Introduce Jokes

Start off your introductions with a laugh! Learn how to introduce yourself with a joke in this helpful guide. Gain tips and tricks on how to craft the perfect funny introduction that your audience won't forget. Read on to find out the best way to greet and introduce yourself with a joke!

Quirky and Hilarious Introduce Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.

Poor ol' Billy Smith

Last night, the barman asked, "How come every time you come in here with your wife, Billy Smith quickly finishes his pint and leaves?"

I replied, "Billy was actually the first person to introduce us."

"So?"

"So, I usually punch him when I see him."

Do you give head to strangers?

Or should I introduce myself?

An elementary teacher wanted to introduce physiological notions to her students.

She asks her class: Whoever feels stupid at times stand up!
After a while, little Johnny stands up, grudgingly.
The teacher asks: So Johnny, you feel stupid from time to time?
Little Johnny replies: No ma'am, it's just painful to see you standing all alone.

I hear my local school wants to introduce massage classes to help combat stress but there's been a lot of opposition from parents' groups.

Apparently, it's a very touchy subject.

jokes about introduce

John Snow.

John Snow was at a bar outside the great wall drinking. A beautiful girl comes inside and her eyes meet his. She likes him, so she goes and introduce herself.

-Hello, handsome. My name is Jenny Spring. What's yours?

John laughs and continues with his drink.

-Why is this funny?

John responds,

-Nothing. I just imagine how rare it would be to have 7 inches of Snow in spring...

This Valentines Day, I want to really surprise my wife.

So I'm gonna introduce her to my girlfriend.

This is what I learned from Russian Literature

Alright so 2 guys and 1 girl are stranded on a island

If they were French then they would have a "menage a trois" and get along just fine.

If they were English then they would be mad at each other because none of them were properly introduce.

And if they were Russian then the girl would have married the guy she didn't like and everyone would be unhappy.

Introduce joke, This is what I learned from Russian Literature

How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meat Pattie

A man walks into a bar and sees Hitler...

A man walks into a bar and sees Hitler.

"Hey, is that Hitler?" he asks the bartender.

"Yeah that's Adolf and his right hand man. Have a cold beer and go introduce yourself!"

The man gets a nice cold bottle from the bartender and makes his way over to Hitler.

"Hello Adolf."

"How are you?" Adolf asks.

"Good, what are you doing?"

Hitler's right hand man chimes in. "We are going over plans for World War III."

"Ah, what are your plans for it?" the bar visiting man asks.

"Well, we will kill 1 million Jews and 1 bicycle repair man," Adolf's right hand man answers.

"Why are you going to kill a bicycle repair man?" asks the man.

Hitler becomes excited and turns to his right hand man.

"Ha! See? I told you nobody would care about the Jews."

--

The Holocaust is a terrible thing. This is a terrible joke. However, it has made people laugh, even Jewish people because it is very unexpected. I have no issue with Jewish men or women.

Wife comes home and finds her husband sipping coffee with another woman

She starts swearing at her husband immediatelly.

He stops her: 'Don't shout at me, this woman has come to see you.'

'Me? You cheating liar, I don't know her at all!'

'OK, let me introduce you then. This is Carol, wife of your lover…'

TIL chimneys can be used as conjunctions

They may introduce a clause

You can explore introduce elementary reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean introduce adopt dad jokes. There are also introduce puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

I've decided to marry a pencil

I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B

How does the butcher introduce his wife?

Meat Patty.

(This was told to me by an old man I cut off with my grocery cart at the grocery store).

I was chatting up this woman.

I said, "You're the sort of woman I could introduce to my mum."

"Aww," she smiled, "Can you?"

I said, "Of course, I'll drive us to the cemetery tomorrow."

I introduced my girlfriend to my family today.

My kids really liked her but my wife seemed mad.

I've fallen in love with a pencil and we're getting married.

I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.

Introduce joke, I've fallen in love with a pencil and we're getting married.

A deeply in love boy says to his girlfriend ...

"I might not be rich, nor have any money or expensive apartments, and even not be the owner of many companies like my friend Jack, but i love you, and i always will"

She, hugging him tight and already crying answered :

" If you really love me, will you introduce me to your friend Jack please ? "

I introduced my girlfriend to my family the other day.

My wife was so mad.

How do you introduce an exhausted red vegetable to a steak?

