International Jokes
160 international jokes and hilarious international puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about international that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
From jokes about lions to ROTARY International conferences, this article brings a lighthearted look at international events. From the referendum on terrorism to the often-overlooked importance of international conferences, this article will leave you laughing and the important topics still firmly in your mind.
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Funniest International Short Jokes
Short international jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The international humour may include short foreign jokes also.
- Security officer: If you find a USB outside, don't bring it into the office Me (taking notes): Note to self: Only bring international bees into the office
- I really wanted to watch the International origami Championships tonight. Sadly, it's only on paper view.
- A man walks into a bar... ...and loses the international limbo championship.
(I feel like this is probably really old, but I hadn't heard it before.) - TIL France got a different version of The Force Awakens than the rest of the world. While the international version ends with Rey and Luke, the French version ends with fin.
- Today is International Women's Day. It was actually supposed to be held yesterday but they took too long to get ready.
- You are what you think you are Her: What do you do?
Me: Global prosthetics distribution.
Her: So you're an artificial limb salesman?
Me: I prefer 'international arms dealer'. - What do South American governments and internal combustion engines have in common? Both are measured in revolutions per minute.
- Boss: "Sarcasm will get you nowhere in life"!! Me: "Well It got me to the 'International Sarcasm' finals in Santiago 2011
Boss: "Really"?
Me: "No" - Today is International Women's Day. It was supposed to be yesterday, but they took longer than expected to get dressed.
- In a huge lecture hall once I only had four international students turn up - English, French, Spanish and German. I asked if they could all see me. They said... Yes, Oui, Si, Ja
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International One Liners
Which international one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with international? I can suggest the ones about global and worldwide.
- International women's day should not be used as an excuse for sexist jokes Period.
- Monica Lewinsky i have a joke I have an intern joke and it ... nevermind.
- What's the internal temperature of a tauntaun? Luke Warm.
May the 4th Be With You! - How is a meditating monk and a fiber-optic cable similar? Total internal reflection.
- Happy International Women's Day! Or as I like to call it, Taco Tuesday
- What's the internal temperature of a Ton-ton? Lukewarm
- What do you call a tangled rope on International Space Station? Astroknot
- Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players? They do it for the Experience.
- I work for the Big, International Non-Governmental Organization. And BINGO is its name-o.
- Today we celebrate international twins day. Because twins are people two.
- So Pepe is now an international hate symbol... FeelsBadMan.
- The USA is number 1 when dialing internationally.
- What do you call trendy internal prosthetics? Hip implants
- How did the international good shipment feel as it crossed the border? Tarrified.
- What did the thirsty weatherman say to his intern? I need my thermos, stat!
International Womens Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny international womens day jokes and even better international womens day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Originally, International Women's Day was celebrated on the 8 of January. However, because they had to get ready, it has since been postponed to 8 March.
- Today is "International Women's Day", but don't worry guys International Men's Day is coming April 1st.
- I'm celebrating international women's day by not having my wife make me a sandwich today. I'm going to Subway and having Rachel make it instead.
- In honor of International Women's Day, I'm offering free breast exams in my hotel room tonight!
- I combined National pancake day with International Women's Day Took my wife to IHOP and ordered a stack of pancakes for myself, and 8/10ths of a stack for her.
- I was wondering why women get their own day and felt a little left out I then realized international men's day is the other 364 days a year
- As it is international women's day i told my gf ill do the dinner tonight Tables booked for 7
- The International Women's day should be on 3/14... ... but maybe I am being too irrational.
- If you watch Cinderella backwards... it's the triumphant tale of a woman learning her place in the world. Happy International Women's day!
- International women's day. Happy international women's day! I said to my wife.
As a treat, you can have the night off cooking dinner for us. I'll have my girlfriend do it instead.
International Airport Jokes
Here is a list of funny international airport jokes and even better international airport puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you reply to an email about someone freaking out at the Los Angeles International Airport Re:LAX
- Where did Miami International Airport go? It went MIA
- So you need Andy Reid to take you to the airport for an international flight... lol you didn't learn anything from 2004?
- I feel like Jordans International Airport missed a big oppurtunity to call their airport... Air Jordan.
- Any international airport is like a children's cancer ward. It has a lot of terminals.
- What did C-3PO say when the falcon landed at Pearson international airport? Toronto, Gosh!
International Trade Jokes
Here is a list of funny international trade jokes and even better international trade puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Ever hear about the worst international trade deal ever? It was tarifful...
Lions International Jokes
Here is a list of funny lions international jokes and even better lions international puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I work for the organization that sets group names, like "a pride of lions", and I have to hire a new intern. This will take a while; I have a whole grovel of resumes to go through.
Uplifting International Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about international you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean industry jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make international pranks.
All US prison wardens got together and brainstormed to put a stop to prison rapes.
They finally decided on a high tech solution- an anti-slip soap bar with an internal combustion engine equipped with state of the art artificial engine that would fly the soap back to the prisoner's hand even if it somehow falls down.
The Russian wardens too found a solution- shower gel.
