Invisible Man Jokes

Nurse: "The invisible man is here for his appointment."
Doctor: "Tell him I'm sorry I can't see him right now."

Chuck Norris saw the Invisible Man.

The winner of the costume contest was the invisible man. He was invisible, and his wife wasn't much to look at either.

The Invisible Man can f**... and pretend that he is not to blame.

What would you get if you crossed a athlete and the Invisible Man?… Sports like no one has ever seen.

A nurse walks into the doctors office and says "Doctor, there's an invisible man here to see you"

The doctor replied "Tell him I can't see him" [](/perfect)

Nurse walks into the doctors office and says: Doctor, there's a man here who says he's invisible.

Oh that's my pal Steve from the optics lab at DARPA. They're developing electromagnetic metamaterials to use in a cloaking device.
Tell him I can't see him now.

An invisible man broke up with his invisible girlfriend...

He didn't think they should see each other anymore.

Why did the man use deodorant to fix a broken window?

He read that it was an invisible solid.

The invisible man and the shrink

The receptionist tells the psychiatrist that there's a man in the waiting room who claims to be invisible.
The Psychiatrist says, "Tell him I can't see him right now."

So what do you say to an invisible man?

Stand Clear.

An invisible man attacked me while he was m**....

He came out of nowhere.

Fantastic Fourplay

So I found a picture of the Invisible Woman performing suggestive acts on someone. I showed it to The Thing and he said he couldn't see her doing that. When I asked him if it was Mr. Fantastic she was with, Thing said he thought he was a stetch.
"What about the The Human Torch?" I proposed.
"Nah," he said. "When he's turned on, he's totally flaming."
"Well, is it you then??" I asked.
"No way man!" He exclaimed. "I can't even get my rocks off!"

Don't bother inviting the Invisible Man to your Halloween party.

Can anyone remember how to paint the Invisible Man?

I've drawn a blank

What did the invisible man say to his dying friend?

I wanted to go as the invisible man for Halloween this year.

But my Girlfriend made me put my clothes back on.

Did you hear? The invisible man and the invisible woman just had a son.

In all honesty, he's not much to look at

A man rushes into a psychiatrist's office and shouts "Doctor, you have to help me! I think I'm invisible."

The shrink looks at his appointment schedule and says "I'm sorry, I can't see you right now."

What did the Invisible Man's mom say after he came out as invisible?

"I can't even look at you anymore!"

So the invisible man m**... the other day

No one saw him coming.

if the invisible man comes to the door

Tell him I can't see him!
this was a joke my dad made ok dont judge me judge my dad

A man goes to see a doctor...

A man goes to see a doctor. He walks up to the sign in desk and tells the lady behind the desk he needs to see the doctor because he's invisible. The lady goes to get the doctor and says, "There is a man here who wants to see you. He says he is invisible." The doctor says to the lady, "Tell him I can't see him right now."

Secretary said..

Secretary: Doctor the invisible man has come. He says he has an appointment.

Doctor: Tell him I cant see him.

See the doctor

A psychiatrist was doing his book work, when his secretary came busting into his office, yelling, "Doctor! You have to help!"
"What's wrong?"he asked.
She said, "There's a man at my desk that says he is invisible"
The doctor said, "Tell him I can't see him now."

The invisible man has retired.

He'll be a tough act to follow.

What do you call an invisible black man?

Incog-n**...

Why did the invisible man quit his new job?

He just couldn't see himself doing it.

I got my photo taken with the invisible man.

It cost me next to nothing.

Nurse: "Doctor, there's a man that said that he thinks he turned invisible!"

Doctor: "Well I'm swamped right now, so tell him, unfortunately, I can't see him"

(Psychiatrist's office) There's a man who thinks he's invisible.

Secretary: "Sir, there's a man outside who thinks that he's invisible."
Psychiatrist: "Tell him I can't see him right now."

What are the parents of the Invisible Man called?

The transparents

Wonder Woman

Batman is talking to the Flash. "Hey, Flash, did you hear about Wonder Woman? She was lying on the roof of her building n**... moving her hips in a suggestive manner. Superman was flying by and saw her. He took off his clothes, flew down and landed right on top."
Flash says, "Boy, I bet Wonder Woman was surprised."
Batman answers, "Not nearly as surprised as the invisible man!"

A man who thinks he is invisible decides to get help. He walks into a psychiatrists office and tells the receptionist he would like to speak to a doctor, but has no insurance.

The receptionist looks up at him and says, "I'm sorry, the doctor can't see you right now."

I often get confused with the invisible man

Personally, I don't see the resemblance.

A Man and his wife go into a psychiatrist's office

The man says "Doctor, doctor, My wife is convinced that I'm invisible. Please tell me you can talk some sense into her!"
And the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I can't see you right now."

What's the invisible mans favorite drink?

Evaporated milk.

My dad was so famous they wrote a book about him

It's called The Invisible Man

My wife was r**... by the invisible man...

She never saw him coming...

I invited The Invisible Man to an o**......

but I didn't see whether or not he came.

A doctors secretary walks into the doctors office and says " doctor there is an invisible man waiting for you" the doctor replies

" awe not again tell him I can't see him"

You come across three performing mimes. One is in an invisible box, one is cutting an invisible rope, and one is fighting an invisible man. Which one failed mime school?

The one who won't shut up about it.

As a child I always thought my dad w**... the greatest superhero...

I liked to call him: Invisible Man!

A man who had transitioned from female to male had a child. Now he's invisible.

Why? He's transparent.

Three men meet a genie and are given a single wish.

The first man wishes to be invisible, p**...! he turns invisible but gets run over by a truck and drops down dead.
The second man wishes for 100 million dollars, p**...! he gets the money but is robbed and shot and drops down dead.
The third man sees this and figures out that the other men were selfish and that's what got them killed so he wishes for world peace, p**...! and 7.3 billion people drop down dead.

Have you heard about the p**... who was blinded by the invisible man?

She never saw him coming

It's sad you can't see the invisible man anymore?

Why? It because he committed s**... a week ago.

A man runs into a doctor's office screaming

"help help I'm invisible." The nurse says, "sir wait right here, I'll get the doctor." The nurse goes back to the doctor and says, "there's a man in the waiting room saying he's invisible." The doctor says, "tell him I can't see him."

Three guys were in a bar

Three guys were in a bar, then a drunk walks in and say:
"Aww beautiful, the Fantastic Four"
"But man, we are only 3"
"Because the woman is invisible".

My father is like a superhero for me.

The Invisible Man.

Why wasn't the invisible man offered a job?

They just couldn't see him doing it! He's just like all of us: unseen, misunderstood, irrelevant.

after the invisible man had kids he became a cross dresser. You could say he was a...

trans parent

Superman was cruising the stratosphere

...when he spied Wonder Woman apparently sunbathing n**..., lying on her back on a remote beach. Admiring her stunning beauty, he thought to himself, "I bet I could fly down and with my super speed, have my way with her and be gone before she noticed a thing." So he flew down and 10 milliseconds later was gone. Wonder Woman opened her eyes, raised her head a little and said, "What the h**... was that?"
The Invisible Man said, "I don't know but it sure tore up my a**...."

We tried to hire an invisible man.

He didn't want the job because he couldn't see himself working here.

Lonely superman

So one day superman is flying around lonely when he noticed wonder women n**... on the beach having what looks like a w**....
He figures if he can fly down at the speed of light and do his business she would never even notice. After a few minutes he finally builds the courage and boom he goes in for the kill.
Wonder women in shock screams at the top of her voice "What the h**... was that?!" The invisible man in agonizing pain tells her "I have no idea but my a**... is killing me"

A man walks into the doctor's office and tells the receptionist: "Help! I think I'm invisible!"

She replies: "Sorry, the doctor can't see you."

The nurse tells the doctor that there's an invisible man in the waiting room

The doctor replies:
-Tell him I can't see him right now

I heard an invisible man has started an Instagram account modelling formal wear.

I might follow suit.

An unintentional dad joke from my 5 yr old son…

Yesterday, my son found a set of Hotel Transylvania stuffed toys at a children's consignment event. He squealed and was jumping up and down, he was so excited. But then all of a sudden he got a dejected look on his face. One is missing, he said. I asked what he meant. I don't see the invisible man.
Even after we discussed it, he kept insisting they could have at least included the glasses.