Introduce Jokes
111 introduce jokes and hilarious introduce puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about introduce that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Start off your introductions with a laugh! Learn how to introduce yourself with a joke in this helpful guide. Gain tips and tricks on how to craft the perfect funny introduction that your audience won't forget. Read on to find out the best way to greet and introduce yourself with a joke!
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Funniest Introduce Short Jokes
Short introduce jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The introduce humour may include short introduction jokes also.
- The only joke I know. How does a cow introduce his wife...?
He says, "meat patty".
I am very sorry. - I introduced my girlfriend to my family today. My kids really liked her but my wife seemed mad.
- *Introducing my girlfriend to the family* Mom: Don't settle for this, you deserve better..
Me: But mom, I lov.....
Mom: I was talking to her. - My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette. Blew his mind.
- My butcher introduced me to his wife the other day... He brought her out and said,
"meet patty" - Did you hear burger King is promoting a black Whopper? McDonalds responded by introducing a 3/5ths pounder.
- I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today... It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.
- To Non-USA Redditor's You all thought trying to enjoy Reddit without enduring US politics was hard?
Welcome to 2021 where we introduce you to our stock market! - So, I introduced my gf to my family today... I still don't know why my wife hates her so much.
- I always get told off when introducing my wife... Apparently, the label 'ex-girlfriend' is highly inappropriate.
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Introduce One Liners
Which introduce one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with introduce? I can suggest the ones about integrate and who we introducing.
- I've decided to marry a pencil I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B
- TIL chimney can be used as conjunctions They may introduce a clause
- How did the hamburger introduce his daughter? Meet Patty.
- How does Ronald mcdonald introduce his wife? Meet Patty.
- Introduced a friend of mine to minimalism It was the least I could do.
- My wife is mad at me because I introduce her as my ex-girlfriend.
- I always thought soy milk... was just introducing itself in Spanish
- Introducing the nihilist dating agency ... for people who have nothing in common
- I'd like to introduce you to my step ladder! I never knew my real ladder...
- I got my priest to stop hitting on me. I introduced him to my little brother.
- What do you call a new butcher being introduced to his colleagues? A meat and greet
- What do owls say when they're introduced? Howl do you do?
- How did the milk introduce itself at the Spanish party? Soy milk
- How does Bin Laden introduce himself to Germans? Ich Bin Laden.
- A news reporter introduces his new co-worker on air This Justin
Introduce Yourself Jokes
Here is a list of funny introduce yourself jokes and even better introduce yourself puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I told my father I would name my son after him He's going to be pretty surprised when I introduce him to Dad Jr
- I hear my local school wants to introduce massage classes to help combat stress but there's been a lot of opposition from parents' groups. Apparently, it's a very touchy subject.
- A guy I wrote into a joke asked me to tell him if I was ever introduced to his girlfriend. I said sorry, I never meta.
- I introduced my girlfriend to my family today. They were upset for no reason. Especially my wife.
- In their biology class, students are given an activity that introduces them to relative dating... One Student: "Relative Dating? This isn't Alabama!"
- Yoda has a brother called Will... But he keeps introducing himself as William, and nobody knows why.
- Introduced my girlfriend to the family over the weekend, everyone was shocked... Specially the wife .
- If my name was David and I had a boy, I would have to name him Harley. That way he could introduce himself, I'm Harley, David's son.
- Introducing my daughter to a co-worker Me: This is my daughter, Beth
Co-worker: And what's Beth short for?
Me: Because she's only 3 - I introduced my new boyfriend to my family last night Everyone was totally fine with it except for my wife
Quirky and Hilarious Introduce Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about introduce you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean describe jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make introduce pranks.
The local ice cream shop has introduced a new mixed fruit flavour of ice cream dedicated to the president of the United States
They call it the Im-peached orange.
They say it is good, perhaps the greatest in the history of mixed fruit ice creams.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Poor ol' Billy Smith
Last night, the barman asked, "How come every time you come in here with your wife, Billy Smith quickly finishes his pint and leaves?"
I replied, "Billy was actually the first person to introduce us."
"So?"
"So, I usually punch him when I see him."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An elementary teacher wanted to introduce physiological notions to her students.
She asks her class: Whoever feels s**... at times stand up!
