Intersection Jokes
38 intersection jokes and hilarious intersection puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about intersection that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Intersection Short Jokes
Short intersection jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The intersection humour may include short collision jokes also.
- On September 11, 2001, I was in geometry class. On that day, we learned you can remove one side of a pentagon by intersecting it with a plane.
- A blonde was driving on the way to disneyland. She came to an intersection and stopped, she saw a sign that read, 'Disneyland Left'. So she pulled a U-turn, cried and drove home.
- Some blondes are in a car on their way to Disneyland. When they see a sign at an intersection.
"Disneyland left" ←
so they went back home. - What's the difference between a red traffic light and a green traffic light? Please answer quickly, I'm almost at the intersection.
- Two blondes were in a car heading to Disneyland They saw an intersection
It said:
Disneyland left ⬅️
So they started crying and went home. - How to go through intersection in a tank 1) Approach intersection
2) Check if there is another tank coming
3) Proceed - Two turtles had a collision at an intersection. . The only witness was a snail. When interviewed by police the snail explained he didnt see anything as it all happened so fast.
- I saw a man at an intersection holding a sign saying Homeless VET, anything helps. So I stopped to ask him how he ended up on the street, he said I got caught sleeping with my patients.
- Why do intersecting lines hate each other? Because they do nothing except making themselves cross.
- My city has been putting in tons of toll booths. Yesterday I had to pay ten cents before they'd let me pass through an intersection! At least I was able to turn on a dime.
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Intersection One Liners
Which intersection one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with intersection? I can suggest the ones about interaction and corner.
- When does a pentagon not have 5 sides? When it's intersected by a plane
- How do you change the number of sides on a Pentagon? Intersect it with a plane.
- Why did the circle stop arguing with the two intersecting lines? Because they had a point
- I need help with my geometry homework it said to draw 2 planes intersecting 2 buildings.
- What do you call an extreme intersectional feminist? a libertarian!
- What do you get when you intersect two planes? A national travesty.
- What do you call an intersection where a lot of Asians cross? A cross-wok.
Witty Intersection Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about intersection you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rectangle jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make intersection pranks.
A vampire walks into a grocery shop and asks for a bread.
The clerk looks at him and asks: 'Aren't you a vampire?'
The vampire says: 'Yes, I am.'
To that the clerk responds: 'Oh, then I have much better stuff for you than bread. I have b**... sausages, nice fresh liver, duck blood, pork blood - whatever you want!'
The vampire replies: 'No, thank you, I want just the bread.'
The clerk asks: 'OK, but tell me - why the bread? I never imagined vampires like bread so much.'
The vampire looks at him, leans closer and says: "There is a huge car c**... at the intersection. I want to dip.'
A man drives through a stop sign..
A cop pulls him over and asks for his information.
"Sir, you just drove through that intersection without stopping."
"Aww come on, it's not a big deal..I slowed down!"
The officer steps back, looking down at his feet, all of a sudden he pulls out his night stick and starts beating the man.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!" The man screams.
"Would you like me to slow down, or stop?"
Hope it's not a repost, heard this on the radio today...
Cheech and Chong are partying down in Tijuana, when they spot a dog up the road a ways.
Looking closer, they see the dog is frolicking about in the intersection, having a great time l**... himself.
Cheech exclaims, "Man! I wish I could do that!"
Chong replies, "well... maybe you should try to pet him first, man."
A 65 year old man driving through the city and his car is weaving all over the road. Eventually a cop pulls him over.
"Did you know," says the cop, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the senior. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Driving Home Drunk
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
"For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
A priest and a rabbi get into a car accident...
A priest and a rabbi get into a car accident at an intersection. They get out of their cars and find that neither is hurt, which is surprising because it was a horrible accident. The cars are a mangled mess.
The priest says to the rabbi, "Thank the lord that we are both uninjured! That was *terrifying.* I still can't stop shaking. I was so frightened!"
The rabbi says, "Friend, I feel the same way. I saw my life flash before my eyes, but those airbags saved us. Look, I had this bottle of Manischevits wine on the seat next to me and it didn't even break! Here, let's have a drink to calm our nerves. " as he hands the bottle to the priest
"Yes, and also to celebrate still being alive!" the priest says as he takes a long drink from the bottle.
He hands the bottle back to the rabbi who, instead of drinking, closes the bottle and puts it in his pocket.
"Aren't you going to have a drink?" the priest asks
"Not until after the cops get here. "
Two turtles collide in an intersection.
When the police come, they look around to see if there are any witnesses, they only see a snail on the sidewalk. The police approach the snail and ask him if he could tell them what he saw. To which the snail replied, "well, it happened so fast..."
Here's one my grampa told me when I was a small boy.
A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving all over the road. Eventually a cop pulls him over. "Did you know," says the cop, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
p**... in New York
p**... was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop at a busy intersection. The cop stopped the flow of all traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' When everyone had safely crossed the street, he would allow traffic to resume.
The officer had done this several times, and p**... still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, p**... went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across ?'
A badass is driving with his friend in a Ferrari, and he speeds past a red light
His friend shouts, "What are you doing?! You just ran that light!"
"I'm just a badass like that, what can I say?" He laughs.
He continues to speed through each red light, and his friend cowers and shouts at his friend all the way.
"I can't take it anymore! We're going to get hit!"
"C'mon, I'm a badass, my man! I know what I'm doing."
At an intersection, he pulls to a stop at a green light.
The friend says, "You're kidding me. Why did you stop?"
"Gotta keep an eye out for other badasses."
a gorgeous blond jumped out of her Porsche at an intersection and began shouting at me as our cars had touched ...
"Just ram me up the a**... why don't you" she shouted...
...And that Your Honour is where the confusion began. ..
My 14 year old made me proud
I was driving them to a friend's house and we were sitting at an intersection waiting for a clear space for me to turn left. It was unusually busy for the side streets we live on and I muttered "where is all this traffic coming from?".
Without hesitation, they said "from the right".
A tear of pride may have been shed
How does a blond cross the road?
A brunette is on a busy street across from a department store she needs to visit, and is looking for an intersection to cross over when she spots a blonde walking out of the store.
The brunette waves and calls out over the traffic noise, "hey there! How do I get to the other side?"
The blonde looks confused and calls back, "you ARE on the other side!"
A rookie cop is at an intersection.
While he's at the red light, he sees a street sign that reads: WATCH FOR PEDESTRIANS
A few seconds later he notices a lady walking across the street along the zebra crossing. He honks his horn to stop her, rolls down his window and asks: Ma'am, are you a pedestrian?
The woman, confused at the purpose of the cop's question, replies yes, officer.
The cop proceeds to take out his pen and notepad and promptly asks So, which part of Pedestria are you from?
The reason women are responsible for more accidents at intersections....
must be because they don't have as much experience pulling out as men do.
(OC I think? Thought it up when a woman pulled out right in front of me today, and then had a s**... "what did I do wrong" look on her face when I honked at her for it.)
The GOP gets kidnapped
The kidnappers demand the ransom of 500M USD or they will douse them in gas and light them on fire.
So there were people in the streets collecting donations, and they asked me at an intersection
"You must have heard the news recently. Could you spare a little to help us out in this initiative?"
"How much is everyone giving on average?"
"About a gallon, give or take"
Driving home from the bar, one of the boy's was showing off his new self-driving car.
"Look" he said proudly as the car stopped automatically at an intersection.
From the back seat, one of the drunks wakes up to say: "One way or another, don't all cars stop on their own?"
