Introduce Jokes

112 introduce jokes and hilarious introduce puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about introduce that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Start off your introductions with a laugh! Learn how to introduce yourself with a joke in this helpful guide. Gain tips and tricks on how to craft the perfect funny introduction that your audience won't forget. Read on to find out the best way to greet and introduce yourself with a joke!

Funniest Introduce Short Jokes

Short introduce jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The introduce humour may include short introduction jokes also.

  1. The only joke I know. How does a cow introduce his wife...?
    He says, "meat patty".
    I am very sorry.
  2. I introduced my girlfriend to my family today. My kids really liked her but my wife seemed mad.
  3. *Introducing my girlfriend to the family* Mom: Don't settle for this, you deserve better..
    Me: But mom, I lov.....
    Mom: I was talking to her.
  4. If you ever get thrown into jail Introduce yourself as the mitochondria...
    You're the powerhouse of the cell.
  5. My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette. Blew his mind.
  6. My butcher introduced me to his wife the other day... He brought her out and said,
    "meet patty"
  7. Donald Trump is introducing a 30% tax on shredded cheese. It's part of his plan to Make America Grate Again.
  8. Did you hear burger King is promoting a black Whopper? McDonalds responded by introducing a 3/5ths pounder.
  9. I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today... It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.
  10. I've fallen in love with a pencil and we're getting married. I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.

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Introduce One Liners

Which introduce one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with introduce? I can suggest the ones about integrate and who we introducing.

  1. I've decided to marry a pencil I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B
  2. TIL chimney can be used as conjunctions They may introduce a clause
  3. I had a butcher come into my shop and introduce me to his wife... He said, "Meet Patty".
  4. How did the hamburger introduce his daughter? Meet Patty.
  5. I introduced my girlfriend to my family the other day. My wife was so mad.
  6. How does Ronald mcdonald introduce his wife? Meet Patty.
  7. Introduced a friend of mine to minimalism It was the least I could do.
  8. My wife is mad at me because I introduce her as my ex-girlfriend.
  9. How did the hamburger introduce his girlfriend? Meat patty.
  10. How does a burger introduce his wife? Meet Patty
  11. I always thought soy milk... was just introducing itself in Spanish
  12. How did the butcher introduce his wife? Meat Pattie
  13. My wife keeps getting mad at me when I introduce her "Hi guys, this is my ex-girlfriend."
  14. Introducing the nihilist dating agency ... for people who have nothing in common
  15. What if soy milk... just regular milk introducing itself in Spanish?

Introduce Yourself Jokes

Here is a list of funny introduce yourself jokes and even better introduce yourself puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • To Non-USA Redditor's You all thought trying to enjoy Reddit without enduring US politics was hard?
    Welcome to 2021 where we introduce you to our stock market!
  • So, I introduced my gf to my family today... I still don't know why my wife hates her so much.
  • I always get told off when introducing my wife... Apparently, the label 'ex-girlfriend' is highly inappropriate.
  • I told my father I would name my son after him He's going to be pretty surprised when I introduce him to Dad Jr
  • I hear my local school wants to introduce massage classes to help combat stress but there's been a lot of opposition from parents' groups. Apparently, it's a very touchy subject.
  • As I was introducing my family to our new neighbors, the guy exclaimed, Wow! Your wife and daughter look like twins! I chuckled and said... Well, they *were* separated at birth!"
  • A guy I wrote into a joke asked me to tell him if I was ever introduced to his girlfriend. I said sorry, I never meta.
  • I used to have this on my Tinder profile to introduce myself to guys... Im like a microwave: easy to turn on, warm on the inside and if you put a baby inside me I'll kill it.
  • I introduced my girlfriend to my family today. They were upset for no reason. Especially my wife.
  • soymilk is just regular milk introducing itself in Spanish
Introduce joke, soymilk is just regular milk

Quirky and Hilarious Introduce Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.

What funny jokes about introduce you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean brought jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make introduce pranks.

Do you give head to strangers?

Or should I introduce myself?

An elementary teacher wanted to introduce physiological notions to her students.

She asks her class: Whoever feels s**... at times stand up!
After a while, little Johnny stands up, grudgingly.
The teacher asks: So Johnny, you feel s**... from time to time?
Little Johnny replies: No ma'am, it's just painful to see you standing all alone.

One of my buddies turned 90, so for a birthday surprise I sent a h**... to his apartment. When he opened the door, she introduced herself and informed him that she was there to give him super s**.... His response...

I'll take the soup.

2 Irishmen, 2 Scotsmen, and 2 Englishmen

There were 2 Irishmen, 2 Scotsmen, and 2 Englishmen stuck on a deserted island. In one year, the two Irishmen made a still and was brewing beer, the two Scotsmen built a pub and were selling it. The two Englishmen still weren't talking to each other because they weren't properly introduced.

The Polite Way to Pee 

a friend sent this to me on whatsapp today.
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" 
Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.' 
The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite'
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.' 😶
'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. 
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners? 
Johnny said: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.' 
The teacher fainted...

What's the difference between an orange and an e**...?

