Invade Jokes
72 invade jokes and hilarious invade puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about invade that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Invade Short Jokes
Short invade jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The invade humour may include short invasion jokes also.
- Zelensky: Why did you invade Iraq? United States: Because we "suspected" nuclear weapons.
Zelensky: So why not attack Russia now?
United States: Because we know that Russia has nuclear weapons. - George W. Bush couldn't decide what country to invade next... He says, "It seems we're stuck between iraq and a hard place.."
- What's the fastest way to become a Millionaire? Be a Billionaire and invade Ukraine.
>NK Lukoil PAO
>
>6.96 USD
>
>\-84.96 (-92.43%)past month - I think the Russian invasion of Ukraine was caused by a translation error. The Russian military invading Ukraine all have Z's, and the Ukrainians fighting back are the "Not Z's".
- I heard Russia ordered 1,000 septic tanks from Belarus Once they figure out how to drive them, they'll invade Moldova
- What would happen if Hungary invaded and conquered Turkey? A new kingdom would be formed known as full.
- I can't believe all these viruses and bacteria invade my body without permission Makes me sick
- Me: Mom, you're invading my personal space Mom: Well, you came out of my personal space, so that makes us even.
- When I successfully invade Canada and they offer me lands in a peace treaty... I'll take Nunavut.
- My psychiatrist says I invade other people's privacy because I'm "insecure". Says the guy whose home WiFi password is "password123".
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Invade One Liners
Which invade one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with invade? I can suggest the ones about invading poland and infested.
- If Russia invaded turkey from the rear, Do you think Greece would help?
- My face is so oily The US wants to invade it.
- What did Putin say to Ukraine after invading? Crimea River.
- Why did Germany invade Hungary in WW2 They were jealous of the Hung-Aryans
- My skin is so oily that I'm afraid that one day America may invade it!
- If I were to invade Djibouti... Do you think Greece would help? [read out loud]
- My car leaks so much oil that the U.S Army just invaded my driveway.
- If two rights make a wrong, what about a third right? Invades Poland.
- What do you call an extremely clingy alien? A personal space invader.
- Why did the United States invade Panama? Just cause.
- How do Soviets invade a country? They Russian.
- I told my mum she was invading my privacy She told me I came out her privacy
- If Luxembourg invaded another nation, then they'd probably be hit with a Luxembargo.
- Why us it not good to have an oily face? The US might invade it.
- How is making cheese like invading Syria? You get some Kurds in the way.
Uproarious Invade Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about invade you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean attack jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make invade pranks.
A teenager went to United Nations for help...
The UN judge asks, "Want are you afraid of?"
He replies,"My face is so oily, I'm afraid the US would invade me."
The North/South Korea conflict reminded me of an old joke set in Israel
Two old Israeli men are having lunch together, talking about this and that, politics and their jobs, and the conversation leads to them talking about the state of Israel.
"I'm telling you, Moskowitz, there's an easy solution to all the problems Israel has."
"I'm sure if there was one, it would have been used by now, Finklestein."
"No, no, no. I say we invade the United States."
Mr. Moskowitz almost chokes on his drink. "Invade the- what possible good do you think that could do for us! We would be absolutely destroyed if we declared war on them!"
My. Finklestein's face lights up. "Ah-hah! That's all part of the plan! We would be in such a terrible state that the U.S. would have to give us aid in order to rebuild ourselves! Now, we have modern U.S. technology, and if our neighbors would never attack us while the U.S. is occupying us!"
Moskowitz thinks about this for a while. Is the plan so crazy it might actually work? "Phah," he says. "With our Jewish luck, we would *win* the war."
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Polish Tanks
Question: Did you know that Poland just bought 10,000 Septic Tanks?
Answer: As soon as they learn how to drive 'em, they are going to invade Russia.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make a Swiss Roll?
Push him down a hill.
BONUS: How do you make French Wine?
Invade.
What did the invader say when he got to northern Canada?
I'll have Nunavut.
What happens when Putin gives an order to invade?
All the soldiers go on a vacation.
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Came up with this one today
How do the Russians invade the Ukraine?
They rush in.
