intentions Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious intentions puns

A man wanted to prove to his wife that he loved her more than sex...

so he bought her a lovely bouquet of roses. Despite his good intentions the devoted husband received a suspicious look when he handed her the flowers. I suppose now you expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs spread , said the wife. Why? asked the husband, Don't we have a vase?

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A nun asks another

What would you do if someone with bad intentions gets ahold of you?

Nun: I would lift up my dress

Other Nun: Oh my! What would you do then?

Nun: I would ask him to put his pants down

Other Nun: Wow. I didn't expect this from you. What would you do after?

Nun: I would run away. I bet I can run faster lifting my skirt than he can with his pants down.

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Misquoted Intentions

Two friends, a black guy and a white guy, share an apartment. The white guy's watching TV when the black guy, obviously agitated, flops down on the couch.

Black Guy: Man, I wish I could get a girlfriend.

White Guy: Well, you know what Henry Ford said...

Black Guy: What!? That is so racist!

White Guy looks over confused: What? How is "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right." racist?

Black Guy: Oh, damn, I thought you meant another quote.

White Guy: ...oh, that one.

Black Guy laughs: "You can have it in any color so long as it's black"!

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Mistaken Intentions

A guy met this girl in a bar and asked, "May I buy you a drink?".

Looking back unimpressed at the man she replies, "Okay, but it won't do you any good."

A little later, he asks, "May I buy you another drink?"

"Okay, but it still won't do you any good."

He invites her up to his apartment and she replies, "Okay, but it won't do you any good."

They get to his apartment and he says, "You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I want you for my wife."

She says, "Oh, that's different. Send her in."

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Only one man has ever entered parliament with honest intentions...

... Guy Fawkes

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I was offered $5,000 to sell my account to an advertisement firm

It was a tempting offer, but in the end I had to decline. My morals are strong and intentions are good, just like the wonderful people at Nestle.

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If ISIS would really like the world to know their intentions..

they should kill a lion

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A dad's three daughters are all going on their first dates.

Obviously he is a little worried, so he asks for the three guys to come to his house so that he can see that his daughters are in good hands.

The first guy comes along. He says, Hey I'm Jake and I want to take your daughter out for steak.

The father thinks that this guy has good intentions and lets the two date.

The second guy comes along. He says, Hi I'm Will and I want your daughter to see a fine film.

The father thinks that this guy has good intentions and lets the two date.

The third guy comes along. Hey I'm Chuck...

Father: Get out!

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The last person to enter parliament with honest intentions was Guy Fawkes.

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If ISIS would really like the world to take notice of their intentions!

They should kill a lion.

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There was once a man who had a curse put on him by a witch....

There was once a man who had a curse put on him by a witch because he insulted her. With this curse he could only communicate by saying one word per year, or, if he didn't speak for several years he could build up a sentence.


Several years after being cursed, he meets the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. He waits 2 years just so he can say 'My darling' to this woman as a way of showing expressing to her his intentions.


After waiting 2 years he realises that he is in love with this woman and so he decides to wait another 3 years in order to tell her this.


Having waited for 5 years to talk to this woman, he is committed to marrying her so he waits a further 4 years to ask her to marry him.


Finally, having waited 9 years he approaches his love and says, 'My Darling, I love you. Will you marry me?' With a dainty hand she brushes her hair behind her ear, turns to him with a loving smile and says, 'Pardon?'

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I told my girlfriend's father I have only the most honorable intentions for his daughter.

I didn't tell him my penis is named Honorable

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Which transportation industry was accused of having wrong intentions?

Loco-motive industry

(first post: don't be mean please)

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Harvey Weinstein just turned himself in to the police station:

Police Chief: "I understand your intentions, but please pull up your pants"...

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What did Sandy say when she came to New York?

I come to this great city with great intentions.

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What are the most funny Intentions jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Intentions? Well, here are the best Intentions dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Intentions pick up lines to share with friends.

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