nun.
Mark's dating woes...
Mark was having a problem dating girls in that every time he invited one to his parents' house to meet his parents his mother showed a strong dislike towards her.
So, one night when out with his buddies, Mark confided to his friend, David, this problem. David took a drink of his beer and told his friend, "If you want your mother to like your girl, find someone who shares common interests with her."
About a month later, Mark and David were in the pub again and Mark was again lamenting to David his problem. "Did you take my advice?" asked David. "Yeah, it was going great, too. I brought her to my parents' house and she and Mom hit it off, talking and laughing the entire evening." David was puzzled. "So what happened?" he asked.
Mark took a drink of his beer. "My dad can't stand her."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So there is a friend of mine who invited me to a s**... party
I asked him "how many people will there be ?"
"Bring your wife and we'll be three" he said
There was a Gay guy named Billy
Billy was dating a bisexual guy named Jordan. Recently, however, Jordan has started going to parties on Friday nights without inviting Billy. Billy, thinking that Jordan was ashamed of dating a guy, asks to go with him one day.
When they arrive at the bar, he notices that Jordan is not holding his hands like he usually does. When they walk in, a short, drunk blonde girl who wraps her arms around his waist. Jordan introduces the girl as Jean, who tells Billy that she's heard a lot about him. Billy wonders if he told her about their relationship and starts to get jealous. He tells Jordan that he's going to go home early.
Jordan follows him to the door and asks why he is leaving. Billy just says that he is not having fun and tells him to have fun with his "friend". Jordan realizes what this was all about and tells him that the girl was just someone he used to date. She recently had a child and he wanted to know whether the child was his or not.
Billy doesn't believe Jordan's story. He rolls his eyes and starts walking away again. However, Jordan stops him and looks him right in the eye. Then, he says, "Billy, Jean is not my lover. She's just some girl who said that I am the one. But the kid is not my son."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got a divorce for my birthday.
When I woke up, my wife and kids forgot to wish me a happy birthday. I didn't get any birthday cards or phone calls. When I went into work my secretary wished me happy birthday and I felt really special.
We went out for a drink after work to celebrate and she invited me back to her place. She excused herself for a minute an went into her bedroom and returned with my wife, kids and all my friends.
I was sitting on the couch n**....
Blonde Convention
(*I heard this from a friend, sorry if it is a repost.*)
A group of blonde people decided to get together and hold a blonde convention to prove that blondes aren't dumb. They invited all the blonde people in the area.
In the middle of the event, they chose one random person from the crowd to answer questions, to prove she could answer them as well as anybody else.
"What is twelve plus three?" asked the interviewer.
"Nineteen," she responded. The interviewer felt very uncomfortable, however, the crowd was still supportive. To help get the girl's confidence back up, they shouted, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
"I'm going to ask you another question," said the interviewer. "What is ten times five?"
The blonde was sure she would get it right this time. "Sixty!" she said.
The interviewer shook her head, but again, the crowd cheered, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The interviewer said, "I'm going to give you one last chance. This will be a very easy question. What is two plus one?"
"Three!" said the blonde, happy to get a question she could finally answer correctly.
The interviewer was about to congratulate when she was interrupted by the cheering of the crowd: "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The Golden Toilet
A guy was invited to this lush party by his boss, a very wealthy man. He is very excited as he was born an raised poor and in poverty and had never been to a formal party before. He borrows a tux from a friend and heads to the party. The booze was flowing free of charge so the guy has more than his share, of course. Towards the end of the night, said guy, needed to use the bathroom, and asked the butler where it was. "Down the hall, 32 doors and to the left."...so, down the hall he goes counts the doors and goes RIGHT. Walks in and all he could say was "WOW, this guy is really really rich, he even has a GOLDEN toilet." He does his business and goes home.
He wakes up the next day and realizes he lost his wallet, only thing he can think of is it must have fell out when he was on the toilet. So, he hops in his car and drives on over to his boss's house. The butler answers the door and he says "hey, I think I dropped my wallet next to your golden toilet". The butler turns his head and yells "HEY CHARLIE, HERE'S THE GUY THAT POOPED IN YOUR TUBA!!!"