I just finished a straight 8.5 hour binge of Dan Carlin's Wrath of the Khans podcast. I know one thing for sure:
You can't invade Russia in the winter. But Genghis certainly Khan.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
During World War 2, n**... invade a convent.
They yelled: " We are going to r**... every nun in this convent!" Mother Superior pleaded with the n**...: " You can r**... us all you want, but at the end of the hallway there is a room with a 100 year old nun in it. She is very sick and doesn't have long. Please leave her be."
All of a sudden the door at the end of the hall opens, and the old nun steps out yelling: "THE WAR IS ON FOR EVERYBODY!"
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Putin decides to invade Poland
Putin decides to invade Poland. But first, he wants to check the future situation in his country by visiting a fortuneteller.
Putin: Hello! I'd like to ask how much would a 0,7l bottle of v**... in Moscow 2016 cost.
Fortuneteller: Hmmm... it seems about twenty.
Putin: Rubles?!?
Fortuneteller: No, PLN.
What would you call it when the Queen of England decides to invade the U.S?
Threat from abroad.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did h**... invade Hungary?
Because he can't resist a HungAryan :)
What makes Americans great is their ability to laugh at themselves.
By themselves, I mean other people. By laugh, I mean invade.
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Regarding Canada
If they ever invade the States, I move we rename them the US-Eh
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I figured out how to invade Russia
You destroy all of the v**... then they'll be to sober to shoot straight.
You know Stalin tried to invade Scandinavia
But he just couldn't finnish
Why did the aliens choose to not invade and enslave the human race?
Because they're not garbage collectors.
Why did Hannibal invade Rome?
Well it was kinda hard to avoid, what will all roads leading there and what not.
President Obama is doubling down on fighting global warming
He's already sent three battalions of Marines to invade the Sun.
What fictional city can ISIS not invade by land?
Gotham City.
Why did Genghis invade China?
Because he khan.
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin?
First, invade ze kitchen...
Why did it take the Soviet Union such a long time to invade Germany?
They were Joseph Stalin.
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I'll be so demoralised if North Korea decides to invade South Korea...
It'd be Seoul destroying
The girl I'm dating is half Polish and half German.
I asked her if she ever got the urge to invade herself.
When the Mexicans finally invade and take over Los Angeles, what will the city be renamed to?
El Eyyyy
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What will the Sith call the earth when they invade and take command?
The Force r**...
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What did Invader Zim say to the bottle of Sodium Hydroxide that had "Bleach" written on it?
No, You Lye. YOU LYYYYYYYYYYYE!!!
If the U.S. ever discovered Time Travel
It would go back in time and invade itself for oil.
Why did the Mexican . . .
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
- For Hispanic attacks
Why did the Mexican Army invade the Alamo with only 5,000 troops?
- Because they only had two vans
Why did the Mexican train driver kill all his passengers?
- No one knows! He must have had a locomotive
Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a cliff?
- Tequila
What spell does America cast every time they invade a country in the Middle East?
Expecto Petroleum
Why did the Persians invade ancient Greece?
They were looking for weapons of math destruction.
I'll see myself out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Why does russia want to invade Ukraine
Because they want to make it an Ourkraine.
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What do you call it when rodents invade a b**... colony?
Hamsterdam
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Yo momma so fat..
h**... wanted to invade her for Lebensraum
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What did h**... say to the driver when he got lost trying to invade France?
"take the third r**..."
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It's okay if white people invade Mexico illegally, only speaking English, taking jobs, bringing gangs, r**... and drugs while demand citizenship?
That is the Politically Correct thing to do.
Russia really want to invade Finland so they can rest
As they would cross the Finnish line.
So germany said they won't invade Czechoslovakia, they still invaded it.
You can say Deutschlandlied
The French wanted more territory...
So they got ready to invade Spain
As the army crossed the border they were immediately ambushed and lost the battle.
Why?
Because nobody expects the Spanish in-position
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Aliens arrive to earth, "Let's invade that area first, humans called it Poland"
"Why that area first?"
"It seems a habit around here..."
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People don't want kids being taught about gay relationships as they think that'll turn their child gay. I learnt about WW2, it doesn't mean I want to invade Poland.
Yet.
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Increasing expectation among military analysts in recent days:
United States to invade United States to install democracy