Dr joke I just made up
A young medical intern was standing in a hospital hallway, looking flustered whilst try to examine a patients' CAT scan. Seeing his confusion, an older doctor came to see what the problem was. He saw that the intern was reading the scan upside down, and turned it around for him. Seeing that the young intern was embarrassed by his mistake, the doctor said, "don't feel embarrassed, lad, there's more than one way to skim a CAT."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Last day for your taxes
A man walked into a restaurant with his young son. He gave the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy started choking, going blue in the face. The father realized the boy had swallowed the nickels and started slapping him on the back. The boy coughed up 2 of the nickels, but kept choking.
Looking at his son, the father panicked and shouted for help.
A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman in a blue business suit was sitting at the coffee bar reading a
newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looked up, put her coffee cup down, neatly folded the newspaper and placed it on the counter, got up from her seat and made her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully dropped his pants, took hold of the boy's t**... and started to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulsed violently and coughed up the last nickel, which the woman deftly caught in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's t**..., the woman handed the nickel to the father and walked back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he was sure that his son had suffered no ill effects, the father rushed over to the woman and started thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "
No," the woman replied, "I'm with the Internal Revenue Service."
An International School Teacher
...starts a lesson with her 4 students, who are an American kid, an African kid, a European kid and a Chinese kid. She asks "what's your opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"
first, the African kid asks "what's food?"
the European kid asks "what's scarcity?"
the American kid asks "what's other countries?"
and finally the Chinese kid asks "what's my own opinion?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A doctor had s**......
A doctor had s**... with one of his female patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't.
The guilt and sense of betrayal of his patient were overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have s**... with one of his patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go."
But, invariably, another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering...
"You're a veterinarian, you sick s**... fiend."
A man brings his dead dog along for an international flight
The check-in attendant tells him:
"Sir, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to leave either your dog or your backpack."
"What? Why can't I bring both?"
"Rules say only one carrion per customer."
Du Hast
German heavy metal band Rammstein travels to Poland for the next stop on their international tour. As the airport official goes through their passports and checks them in, she asks, "Occupation?"
The singer replies, "No, no. Were just here to perform a show. We'll be gone by tomorrow morning."
It's international pirate day...
...but I don't know somali.
I'm currently working on a management oriented book focused on the delegation of tasks
"I'll have my secretary let you know when my intern finishes writing it." - Mr. Manager
Cordially,
Mrs. Team Lead
There was an International Job opening.
Two men applied, a Canadian man, and an American. After the test and the interview, they company decided to go with the Canadian man. The American with distraught asked why they decided to hire the Canadian and how he did in the interview and test. They said it was a very difficult decision because they both did equally well on the test and in the interview. The American was outraged. "THEN WHY DID YOU HIRE THE CANADIAN?!?." The manager then responded, "Well, you both did equally well in the interview, but the real problem was the test. You both got 9/10 on the test, but for question 10, the Canadian man put 'I don't know' and you put 'me neither.'"
Shout out to my Math Teacher for telling me this one.
So I hear that the Euro is destabilizing and deflating...
...if its value decreases any more, Europe might have to switch back to their old international currency, Czechoslovakia.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TBT - What's the difference between bill clinton and a screwdriver?
One turns in screws, one screws interns.
What do you call it when a waiter at an internet cafe gets your order wrong?
500 Internal Server Error
Practical joke
An intern decided to play a practical joke on a patient husband. He went to the waiting room. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news" the intern said "your wife is going to be a vegetable. You will have to bath her, feed her and care for her the rest of her life". The husband said in tears "oh my God!". The intern laughed "no. No. I'm just kidding. She is dead"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Can you imagine how hard it must be to intern a s**... bomber?
You need three years experience to even apply!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does the Cincinnati gorilla story tell us?
It's the first time that black-on-black crime made national (even international) news.
An artist found a way to draw a two-sided figure, but the International Geometry Summit immediately began to furiously contest the new shape...
I say, let bi-gons be bi-gons
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a 19th century s**... and a 21st century unpaid intern?
No, seriously, I want to know.
An intern is "spanking it" in the laboratory.
A scientist walks into the lab and catches the intern. He is in shock. "What on Earth are you doing?" he asks. The intern does not stop. He takes notes with his other hand and watches the hydrogen ionize. The scientist comes to the conclusion that the intern and the hydrogen are meant for each other; they are both in the excited state.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I want to start selling arm prosthetics globally
Because then I'll be an international arms dealer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
American nuclear response time is around four minutes.
But eight minutes if you are using a cigar on a n**... intern.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bill Clinton: "I sure hope Hillary gets better interns than I did..."
"All of mine s**..."
International Contest
Great Britain and the USA are having a contest about who can mess up their country the most. Britain is leading, but the USA have a Trump card.
To commemorate the disaster in Mecca where a crane fell and crushed pilgrims, Saudi Arabia will build a restaurant at the site.
An IHOP: International House of Pancakes.
Apparently Bill Clinton is so
sure that Hillary is going to win that he stopped at the tobacco store and bought a box of cigars. He has interviews scheduled for his new interns all day.
