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Invitation Jokes

66 invitation jokes and hilarious invitation puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about invitation that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you looking for some fun and entertaining jokes to include in your next birthday, wedding, or banquet invitation? Check out this article for an overview of invitation jokes and some tips for arranging a great proposal!

Funniest Invitation Short Jokes

Short invitation jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The invitation humour may include short invited jokes also.

  1. I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn't show. I hope she gets the message that we're not working out.
  2. Why did the spoon come to the party dressed as a knife? The invitation said to look sharp.
  3. I'm really tired of people complaining about the price of everything. $2 for coffee, $3 for coat check, $4 for an hour of parking..... ......I'm just going to stop inviting them to my house.
  4. I invited my buddy to a costume party and he said he was going as his dad He didn't show up
  5. A girl I was dating invited me over to her place. When I went into her room, she had a Soviet banner draped on her wall. I left immediately. It was a big red flag.
  6. I was invited to a party... 'Black tie only' was written on the invitation card. When I got there, I noticed that other people worn shirts and pants, too.
  7. Told my girlfriend that there was a party in my pants and that she was invited. She asked if it was a search party :(
  8. My mother asked me to hand out invitations to my brother's surprise party. That's when I realized he was her favourite twin.
  9. Jesus invited prostitutes to dine with him, and he's the light of the world, I do it, and it ruins Thanksgiving.
  10. Tornado warnings are active for Cleveland, Ohio. Residents are invited to seek shelter in Cleveland Browns Stadium where there is no chance of a touchdown.

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Invitation One Liners

Which invitation one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with invitation? I can suggest the ones about announcement and contest.

  1. My ex-gf invited me to her wedding Told her I was busy, will be there next time
  2. Why are Alabama weddings so small? Because you only need to invite one family.
  3. Why are Alabama weddings so small? They've only gotta invite one family
  4. Why did vatican invite Bernie not Hillary? They couldn't afford it.
  5. How do you keep a baptist from drinking at your party? Invite two of them
  6. We should invite all of the ISIS fighters to Texas. They could have a yeehawd.
  7. Why did mike tyson bring his calculator to church? He was invited to thunday math.
  8. Why do planets never get invited to summer soirées? They always try to eclipse the fun.
  9. Why are C programmers never invited to parties? They have no class
  10. Friends invited me to a meteor shower party, but I couldn't make it. They were crushed.
  11. My friend thanked me for inviting him along to Fight Club. I replied "Don't mention it."
  12. What does reality and an MMORPG have in common? You never get invited to a party
  13. I invited my erectile dysfunction support group over for a BBQ... Nobody came.
  14. How do you invite a Native Alaskan to your home? You Eskimover!
  15. I got invited to test a new car made entirely of spare computer parts It was a hard drive

Wedding Invitation Jokes

Here is a list of funny wedding invitation jokes and even better wedding invitation puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Wedding RSVP Apparently it's not acceptable to RSVP a wedding invitation with 'sorry, maybe next time'.
  • I got thrashed for RSVP'ing a wedding invite, Apparently "maybe next time" wasn't a good reply.
  • I got an wedding invite that said, We are not accepting any gifts. Your presence on our special day is a gift in itself. Reading it, I realized that I wasn't invited.
  • The invitations that were sent for the wedding said to bring a date. Boy, did my bride feel dumb when I brought one and she didn't.
  • I got an invitation to a black-tie-only wedding But when i showed up everyone were wearing tuxedos
  • So apparently RSVP-ing to a wedding invite with... "Maybe next time" wasn't the best response. Who knew?
  • Saved some money on the gift, though! I recently received an invitation to a wedding that would have been difficult to attend.
    In hindsight, "Maybe next time" probably wasn't the best RSVP.
  • Why did Einstein invite time to his wedding? Because it was relative.
  • I haven't told my parents about my girlfriend yet... She's getting married and I was invited to the wedding
  • It said :"Only black ties" on the wedding invitation card. But when I arrived, I saw people wearing suits too.

Birthday Invitation Jokes

Here is a list of funny birthday invitation jokes and even better birthday invitation puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • At my cousin's birthday party, I held up a photo of my uncle and said "It's amazing how you look just like your father did at 40!" That's the last quinceañera I get invited to.
  • I went to a 4-year olds birthday party once, it was kinda awkward... ...probably because I wasn't invited...
  • My mother asked me to hand out invitations for my brothers surprise birthday party. That's when I realised he was the favourite twin.
  • Why did Einstein invite time to his birthday? Because time is relative.
  • I'm not saying I'm a lazy loner. But I didn't even get an invite to my own birthday.
  • Why don't Pirates get invited to Birthday parties? Because they always steal doubloons
  • Told my gran she needs to write an invite list for her 80th birthday party She said that's grand I've got the one from my 70th there just cross off the ones that are dead
  • Why does no one invite Jeff Bezos to their birthday parties? Because he keeps giving half of the gift and calling it a "full equal".
  • Was invited to a birthday party last evening but didn't have a Blast. Hardly any Bombs!
  • Why didn't the gamer go to the birthday party? He wasn't invited.
Invitation joke, Why didn't the gamer go to the birthday party?

Invitation joke, Why didn't the gamer go to the birthday party?

Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Invitation Jokes

What funny jokes about invitation you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean offer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make invitation pranks.

My girlfriend invited me to her house to watch Netflix.

She says Stay here, I have to do laundry really quickly.
Out of nowhere, her s**... sister comes in and sits by me.
She asks Do you want to have s**... before she gets back?
I got up and went straight to my car.
My girlfriend was outside the door and hugged me, and said I knew I could trust you.
Moral of the story: always leave your condoms in the car.

A Macaroni, a Penne and a Spaghetti were drinking wine in a bar one evening. They saw a noodle sitting by himself and discussed inviting him to join them.

They all agreed he looked Cannelloni.
EDIT; Thank you for all the awards, I guess I pasta test!

A cat owner invited their neighbor over for dinner and introduced their four cats. "That's Alogue, Aract, Erpillar, and Astrophe," they announced. The neighbor was surprised and asked, Where on Earth did you get those names?

Oh, those are their last names, the owner said. Their first names are Cat.

I received a wedding invitation.

It read, "Your presence itself is a present. We don't want any presents at the wedding."
After re-reading it repeatedly, I concluded that I was not invited. So I decided not to attend.

A blonde girl sets out to prove blonde aren't dumb

A blonde girl rents out a stadium and invites as many blondes as she can and sure enough 80,000 blondes fill the stadium and she films it all on live television. She invites a little 4 year old girl out in front of everyone and asks her what's 2+2? The little girl shivers and squeaks out T-three? The crowd erupts yelling Give her another chance! So they do and ask her again what's 2+2? The girl stands there for a moment before answering is it 4? The crowd starts chanting once again Give her another chance!

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Ethiopian all sit in the hospital lobby as their wives are giving birth.

After a while the doctor comes out, invites them into the nursery where 3 babies lie in cribs and says: "Congratulation! You all just became fathers! But there is one problem. Due to a nurse's error the babies got mixed up and we don't really know which one who's."
The Englishman suddenly grabs the darkest baby and sprints towards the door.
The doctor shouts: "Sir! What are you doing!!!?"
The Englishman as he's getting farther: "I'm not raising no b**... Frenchman!"

How do you get a m**... to stop drinking all of your alcohol?

Invite two of them.

The cleaning lady at my office invited me to go smoke w**... after work, but I told her no

I made a commitment to myself to avoid high maintenance women

Layoffs

The boss has to lay off one person from his department and he's narrowed the choice down to Ann or Jack. First he invites Ann in.
The boss says "I have a problem, I have to lay you or j**..."
"You better j**..., I've got a headache"

She's gonna boycott the Oscars? Jada boycotting the Oscars is like me boycotting Rihanna's p**.... I wasn't invited. That's not an invitation I would turn down, but I understand, I'm not hating.

How do you stop a m**... from drinking all the beer at your party?

Invite a second m**....

An old Soviet joke..

An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet–Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Nadezhda Krupskaya (Lenin's wife) n**... in bed with Leon Trotsky. One guest asks, "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" To which the painter replies, "Lenin is in Poland."

Husband comes home and says:

Husband comes home and says:
- Honey, I invited a friend to have dinner with us today.
Screaming she replies:
- What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I did not buy any groceries, the dishes are dirty and I'm not in the mood to cook anything special.
- I know.
- So why did you invited him?
- Because the poor guy is thinking about getting married.

My girlfriend's sister invited me to have s**... with her today...

My girlfriend's sister invited me to have s**... with her today while we were waiting for my girlfriend to get home. I didn't say anything and started to walk to my car. As I opened the door, my girlfriend came out from the kitchen and hugged me with tears in her eyes as she told me that it was a test of loyalty and I had passed!
Moral of the story: keep your condoms in your car

The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub.

A ragged old man was standing there with a rod and hanging a string into the puddle.
A curious gentleman came over and asked what he was doing. "Fishing", the old man said simply. "Poor old fool", the gentleman thought, and he invited the ragged old man to a drink in the pub.
He felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, so he asked the old man, "and how many have you caught?"
"You're the eighth", the old man answered.

Why wasn't h**... invited to the BBQ?

Because he always burns the franks.

Irishman in confession

An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies, "Get out. You're on my side."

A guy walking into a bar

 sees an old man fishing in a puddle off the sidewalk.
Poor Old fool, he thought. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he'd humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today?
The old man replied, You're the eighth.

We're having a traditional Thanksgiving this year.

We're going to invite the neighbors to dinner, m**... them, and take their land.

Jehova

This morning someone was ringing the doorbell, so I opened the door and there was a young man standing there. "Hello sir" he said, "I'm a Jehova's Witness". I invited him in, offered him something to drink and we sat down in the living room. "So, what would you like to talk about?" I asked. He looked up from his cup of tea and said "To be honest sir, I havn't got the faintest idea, I never made it this far..."

Invitation joke, Why are Alabama weddings so small?

jokes about invitation