Interviewe Jokes
108 interviewe jokes and hilarious interviewe puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about interviewe that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Interviewe Short Jokes
Short interviewe jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The interviewe humour may include short interview jokes also.
- Antiwork did an interview on fox News to try to create a good public image of their sub It didn't work.
- I was applying for australian citizenship and the interviewer asked, Do you have a criminal record? I said, No. Is that still required?
- Interviewer: "I heard you were extremely quick at math" Me: "yes, as a matter of fact I am"
Interviewer: "Whats 14x27"
Me: "49"
Interviewer: "that's not even close"
me: "yeah, but it was fast" - a guy got an interview for a job with EA Boss: the second part of your resume is missing
Applicant: for the second part you have to pay 20$
Boss: welcome on board - Interviewer: Can you explain these 4 jobless years in your resume? Applicant: That's when I went to Yale. Interviewer: Impressive! You are hired!
Applicant: Thanks, I really need this yob. - Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years? Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.
- Interviewer: What's your greatest weakness? Me: Answering the semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics
Interviewer: Could you give me an example?
Me: Yes I could - During a job interview yestarday I poured some water into a cup and it overflowed slightly "Nervous?" asked the interviewer, I simply replied "No I always give 110%"
- My kid says he came up with this one: A guy goes to interview for IKEA... The manager says Welcome! Come in and make a seat.
- Interviewer: What's your biggest strength? Me: I'm a fast learner.
Interviewer: What's 11 * 11?
Me: 65.
Interviewer: Not even close. It's 121.
Me: It's 121.
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Interviewe One Liners
Which interviewe one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with interviewe? I can suggest the ones about conductor and interrogation.
- Interviewer - Okay, describe yourself in 3 words Lazy
- I recently submitted my resume to Sony But they canceled the interview
- Interviewer: So, tell me about yourself. Me: I'd rather not... I kinda want this job.
- Interviewer: Why should we hire you as a reverse psychologist? Me: You shouldn't.
- What do you call an interview with a slaughterhouse? Meat and greet
- Interviewer: What would you say is your greatest weakness? Achilles: *sweats nervously*
- Interviewer: your resume says you're very literal Me: my resume talks??
- Interviewer: Describe yourself in 3 words Not good at counting
- This guy went for an interview with Buzzfeed What happened next will shock you
- Interviewers be like "do you have experience" Like yeah bro this is my 30th interview
- An interviewer asked me, "What's your background?" I said, "Right now? A window."
- Interviewer: What is the one word that defines you? Me: Pronoun
- Interviewer: any experience operating heavy machinery? Candidate: does your mom count?
- Just got offered a job working for Formula1 After a very successful zoom interview.
- Interviewer: Tell me something about yourself Me: I'm a man of few words
Silly & Ridiculous Interviewe Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about interviewe you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean presenter jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make interviewe pranks.
I was at a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said
"I want you to try to sell this to me."
So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building, and went home.
Eventually he called me and said "Bring my laptop back here right now!"
I said "$200 and it's yours."
The half-wit
A man owned a small farm in Norfolk.
The Department of wages claimed he was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent a representative out to interview him.
'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the rep.
'Well,' replied the farmer, 'there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him 200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her 150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about 10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.'
'That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit,' says the agent.
'That would be me,' replied the farmer.
Four kids walk into an interview...
Four kids walk into an interview. One is American, one is British, one is African, and one is Chinese. The interviewer asks them all the same question: "In your own opinion, what do you think of the scarcity of food in other countries?" The British kid asks "What is scarcity?" The American kid asks "What are other countries?" The African kid asks "What is food?" And the Chinese kid asks "What is my own opinion?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why a fourth time?
A woman in her eighties made the evening news because she was getting married for the fourth time. The following day she was being interviewed by a local TV station, and the commentator asked about what it felt to be married again at that age and would she share part of her previous experiences, since it seem quite unique the fact that her new husband was a f**... director.' After a short time to think, a smile came to her face and she proudly explained that she had first married a banker when she was in her twenties, in her forties she married a circus ring master, and in her sixties she married a pastor and now in her eighties, a f**... director. The amazed commentator asked her why she had married men with such diverse careers. With a smile on her face she explained, 'I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.'
JOB OPPORTUNITY: Riot police officers needed. Interviews are being held tomorrow. Come early....
....beat the crowd.