After a while, little Johnny stands up, grudgingly.
The teacher asks: So Johnny, you feel s**... from time to time?
Little Johnny replies: No ma'am, it's just painful to see you standing all alone.
2 Irishmen, 2 Scotsmen, and 2 Englishmen
There were 2 Irishmen, 2 Scotsmen, and 2 Englishmen stuck on a deserted island. In one year, the two Irishmen made a still and was brewing beer, the two Scotsmen built a pub and were selling it. The two Englishmen still weren't talking to each other because they weren't properly introduced.
The Polite Way to Pee
a friend sent this to me on whatsapp today.
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite'
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.' 😶
'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?
Johnny said: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.'
The teacher fainted...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between an orange and an e**...?
... I don't have an orange.
My boyfriend's cousin introduced himself to me with this joke. Works best when whispered quietly into someone's ear at a noisy dinner party, FYI.
John Snow.
John Snow was at a bar outside the great wall drinking. A beautiful girl comes inside and her eyes meet his. She likes him, so she goes and introduce herself.
-Hello, handsome. My name is Jenny Spring. What's yours?
John laughs and continues with his drink.
-Why is this funny?
John responds,
-Nothing. I just imagine how rare it would be to have 7 inches of Snow in spring...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a bar and sees h**......
A man walks into a bar and sees h**....
"Hey, is that h**...?" he asks the bartender.
"Yeah that's Adolf and his right hand man. Have a cold beer and go introduce yourself!"
The man gets a nice cold bottle from the bartender and makes his way over to h**....
"Hello Adolf."
"How are you?" Adolf asks.
"Good, what are you doing?"
h**...'s right hand man chimes in. "We are going over plans for World War III."
"Ah, what are your plans for it?" the bar visiting man asks.
"Well, we will kill 1 million Jews and 1 bicycle repair man," Adolf's right hand man answers.
"Why are you going to kill a bicycle repair man?" asks the man.
h**... becomes excited and turns to his right hand man.
"Ha! See? I told you nobody would care about the Jews."
--
The Holocaust is a terrible thing. This is a terrible joke. However, it has made people laugh, even Jewish people because it is very unexpected. I have no issue with Jewish men or women.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Italian and a Greek get in a fight over s**...
Greek: the Greeks invented s**... centuries before the Italians!
Italians: maybe so but we improved on it by introducing it to women!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The first time I introduced a girlfriend to my grandpa.
"What's your name again?"
"Claudia."
"Oh *Claudia*. I'm sorry my dear, I won't forget it again. Claudia may I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Do you know the difference between s**... and breakfast?"
"...Um, no.?"
"Would you like to have breakfast sometime?"
Wife comes home and finds her husband sipping coffee with another woman
She starts swearing at her husband immediatelly.
He stops her: 'Don't shout at me, this woman has come to see you.'
'Me? You cheating liar, I don't know her at all!'
'OK, let me introduce you then. This is Carol, wife of your lover…'
Table manners
Teacher:"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
Teacher: 'That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'
Teacher:'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'
Johnny: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.'
So I was at a conference for experimental philosophy...
and it was getting a bit dull so I turned to the guy next to me and asked
"So, what do you do?"
He lit up, eager to tell all.
"Well, I'm studying the effects of introducing rodents to Nihilistic thinking through an intricate series of signals and experiments. Nice to meet cha!"
Ah, I replied.....
Mice to Nietszche.
I was chatting up this woman.
I said, "You're the sort of woman I could introduce to my mum."
"Aww," she smiled, "Can you?"
I said, "Of course, I'll drive us to the cemetery tomorrow."
Discount Air Rides
Delta Airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips. Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Responses are still pouring in asking, 'What trip?'
To bring a girl home,I just whisper in her ear "You know,if i get excited,It can touch the bottom of the Pringles Can"
I can see her eyes light up with excitement and thank the Pringles company for introducing the new Snack size cans.....
A deeply in love boy says to his girlfriend ...
"I might not be rich, nor have any money or expensive apartments, and even not be the owner of many companies like my friend Jack, but i love you, and i always will"
She, hugging him tight and already crying answered :
" If you really love me, will you introduce me to your friend Jack please ? "
I walked into a bar and saw this girl wearing a Falcons jersey.
I walked up and introduced myself as, "25 point lead".
"Is that your real name?", she asked.
I said, "No, but I figured anyone wearing a Falcons jersey would blow a 25 point lead."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So my wife finally had s**... with me
Apparently putting out was the only way to stop me from introducing her to everyone as "Wife without benefits".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Long before the Turks invented condoms
The greeks invented s**....
And the italians thought it was so good, they introduced it to women
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm introducing my girlfriend to my parents for the first time tonight
I told my girlfriend my parents were partially deaf, so she has to speak loud and slow. I told my parents my girlfriend is r**........this should be an interesting night.
The UK have just introduced a new law
Whenever you buy Mayonaise it's now compulsory that you buy Cabbage and Carrots with it. They're referring to it as Coles Law
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Worried about your kid having s**...?
Introduce them to fortnite.
A blond man walks into a bar
He sees a very attractive woman sitting by herself, so he goes over to introduce himself.
"Hello miss, my name is Billy. Can I buy you a drink?"
She says, "I'm Amanda."
The man says, "Oh, I'm sorry to bother you, sir." and leaves.
My girlfriend introduced our new baby to my friends.
"Look at those chubby cheeks and bald head," they said.
I said, "Thanks, but we're here to talk about the baby."
I left a trail of rose petals from the front door, up the stairs, and to the bedroom.
I sprinkled some more over the bed.
I sat in the corner wearing nothing but her beautiful silk robe with a bottle of vintage wine on ice on the end table.
I heard the door open and her walking up the stairs, I wanted this to be the most romantic evening she's ever had, I was slightly nervous.
Now all I need is the perfect line to introduce myself.
Finally got the courage to introduce my girlfriend to my family
Safe to say my wife wasn't happy.
When you're on a date, how do you politely tell a lady that you need to go to the bathroom?
"Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This season of Earth is not realistic
So many plot holes. Like, where did the m**... hornets go? Why introduce them if they're not important to the story?
I'm feeling Lost.
I am married to a Korean wife and she told me I get to name our son's English name
We live in Korea and gave our son my wife's last name 모 (pronounced 'mo').
I got to choose his English name so I said we should call him Lester.
So when I go around and introduce my child I could say
"This is our child 모 Lester"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young lady sitting alone in a restaurant when maitre'd approaches with a presentable looking gentlemen
\- I am sorry. We are overbooked, but i see you have a sit available at your table. Would you mind if this gentlemen shares a table with you?
She agrees. And before taking his sit the gentlemen introduces himself.
\- Hello, My name is John Smith. I am a politician, but I want to let you know that I am a honest person.
She says:
\- It's a pleasure to meet you. My name is Natasha, I am a high-priced p**..., but i want to let you know that i am a v**....
My cousin always introduces himself as "Stephen with a P-H"
It's because he's slightly acidic
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's the second day on Noah's Ark and all the animals are meeting up with their counterparts.
The unicorns find each other, and the first unicorn introduces himself, saying "Hi, my name's Frank." The second unicorn says "Hi Frank, I'm j**...!" The unicorns in unison say "Oh s**......"
Ivan was out with his young daughter and ran into a friend he'd not seen in years.
"This is Beth." Ivan said, introducing his kid. "And what's Beth short for?" his friend asked.
* Because she's only three."*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a bar and approaches an attractive young woman...
He starts to introduce himself before the woman cuts him off.
"Before you talk to me I want you to agree to follow Schwarzenegger's rule." She says.
The man asks, "What's Schwarzenegger's rule?" To which the woman responds:
"If you spoke to Arnold Schwarzenegger the way some men speak to women you'd get your a**... kicked, so don't say anything to me that you wouldn't say to him."
The man pauses for a moment before proudly proclaiming, "you've got a NICE chest."
An alien drops by the White House and exclaims: "take me to your leader". The alien is introduced to Donald Trump, who ushers it into the oval office to chat. 30 seconds later, the alien exits the room and walks back towards his ship.....
"Where are you going?! Our worlds have so much to discuss and learn from one another!" calls a Senator.
"You are right!" responds the alien.
"See you on Thursday!"
Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a dog!
Unless it's a repressed memory, I made this puppy up myself...
A woman walked into Dr Smith's office and introduced herself.
Hi, I'm Dr Yvette Tan, I've just become an accredited psychiatrist and would love to work as part of your medical practice .
Despite some misgivings, Dr Tan assured him she'd be needed eventually, and once he'd checked all her papers, he set her up in an empty office down the hall.
The next morning a man came in to see him and yelled out Doctor! I feel like I'm a dog!
Ah yes, the doctor replies, I think you'll need to see Yvette
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Johann Sebastian Bach finds a time machine...
Johann Sebastian Bach finds a finds machine and comes to present time. He walks into a bar and finds a beautiful woman and introduces himself. He asks to buy her a drink, and she says okay, sure. When he gets to the bar he tells the bartender that he actually doesn't have any American money. The woman hears him and scoffs, I knew I shouldn't have talked to your Baroque a**....
An 60 guy introduced his friend to his new trophy wife
When they alone without the wife they asked him : "how did you got such a hot wife? "
He said: " i lied about my age"
"did you tell her that you are fifty?" asked one of his friends
"no i told her i am eighty" replied the man
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Got introduced to a doctor and I asked what field he was in. He said, Urology . I didn't know how to respond…
So I said, No s**...?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a mercenary and a m**...?
Not much, they both introduce people to God.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My mother has the biggest b**... in the world
My mom always get r**... mad whenever I mention that she has the world biggest b**.... She tells me that is improper to be introducing my two brothers to strangers like that and I should instead introduce them by their proper names.
A couple went to a restaurant
Waitress: May I take your orders, please?
Husband: Oh my, aren't you pretty
Waitress: Why, thank you sir
Wife: Tell her about your erectile dysfunction dear
Husband: Of course! How rude of me? Allow me to introduce my erectile dysfunction. Her name is Samantha.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In 1974, Volkswagen introduced the Golf to Europe as a small car with a trunk large enough to stuff your golf clubs…
American companies would follow the success of this model, with Ford soon releasing the e**... in 1980.
*still working on this one
After many years of fighting crime as batman
Bruce Wayne finally got married and had a son. His son turned out to be brilliant at investing, especially in bitcoin, making Wayne Enterprises one of the biggest companies on the planet.
All this time, Bruce had been training him, and when the time was right, Bruce introduced his son to the Justice League, and told them that his son was going to take his place. Everyone was very welcoming, except for superman, who immediately quit the Justice League. He just couldn't work with a crypto knight.
The Marriage,,,
Paula, a mother was anxiously awaiting her daughter
Janet's plane to land. Janet had just come back from abroad trying to find
adventure during her gap year. As Janet was exiting the plane, Paula
noticed a man directly behind her daughter dressed in feathers with exotic
markings all over his body and carrying a shrunken head.
Janet introduced this man as her new husband.
Paula gasped out loud in disbelief and disappointment and screamed, "I
said for you to marry a rich Doctor .... a rich Doctor!"
A dad joke that took some time
I have a friend named Michelle, but everyone calls her Mitz. I was at a bar once with Mitz and another woman named Sue. Someone we didn't know walked up and began chatting. Eventually, we got to introduce ourselves. Mitz went first, then Sue, so I, of course, introduced myself as Bishi.
They all looked at me like I was an idiot, but I loved every second of it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just found out my wife is homophobic.
You should have seen how mean she was when I introduced her to my boyfriend…
Shortly after creating them, God is introducing Adam and Eve to The Garden.
"These are the trees and bushes that bear fruit for you to eat. These are the bodies of water, for you to drink from. These are the animals, for you to name. And this is the forbidden fruit, which you must never eat."
"And what's that?" says Eve, pointing to something on her left.
"Oh that?" says God, realizing Eve is pointing at Queen Elizabeth. "I don't know, that was there when I got here."
^Just ^a ^joke ^I ^heard ^a ^long ^time ^ago, ^which ^felt ^relevant ^today. ^RIP
Is anyone else terrible at remembering names?
I tried a new strategy with a guy I met recently. I was told to repeat someones name 3 times during introduction. He introduced himself to me with Hi my names Jathon. I reply. Hey Jathon. That's a really interesting name. Jathon. Where did your parents come up with Jathon? He says No need to be thuch an ath hole