... I don't have an orange.
My boyfriend's cousin introduced himself to me with this joke. Works best when whispered quietly into someone's ear at a noisy dinner party, FYI.

John Snow.

John Snow was at a bar outside the great wall drinking. A beautiful girl comes inside and her eyes meet his. She likes him, so she goes and introduce herself.
-Hello, handsome. My name is Jenny Spring. What's yours?
John laughs and continues with his drink.
-Why is this funny?
John responds,
-Nothing. I just imagine how rare it would be to have 7 inches of Snow in spring...

A man walks into a bar and sees h**......

A man walks into a bar and sees h**....
"Hey, is that h**...?" he asks the bartender.
"Yeah that's Adolf and his right hand man. Have a cold beer and go introduce yourself!"
The man gets a nice cold bottle from the bartender and makes his way over to h**....
"Hello Adolf."
"How are you?" Adolf asks.
"Good, what are you doing?"
h**...'s right hand man chimes in. "We are going over plans for World War III."
"Ah, what are your plans for it?" the bar visiting man asks.
"Well, we will kill 1 million Jews and 1 bicycle repair man," Adolf's right hand man answers.
"Why are you going to kill a bicycle repair man?" asks the man.
h**... becomes excited and turns to his right hand man.
"Ha! See? I told you nobody would care about the Jews."
The Holocaust is a terrible thing. This is a terrible joke. However, it has made people laugh, even Jewish people because it is very unexpected. I have no issue with Jewish men or women.

An Italian and a Greek get in a fight over s**...

Greek: the Greeks invented s**... centuries before the Italians!
Italians: maybe so but we improved on it by introducing it to women!

The first time I introduced a girlfriend to my grandpa.

"What's your name again?"
"Oh *Claudia*. I'm sorry my dear, I won't forget it again. Claudia may I ask you something?"
"Do you know the difference between s**... and breakfast?"
"...Um, no.?"
"Would you like to have breakfast sometime?"

Wife comes home and finds her husband sipping coffee with another woman

She starts swearing at her husband immediatelly.
He stops her: 'Don't shout at me, this woman has come to see you.'
'Me? You cheating liar, I don't know her at all!'
'OK, let me introduce you then. This is Carol, wife of your lover…'

Table manners

Teacher:"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
Teacher: 'That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'
Teacher:'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'
Johnny: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.'

To bring a girl home,I just whisper in her ear "You know,if i get excited,It can touch the bottom of the Pringles Can"

I can see her eyes light up with excitement and thank the Pringles company for introducing the new Snack size cans.....

The invention of s**...

A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture.
The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon"
The Italian says, "We have the Colosseum"
The Greek says "We had great Mathematicians"
The Italian says "We had the Roman Empire" and so on and so on and
Then Greek Says: "We invented s**..." The Italian says:"That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women"

I walked into a bar and saw this girl wearing a Falcons jersey.

I walked up and introduced myself as, "25 point lead".
"Is that your real name?", she asked.
I said, "No, but I figured anyone wearing a Falcons jersey would blow a 25 point lead."

So my wife finally had s**... with me

Apparently putting out was the only way to stop me from introducing her to everyone as "Wife without benefits".

I'm getting married to my pencil,

I can't wait to introduce my parents to my wife 2B!

Long before the Turks invented condoms

The greeks invented s**....
And the italians thought it was so good, they introduced it to women

I'm introducing my girlfriend to my parents for the first time tonight

I told my girlfriend my parents were partially deaf, so she has to speak loud and slow. I told my parents my girlfriend is r**........this should be an interesting night.

In their biology class, students are given an activity that introduces them to relative dating...

One Student: "Relative Dating? This isn't Alabama!"

Worried about your kid having s**...?

Introduce them to fortnite.

Trophy Wife

My buddy introduced me to his trophy wife......
Apparently she didn't come in first place..

I left a trail of rose petals from the front door, up the stairs, and to the bedroom.

I sprinkled some more over the bed.
I sat in the corner wearing nothing but her beautiful silk robe with a bottle of vintage wine on ice on the end table.
I heard the door open and her walking up the stairs, I wanted this to be the most romantic evening she's ever had, I was slightly nervous.
Now all I need is the perfect line to introduce myself.

Jim was out shopping with his young daughter and ran into an old college classmate.

"This is Beth," Jim said proudly, introducing his kid.
"And what's Beth short for?" The friend asked.
Puzzled, he replied,"Because she's only three!

This season of Earth is not realistic

So many plot holes. Like, where did the m**... hornets go? Why introduce them if they're not important to the story?
I'm feeling Lost.

I am married to a Korean wife and she told me I get to name our son's English name

We live in Korea and gave our son my wife's last name 모 (pronounced 'mo').
I got to choose his English name so I said we should call him Lester.
So when I go around and introduce my child I could say
"This is our child 모 Lester"

Greeks invented s**...

And then Romans introduced women

Yoda has a brother called Will...

But he keeps introducing himself as William, and nobody knows why.

I'd like to introduce you to my step ladder!

I never knew my real ladder...