Wherever you are, if you need a romantic evening, call 180-LONG.
It's the International Date Line.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do your internal organs call their dating life?
Their homie-h**...-status
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Pakistan not have an international football team?
Everytime they get a corner they set up a shop.
What do you call a potato that becomes US President and silences the news, silences government agencies, silences government funded science and ends international treaties?
A dic-tater.
'Knock knock'
'Who's there'
'Okay Google'
'Okay Google, who?'
'Sorry I didn't catch that'
'OKAY GOOGLE WHO?'
'The World Health Organization is a specialized agency of the United Nations that is concerned with international public health. It was established on 7 April 1948, headquartered in Geneva, Switzerland. '
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
International Women's Day is over :(
Back to being International Men's day for the next 364 :)
I just finished writing a book on what it takes to create a global clothing company...
It's an International Vest-Seller
An international conference was being held..
In which USA, North Korea, Europe and Africa were taking part.
The judge said,"I would like to hear your opinions about shortage of food in the rest of the world, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask us".
African president asked, "What is food?".
Europe asked, "What is Short?".
USA asked, "What is the rest of the world?".
North Korea asked, "What is Opinion?".
Teacher asks: You have 12 apples and you give your friend 7, how many apples you have left?
I answer: 12. I don't have any friends. (Crying internally)
The German consulate is in NYC for a big UN meeting...
The clock hits 12:30 and the meeting breaks for lunch. Being that he's in New York, the consulate requests to go out to lunch at a local Deli. An intern is charge with taking him out. As they are sitting and eating the consulate turns to the intern and exclaims,
"I have to admit, these bagels are really delicious! We don't have bagels like this in Germany."
"Well," the intern replies, "whose fault is that?"
My son found some handcuffs under our bed so I had to have "the talk" today...
I'm an international crime fighter now
International Boundaries
An Englishman, lecturing on his travels, was speaking disparagingly about the Scots and French in Canada, and how they intermarried with the Indians. "You'll find," he said "quite a number of Scot & French half-breeds, but you will not find any English half-breeds."
A Scot in the audience shouted, "The Indians have to draw the line somewhere!"
What international disaster occurred after someone dropped the Christmas dinner?
The downfall of Turkey, the overthrow of Greece and the destruction of China.
What did the crew of the International Space Station say to Mission Control?
Houston, you have a problem.
Astronauts release a photo of Hurricane Harvey...
Astronauts released a photo of Hurricane Harvey as seen from the the International Space Station. They sent a short message along with the photograph; "Houston, you have a problem."
Happy International COPD Day mum!
I made you a cake to celebrate, now blow out the candles
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you deal with an intern who's depressed because he just pricked his finger with a h**... contaminated needle?
You'll give him the PEP talk.
Putin: "Russia did not meddle in 2016."
International Olympic Committee: "You certainly won't in 2018."
Husband says'' Honey, it's me. I don't want to alarm you but
. . . I was hit by a car as I was leaving the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They've checked me over and dome some tests and x-rays. The blow to my head was severe. Fortunately, it didn't cause any serious internal injury. However, I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they think they might have to amputate my right foot.''
Wife : ''Who's Paula?''
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My mom: You know, I love you very much. I'll fight with anyone who messes with you.
Me: You must have a lot of internal conflict
Sister: *gasp*
Mom: ....
Note: mom teased teased us a lot when we were kids
There's an international multi-event competition for military spouses, but the same team wins every year.
The Swiss Army Wives.
So what do you do?
*I sell prosthetic limbs to various countries.*
So you're like a med rep, but for amputees?
*I prefer international arms dealer.*
The Trump administration is like the International Space Station
They're in constant free fall, and they needed Russia's help to get there
The International League of Bakers is inviting countries which mainly export baked goods to join.
They're accepting dough nations.
Today is the international day of the gullibles
I'm so happy, I bake a cake for the occasion!
I have an unstable internal environment
No homeo
My Mexican employee who works on my farm doesn't like the nickname I've given him...
He's my International Harvester.
There was a terrible attack on the International Fruit Expo this year.
I was the Dole survivor...
What's the difference between depression and drinking hot cocoa on a cold winter night...
One's an internal struggle while the other is an internal snuggle.
There has been some controversy lately...
...about what would happen if you put a lightsaber in water. Would it break? Would the water heat up or cool? Recent scientists have discovered the water will heat to about the internal temperature of a tauntaun...luke warm.
In these troubling political times with gun violence peaking, human rights scandals on us soil, and ongoing corruption investigations, it's always important to find the silver lining in things...
International Relations with Russia have never been better!
If North Korea tries to pull anything, they say the international retaliation will turn it into free space for South Koreans to store their cars
In other words, a Park-Kim lot
I've made a fortune through international human resource management!
Or 'human trafficking', as some call it.
What does Google call their female interns?
"Intern-ettes"
My friend runs a very successful business making prosthetic limbs and exporting them worldwide.
He is an International Arms dealer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On this international women's day I would like to say to all women everywhere
Thank you for your c**...