Aging
A young married couple was invited to their friend's home for dinner one evening. Their host was an elderly 82-year-old couple.
The young couple was impressed by the way the elderly man preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms like: "Darling, Sugar, Dear, Honey, Sweetheart," etc.
When the young man was alone with the old man in the veranda, the young man said, "I know both of you have been married for over 60 years and you are still so in love with one another. It's so wonderful after being married for so many years, you can still call your wife those loving pet names."
The old man sighed, "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about 20 years ago."
Why I got divorced..........
Last wéek was my birthday.... My wife didnt wish me.... My parents forgot and so did my kids.... I went to work.... Even my colleagues didnt wish me.... As i entered my cabin my secretary said,"Happy Birthday Boss".... i felt so special.... She asked me out to lunch.... After lunch,she invited me to her apartment... WE went there.... She said,"Do you mind if i go into the bedroom for a minute ?" "OKAY",i said... She came out 5min later with a cake And My Wife, My Parents, My Kids ,My Friends & My Colleagues... All Screaming, SURPRISE.... And I was waiting on the sofa......in my birthday suit
So I have this friend Jonathan...
Jon's been on a bit of a dry spell with the ladies lately. I suppose I should tell you a bit about Jonathan. He's a bit hard of hearing, but the ladies still love him despite that and his slightly diminutive stature, probably because he's usually the life of the party, buying drinks, etc. Anyway, back to the problem at hand.
We went to lunch the other day at a nice, quiet cafe. We started chatting about the usual, work, sports, whatever, but it came clear that Jon actually had invited me to give him some advice. He told me about his dry spell and of course I wanted to get to the root of the problem. A few minutes pass in silence. Finally, I ask, "Can I ask you a question?"
"WHAT?"
(Oh right, the hearing thing) "I said, CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?"
"OK!"
"WHY DO YOU KEEP GETTING TURNED DOWN?"
"TURNED DOWN FOR WHAT!?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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George invited all his friends for a no-m**... get-together
They came within the hour.
So a wealthy Texan's son is getting married...
...and his son asks if he can give his deceased mother's ring to his bride. His father is all for this, and someone suggests that he have it appraised for insurance purposes.
The father has a lady friend who is a professional appraiser, so he invites her to look at the ring. She agrees, and says that her "fee" will be a supper at a very nice Dallas restaurant.
After dessert, they are lingering over coffee; he presents the ring to his friend, she opens the box and takes out her jeweler's loupe, carefully examines it for awhile...
...puts it back in the box and returns it to him...
...and at the next table, someone exclaims, "My God, I've heard these Texas women were picky, but THAT takes the cake!"
A woman is having a party and sends out invitations to her friends.
One of the replies she gets is hand-written by a doctor friend. Of course she can't read it so she thinks "I'll take it to my pharmacist. He's the only person I know who can read doctor-writing." The pharmacist reads the note, disappears into the back room for a few minutes and comes back and hands her a bottle of pills.
What do you do after you but a new oven?
Invite all of your friends over and have an oven warming party.
What did the two story house say to its friend after it had just finished working out, and it's friend invited I to a party?
I'm two tiered.
I came up with this at 1am, enjoy.
What is famous?
Three friends were arguing what being famous really means.
The first one states, "True fame is when you get invited to the white house".
"That's nothing" says the second "True fame is when you are in the white house, the red phone rings, and no one is there to pick it up so you answer the phone".
"You're all wrong" protests the third, "True fame is when the red phone rings, the president answers it and claims its for you".
To help me get over my recently developed elevator phobia my friend invited me to an Open Mike night.
Worst autopsy ever!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A t**... invites his socially awkward friend to a party
"C'mon," he said, "It'll be a blast."