A reporter is interviewing Stevie Wonder
They talk about all the amazing music he has created over the years and the incredible things he has done with his life and as a last question the reporter asks:
"But don't you wish you hadn't been born blind?"
and Stevie replies "Hey, it could've been much worse - I could have been born black"
JOB INTERVIEW
"So how did the interview go?" my wife asked me.
"I'm not too sure to be honest, I said all the usual stuff like, I'm a hard working person, I get on well with others, I won't let anyone down, blah blah blah, but then he sort of looked at me funny."
"How come?" she replied.
"Because I said blah blah blah."
A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job...
...advertised in the Manchester Evening News. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch. "I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"How do you mean?" says the accountant. "I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters."
"OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?"
"You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner.
"Seventy-five thousand pounds. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?"
"That," says the man, "is your first worry."
A Winking Salesman!
A man with a winking problem applies for a position as a traveling salesman and goes in for an interview.
"Looking at your resume, I can see that you're more than qualified", says the interviewer. "Unfortunately, we can't have our sales reps constantly winking at customers, so we can't hire you", adds the interviewer.
"But wait", says the man. "If I take two aspirin, I stop winking".
"Then show me", replies the interviewer.
So the guy reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a pile of condoms in all different shapes, sizes, and colours before finally finding a packet of aspirin. He pops the pills and immediately stops winking.
"It's great. You stopped winking", says the interviewer, "but we can't have our salesmen womanizing all over the country".
"What do you mean?", asks the man. "I'm happily married".
"How do you explain all the condoms?" asks the interviewer.
"Oh, that", sighs the man. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"
Army commando recruitment - from India
A Man was being interviewed for the post of a Commando in Army.
Interviewer: "We want a person with a suspicious mind; always alert, merciless; ready to attack; high sense of hearing & most importantly; having a killer instinct. So Do you think you are eligible?"
Man: "No Sir; but can my Wife apply?"
Interview
Employer: This is an important job, we need someone who is responsible.
Applicant: I'm the one you want!
At my last job, every time there was a problem, they said I was responsible.
A man goes in for a job application...
...and the interviewer asks, "What would you consider to be your main strengths and weaknesses?"
"Well," he began, "my main weakness would definitely be my issues with reality-telling what's real from what's not."
"Okay," said the interviewer, "and what about your strengths?"
"I'm Batman"
My interviewer kept getting annoyed at me...
...when I kept responding to each question with the same question - only in a really sarcastic way.
Apparently, I don't know what a "mock interview" means.
An officer pulls up at the scene of an accident
where a car has driven through a field, killed several livestock and crashed into a barn. He decides to interview Steve who is struggling to keep his balance and is being propped up by Karen.
"Been out for a few have we mate?" asks the officer.
"Shuure ave mate" grins Steve.
"I realise you are very drunk sir," states the officer, "but that is absolutely no excuse to let your wife drive you home!"
Blonde interviews to be a policeman
A blonde goes to an interview to be a police officer. The interview goes well until the interviewer asks some general knowledge questions. She does ok on the first few, until she is asked, " who shot Abraham Lincoln?"
She tells the interviewer she doesn't know, and he tells her to go home and work on the answer. Her mom calls her later and asks how the interview went.
She tells her mom, "great, they already have me working on a case"
A man owned a small farm
A man owned a small farm near Maddock. The North Dakota Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.
"Well, there's my field hand who's been with me for three years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week, plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works here about 18 hours a day. He makes $10 a week and I go into town and buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night," replied the farmer.
"That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit," says the agent.
"That would be me," replied the farmer sadly.
There was an International Job opening.
Two men applied, a Canadian man, and an American. After the test and the interview, they company decided to go with the Canadian man. The American with distraught asked why they decided to hire the Canadian and how he did in the interview and test. They said it was a very difficult decision because they both did equally well on the test and in the interview. The American was outraged. "THEN WHY DID YOU HIRE THE CANADIAN?!?." The manager then responded, "Well, you both did equally well in the interview, but the real problem was the test. You both got 9/10 on the test, but for question 10, the Canadian man put 'I don't know' and you put 'me neither.'"
Shout out to my Math Teacher for telling me this one.
A man walks into a job interview...
He sits down on a chair, and the interviewer starts questioning him.
"So son, where did you receive your education?"
The man replied "Yale".
The interviewer, pleasantly surprised, says "Yale? Hard to believe you went to Yale to become a janitor. So what's your name?"
The man replied "Yack Yackson".
Sony has a site where you can watch The Interview for $5.99 and I can't think of a single reason not to trust them with my credit card info.
A reporter interviewed a 103-year-old woman.
"And what is the best thing about being 103?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
Interviewer: It says here you're skilled at saying unexpected things?
Me: Yes, I am.
Interviewer: Hmm, I thought you were going to say something unexpec-- oh, you're good.
The interviewer asked, "Where do you see yourself in five years?"
The job candidate responded, " I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision."
Use it while you can, people!
A lumberjack applies for a job...
...the interviewer asks, "so, where have you worked previously?"
The lumberjack replies, "I did a few years in the Sahara Forest."
The interviewer, taken aback, inquires, "the Sahara 'Forest?' Don't you mean the Sahara Desert?"
Lumberjack says, "yeah, that's what they call it now."
A man in a job interview.
Interviewer: "This job requires you to know Powerpoint, how skilled are you with the program"
Man: "Well, I Excel in Powerpoint"
Interviewer: "Did you just make a Microsoft Office pun?"
Man: "Word."
I went to a job interview at EA
The interviewer, after reading my CV, said:
"I see that this CV was clearly printed on two pages, but I only have one. Where's the other one?"
"Page two is 19.99$"
Job Interview
"It says in your CV that you are quick at mathematics. What is 17x19?"
"36"
"That's not even close!"
"But it was quick!"
Interviewer asked me why I'd make a good waiter?
Me: You could say I...bring a lot to the table.
I was in a job interview.
The guy said, "What's your biggest weakness?"
I said, "I'm a great listener."
I had a job interview today.
I was offered the job and told the salary was £7.50 an hour for the first three months and would then go up to £15 an hour.
The guy asked me when I could start.
I replied "In three months."
Interviewer: What's your strength?
Candidate: I fall in love easily.
Interviewer: What's your weakness?
Candidate: Those blue eyes of yours.
At the job interview...
Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in three years?
Me: Sorry, I don't have 2020 vision
A guy was nailing his interview and the employer said "well application looks great but there's a 7 year gap since your last job, what happened?"
The guy says "oh I went to yale",
The employer: Oh great your hired you start Monday.
Guy: "Yay I got a yob!"
I was at an important job interview today, when they asked me if I was on Facebook…
"Sorry, no. I'm not." I replied.
"Twitter?"
"Nope."
"Instagram?"
"Nah."
"Look, just put your phone away, will you!?"
A poker player wins one million dollars first price in a tournament
Interviewer: Congratulations on your win! If you don't mind me asking, how will you spend you $1 million winnings?
Poker player: I owe some people some money so I will be paying my debt to these guys.
Interviewer: and what about the rest?
Poker player: Well... I guess they'll have to wait..
Interviewer : "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?"
"It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination."
I went for a job interview today and the manager said,"We're looking for someone who is responsible"
..."Well Im your man" I replied,"In my last job, whenever anything went wrong they said I was responsible"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A reporter goes to the Middle East for an interview.
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "s**...?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, d**..., any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
The Justice League has a vacancy and the number 7 is interviewing to fill a superhero position...
Batman: Thank you for coming, 7. Its been rough since the Flash took off and we're having a hard time finding someone to replace him. Let's get right to it. What is your first power?
Number 7: Well, for my whole life I've been in prime condition and I don't anticipate that changing anytime soon.
Bathman: That's great to hear. What do you consider your second power to be?
Number 7: 49
Donald Trump said in an interview that he would consider killing himself if he ever had Alzheimer's Disease.
Sadly, the interviewer didn't have the presence of mind to say, "I know. You've said that already."
Another interview joke
During a job interview, the interviewer asks, I noticed a 6 year gap in your resume. How do you account for this period of time?
The applicant responds, I went to Yale.
Excited, the interviewer says, Yale?!? You're hired!
The applicant replies, Yay! I got a yob!
A 100 year old Japanese man is being interviewed for a newspaper piece about extreme old age
and the reporter asks "do you think there's any merit to the stereotype that people from this village live a lot longer than others?"
The old man thinks for a second and says "you know, I'm not sure. Let me go ask my dad". And the reporter, stunned, stammers "y-your dad? Where is he right now??" and the old man says "I think he's out fishing with my grandpa".
interviewer: it says here you went to Harvard University.
Me: yeah, I was visiting my sister.
A man walks in for an interview
Interviewer: forget everything you learned in college. You won't be needing any of that here.
Man: good that I didn't go to college then.
Interviewer: sorry we can't hire you.
James Bond is laid off
James Bond is laid off and at the job center, there are only two jobs available, one in a call center and the other in a fabric coloring plant
"Huh, " said Bond, "you expect me to talk?"
"No Mr Bond, " replied the interviewer, "I expect you to dye. "
The interviewer asked me to show him an example of leadership skills.
"OK," I replied. "I'm hired."
I went on a job interview for a security guard. After spending 12 hours in the waiting room...
...they hired me.
"What is your biggest weakness?" asked the interviewer.
I said, "Spiders."
He said, "Professional ones?"
I said, "I don't know, I've never seen one in a suit before."
The job interviewer asked...
The job interviewer asked: "What's your biggest weakness?"
Me: "I don't know when to quit..."
Interviewer: "You're hired!"
Me: "I quit."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I looked her square in the eyes and said, "s**... isn't real, right? It's just u**..., right?"
"I meant any questions about the job." the interviewer sighed.
Interviewer to Pelè: Do you think Barzil's 1970 team can beat today's Argentina?
Pelè: Yes.
Interviewer: By how much?
Pelè: 1:0
Interviewer: That's it?
Pelè: Well, most of us are over 75 now...
At the interview for my new job I was asked
"What would your friends say are your weaknesses?"
"I don't have any!" Was my reply.
The interviewer seemed a little surprised and answered: "That can't be true. Everybody has some weak points."
Whereupon I said: "Oh no. You got that wrong. I meant I don't have any friends."
How was your job interview yesterday?
Well, I entered the office, found a man sitting on a large black leather chair with feet resting foron the table....
He pointed towards his laptop, asked me to take it and go outside, then come back and try to sell him the laptop...
He thought himself as actor Leonardo Di Caprio of "The wolf of wall street" movie...
So I took the laptop and left...
Left... ?? Then what ??
Nothing...
30 minutes later he called me up, begging me to return his laptop to him coz all his work and important documents were in it.....
So I asked him:
Will you buy it ??
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
During my job interview I was asked: After a long week how do you normally recharge your batteries
Apparently through high voltage n**... c**... wasn't the answer they were expecting.
I went for an interview at IKEA.
The manager greeted me by saying, "Come in, make a seat."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Interviewer asked me to name my most positive quality
Turns out h**... won't get you a job
Man is at a job interview
Interviewer: Well, to start out in the beginning, you will be at a $30,000 salary, but later that number could go up to $50,000 or even $60,000.
Man: Ok, I'll come back later then.
Just got back from a job interview, where I was asked if can perform under pressure.
I said I wasn't too sure about that but I do a wicked Bohemian Rhapsody.
A business owner is interviewing an attractive young lady...
A business owner is interviewing to hire a bookkeeper, and in walks an attractive young lady. To make sure that she understands money and math, he asks her "If I were to give you ten thousand dollars, minus 15%, how much would you take off?"
She thinks a moment and answers "Everything but my earrings!"
So I had an interview last year
The interviewer: You answers should be quick
Me: Ok
Interviewer: what is 1490/52?
Me:quick
Interviewer: Do you have any question about the job that you are applying for?
Applicant: How much is the salary?
Interviewer: Initially $40,000. Later it could go up to $80,000
Applicant: I will start later then.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Me: Do you remember t**...?
Interviewer: I meant do you have any questions about the job...
During interviews he seems like such a nice guy, but the actor who plays Wolverine is a real phoney
It's a huge act, man..
During a job interview at the 99 Cents store, my son was asked, Where do you see yourself in five years?
My son's reply: At the Dollar Store. He got the job.
Kelvin and Celsius had a job interview but only one of them got the job.
It was Celsius because he had a degree.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Swedish man shows up to a job interview
The interviewer says, "Mr. Gustafson, could you explain the 4 year gap in your resume?"
"I went to Yale", he replied.
"Outstanding! What did you go to Yale for?"
"Yacking off in the library"
Boxers or Briefs, Mr. President?
In 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs? Clinton replied, "Boxers"
In 2008 US magazine asked Obama, "Boxers or briefs"? Obama declined to answer the question.
Last week AARP asked Joe Biden, "Boxers or briefs"? Biden responded, "Depends".
Interviewer: Can you explain these gaps in your resume?
Me : I believe those were caused by the space bar
In an interview the boss asked me Do you have any experience? .
I told him yes, this is my 20th interview .
I was in an interview and they asked me where I see myself in 10 years
I said the same place I see myself now, in the mirror
The guy who received the first pig heart transplant gave a radio interview yesterday
I tried to listen, but I could only hear crackling