"Beat beet, meet meat."

I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today...

It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.

I told my brother in law, David, to name his son Harley

that way I can introduce him as Harley, David's son.

If you ever get thrown into jail

Introduce yourself as the mitochondria...

You're the powerhouse of the cell.

I introduced my new boyfriend to my family last night

Everyone was totally fine with it except for my wife

I told my father I would name my son after him

He's going to be pretty surprised when I introduce him to Dad Jr

How does Bin Laden introduce himself to Germans?

Ich Bin Laden.

Midget priest

The new bishop is visiting local churches to meet the priests and introduce himself.

He walks in to see a midget priest.

Surprised he exclaims "wow you must be the only midget catholic priest in the whole faith, what's that like?"

The midget says "actually we prefer little people"

Bishop replies "Who doesn't"

Introduce joke, Midget priest

Apple wanted to introduce a line of phones specifically for children.

But they scrapped it, 'ITouch Kids' just didn't seem right.

Heard this somewhere a while back. Don't think it was here. Thought you guys might like it.

How does Ronald McDonald introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.

How did the hamburger introduce his daughter?

Meet Patty.

Hello, I'd like to introduce you to my friend. He's a Jewish Barista.

Hebrew.

My daughter brought her boyfriend home from college so I decided to introduce my two best friends to him

Their names are Smith&Wesson

How does pizza sauce introduce itself at a fiesta?

Yo no soy marinara

A man suffering from Alzheimer's leaves a bakery...

...and as he walks out the door the baker yells 'You forgotch'ya focaccia!'

(came from a dream i had. the GF insists its terrible but ill keep using it when i introduce it to her friends)

I'm getting married to my pencil,

I can't wait to introduce my parents to my wife 2B!

Etiquette rule #381: When on a romantic date with a lady, you feel the need to use the bathroom, excuse yourself by saying:

Excuse me, I need to go shake hands with a dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to later tonight.

How did the milk introduce itself at the Spanish party?

Soy milk

So, I introduced my gf to my family today...

I still don't know why my wife hates her so much.

Finally decided to introduce my girlfriend to my family for New Years, but they just would not get along.

My wife can be such a b!tch during the holidays.

The UK have just introduced a new law

Whenever you buy Mayonaise it's now compulsory that you buy Cabbage and Carrots with it. They're referring to it as Coles Law

I introduced a miner to some heavy metal.

The Miner really digs the music.

Whenever I introduce myself, I always bring up the titantic.

It's just such a good ice breaker!

Want your kids to spend more time outside?

Introduce them to smoking

What's the politically correct way to introduce your midget buddy?

Say hello to my little friend.

I used to have this on my Tinder profile to introduce myself to guys...

Im like a microwave: easy to turn on, warm on the inside and if you put a baby inside me I'll kill it.

Love doesn't last

When you introduce the D

Dad joke while in labor and delivery

Wife is getting induced so we are currently at the hospital and while talking to the nurse she asked how many kids she had. To which she replied 3 as any seasoned Dad would do I decided to introduce a joke that had me cracking up in my head so I turn and look and say 3 kids with a frown that's an odd number. Made my day but was made to a tough crowd so came here for a better response.

You know what's my favorite part of my stalking support group?

You never have to introduce yourself.

How did the hamburger introduce his girlfriend?

Meat patty.

Worried about your kid having sex?

Introduce them to fortnite.

A blond man walks into a bar

He sees a very attractive woman sitting by herself, so he goes over to introduce himself.

"Hello miss, my name is Billy. Can I buy you a drink?"

She says, "I'm Amanda."

The man says, "Oh, I'm sorry to bother you, sir." and leaves.

A teacher asks a class of 1st graders

"If you're on a date how do you politely say you are going to the restroom?" A little girl says "Please excuse me while I go to the little girls room" the teacher says that's perfect, anyone else? A little boy says "If you'll excuse me for a moment, I need to shake hands with a dear friend of mine that I hope to introduce you to later."

Finally got the courage to introduce my girlfriend to my family

Safe to say my wife wasn't happy.

When you're on a date, how do you politely tell a lady that you need to go to the bathroom?

"Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner."

What do you say when you're introduced to a vegan?

Nice to meat you.

My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette.

Blew his mind.

This season of Earth is not realistic

So many plot holes. Like, where did the murder hornets go? Why introduce them if they're not important to the story?