A man invites his Jewish friend out for lunch
Upon arriving at the restaurant, his friend says "I'm not sure I can eat here. Is Burger King kosher?" The man waved his hand dismissively and says "Don't worry, it's Burger King: Have it Yahweh."
Old Couples in Love
An elderly gent was invited to his old friends' home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy addressed his wife with endearing terms-calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years, and they appeared still very clearly in love. While the wife was off in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his buddy, "I think it's wonderful that, after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those loving pet names." The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth, he said. "I forgot her name about ten years ago."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I came this close to having a t**... with my girlfriend and my best friend
The only reason it didn't happen was because they forgot to invite me.
Guys, if anyone is interested, a friend of mine got an invitation to the 2017 Berlin Marathon for Christmas. But it's the same day of his wedding. So if anyone wants (and is able) to go, everything is paid.
St. Mary's church @ 6pm. Bride's name is Lisa.
Just go there, get married and you're done.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Honey," said a husband, "I Invited a friend home for dinner."
"What? Are you crazy?" The wife replied.
"The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal."
" I know all that," he said.
"Then why did you invite a friend for dinner?" she asked.
he replied, "because the poor fools thinking about getting married."
Honest Husband
A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I found my wife, my soulmate, my best friend on tinder
I guess I wasn't invited to the o**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked an old Jewish friend of mine about inviting n**...'s to my wedding.
He said "with the n**...'s, the fuhrer the better"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend held a Party last night and invited 50 people
Only two people showed up and he was very upset
I told him he should have had an o**...
Then everybody comes
Long ago, when dinosaurs walked the earth,...
A young Tyrannosaurus Rex was out on the hunt when he stopped to take a drink from a nearby lake.
There, cooling off in the water, he saw the most beautiful Triceratops in all of Pangea. He asked her her name and invited her to go out hunting but she told him she wasn't really into that kind of thing.
The T-Rex liked her anyway though so they started going together.
Even though his parents complained that it was awkward at Christmas dinner and all his friends laughed about how she had him eating salads, he still asked her to marry him.
He was happier because he'd never met a dinosaur like herbivore.
The Guest
Q: Who did the scary ghost invite to his party?
A: Any old friend he could dig up!
Can I invite my friend, the skeletal system, to the party?
He always brings all the joints.
Tonight I'm going to go see the commuter with Liam Neeson
Cuz he's my friend and he invited me
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My British friend invited me to his h**... party
I was the only one there with a box of condoms.
It's 2015. Bill Clinton is whipping up celebrity endorsements for Hillary with a Halloween party. He invites his friend, Arnold Schwarzenegger and suggests they go as dead presidents for the media. Too cliche says Arnie. What about dead musicians. Great idea. I'll be Coltrane. What about you?
I'll be Bach.
An elderly couple were invited to their friend John's house for the evening
John's wife served dinner, and after eating, the men's wives went through to the kitchen to clean up.
As the men were chatting, one says to the other: "I brought my wife to a great restaurant last night, I really recommend it"
"What was it called?" replied the other
The first man thought for a while, "What's the word for that flower, you know the one with thorns on, usually red I think...?"
"A rose you mean?"
"Ah yes, that's it." He turned round and called into the kitchen, where his wife was washing dishes, "Rose, what was the name of the restaurant we went to yesterday?"
Just invited a blind bingo caller to my dinner party
He's not a close friend, just there to make up the numbers.
I'm not upset
It's fine that my imaginary friends decided to go see a movie and not invite me. We don't have to do everything together. But why couldn't they walk or take the bus instead of borrowing my car?
wedding party
somebody was invited to the wedding party of his friend.
he came, found the place and entered the door, but found two more doors in which one is written"friends" the second "family", he went through the the one labeled as friends.
he found two more doors, in one it's written "with gift" the other "without gift", he didn't have a gift so went through the door labeled "without gift", to find himself outside again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I invited my two friends over for a party as I was trying to Sweden my s**... life, but my wife said "Norway!"
So Dan, Mark and I had our 3-way as usual.
I invited my friends over for dinner at 8 o'clock sharp.
I told them not to bother coming 10 minutes later because by then it would have already been eight-ten.
One of Rob Lowe's friends is at A Lowes store
While in the store he's on the phone talking to rob. After a while rob invites him over.
He accepts and hangs up and announces in the store,
I'm going to Rob Lowe's!
I love inviting friends with flat feet to my house.
They do a good job of cleaning the floor.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend invited me over to check out his new apartment. When I arrived he said "please make yourself at home".
So I threw him out. I hate guests.
Friend: I invited Rob to dinner tonight!
Me: Which Rob? Cannibal Rob or Rob who can't spell?
(Text from Rob): Can't wait to meat you guys tonight!
Friend: I'm not sure...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A crow invited all his friends to come round to his house, but no-one showed up....
It was an attempted m**....
I can't stand it when my friend plays Skyrim.
Personally I play a lawful good approach, trying to stay out of trouble, but when I invite Jacob Yu over he goes full-on thief! Always breaking into homes, stealing things, getting fined and thrown in jail. I ask him on occasion if he'd prefer a different playstyle, but he simply prefers this one. So every time he comes over, I know...
It's a fine day with Yu around.
Invitation
Friend 1: Dude, me and Nick are going to a Giants game! Box seats, wanna go?
Friend 2: Nick and I.
Friend 1: What?
Friend 2: It's Nick and I. Me and Nick is not proper grammar dude.
Friend 1: You are right! It is Nick and I, because you are no longer invited.
I gave my girlfriend's number to my best friend to test her loyalty..
..I just got their wedding invite in the mail today
An elderly gent was invited to an old friends' home for dinner one evening.
He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.
While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names."
The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said, "Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I'm scared to death to ask her what it is!"
A man was invited for dinner at a friends house.
Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "Thats really nice after all of these years youve been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name."
A lady friend of mine invited me to a concert
After going to the show, I wanted my Nickel back...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A friend invited me to a s**... club
And after after 10 minutes of a t**... lap dance from a stripper, my wife tapped on my shoulder with a very angry look. It was a booby trap.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm afraid my wife might be a vampire.
She like to stay out all night, all of her guy friends invite her over before she can visit them and she always seems genuinely concerned when I try to stab her with a wooden stake.
A zoomer was invited to his millennial friend's wedding, and was asked to give a toast.
He didn't avocado.
My friend Victor is a historian
He invited me to a party at his house and started introducing me to all his colleagues.
This is Victor, he's a historian of the renaissance. The guy next to him is Victor Jr, he's a historian of ancient Egypt. And those two guys over there are Victor and Victor, they are doing great work on Mesopotamian farming practices.
I was like wow, history really is written by you guys huh?
Revenge on a four-year-old child
A while ago, I invited my friend to my house for dinner. He brought along his four year old child, who made a mess of my house, and destroyed two of my expensive plates. I was so angry, but after all, I couldn't vent my anger on a young child. I had no choice but to smile and keep my composure.
I led the child over to my piano, where I allowed him to randomly hit a few keys. I remarked "Wow, your son has a good musical sense, he's quite talented!"
I heard the child hasn't had any free time ever since.
Husband: Honey, I invited a friend home for dinner.
Wife: What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, all the dishes are dirty, and I can't cook meal.
Husband: I know all that.
Wife: Then why did you invite the friend?
Husband: Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married.
My best friend went to prison because he kept stealing things from people's gardens. He was just released but my wife told me not to invite him to our BBQ next week.
I feel a bit bad. I hope he doesn't take a fence.
A man was proudly showing his new apartment to some friends, he had invited over last night.
They go to the bedroom and there is a big brass gong in the corner.
One of the guests asks, "What is that gong for?"
The host replies, "That is the talking clock."
Impressed, the guest asks again, "How does it work?"
The host says, "Watch", and hits the gong hard with a hammer.
From the other side of the wall, someone screams, "For gods sake, you idiot, it's 2 am in the morning."