A young lady sitting alone in a restaurant when maitre'd approaches with a presentable looking gentlemen

\- I am sorry. We are overbooked, but i see you have a sit available at your table. Would you mind if this gentlemen shares a table with you?
She agrees. And before taking his sit the gentlemen introduces himself.
\- Hello, My name is John Smith. I am a politician, but I want to let you know that I am a honest person.
She says:
\- It's a pleasure to meet you. My name is Natasha, I am a high-priced p**..., but i want to let you know that i am a v**....

First Night in Prison

I was introduced to my cell mate and he said.......
You touch my stuff and I will kill you.......
I catch you staring at me and I will kill you.......
You touch me and I will kill you........
I thought to myself.......Great, just got here and I am
already married

Ivan was out with his young daughter and ran into a friend he'd not seen in years.

"This is Beth." Ivan said, introducing his kid. "And what's Beth short for?" his friend asked.
* Because she's only three."*

A sixty year old millionaire ran into an old friend in a jewelry store after a gap of several years and proudly introduces him to his gorgeous twenty eight year old wife.

The friend eyes her as she tries on a necklace in the tabletop mirror and whispers, "You lucky dog, how did you net someone like her?"
The millionaire leans in closer and whispers conspiratorially, "I told her that I was eighty."

Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a dog!

Unless it's a repressed memory, I made this puppy up myself...
A woman walked into Dr Smith's office and introduced herself.
Hi, I'm Dr Yvette Tan, I've just become an accredited psychiatrist and would love to work as part of your medical practice .
Despite some misgivings, Dr Tan assured him she'd be needed eventually, and once he'd checked all her papers, he set her up in an empty office down the hall.
The next morning a man came in to see him and yelled out Doctor! I feel like I'm a dog!
Ah yes, the doctor replies, I think you'll need to see Yvette

Johann Sebastian Bach finds a time machine...

Johann Sebastian Bach finds a finds machine and comes to present time. He walks into a bar and finds a beautiful woman and introduces himself. He asks to buy her a drink, and she says okay, sure. When he gets to the bar he tells the bartender that he actually doesn't have any American money. The woman hears him and scoffs, I knew I shouldn't have talked to your Baroque a**....

Introduced my girlfriend to the family over the weekend, everyone was shocked...

Specially the wife .

An 60 guy introduced his friend to his new trophy wife

When they alone without the wife they asked him : "how did you got such a hot wife? "
He said: " i lied about my age"
"did you tell her that you are fifty?" asked one of his friends
"no i told her i am eighty" replied the man

What's the difference between a mercenary and a m**...?

Not much, they both introduce people to God.

My mother has the biggest b**... in the world

My mom always get r**... mad whenever I mention that she has the world biggest b**.... She tells me that is improper to be introducing my two brothers to strangers like that and I should instead introduce them by their proper names.

If my name was David and I had a boy, I would have to name him Harley.

That way he could introduce himself, I'm Harley, David's son.

A guy took his small daughter with him to work one day...

After he introduced all the other employees to her she began to cry. He asked her what the matter was and she said, "You told Mom that you work with a bunch of clowns. Where are they?"

In 1974, Volkswagen introduced the Golf to Europe as a small car with a trunk large enough to stuff your golf clubs…

American companies would follow the success of this model, with Ford soon releasing the e**... in 1980.
*still working on this one

After many years of fighting crime as batman

Bruce Wayne finally got married and had a son. His son turned out to be brilliant at investing, especially in bitcoin, making Wayne Enterprises one of the biggest companies on the planet.
All this time, Bruce had been training him, and when the time was right, Bruce introduced his son to the Justice League, and told them that his son was going to take his place. Everyone was very welcoming, except for superman, who immediately quit the Justice League. He just couldn't work with a crypto knight.

A dad joke that took some time

I have a friend named Michelle, but everyone calls her Mitz. I was at a bar once with Mitz and another woman named Sue. Someone we didn't know walked up and began chatting. Eventually, we got to introduce ourselves. Mitz went first, then Sue, so I, of course, introduced myself as Bishi.
They all looked at me like I was an idiot, but I loved every second of it.

How does the Hamburglar introduce his girlfriend?

Meet Patty

Shortly after creating them, God is introducing Adam and Eve to The Garden.

"These are the trees and bushes that bear fruit for you to eat. These are the bodies of water, for you to drink from. These are the animals, for you to name. And this is the forbidden fruit, which you must never eat."
"And what's that?" says Eve, pointing to something on her left.
"Oh that?" says God, realizing Eve is pointing at Queen Elizabeth. "I don't know, that was there when I got here."
^Just ^a ^joke ^I ^heard ^a ^long ^time ^ago, ^which ^felt ^relevant ^today. ^RIP

Is anyone else terrible at remembering names?

I tried a new strategy with a guy I met recently. I was told to repeat someones name 3 times during introduction. He introduced himself to me with Hi my names Jathon. I reply. Hey Jathon. That's a really interesting name. Jathon. Where did your parents come up with Jathon? He says No need to be thuch an ath hole

Introduce joke, Is anyone else terrible at remembering names?

jokes about introduce