Interview Jokes

I was at a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said

"I want you to try to sell this to me."

So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building, and went home.

Eventually he called me and said "Bring my laptop back here right now!"

I said "$200 and it's yours."

Bird Impression

A traveling sideshow puts up a help wanted ad. A guy gets all excited and applies.

The sideshow owner brings him in for an interview and asks, "Ok, what's your talent? What can you do for me?"

The guy says "I do a really great bird impression!"

The owner responds, "Pff, no thanks. Plenty of people can do that."

So the guy says "Oh..ok...well thanks anyway,' and flies away.

Interview

Employer: This is an important job, we need someone who is responsible.

Applicant: I'm the one you want!

At my last job, every time there was a problem, they said I was responsible.

A man walks into a job interview...

He sits down on a chair, and the interviewer starts questioning him.

"So son, where did you receive your education?"

The man replied "Yale".

The interviewer, pleasantly surprised, says "Yale? Hard to believe you went to Yale to become a janitor. So what's your name?"

The man replied "Yack Yackson".

I recently submitted my resume to Sony

But they canceled the interview

Sony has a site where you can watch The Interview for $5.99 and I can't think of a single reason not to trust them with my credit card info.

Interviewer: It says here you're skilled at saying unexpected things?

Me: Yes, I am.
Interviewer: Hmm, I thought you were going to say something unexpec-- oh, you're good.

During a job interview yestarday I poured some water into a cup and it overflowed slightly

"Nervous?" asked the interviewer, I simply replied "No I always give 110%"

I had a job interview...

...the interviewer slid his laptop across the table and said "sell this to me."

I closed the screen, unplugged it, and left.

I ignored his calls for about three hours. When I did answer, he said "Where is my laptop?!"

"You wanna buy it?"

Yesterday at a job interview I filled my glass of water until it overflowed a little.

"Nervous?" asked the interviewer

I replied, "No, I always give 110%"

A man goes into a job interview

A man goes into a job interview, and presents himself well.

The employer is shocked at how professional he is, "Wow, you have an incredible resume, and present yourself fantastically, but you seem to be missing 5 years on this part of your resume. What happened there?"

The man replied "Oh that's when I went to Yale."

The employer is even more impressed. "That's great, you're hired!"

The man is super happy and says "Yay I got a yob!"

I had a job interview today.

I was offered the job and told the salary was £7.50 an hour for the first three months and would then go up to £15 an hour.

The guy asked me when I could start.

I replied "In three months."

Interviewer: What's your greatest weakness?

Me: Answering the semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics

Interviewer: Could you give me an example?

Me: Yes I could

A guy was nailing his interview

A guy was nailing his interview when the employer said "well you look great but I see here there was a 7 year gap since your last job, what happened there?".

The guy says "oh I went to yale".

The employer: "oh great!! Well you're hired, you start monday"

Guy: "Yay! I got a yob!"

a guy got an Interview for a job with EA

Boss: the second part of your resume is missing

Applicant: for the second part you have to pay 20$

Boss: welcome on board

Interviewer: "I heard you were extremely quick at math"

Me: "yes, as a matter of fact I am"

Interviewer: "Whats 14x27"

Me: "49"

Interviewer: "that's not even close"

me: "yeah, but it was fast"

A guy was nailing his interview and the employer said "well application looks great but there's a 7 year gap since your last job, what happened?"

The guy says "oh I went to yale",
The employer: Oh great your hired you start Monday.

Guy: "Yay I got a yob!"

Interviewer: "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

Me: "A lot of things went wrong at my last job and everyone said I was responsible. "

At the job interview

Interviewer: I see here that you had a five-year gap between jobs. Can you please explain it?

Me: Oh that's when I went to Yale.

Interviewer: That is very impressive. You can start tomorrow.

Me: Yay, I got a yob.

Interviewer: What's your biggest strength?

Me: I'm a fast learner.
Interviewer: What's 11 * 11?
Me: 65.
Interviewer: Not even close. It's 121.
Me: It's 121.

Interviewer : "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?"

"It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination."

I went for a job interview today and the manager said,"We're looking for someone who is responsible"

..."Well Im your man" I replied,"In my last job, whenever anything went wrong they said I was responsible"

I went for a job interview at EA Games today.

The interviewer said to me, The second part of your resume is missing.

I said, For the second part, you have to pay $20.

Donald Trump said in an interview that he would consider killing himself if he ever had Alzheimer's Disease.

Sadly, the interviewer didn't have the presence of mind to say, "I know. You've said that already."

Another interview joke

During a job interview, the interviewer asks, I noticed a 6 year gap in your resume. How do you account for this period of time?

The applicant responds, I went to Yale.

Excited, the interviewer says, Yale?!? You're hired!

The applicant replies, Yay! I got a yob!

Interviewer: So, tell me about yourself.

Me: I'd rather not... I kinda want this job.

Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

Me: "I'd say my biggest weakness is listening"

The interviewer asked me to show him an example of leadership skills.

"OK," I replied. "I'm hired."

I went on a job interview for a security guard. After spending 12 hours in the waiting room...

...they hired me.

Interviewer - Okay, describe yourself in 3 words

Lazy

Interviewer: How do you explain the five-year gap on your resume?

Me: Oh, that was when I went to Yale.

Interviwer: Amazing! You're hired.

Me: Yay, I got a yob!

A guy applies for a job with the Chicago Police Department

He has an impressive resume, gives the best answers to the interview questions, and is very enthusiastic about the job.

"Your qualifications are impressive" says the police chief. "Here's the final test. Take this gun, go out, and shoot ten black guys and a clown?"

The man asks, "why the clown?"

The police chief replies, "Fantastic attitude, you're hired!"

My kid says he came up with this one: A guy goes to interview for IKEA...

The manager says Welcome! Come in and make a seat.

At the interview for my new job I was asked

"What would your friends say are your weaknesses?"

"I don't have any!" Was my reply.

The interviewer seemed a little surprised and answered: "That can't be true. Everybody has some weak points."

Whereupon I said: "Oh no. You got that wrong. I meant I don't have any friends."

At a job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"

Interviewer: What's your greatest weakness?

Me: Answering the semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics.

Interviewer: Could you give me an example?

Me: Yes, yes I could.

During my job interview I was asked: After a long week how do you normally recharge your batteries

Apparently through high voltage n**... c**... wasn't the answer they were expecting.

I went for an interview at IKEA.

The manager greeted me by saying, "Come in, make a seat."

Just got back from a job interview, where I was asked if can perform under pressure.

I said I wasn't too sure about that but I do a wicked Bohemian Rhapsody.

Was once asked on a job interview if I could perform under pressure.

Me: Well I don't know about that, but I'll give Bohemian Rhapsody a try.

So I had an interview last year

The interviewer: You answers should be quick
Me: Ok
Interviewer: what is 1490/52?
Me:quick

The police chief asked, "Do you have any leads or suspects for the m**... case?" The officer responded, "I'd like to interview the bartender wearing high heels and a leopard print dress." The chief frowned and said...

"Please, just wear your police uniform."

Interviewer: "How do you explain the three year gap on your resume?"

Dave : "Oh! That was when I went to Yale!"

Interviewer: "Amazing! You're hired!"

Dave: "Hurray! I got a yob!"

Not too sure I got the job....

Interview I had for a job:
"What's your greatest weakness?"
"Interpreting semantics of a question,
but ignoring the pragmatics."
"Could you give an example?"
"Yes, I could."

Interviewer: Your resume says you take things too literally.

Me: When the h**... did my resume learn to talk?

During interviews he seems like such a nice guy, but the actor who plays Wolverine is a real phoney

It's a huge act, man..

Kelvin and Celsius had a job interview but only one of them got the job.

It was Celsius because he had a degree.

I was at a job interview today...

When the manager handed me a laptop and said,

I want you to sell this to me.

So I put it under my arm, left the building and went home.

Eventually he called me and said, Bring my laptop back now.

I said, £200 and it's yours.

Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?

Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.

During my interview today…

I poured some water into a cup and it overflowed a little bit.

Nervous? asked the interviewer.

I simply replied No, I just always give 110%

A Swedish man shows up to a job interview

The interviewer says, "Mr. Gustafson, could you explain the 4 year gap in your resume?"

"I went to Yale", he replied.

"Outstanding! What did you go to Yale for?"

"Yacking off in the library"

Antiwork did an interview on Fox News to try to create a good public image of their sub

It didn't work.

I went for an interview for a job today and the manager said, We're looking for someone who's responsible.

Well, I'm your man!! I replied, In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.

I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me."

So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home.

Eventually, he called me on my phone and said, "Bring it back here right now!"

I replied, "£100 and it's yours."

Interviewer: Can you explain these 4 jobless years in your resume? Applicant: That's when I went to Yale.

Interviewer: Impressive! You are hired!

Applicant: Thanks, I really need this yob.

In an interview I was asked where I see myself in five years

I replied with "I'd have to say my greatest weakness is listening."

Interviewer: Is the glass half empty or half full?

Applicant: It's completely full.

Interviewer: We'd be glad to hire you. Welcome to the Lays factory.

I got a job at Chipotle by telling this joke during my interview.

What do Mexicans use to cut their pizza with?

Little Ceasars.

I decided to travel to the US.

At the Embassy for the visa interview...

Officer : Where to in the US?

Me : San Jose

Officer : It's pronounced as San Hosay. J is pronounced as H in the US.

Me : Oh, okay!

Officer : So how long do you plan to be in the US?

Me : From Hanuary to Hune or Huly.

Visa Rejected.

The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.

I replied "No. Is that still required?"

Me as an interviewee

Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.

Me: I'd rather not, I really need this job!

Man goes to a job interview.

Interviewer: see you have a recent employment gap of 5 years, what have you done in that time?
Man: I spent the first 4 years in Yale.
Interviewer: that's impressive, what have you done in the last year?
Man: I've veen looking for a Yob.

I had a job interview today.

They asked how well I performed under pressure.

"Not bad", I told them, "but I'm much better at 'We Will Rock You'!"

It was the 117th birthday of the oldest man in the country, so a reporter went to interview him.

The old man looked really young, like a 60 year old. The reporter, surprised, asked him:
- Whoah, what's your secret to live so long and look so young?
- It's really easy sir, I never argue with idiots.
- Haha! That can't be the reason.
- Alright, alright, that's not the reason.

I was attempting to get in contact with a contortionist for an interview earlier today.

Fortunately, she was very flexible.