Invent Jokes

Hilarious puns and funny pick up lines

I invented a new golf ball that'll automatically go in the hole if it gets within four inches.

Do NOT carry them in your back pocket.

The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking,

but the invention of the broom swept the nation.

COVID 19 is like Pasta

Asians invented it, Italians spread it.

I invented a new word.



EDIT : This joke was invented by me and copyrighted. Dare to take it and a lawsuit shall find you.

I just invented a new word:



1272AD - Arab Muslims invent the first condoms using the lower intestine of goats.

1856AD - English farmers improve on the idea by first removing the intestine from the goat.

When the inventor of the USB dies...

they'll gently lower the coffin, then pull it back up, turn it the other way, then lower it again.

Inventor displays the first knife ever.

His friend, "that's the greatest invention since bread"
Inventor, "well I'm about to blow your mind"

The inventor of Velcro died last week.


The inventor of the USB died.

They lowered his coffin, raised it back out, flipped it over, lowered it again, raised it back out, flipped it over again, then lowered him again.

I invented a new golf ball that'll automatically go in the hole if it gets within four inches...

Whatever you do, do NOT carry them in your back pocket...

I invented a new type of car...

Me: "I invented a new car. It's powered by silence!"

My friend: "Wow, this is going to revolutionize the industry!"

Me: "Yeah, it goes without saying."

If 2 wrongs DID make a right...

You'd need 4 wrongs to invent an airplane.

The inventor of autocorrect died today

His funfair will be hello on sundial

An inventor shows his friend the first knife ever.

His friend says, Wow! That's the best thing since bread.

The inventor says, Well, I'm about to blow your mind.

I was at the inventor of the USB stick's funeral yesterday.....

They lowered his coffin into the ground, then raised it back up, turned it around, and lowered it back down again.

Why did man invent curling?

To convince women sweeping was a sport.

I invented a new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it gets to within 4 inches.

Do NOT carry them in your back pocket.

The invention of sex

A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture.

The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon"
The Italian says, "We have the Colosseum"
The Greek says "We had great Mathematicians"
The Italian says "We had the Roman Empire" and so on and so on and
Then Greek Says: "We invented sex" The Italian says:"That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women"

The inventor of inappropriate innuendo jokes died suddenly yesterday.

His wife is taking it really hard.

God asked Adam to name the animals

Adam began to invent names, Lion, Tiger, Horse, Cow, Pig…

Then God said, You must name the sea animals, too

Adam was tired already, so he said, Sea lion, Tiger shark, Sea horse, Sea cow, Sea pig…

I invented a sandal for people with one leg.

It was a flop.

The inventor of throat lozenges has died.

There will be no coffin at his funeral.

Just invented a new drink. Vodka, cranberry juice, lime, and rohypnol.

Its called the Cosbypolitan

The inventor of the USB died today.

They lowered his coffin, raised it back out, flipped it over, lowered it again, raised it back out, flipped it over again, then lowered it down again.

Can someone please invent pantyhose that don't rip?

I think everyone in this bank just saw my face.

The inventor of the 'anagram' died today

May he 'erect a penis'

The inventor of autocorrect has died...

The inventor of autocorrect has died. I didn't even know he was I'll

When the inventor of USB stick dies..

They'll gently lower the coffin, then pull it the other way, then lower it again.

I've invented a machine that prints money.

I programmed it to make coins, but for some reason it keeps printing dollar bills....

It makes no cents.

I've just invented a perfume made from holy water.

Eau my God

I invented a SJW alarm clock.

It not only tells you the time, it reminds you what year it is, too.

The inventor of predictive text has died.

His funfair will be hello on Sundial.

Did blacks invent rape?

Or did they steal that too?

The inventor of the air conditioner has died

Thousands of fans are attending his funeral

The inventor of Winrar has been arrested

His trial is expected to last forever

He worked for years to invent an engine that ran on ambient disappointment.

But at the unveiling, it wouldn't work.

Then it did.


I've invented a new sex position: the 114

I was 69ing with this girl wen her husband came home and shoved a 45 up my ass

The inventor of the dissapointing punchline has died

His funeral will be held on Thursday at 2pm.

My new invention has made me rich!!!

exploding prayer mats, prophets are going through the roof

Who invented King Arthur's Round Table?

Sir Cumference!

Why did God invent yeast infections?

So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt.

I invented a war game called "Adam and Eve".

It's a first person shooter.

I'm trying to invent a belt made of clocks

But my friends keep telling me it's a waist of time

I'm inventing an alarm clock. When it goes off, it shouts, "9-11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB!"

That ought to wake people up.

The Welsh people were the first people to invent the condom by using sheep's intestine.

The English later improved the concept by removing it from the sheep first.

Why did the inventor of throat lozenges choose to be cremated?

So there wouldn't be any coffin.


A shy young couple invent a name for making love "doing the laundry." One night the husband wakes up and asks his wife if she wants to "do the laundry."She complains that she's got a headache so the husband goes back to sleep. In the morning he asks if she'd like to "do the laundry," but his wife complains she's too tired, after having a restless night. That afternoon he asks if she's ready to "do the laundry," but she's too busy with her chores. The same evening his wife snuggles up to him and asks if he still wants to "do the laundry." "No, it's okay," he replies. "It was a small load, so i did it by hand!"

I invented a new word today.


You give Americans an inch...

And they'll invent their own metric system.

The invention of the fan....

Blew people away

I've invented a rocket that intercepts incoming warheads by consuming them.

It's a cannibalistic missile.

I've invented a new game. You use small breath mints as playing pieces in the old-fashioned match-3-in-a-row game. I'd be happy to teach you my strategy for winning this game, but I'll have to charge you a small fee:

Call it a Tic Tac Tic-Tac-Toe Tactics Tax.

The inventor of auto-correct has died

His funfair will be next monkey.

So they just invented condoms that change color when they detect STDs... you know when you're fucked.

I invented a new sex position called the JFK

I splatter all over her while she feverishly tries to get out of the car.

I invented a new golf ball that will automatically go into the hole if it comes within 4 inches.

Note to self: Don't carry them in your back pocket.

Why did god invent patchouli?

So blind people can hate hippies too.

The inventor if the anti-virus software has been charged with murder.

They expect the trial to last 30 days

So I invented a new beef and vegetable recipe, but it wasn't so great...

It was meaty-okra.

Why did God invent women?

Because sheep can't cook.

The inventor of the snooze button has passed away.

His funeral will take place tomorrow at 8:00, 8:06, 8:11, 8:13, and 8:14.

Invention of the knife

"What is that?"

I call it the 'knife'.

"Wow, that's the best thing since bread!"

Greg, I am about to blow your mind.

I'm going to invent a super laxative for the military.

I think I'll call it Dishonorable Discharge.

A young grandson is talking to his grandfather.

"You know grandpa. Our generation is so much better then yours. We have video games, the internet, cell phones and so much cool technology. Your generation didn't have any of that!"

His grandfather replies;
"You're right, we didn't have any of those things around. That's why we had to invent them!"

The inventor of wax strips has just died.


If inventing airplanes is wrong

then I don't wanna be Wright

I invented a new word:


It's the feeling you get when you see the same joke reposted more than once in the same day and realize it wasn't funny the first time either.

What are the funniest invent jokes of all time?

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