Invest Jokes
97 invest jokes and hilarious invest puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about invest that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Invest Short Jokes
Short invest jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The invest humour may include short fund jokes also.
- A boy asked his Bitcoin-investing dad... ...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.
Dad: $9.67? What do you need $10.32 for? - My friend just gave me a presentation on why I should invest in his sword making business. He made some excellent points.
- How do you make a small fortune from investing in Bitcoin? Start off by investing a large fortune in Bitcoin.
- A boy asked his Bitcoin investing uncle for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin.
Uncle: $10.28? What do you need $8.41 for? - 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse... I really should have invested in one of those carbon monoxide detectors.
- There's this new cryptocurrency called Decibel. You just yell in your microphone to get money... It's a sound investment.
- Got an email asking me to invest in Egyptian architecture. Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.
- A crossfit enthused, bitcoin investing vegan walks into a bar... Oh, they already told you about it too?
- Everyone is panicking about the stock markets.... But the 31 foot mexican ladder company I invested in is surging.
- A boy asked his bitcoin-investing dad for 1 bitcoin for his birthday Dad: What? $6,244??? $5,354 is a lot of money! What do you need $3,782 for anyway?
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Invest One Liners
Which invest one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with invest? I can suggest the ones about purchase and finance.
- How do you get a million dollars in crypto investing? Start with ten million.
- There's this new cryptocurrency called Decibel. 🚀🔊🌕 It's a sound investment.
- Where does 007 invest his money? Bonds. Stocks and bonds.
- I bought some new speakers today...... I think I made a sound investment.
- Why shouldn't you invest in muslim-owned businesses? They never show a prophet.
- How To Become a Millionaire: Be a billionaire and invest in an airline company.
- I am a stock broker I am broke after investing in stocks
- Don't ever invest in snowboarding. That sport is going downhill fast.
- With spring coming, I may buy some wind chimes. I hear it's a pretty sound investment.
- I bought some Bose stocks today. It was a sound investment.
- My dad just decided to invest in a sausage company. It was the wurst decision of his life
- Never invest in Egyptian archaeology It's a pyramid scheme
- What do skeletons invest in? Crypt-ocurrency
- Why do pediatricians not like long term investments? They have little patients.
- Why don't clowns invest their money in the market? They'd be the laughing stock.
Howlingly Hilarious Invest Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about invest you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean trade jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make invest pranks.
What did the spanish soccer announcer invest in?
**GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD**
Investment question
If a leopard and a cheetah both had companies, which stock should you buy?
A: The leopard's, because cheetahs never prosper.
Investment Opportunity: You might want to consider getting on board early...
A British Engineer just started his own business in Afghanistan. He's making land mines that look like prayer mats. It's doing very well. He says prophets are going through the roof.
The two old-timers...
...were having a chat over the back fence.
"You know, Chester," said one, "you should invest in some heavier curtains for your bedroom window."
"Why's that, Clem?"
"Because the ones you have now are kinda transparent. In fact, last night I could see you making love to your wife."
"Pfft! That shows how bad your eyesight is. I wasn't even home last night!"
An investigation was carried out by a foundry...
since somehow people were getting a hold of their new ingots before they started selling them publicly. They investigated the entire foundry and found out that the man in charge of working the furnace was selling the ingots illegally, under the table. This only proves that he who smelt it, dealt it.
(fyi I don't know anything about metalworks or smelting at all. If I used any of these terms incorrectly, sorry.)
The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant.
If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a
Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate southwest,
causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."
looking for investors for my new specialty dating site
So I'm planning on taking advantage of the huge influx of specialty dating sites like farmers only or Christian mingle, etc... I'm starting a site exclusively for Indians. It's gonna be called, "Connect the dots."
(So who's in with me???)
Girl, if your beauty was represented in stocks, I'd invest everything...
Because you're at an all-time low.
(Use it to seal the deal on Valentine's Day)
If I won a million dollars I'd pay your mother to have s**... with me...
Then I'd invest the other $999,990.
You should invest in Helium
It's only going to go up!
Sources say Amazon to invest in maternity wards in hopes of expanding their delivery services.
Why did the investment bankers start dating?
Compound interest
I wanted to invest in Lumber Liquidators...
But wood stock hasn't been viable sincs the 60s.
Don't invest in SeaWorld
It's really starting to tank
I asked my secret crush if she wanted to invest in my new invention idea, chloroform kleenex.
She decided to sleep on it...at my place.
If I had 1,000,000 dollars, I would pay to have s**... with your mom.
And then I would invest the other 999,995 bucks.
The way to end up $1 Million using the stock market LEGIT
invest 10 million into it
Investigating Hillary Clinton is like fishing on Discovery Channel
... you catch them, you show them, and you let them go.
Why is everyone investing in Ireland?
... because the capital is always Dublin!
I was going to invest in the Microsoft HoloLens but...
...Their projections weren't very good.
Don't invest in skiing companies
The whole sport is going down hill fast
How can I invest in the Mexican airline industry?
Call me crazy but once this wall goes up I've got a gut-feeling I think that's one industry that will really be taking off.
Investigation finds rise in complaints regarding worker incompetence at Quiznos locations
> "Whoops, wrong sub"
I was going to invest in a hot air balloon.....
but it's a bit up in the air at the moment
What happens to investigative journalists in Russia?
They're Putin jail
If I had a million dollars, I'd probably pay your mom to have s**... with me...
Then I'd invest the other 999,990 dollars.
(Bonus points if you know where this is from.)
Why is everyone always telling me to invest in a retirement program?
If I have them rotated every 6000 miles like I'm supposed to I shouldn't have to re-tire in the first place.
When the economy is good, people drink. When the economy is bad, people drink. The moral?
Invest in alcohol
It's always good to invest in grappling hooks
Their value is always going up
Anyone want to invest in my 100% automated turkey farm?
It's a turnkey turkey operation.
If I had invested $1000 into Bitcoin today I would have...
No idea how it worked
It's a great time to invest in retail clothing stock.
Pants and underwear sales in Hawaii are booming.
Investing in balloons just isn't as profitable as it used to be.
I blame inflation.
Never Invest in the Velcro industry.
Its a complete ripoff
"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me.
She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man.
"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend.
"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."
My dad told me to invest my money into bonds.
So I bought 100 copies of Goldfinger.
The Investigation into Elon Musk's False Advertising Scandal Enters the Fifth Week.
Elongate is really drawn out.
Someone at a b**... convention asked me what investments he should make
I told them to invest in stocks and bonds
What did investigators find in Jeffrey d**...'s shower?
Head & Shoulders
My friend recently advised me to invest in m**... businesses...
Apparently it's a growing industry.
Lifetime Investment
This morning I heard someone shouting loudly on a megaphone outside my window. Saying "If you invest $15.00 just once, you can sit and eat for the rest of your life".
I went out onto the balcony with curiosity and saw the idiot, he was selling chairs..
Why don't people in trailer parks invest in the stock market?
Because their money is t**... in bonds.
The original actor who played Captain Kirk tried to start a Star Trek themed line of women's l**....
But no one would invest in Shatner p**....
(An oldie, but deserved a fresh posting)
A Nigerian businessman emailed me to invest in his mining business
I invested my dad's money in stocks and made him a millionaire.
He used to be a billionaire.
Investing in Bitcoin is like s**... without a c**...
Everyone's pushing you to do it and it feels good once it's rising, but not withdrawing in time can be costly.
I wanted to invest some money into my uncle's Indian restaurant
He said: it's naan of your business
I just heard an announcement on a loud speaker outside my house saying, "If you invest $100 just once, you can sit and eat for the rest of your life".
I went out and saw the idiot; he was selling chairs.
How do shoe stores diversify their portfolios?
They invest in socks.
So I invested in a hot air balloon company...
And it's really taken off
I know a guy who is asking for money to invest in Happy Days collectibles.
I told him no. I think he is running a Fonzi scheme.
If you invested early into Tesla stocks, you would be a millionaire. If you invested early into Apple, you would be a billionaire. If you invested £10 in 1890,
You would be dead.
I invested in a coin making machine
It just made cents.
Need advice
A bit hesitant to invest my money into this dubious Egyptian real estate company.
I am afraid it might be a pyramide scheme.
How does Elvira prefer to invest her money?
Crypt-ocurrency
After some investigation, I discovered some cracks in the hearth of my fireplace
In other words, it's having a mantle breakdown
Where does a rooster invest his money
In chicken stock!
Reposted for spelling
My dad is trying to get me to invest in joke production.
I'm pretty sure it's a punzi scheme.
"You give me one leather jacket and I invest it and give you two leather jackets"
"I don't know man, that sounds like a Fonzie scheme to me."
My Mexican father is confused about his money.
I told him not to invest in that 401 ¿que?
What should cows invest in?
Mootual funds
Two vietnamese brothers asked me to invest in their business
I jumped at the opportunity. It seemed like a Nguyen/Nguyen situation
My son wanted to invest in bit coins.
It was a h**... of a dentist bill.
I've decided to invest in boomerangs
They're not too popular now, but I'm betting they'll make a comeback!
This simple change in lifestyle will help you lose 2 pounds every week!
Just invest in the British stock market
What's the quickest way to become a millionaire in the stock market?
Invest a billion dollars.
I decided to invest in an agricultural company
I was impressed with their organic growth
According to the Time Honoured British Tradition...
They are now outsourcing their problems to some Indian guy when they invest neither the resources or time or skill to resolve it themselves.
Do you want to know how to become a millionaire?
Invest $1 billion and follow the advice of wallstreetbets
Some guy wanted me to privately invest in Egyptian architecture
I turned it down... I have a feeling it involves a pyramid scheme.
I was offered to invest in restoring an ancient Egyptian architecture
I didn't reply, it sounded like a pyramid scheme
I am looking for investors for my new mind controlled air freshener.
When you think about it, it makes scents.
