Intentions Jokes
28 intentions jokes and hilarious intentions puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about intentions that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Intentions Short Jokes
Short intentions jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The intentions humour may include short intended jokes also.
- Russia is reportedly seizing Apple's assets in Russia with the intent to make a new vehicle. They plan to call it the iVan.
- Kim Jung Un responds to why he doesn't let people leave North Korea. Kim Jung Un has said "The intent is to provide people with a sense of pride and accomplishment for escaping North Korea"
- My dad always told me that if a bee is bothering you, stare at it intently instead of trying to swat it. Because ….seeing is bee leaving.
- Did you hear about the new minting machine that produces coins only if you focus intently on it? It makes cents if you think about it.
- Remember, men, when your wife declares her intention to learn how to drive, Don't stand in her way.
- Donald Trump says that he plans to reduce inflation. Shortly after, Tom Brady announced his intent to vote for Trump.
- A man sees a blonde girl staring intently at a ice cube in her hand The man asks the girl why she's staring at the ice cube and she responds, "I'm trying to figure out where it's leaking from."
- What is the difference between stabbing a man and killing a hog? One is assaulting with intent to kill; the other is killing with intent to salt.
- Hey, girl... Are you a cell phone? 'Cause I could stare at you all day...
(I am ashamed to admit that intentionally bad pickup lines are my specialty.) - I intentionally left my cell phone at home when I went to visit the Vatican for the first time But somehow I still incurred massive Roman charges.
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Intentions One Liners
Which intentions one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with intentions? I can suggest the ones about ambition and expectations.
- What do you call it when Al Capone goes camping? Criminal intent.
- I hate dolphins... ...for all intents and porpoises.
- Only one man has ever entered parliament with honest intentions... ... Guy Fawkes
- What is the difference between intentionally and by mistake? The presence of a witness.
- If ISIS would really like the world to know their intentions.. they should kill a lion
- What do you call a trespassing camper? Criminal intent
- What do you get if a convict goes camping? Criminal Intent.
- How was Boy Scout camp? Intents
- The last person to enter parliament with honest intentions was Guy Fawkes.
- What's the action like at a circus? In-tents.
- I do all my own stunts But never intentionally.
- How did the extreme campers describe their living conditions? Intents!
- Opportunity, Motive and Intent Could-ah, Should-ah, Would-ah.
- Why was the serial killer intentionally bad at bowling? He preferred to gut her.
- How does a quarterback discipline his kids? Intentional Grounding
Hilarious Fun Intentions Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about intentions you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean aims jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make intentions pranks.
A man wanted to prove to his wife that he loved her more than s**......
so he bought her a lovely bouquet of roses. Despite his good intentions the devoted husband received a suspicious look when he handed her the flowers. I suppose now you expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs spread , said the wife. Why? asked the husband, Don't we have a vase?
Medical School Entrance Exam...
When I was young (100 yrs. Ago) and my intent was to go to medical school, the entrance exam included several questions that would determine eligibility.
One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when e**...."
Those who spelled "SPINE" became Doctors. The rest ended up in Congress.
A nun asks another
What would you do if someone with bad intentions gets ahold of you?
Nun: I would lift up my dress
Other Nun: Oh my! What would you do then?
Nun: I would ask him to put his pants down
Other Nun: Wow. I didn't expect this from you. What would you do after?
Nun: I would run away. I bet I can run faster lifting my skirt than he can with his pants down.
Husband Wanted
A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again.
She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70s),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day, she heard the doorbell.
Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair.
He had no arms or legs.
The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!
The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!'
She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!'
Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!'
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed???'
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said,
'Rang the doorbell, didn't I?'
There was a man who loved puns.
There once was a man who loved puns. They were his favorite kind of humor, and he would often spend time trying to come up with new ones. One morning he was feeling particularly inspired and thought up ten brand new puns. And so he went about his day with the intention of using his new puns to get a laugh from his friends, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
A guy walks into a bar.
Inside the bar he sees a blonde sitting at the bar, she's intently watching the 10 pm news. The news story is about a man who's standing atop a building, preparing to jump. The guy says to the blond "I bet you $50 he'll jump". The blonde takes the bet and continuous to watch.
Some time later, the man on the building jumps. The guy turns to the blonde and says "I'm sorry but I can't take your money. I watched this on the 6 pm news and knew he would jump". The blonde replies "I watched it at 6 pm too, but I didn't think he'd jump again"
A concerned husband goes to his priest...
"Father, I think my wife is trying to poison me. Every time she makes me something to eat, the rat poison bottle gets lighter and lighter."
Troubled by hearing this, the priest tells the man, "I will go and speak with your wife and see what is going on here."
The priest then heads to their home and sits down with the wife and has a long discussion. He then comes back to talk to the husband.
"I've spoken with your wife for over 45 minutes about this", the priest said.
The husband looks intently at the priest, "Yeah, what should I do?"
The priest calmly says "you should take the poison."