I'm feeling Lost.

I am married to a Korean wife and she told me I get to name our son's English name

We live in Korea and gave our son my wife's last name λͺ¨ (pronounced 'mo').

I got to choose his English name so I said we should call him Lester.

So when I go around and introduce my child I could say

"This is our child λͺ¨ Lester"

I'd like to introduce you to my step ladder!

I never knew my real ladder...

I had a butcher come into my shop and introduce me to his wife...

He said, "Meet Patty".

Tetanus isn't actually caused by rusty objects, but by bacteria in dirt, which we often associate with rusty nails and tools that can introduce the bacteria through wounds.

This is why tetanus vaccines are so important. For anti-vaxxers, that truth could be hard to swallow.

Any appreciation for lockjaw puns?

I introduced my girlfriend to my family today. They were upset for no reason.

Especially my wife.

Mom, let me introduce my girlfriend

Mom: You couldn't find anyone better?

Me: Leave her alone, I love her!

Mom: Shut up, I'm speaking to her.

A man walks into a bar and approaches an attractive young woman...

He starts to introduce himself before the woman cuts him off.


"Before you talk to me I want you to agree to follow Schwarzenegger's rule." She says.


The man asks, "What's Schwarzenegger's rule?" To which the woman responds:


"If you spoke to Arnold Schwarzenegger the way some men speak to women you'd get your ass kicked, so don't say anything to me that you wouldn't say to him."


The man pauses for a moment before proudly proclaiming, "you've got a NICE chest."

You're either ugly or your mean. You can't be both.

Mitch McConnell: "Allow me to introduce myself"

To Non-USA Redditor's

You all thought trying to enjoy Reddit without enduring US politics was hard?

Welcome to 2021 where we introduce you to our stock market!

How does a burger introduce his wife?

Meet Patty

The only joke I know.

How does a cow introduce his wife...?

He says, "meat patty".

I am very sorry.

Introduced my girlfriend to the family over the weekend, everyone was shocked...

Specially the wife .

How did I introduce my slutty pet fox?

Everyone, meet she-fox, she-fox, everyone.

Got introduced to a doctor and I asked what field he was in. He said, Urology . I didn't know how to respond…

So I said, No shit?

What's the difference between a mercenary and a missionary?

Not much, they both introduce people to God.

My wife keeps getting mad at me when I introduce her

"Hi guys, this is my ex-girlfriend."

I Introduced my 20 years younger gf to my family and everyone hated her...

Maybe my wifes birthdayparty was not the right time afterall

My mother has the biggest boobs in the world

My mom always get raging mad whenever I mention that she has the world biggest boobs. She tells me that is improper to be introducing my two brothers to strangers like that and I should instead introduce them by their proper names.

A couple went to a restaurant

Waitress: May I take your orders, please?

Husband: Oh my, aren't you pretty

Waitress: Why, thank you sir

Wife: Tell her about your erectile dysfunction dear

Husband: Of course! How rude of me? Allow me to introduce my erectile dysfunction. Her name is Samantha.

If my name was David and I had a boy, I would have to name him Harley.

That way he could introduce himself, I'm Harley, David's son.

When I introduce myself, no one takes me seriously.

I don't understand why. The only thing I say is, "Hi, I'm Joe King."

I was introduced to my cell mate and he said,

"You touch my stuff and I will kill you. I catch you staring at me and I will kill you. You touch me and I will kill you."

I thought to myself, "Just got here and I'm already married."

How did the introverted teenager introduce himself to his crush?

He didn't

How does a hamburger introduce his girlfriend?

Meat Patty

A dad joke that took some time

I have a friend named Michelle, but everyone calls her Mitz. I was at a bar once with Mitz and another woman named Sue. Someone we didn't know walked up and began chatting. Eventually, we got to introduce ourselves. Mitz went first, then Sue, so I, of course, introduced myself as Bishi.

They all looked at me like I was an idiot, but I loved every second of it.

General Motors will introduce 2 new warning lights for their cars!

One to tell you that you need a new engine and the other to tell you that you need a new car.

How does the Hamburglar introduce his girlfriend?

Meet Patty

Introduced a friend of mine to minimalism

It was the least I could do.

My wife is mad at me

because I introduce her as my ex-girlfriend.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the introduce schizophrenics puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working introduce introduce yourself piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes