Amusing Internet Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
I often wonder what my parents did to fill their time before the internet was invented...
...I've asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they don't know either...
Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.
One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.
What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet?
I asked my 10 brothers and sisters, but they don't know either.
What is a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?
Dear Sir or Madam,
Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.
​
Sincerely,
​
The Internet Provider
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
Your internet access has been terminated due to i**... usage.
Sincerely, your service provider.
Wireless Internet is like s**...
You still want it, even if it's unprotected and in a public place.
A ship is sinking in the middle of Atlantic...
A ship is going down in the middle of Atlantic. There's no hope, the captain is desperate, and suddenly someone tells him that among the passengers, there's a rabbi who can perform miracles.
The rabbi is immediately brought to the captain, and he implores him:
-- Rabbi, what can be done?!
-- Do you still have the internet connection?
-- Yes!
-- Sell the ship!
The internet is an amazing thing.
One minute I'm at work looking up
random pages, passing the time, the
next minute I'm at home looking for a new job.
My New Girlfriend
Facebook asks what I'm thinking.
Twitter asks what I'm doing.
Google asks where I am.
The internet has turned into my girlfriend.
How does a tree access the internet?
It logs on.
blond joke
A blonde went into an internet cafe to send a message to her mother overseas.
When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money, but I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."
The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect).
"Anything?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.
Well, then, "Just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next room. The blonde did as she was told and followed the man. "Come in and close the door" the man said. She did.
He then said "Now get on your knees."
She did.
"Now take down my zipper."
She did.
"Now go ahead ... Take it out....." He said.
She reached in and grabbed it with both hands. Then paused.
The man closed his eyes and whispered .."Well ... Go ahead."
The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, .... tentatively said .... "Hello. Mum, can you hear me?"
You can explore internet shitpost reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean internet web dad jokes. There are also internet puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
The people on the internet are so friendly....
o**... called me bro, and he even said my story was cool.
Happy Thanksgiving Guys!
I hope Internet Explorer sends this in time.
Poker is like s**...
If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand
Edit 1: when you cheat in poker you have a partner
Edit 2: this is getting more upvotes than I thought it would get but before someone calls me out on it. This was a Mae West quote about bridge and several Internet memes put poker instead of bridge because more people play poker than bridge and when you cheat in poker you have partners(the poker strategy is called collusion)
An undertaker says to a bereaved husband
'When did you realise your wife was dead?'
'Well,' he replies, 'the s**... was the same but
the dishes just kept piling up...'
from Internet.
What Makes ISIS Spread Faster Than The Internet?
An Airstrike.
Teacher - how did our grandparents kill time without smartphones or internet ?
Student- I've already asked this question to my mum, her 5 brothers and 7 sisters !!
I'm using Internet Explorer to post this, so it might be a bit delayed...
But there's a plane heading towards the twin towers right now.
TIL Calaway's Law states that "the best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer."
Now we wait.
I was wondering what my parents did without the internet
and none of my 7 siblings could tell me
I was flirting with this teenager on the internet...
...after a while, she tells me she's an undercover cop.
How cool is that for someone her age?
How do trees get on the Internet?
They log in.
If I had $1 for every time I read a racist comment on the internet
I'd still be broke. Because I am black and can't read.
How did our grandparents killed time when there were no Smartphones and Internet?
I already asked my mom, her four sisters and five brothers.
today my internet went out for About 3 minutes......
Met my family downstairs. They seem like nice people.
I met up with my internet friend yesterday.
We were both disappointed when we realised we were both middle aged men, and not 10-year-old girls.
Local mom finds cure to weight loss, Scientist are dumbfounded...
at how gullible people on the internet are.
I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the Internet was a thing
I asked my 17 brothers and sisters, and they didn't know either
How Can You Tell When The NSA is Monitoring Your Computer?
The power is on and you're connected to the internet.
How did pirates communicate before the internet?
Pier to Pier Networking
How to hide your important files from people without making Hidden folders
1. Go to your Desktop and make a new folder named Internet Explorer
2. Change the folder's icon to Internet Explorer
3. Keep it in your favorite corner of the desktop
Now, no one will open internet explorer!
What letter do pirate's hate the most?
Dear Charter Internet Customer:
Charter Communications ("Charter") has been notified by a copyright owner, or its authorized agent, that your Internet account may have been involved in the exchange of unauthorized copies of copyrighted material (e.g., music, movies, or software). We are attaching a copy of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) notice that Charter received from the copyright holder which includes the specific allegation.
Why are there so many grammar n**... on the internet?
Because English majors have no jobs.
What's a pirates least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
Your internet service has been disconnected due to terms of service violations and excessive downloading. Please return modem and accessories to your nearest Comcast location.
Sincerely,
Comcast
I have a Chinese friend with really bad internet
His name is Hai Ping
How to get free internet @ home
I live in an apartment complex so I have neighbors left to right and below me. One day I asked my neighbor if he was interested in splitting the cost of my wifi 50/50 so he could also use it. He agreed. I went on to my other neighbor downstairs and asked him the same thing. Now both my neighbors are paying for my wifi.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear customer,
We are discontinuing your internet service due to suspicious activity/i**... downloading on your network.
HTML or HTML5?
Guy 1 - 'How can you tell the difference between HTML and HTML5?'
Guy 2 - 'Open it in Internet Explorer'
Guy 1 - 'Ok'
Guy 2 - 'Did it work?'
Guy 1 - 'No'
Guy 2 - 'It's HTML5'
"Name a famous explorer that has been forgotten", asked my son
"Internet explorer.", I replied.
How did my parents combat boredom before the internet?
I asked my 26 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either.
I wonder...
I always wondered what my parents did to pass time before things like the internet and TVs were invented.
I asked my 26 siblings for advice.
Most Confusing Password
I was in a couple's home trying to fix their Internet connection.
The husband called out to his wife
in the other room for the computer password. Start with a capital S, then 123, she shouted back.
We tried S123 several times, but
it didn't work. So we called the wife in. As she input the password, she muttered, I really don't know what's so difficult about typing Start123.
The internet is so full of people making up fake stories for fake internet points that no one is giving any credit to the real heroes anymore...
Like me, who just yesterday beat up a volcano
Why are there a lot of grammar n**... on the Internet?
Because English majors can't find jobs!
I won't control what you do on the internet
but Theresa May
What did grandma and grandpa do before there was Internet?
I mean, didn't they get bored?
I asked my 32 uncles and aunts, but they didn't know either.
Yo momma, she so fat...
there's people on the internet who believe she's flat, not round.
What's a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?
Dear Customer,
Your internet service has been terminated due to copyright infringement.
What's a Pirate's least favourite letter?
Dear Customer,
Due to recent i**... activities that have been performed through your connection, your internet service has been permanently disconnected.
-Sincerely, your ISP.
My internet stopped working for some time so I went out of my room to see my family
They were nice people
what do a russian say when the internet goes down?
Internyet
I accidentally sent my friend flowers over the internet
Whoops, E-Daisies
So I set up an internet page for Chinese n**......
So far it's gotten three Reichs on Facebook
What do Dora the Explorer and Internet Explorer have in common?
They both take 20 minutes to perform a simple task.
Your parents in 1996: Don't trust ANYONE on the Internet.
Your parents in 2017: Freedom Eagle dot Facebook says Hillary invented AIDS.
Nowadays with internet in some prisons..
..How do they prevent the emails from having attached files?
Girl, are you dial-up internet?
Because you're really loud and annoying.
What is the most commonly searched term on Internet Explorer?
Google Chrome.
As a Canadian I never realized how slow my internet was until today.
I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!
I hope your internet is k**...
Because it's about to get choked
My wife told me to grow up and stop believing everything I see on the internet
But I don't need this. There are local singles in my area literally dying to meet me.
I have no idea what my parents did to have fun, back before the internet.
I asked my 17 siblings and they didn't know, either.
If you give a monkey a typewriter, it will eventually write Shakespeare...
...If you give a monkey a camcorder, it will eventually film a dead body and post it to the internet.
How do the russians say there is no internet?
Interniet
What soft and wrinkly but gets sharper when you use it?
Your brain! (This joke brought to you by one of my 2nd grade students. I told him it was so good I was going to put it on the internet.)
God should really get better internet for his son.
Its so laggy Jesus died and took 3 days to respawn.
I've always wondered what my parents did for fun before the internet...
So I asked my 27 brothers and sisters and they don't know either.
Whys was the internet so obsessed with the song "Cotton-Eyed Joe" for a short period of time?
I mean, where did it come from where did it go?
What did our grandparents do without TV or internet?
I don't know. Ask your mom and her 6 siblings.
They say the feds track all internet activity and look out for keywords that indicate terrorism or otherwise
I wanted to test this out and Googled "h**... President"
Few days later I received a care package containing ammo
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear Subscriber,
We are cutting off your Internet service due to i**... downloading.
What did our parents do to kill time before the internet?
I asked my 16 siblings and they didn't know either.
Not oc but thought I'd share.
What do you call an internet page dedicated to anime?
A weebsite.
It's really nice to see Churches embrace internet technology during this pandemic.
Our priest even bought my son his own Webcam.
I wonder what my parents did before the internet
I asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either
I've always wondered what parents used to do for fun before the internet.
I'll go ask my twelve brothers and sisters.
I researched about LGBT on internet today
Just couldn't get a straight answer.
Why is it so hard to look up an orphanage on the internet?
There's no homepage.
Young couple at doctors office
Young couple visits doctor seeking advice,
"Sir you gotta help us, we tried everything to have a baby, we tried vitamins, we tried changing positions, we tried every different day of the month, we searched internet for pregnancy advice, but we just can't seem to have any luck with it, we need to know if there is some medical problem."
Doctor sat back on his chair crossed his hands and sighed,
"You boys are nuts."
The internet connection at my farm is really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn.
Now I have stable wifi.
I was at a restaurant and a cute waitress was flirting with me. She gave her email and told me to hit her up sometime. I tried to email her the next day but the internet was down.
I couldn't connect to the server
If McDonalds sold fancy steaks they'd call them Filet Mc'gnons
...also it's my 5 year cake day so shower me in internet points or however this works I dunno. Thanks!
Reddit is possibly the most environmentally conscious site on the internet.
Nearly 100% of the content is recycled at some point, often several times.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear Sir or Madam,
Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.
Sincerely,
Your Internet Provider
BREAKING: The Internet has been permanently shutdown in Russia, Kremlin announced today, adding that a new network open only to Russians is set to go online within the week
Sources close to the Kremlin says Putin himself took to naming the network, proudly dubbing it as 'The Internyet'
Putin asks a fortune teller when he will die...
Putin starts reading all the stuff on the Internet about how he has cancer, is going to be assassinated or overthrown. He goes to a fortune teller and pays her 1,000 rubles to tell his fortune.
She looks in her crystal ball. He says "tell me what you see." She says "I see parades. People dancing. They are wearing historic Ukrainian peasant outfits. There are floats and bands. You die on a Ukrainian holiday.
"Yes, but when" Putin says. "Which holiday?"
She says (of course) "Any day you die will be a Ukrainian national holiday."
On the internet you can be whoever you want,
it's strange so many people choose to be s**....
A good Internet Explorer joke. [Long]
Loading...
What do Russians call it when there is no internet?
Inter-nyet
My girlfriend called me a gullible idiot and said I shouldn't believe everything I see on the Internet
I told her I don't have to put up with this, not when there are desperate single milfs less than a mile away
Before you marry a person,
you should first make them use a computer with slow internet service to see who they really are.
What is a pirate's LEAST favourite letter?
Dear Sir or Ma'am,
we are cutting your internet connection due to i**... downloading and copyright violations.
Sincerely, Internet Provider
Internet is Vastly different in UK than the USA
they don't use cookies, they use biscuits.
I accidentally sent my ex-girlfriend flowers over the internet.
Whoops, e-daises.
My Fav St Pat's Day joke, "What is green and sits on your back porch?"
Patio (Paddy'O) Furnitue
Happy St Patrick's Day my internet friends!
English is the lingua franca of the internet, science, aeronautics,
and of using Late Latin phrases concerning an extinct pre-French language to mean "universally spoken".
NASCAR used to have an Internet Explorer car
But it kept crashing.
The main problem with the internet is that there is no way to validate most facts
Abraham Lincoln. 1865
