Intimate Jokes
35 intimate jokes and hilarious intimate puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about intimate that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh away with some of the most hilarious intimate jokes that are perfect for husband and wife couples! Enjoy the cozy and confidential jokes with your closest confidant and be sure to keep your laughter alive.
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Funniest Intimate Short Jokes
Short intimate jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The intimate humour may include short intense jokes also.
- I always start crying uncontrollably whenever I am about to get intimate with a girl . . . . . . Any good tips with dealing with pepper spray?
- A woman in work was fired for having intimate relations with a colleague. We don't know who fingered her
- I always start crying when im about to get intimate with a girl Does anybody have a good tips against pepperspray?
- My wife and I have recently moved into my Mother-In-Laws while our house is being renovated... Being intimate is pretty tricky!
I constantly have to remind her that my Wife is sitting downstairs... - I always cry before getting intimate with a girl Does someone have tips against pepperspray?
- My girlfriend and I have an intimate relationship, but she got upset when I was using her toothbrush. So I just said 'Hey, if YOU have a better way to get dogshit out of sneakers...'
- Why do S and U feel comfortable sharing intimate details to the one next to them? Because that's where loyal T lies.
- Did you hear about that lady who communicated with and had an intimate relationship with a dolphin? I guess they just clicked
- There's only one phrase my girlfriend responds to when we have our intimate time together Hey Siri
- Every man should seek an intimate relationship with Jesus. But not too intimate. Homosexuality is a sin.
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Intimate One Liners
Which intimate one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with intimate? I can suggest the ones about affectionate and romantic.
- Did you hear about the intimate blind couple? It was love at first.
- Eye contact is so attractive and intimate Unless it's with the invigilator of the exam
- What do you call two crows being intimate on a tree? Dichromate
- In a democracy one's voice is intimated. When you require 'id' it's intimidated.
- I was intimate with a clown once. She just tickled my funny bone.
- I had intimate contact with Jesus... ...in a Mexican jail cell.
- You know what the best part about being intimate with pregnant women is? The b**...
Charming Humor Intimate Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about intimate you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean marital jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make intimate pranks.
I was having intimate relations with a married woman.
A car pulled into the garage, and the woman said, "Oh no it's my husband! Quick, use the back door!"
Thinking back, I should have run, but you don't get offers like that every day.
Two homosexuals bumped into each other one day in Bondi Junction.
After their customary intimate greeting, one of them asked the other, "Fabian, have you stopped smoking?"
When Fabian replied in the affirmative, his chum asked him how he had managed to kick the habit.
Explained Fabian, "It was easy really. Everytime I felt like a cigarette, I`d just s**... on a lifesaver."
Replied his friend, "Well - lucky you live near the beach."
Jim and his s**... life...
A man named Jim has been married to his beautiful wife for 15 years. They have two wonderful kids, a dog and a nice home.
You see, Jim works really hard at his job, but lately his s**... life has suffered because of it.
Jim goes to his doctor to ask why he is so tired all the time.
Jim says to his doc "you know, I work 16 hour days and when I come home I just have no time to be intimate with my wife. I have no energy! What do I do!"
His doctor replies "Okay Jim I can see you're a little bit overweight so maybe you need some exercise to increase that stamina. Every day for 30 days I want you to walk a mile. I'll phone you after 30 days"
So Jim starts walking that day. He walks one mile every day, hoping this will help.
On the 30th day his doctor phones.
Doc: "Jim! Did you do what I told you?"
Jim: "Yeah I did doc."
Doc: "Well how's your s**... life? Did it improve?"
Jim: "I wouldn't know. I'm 30 miles from home!"
Told to me by my grandmother
Animals getting frisky
A father and son are standing on a hill looking out over a plain. Seeing a pair of animals getting intimate, the son turns to his father and says "Dad, why is that buffalo getting on top of another boy buffalo? Is it gay?"
The father turns to the son to admonish him.
"You shouldn't be judgemental of another person or animal for the sexuality!"
While he says this, the same buffalo mounts a female.
"Anyway, it's bison."
Emma was not like the other girls. She didn't know why all the others were crazy about Derek. She felt more intimate with Jessie and the cheerleaders than with another guys. She was reaching a moment in her life when she had to ask herself the question.
Emma gay
His wife minored in psychology in school.
She was always trying to use her tiresome amateur psychology on him. When he wanted to fire their pool boy, she said, "Well, you're clearly threatened by his youth and attractiveness, and this gives you intimations of your own mortality which you are sublimating into a hostile and inappropriate response."
He said, "Honey...we don't have a pool."
This dude and his girlfriend are making out on the sofa
After a while it starts getting a bit more intimate and intense. He asks her should we take this to the bedroom? She's thrilled and agrees. Only problem of they couldn't work out the right angle to get the sofa through the door.
An old russian joke
A love-stricken young man rings his beloved and tells her -- "My sweetest, I would like to tell you something special, something truly intimate, something that I wish to remain shared only between the three of us: you, me, and the KGB officer who eavesdrops on our phone line"...
I am the best!
So when someone says "mother knows best," they really mean your mom knows me..... intimately.
When I get intimate with the wife, I like to listen to Mozart, Bach, Vivaldi, but specially...
Depussy
In response to their bankruptcy, Toy R Us will be expanding their "adult" section.
When shopping for your intimate ones, make Toys N Us your one stop shop.
Bernie and Jane are an elderly couple who have decided to get married late in life.
While they have not yet been intimate, Bernie thinks it would be a good idea to know how Jane feels about this. He asks her about her desires regarding frequency of s**... intimacy. Jane replies that she likes s**... infrequently. Bernie, being ever the optimist says, "Is that one word or two?"
An old man goes to a church, and is making a confession:
Man: "Father, I am 75 years old.
I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old."
Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"
Man: "I never have, I am Jewish." Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"
Man: "I’m telling everybody!"
An old man goes to a church, and is making a confession:
Man: "Father, I am 75 years old.
I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old."
Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"
Man: "I never have, I am Jewish." Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"
Man: "I’m telling everybody!"
