Invented Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Invented puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Invented

I invented a new golf ball that'll automatically go in the hole if it gets within four inches.

Do NOT carry them in your back pocket.

The condom was first invented by a Welshman by using a sheep's intestine

The English later improved it by removing the intestine from the sheep first

I don't understand why white people can't say the N word

We invented it after all

Your parents in 1996: Don't trust ANYONE on the Internet.

Your parents in 2017: Freedom Eagle dot Facebook says Hillary invented AIDS.

What's the most common operation in a LEGO hospital?

Plastic surgery.

[Credits: My 11yo son invented this joke]

The guy who invented throat lozenges died last week.

There was no coffin at the funeral

I invented a new word.

Plagiarism.

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EDIT : This joke was invented by me and copyrighted. Dare to take it and a lawsuit shall find you.

To the guy who invented zero,

Thanks for nothing.

I just invented a new word:

plagiarism.

TIL that the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia...

otherwise it would have been called the teethbrush.

The man who invented the "VELCRO" died today....

...RIP.

You guys know how the toothbrush was invented in the south?

Because if it was invented in the north, it would've been called a teethbrush.

Scientists discovered a revolutionary material with infinite length and zero depth

... but then they realized No Man's Sky was invented already.

An Italian and a Greek get in a fight over sex

Greek: the Greeks invented sex centuries before the Italians!

Italians: maybe so but we improved on it by introducing it to women!

In 1272, the Muslims invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.

In 1873, the British refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

In the 15th century the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.

In the 18th century the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

Dear the person who invented 0,

thanks for nothing

I invented a new type of car...

Me: "I invented a new car. It's powered by silence!"


My friend: "Wow, this is going to revolutionize the industry!"


Me: "Yeah, it goes without saying."

The first joke I invented all on my own (age ~5-6)

Why don't pirates like playing cards?

There's always someone walking across the deck.

Know how the iPhone 6+ was invented by men?

Only men would call something that measures 5.5 inches, "six plus"

Imagine the guy who invented maple syrup...

Hey this tree tastes way better than the last 10 trees I sucked!

What happened at the funeral of the man who invented the USB?

They lowered his coffin, took it out, flipped it the other way round, then lowered it again.

You can tell the toothbrush was invented in Alabama

if it was invented anywhere else, it would've been called the teeth brush.

How do we know the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky?

If was created anywhere else it would have been called the teethbrush.

My Grandfather invented the cold air balloon

It never really took off.

The guy who invented the USB connector died...

They lowered the coffin into his grave.

Then they lifted it back out, turned it round, and lowered it back in again.

A Greek and a Italian are having a beer.

The Greek Says
"You know, we invented sex."
Then the Italian turn's and looks at him.
"Well we brought women into it."

What happened after the wheel was invented

a revolution

A little known fact...

Before the crowbar was invented, most crows drank at home.

I wonder...

I always wondered what my parents did to pass time before things like the internet and TVs were invented.
I asked my 26 siblings for advice.

The invention of sex

A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture.

The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon"
The Italian says, "We have the Colosseum"
The Greek says "We had great Mathematicians"
The Italian says "We had the Roman Empire" and so on and so on and
Then Greek Says: "We invented sex" The Italian says:"That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women"

Did you know that sandals were invented by a Frenchman?

His name was Philippe Filoppe.

Muslim scientists..

Muslim scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the dark ages.

They're calling it 'Islam'.

I hope the guy who invented Autocorrect burns in

Hello!

I invented a sandal for people with one leg.

It was a flop.

Did you hear the department of transportation is laying off thousands of workers?

They invented a shovel that stands up by itself.

Did you know the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia?

Anywhere else and it would have been called a teeth brush.

Just invented a new drink. Vodka, cranberry juice, lime, and rohypnol.

Its called the Cosbypolitan

How do you know that the toothbrush was invented in Arkansas?

Because anywhere else it would've been called a teethbrush.

A Greek and an Italian are arguing over whose culture is superior.

he Greek says "We built the Parthenon." the Italian says "We build the Colosseum." The Greek says "We came up with advanced Mathematics" The Italian says "We made the Roman Empire." The Greek is getting frustrated finally realizes how he can win the argument. "We invented sex." The Italian replies "True, true, I can't argue with that, but we thought of having it with women."

The man who invented AutoCorrect has died.

Restaurant in piece.

Condoms were invented by Arabic-Muslims sometime in the 1400s using lower goat intestine

They were later improved by the British in 1873 by taking the intestine out of the goat first

My grandfather was a very intelligent man.

He was an inventor. He invented the cold air balloon. Only problem was it never really took off.

Wouldn't it have been amazing if John Lennon had invented that device that you put in your front door to secretly see who's on the other side...

I mean, imagine all the peepholes.

The man who invented knock-knock jokes

should get a no bell prize.

What kind of moron invented the fire blanket

Surely fire is warm enough already?

Feminist have invented a new form of birth control that kills any sperm with a Y chromosome.

It's called sonblock.



First joke on here. Came up with that while camping this past weekend.

Scientists have invented a way to send messages to alternate universes...

... they are calling them "parallelograms".

When they buried the man who invented Tetris

...the whole cemetery disappeared.

I've invented a machine that prints money.

I programmed it to make coins, but for some reason it keeps printing dollar bills....


It makes no cents.

I've just invented a perfume made from holy water.

Eau my God

I invented a SJW alarm clock.

It not only tells you the time, it reminds you what year it is, too.

Britain has invented a new missile

It's called the civil servant - it doesn't work and it can't be fired.

The man who invented the crossword also died today

He was buried 6 down and 5 across.

Americans may be ignorant of other cultures...

But at least we invented the hamburger

Did you know the first condoms were invented by the Welsh out of sheep's intestines?

The English improved on the invention by taking the intestines out of the sheep before using them.

To the person that invented 0

Thanks for nothing

The guy who invented predictive text died last night...

his funfair is next monkey

The man who invented distorted mirrors has died.

His funeral will be held in asymmetry.

The guy who invented throat lozenges just died...

I heard there will be no coffin at his funeral.

The man who invented Velcro died

RIP

How do we know the toothbrush was invented in west virginia?

if it was invented anywhere else it would be the teethbrush

idk how this got a dirty label

Einstein invented a theory about space...

and it was about time too!

The man who invented toaster settings has died.

He'll be cremated at 6.

Apparently Muslims invented the condom.

As it turns out, Muslims in the middle east one day came up with the brilliant idea to use goat intestines as a suitable condom. It wasn't, however, until in 1827 when the British perfected the idea by taking the intestines *out* of the goat first.

Muslims were the ones that invented the condom.

Muslim's were the ones that invented the condom. This was well before plastics so they used goat intestines. Then the British came along and stole the idea from the Muslims and improved it by removing the intestines from the goat.

I hate Christmas so much.

Whoever invented this should be crucified.

The man who invented autocorrect,

should burn in hello.

What do cannibals put in their soup?

Ramen!

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Before you judge harshly, I would like to state that this was invented by a six year old, all on his own, no coaching.

I often wonder what my parents did to fill their time before the internet was invented...

...I've asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they don't know either...

TIL the tooth brush was invented in Kentucky...

Anywhere else and it would be called a teeth brush.

In Japan they invented a machine that catches thieves

In Japan they invented a machine that catches thieves, so they took it out to different countries for a test. In USA, in 30 minutes, it caught 20 thieves,
UK, in 30 minutes it caught 500 thieves,
Spain in 20 minutes it caught 25 thieves :
Nigeria in 10 minutes it caught 6,000 thieves,
Uganda in 7 minutes it caught 20,000 thieves,
Then they brought it to South Africa , in 5 minutes the machine was stolen.

Did you hear that the guy who invented predictive text has died.

His funfair is next sundial.

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.

The man who invented the remote control has sadly died.

His body was found down the back of the sofa.

Did you know the guy who invented autocorrect is an atheist?

He's going to he'll

Condom origins

Did you know the condom was invented in a small village in wales in the 12th century. They thought it would be a good idea to use the lower intestine of a sheep to stop their wives becoming pregnant.

Of course, in the 1350's, the English improved on the idea. They took the lower intestine out of the sheep before they used it.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes