Intolerant Jokes

Following is our collection of pedicure puns and diabetic one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Intolerant jokes for adults, dirty amputee jokes and clean bigotry dad gags for kids.

The Best Intolerant Puns

I got frostbite and had part of my foot amputated. Then my girlfriend left me.

She was lack-toes intolerant.

I have a lactose intolerant friend who sells ice cream for a living.

He can't take it, but he can dish it out.

My new girlfriend dumped me when she found out I was missing a toe

Apparently she's lactose intolerant.

I like my women like I like my milkshake

Not at all. I'm lactose intolerant and gay

My friend lost his toes in a car accident, so I punched him in the face

I'm lack toes intolerant


Just thought this when making a coffee, I'm sorry...

I've grown a fetish where I love to lick milk off white women's feet, I've been labelled a racist though... it's not my fault I'm black toes intolerant.

Thank you, thank you very much *hangs head in shame*

Lost three toes in a wood-chopping accident and my girlfriend dumped me

Said she's lack-toes intolerant

Why couldn't the boy look at the Milky Way?

He was galactose intolerant.

What do you call someone who only likes people with 10 toes?

Lack toes intolerant.

What did the lactose intolerant guy say after having a glass of milk?

Please excuse my dairy air

I sure hope Pennywise isn't lactose intolerant...

He seems to eat a lot of Derry


When my toaster broke, my wife left me.

I guess she was lack toast intolerant

I cut off the end of my foot but the Doctor wouldn't treat me.

Turns out he was lack toes intolerant.

I used to date a girl who was lactose intolerant.

We broke up because she couldn't stomach my cheesy jokes.

I can't wear preppy clothes...

I'm Lacoste Intolerant.

I had a sip of the Milky Way galaxy.

It turns out I'm galactose intolerant.

My friend stopped talking to me after I lost 3 of my toes to frost bite.

I didn't know he was lack toes intolerant.

Pickup line : hello, are you lactose intolerant?

Just wanted to make sure, my pickup line is very chessy. .


I used that once...she laughed...her husband laughed i walked away...true story btw

My girlfriend left me after I lost both my legs in an accident

She said she was lack toes intolerant.


My friend walked out on his date when she told him she had a deformed foot.

I told him he shouldn't be lack toes intolerant.

I discriminate against people who lose digits on their feet to frostbite.

I guess you could say I am lactose intolerant.

I need to get a valentine's card for my lactose intolerant wife

But they're all too cheesy

Yesterday, I saw a guy harassing a diabetic who recently had parts of his foot amputated.

I guess the first guy was lack toes intolerant.

Why don't cannibals eat the feet?

Because they are lactoes intolerant. Told to me by my 12 year old.

What do you call a lactose intolerant Mexican bodybuilder.

No whey Jose

A man with no toes walks into a bar...

...the bartender looks at the man's feet and says "Sorry, we don't serve your kind here."

The man is confused. He asks a nearby customer what the bartender is talking about. The customer responds:

"He's 'lack-toes' intolerant."

I'm glad my wife is lactose intolerant.

We don't have to pose for pictures.

A Vegan who is also gluten intolerant walks up to you. What is the first thing they say to you?

"I crossfit"

I tried to get my partner to embrace by foot fetish...

...but they were lictose intolerant.

I really hate people who never have bread for breakfast...

You can say I'm lack toast intolerant

I'll ^see ^^myself ^^^out

Every time my mom burns my grilled cheese sandwich I get a stomach ache...

I guess I'm black toast intolerant.

I hate people with club feet...

I'm lack toes intolerant.

I had a friend who lost a toe in an accident.

We aren't friends any more, I'm extremely lack toes intolerant.

My buddy's wife left him after he lost his feet in a car accident.

Turned out she was lack toes intolerant.

I dated a girl until she showed me her right foot

I dated a girl until she showed me her right foot. She lost 3 toes in an accident as a child, so I had to run away. What else could I do? I am lack toes intolerant.

What do you call someone who can't eat burnt toast?

Black toast intolerant.

I broke up with my girlfriend when I found out she only has 4 toes on each foot....

Turns out I'm lack-toes intolerant..

Spray Cheese

When you're lactose intolerant all cheese is spray cheese

I broke up with my girlfriend after she had to have all of her toes amputated...

I told her before we started dating that I'm *lack-toes intolerant*.

I can't wear any clothes with a crocodile on them because I get an allergic reaction.

I'm Lacoste intolerant.

A toast!

Had to throw away my toaster because it kept burning my toast. I guess you could say I'm black toast intolerant.

I have a new co-worker, who only has seven toes. I instantly hated him.

Turns out I'm lack toes intolerant.

I try to be cheesy when I make jokes.

Unfortunately, everyone I know is laughtose intolerant.

My girlfriend asked me if I would mind if she lost the end of her foot

I said "Sorry, I'm lack-toes intolerant."

There are two things I hate in this world...

People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch.

A few months ago my friend lost three toes in a work accident. Today his wife left him because she said that she couldn't handle it....

.....I guess she was lack toes intolerant.

I got angry when my waitress served me eggs with no bread

I'm very lacktoast intolerant.

My friend refuses to wear clothes with crocodiles on them...

... he's Lacoste intolerant

I hate intolerant people

Can't stand 'em.

TIFU by accidentally giving my girlfriend my sandwich that had extra cheese when she's lactose intolerant

Whoops, wrong sub.

What do you call a man with no feet and is allergic to milk?

Lack-toes intolerant

I'm not doing anything cheesy for my girlfriend on valentines day...

She's lactose intolerant.

I found out one of my friend is missing all his toes on his right foot

I had to end the friendship because I'm lack-toes intolerant

It may not be politically correct, but I wouldn't ever date someone who was born with deformed feet.

You could say I'm lack-toes intolerant.

What kind of people don't enjoy cheesy jokes?

People who are laughtose intolerant.

None of my friends seem to care that I'm lactose intolerant

But tell them I'm racist and they all flip out.

When I found out my Tinder date was missing a foot, I nearly threw up.

I'm lack-toes intolerant.

I hate when people have missing toes!

You might even say I'm...lack toes intolerant.

(Is this a dad joke? The gf is pretty baby crazy lately and i dont know if im ready yet)

[OC] My best friend recently lost the front of his foot in a boating accident and now I hate him.

I'm surprised by how lactose intolerant I am.

One thing I regret

Is that I left my girlfriend after she lost her foot in an accident. I am just lack toes intolerant.

My dad is so racist. He doesn't like black people. He doesn't even like their feet.

I guess you could say that he's Blacktoes intolerant.

(Credit to my father for this original joke)

Went on a date with a girl. The date lasted until I found out she had lost all of the toes on her left foot in a horrible accident.

I guess you could say that I'm lack toes intolerant.

Marine biologists were baffled by why Jaws would always swim away after chomping off swimmers' legs.

Turns out he's lack toes intolerant.

I can't stand people that have foot fetishes.

You might even say I'm lick toes intolerant.

I'm lactose intolerant, but I still eat chees because I'm not a barbarian.

I'm a cultured man

My friend told me he can't drink milk. I asked him if he is lactose intolerant. He said he is actually allergic to the milk protein.

I said No whey!

A man walked in to a diner

He sat down and ordered bacon, eggs, toast, and a coffee. The waitress said "I'm sorry sir, but we don't serve toast here."
He got up and said "well if you don't serve toast, I must leave at once."
He was lack-toast intolerant.

My grandmother detested men with shortened feet.

She was lack-toes intolerant.

What phrase freaks out a gluten intolerant Soviet the most?

Gluten Tag.

What did the lactose intolerant Mexican say?

No whey Jose.

I worked with a guy on a building site...

I once worked with a guy on a building site who never wore steel toe caps. When I asked him why, he said he didn't them. Turns out he was lactose intolerant.

I have a French friend who is allergic to the number 8.

He's huit intolerant.

what did the lactose intolerant man say after eating an ice cream cone?

please excuse my dairy air

Ever since my wife had her toes amputated I can't stand to be around her.

I guess I'm *lack toes* intolerant.

What do you call somebody who is allergic to wearing little alligators on their polo shirt?

Lacoste intolerant.

There are two types of people I hate in this world...

People intolerant of other people's culture....

and the Dutch.

Credit to Nigel Powers

What's the difference between somebody who doesn't drink milk and somebody who dislikes amputees?

One is lactose intolerant, the other is lack toes intolerant

So this guy absolutely hated pirates...

He wouldn't have anything to do with them. Eventually, we realized it wasn't all pirates. Just peg-leg pirates. Actually, it was anybody who had lost a lower limb. We later discovered he was lack-toes intolerant.

A friend of mine hates people with no feet

Hes lack-toes intolerant

I had to breakup with my girlfriend

After she lost her toes in a climbing accident.

Afterall I am lac-toes intolerant.

I really don't like toe amputees

I'm lack toes intolerant

Did you hear about the cannibal who could only ever finish half a person?

He was leg/toes intolerant!

What do you call racist milk?

Intolerant Lactose.

Walked up to my dyslexic friend to show him my new polo shirt, and he barfed all over it.

He should've told me he was Lacoste intolerant.

What do you call an alien who can't drink milk?

Galactose intolerant.

This talk about a Muslim ban is ridiculous. We should be banning people who are missing toes.

Sorry!! I'm lack toes intolerant.

She threw me out after discovering I had no cooked bread...

She is lack-toast intolerant.

The Outsiders: Why is Ponyboy lactose intolerant?

He hates Dairy but likes Sodapop.

Here in Wisconsin, we're known as the Dairy State

Or for the lactose intolerant among us, the Diarrhea State

There is an abundance of tolerate jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 89 funniest jokes and intolerant puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any lactoes witze you can hear about intolerant.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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