Intensive Jokes
46 intensive jokes and hilarious intensive puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about intensive that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
A collection of Intensive Care inspired jokes, covering everything from grueling waiting times to the ideal solutions of sudo. Perfect for those days when lighthearted humor is a must!
Funniest Intensive Short Jokes
Short intensive jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The intensive humour may include short intense jokes also.
- 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100, 110, 120... Don't bother me. My work here is intense.
- EA Games and Ubisoft walk into a bar... Act now and for just $49.99 you too can experience the intensity and originality of this punchline!
- I tried to do an intense workout that involved 500 sit ups per day But my body couldn't take the ab use
- After decades of intense research, scientists have finally figured out what a woman wants Unfortunately, she's since changed her mind.
- How are women and tsunamis similar? At first things are wet and intense, then you lose your house.
- Jesus and Muhammad were having an intense debate about which of their religions is stronger. My faith moved mountains, exclaimed Jesus.
Yes, agreed Muhammad, but mine moved skyscrapers. - As the finances of rishi sunak’s wife come under intense media scrutiny, Boris Johnson says if everyone could keep talking about it until about January that’d be great.
- Sometimes I just like to switch off I think that's why I lost my job in the Intensive Care Unit
- My family have been doing a collective workout challenge. It was tough at first, very intense. As of this weekend though I can say we've collectively lost 80kg....
...or, Grandad. - A man was brought to a hospital with heavily fractured bones. The doctor in the intensive care unit asks him, "Are you married?"
"No, I've been run over by a truck."
Share These Intensive Jokes With Friends
Intensive One Liners
Which intensive one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with intensive? I can suggest the ones about extensive and severe.
- The number 10210... Is too intense.
- I don't like camping with just one other person. It's just too intense.
- I struggle with an intense fear of becoming disabled It's crippling
- I can cut wood in half by looking at it intensely. I saw it with my own eyes.
- What do you call an intense love of math? Calculust.
- Did you hear about the circus fire? It was intense
- I dated this girl who was only hot when we went camping She was pretty intense
- I went camping recently. It was intense.
- Which anion has an intense dislike of itself? Sulfate
- I've never been a fan of dramas. But the series finale of America is intense!
- Which unit describes the intensity of light in South Africa? Nelson Candela
- The past, the present and the future got into a fight. It was pretty intense.
- They say having a kid is a lot of work But having twins is labor-intensive
- "Donald is intensely loyal. To family, friends, employees, country." -His 3rd wife
- You know what's intense? Camping
Intensive Care Jokes
Here is a list of funny intensive care jokes and even better intensive care puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Walking past the Intensive Care Unit, I heard Kanye's latest album blaring over the intercom. I guess its true, Covid does affect your taste.
(Inspired by: u/FluffyTid) - I molested an intensive care patient... but his nurse walked in at the last moment.
It was real touch-and-go for a while there. - What did the clown say to the kid in intensive care? Peekaboo ICU!
- Saw my doctor recently He said that I need to start eating more vegetables. So lately I've been a regular volunteer at the local women's hospital-intensive care unit.
- An electrician walks into intensive care and yells: 'Hold your breaths, I am about to start replacing circuit breakers'
- Just want to show my appreciation to all the staff working in the Intensive Care Units by saying I See You
- Shoutout to all the intensive care units... I.C.U
- Shoutout to all the intensive care units out there... ICU
- [Dark] Some bloke poses a riddle: "How can you kill thousands of people with a pocket knife without shedding any blood?" Other bloke: "Hey didn't you say you worked in intensive care?"
- Why did the Thai nurse get relocated from the intensive care unit at the hospital? It was scaring the other staff when she answered the phone, "Pe Ka Bu, ICU!"
Ridiculous Intensive Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about intensive you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean intimate jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make intensive pranks.
Dolphin joke...made it up myself today. :)
An aquarium guide brought a group of visitors around to see the dolphins, which were split up into two tanks. In the first tank the dolphins were all having fun, playing around with a beach ball. In the second tank the dolphins were training, working hard on a new trick. One of the visitors asked the guide, "So is this tank for the more serious dolphins?" The guide said, "Yes, for all intensive porpoises."
I stared intensely as my neighbour removed the red dress, then the bra, then the silk underwear.
"Oo yeah," I whispered to myself, as I looked through my telescope, "you keep emptying that washing machine, baby."
I lost my watch at a party.
After some intensive searching through the crowd, I spotted it lying on the floor. There was a guy standing on it. When I looked up, I saw the guy harassing a girl, touching her at all the wrong places. She obviously didn't approve. So I walked over there and punched this guy in the face. Nobody treats girls like that. Not on my watch.
Woman: Doctor, my husband wants intense s**... all day. What can i give him?
Doctor: My number
A son and his Dad have an intense argument and the son storms off, furious.
Before he gets out of earshot of his father, he yells "Jim Morrison was a terrible singer and an uninspired artist who never did anything worthwhile".
His father cannot believe this insolence, and screams at the top of his lungs "As long as you live in this house, you will never, EVER SLAM THE DOORS"
Golf lessons
A young woman has been taking golf lessons. She has just started playing her first round of golf when she suffers a bee sting. The pain is so intense she decides to return to the clubhouse.
Her golf pro sees her come into the clubhouse and asks, "why are you back so early? What's wrong?"
"I was stung by a bee"
"where?" he asks.
"between the first and second hole," she replies.
He nods knowingly and says, "apparently your stance is too wide."
A solar panel, a wind turbine and a hydro dam are all getting to know each other.
'What kind of music are you into?' asks the dam.
'I'm into trance', replies the solar panel.
'Ooh, too intense for me', dam says, 'I much prefer classical melodies, maybe a little 60s soul at the weekends.'
'What about you Mr Turbine? What are you into?'
'Me?' He replies, 'I'm a huge metal fan.'
I got a call from my brother the other day...
I found out he was diagnosed with an intense fear of wanting to have s**... with other men; Homonymphobia. Which really freaked me out because I have a fear of words that sound the same but mean different things.
Stop me if you've heard this one...
A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, You are back early, what's wrong? I was stung by a bee! she said. Where? he asked. Between the first and second hole. she replied. He nodded and said, Your stance is far too wide.
I realised at the last minute that i forgot my protective goggles at the nuclear test facility this morning. My line manager saved my vision and shielded me from the intense light!
He's my super visor
An order of monks are selling flowers...
...illegally on the lawn of the p**... Mansion, Hugh Hefner's property. Instead of calling the police, however, Hugh decides to spring into action and stop them himself. After an intense argument, the monks agree to leave peacefully. If it had been anybody else they would have gotten away with it; unfortunately for them, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
In one Intensive care unit
people always died on the same bed at 11 am on a Sunday morning, regardless of their condition. This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to observe the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour. Some held crosses and prayer books to ward off evil influences, while the less superstitious had video cameras to catch the whole thing on tape. At the 11th hour, the door to the ward slowly opened, then a cleaner came in, disconnected the life support machine and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.
A young woman had been taking golf lessons all week long.
She'd just begun her first game of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense, she couldn't continue her game. She decided to go back to the clubhouse and get some medical attention.
Her golf Pro saw her enter the clubhouse and asked,
"Why are you back so soon?" What's wrong?"
"I was stung by a bee," she answered.
"Where?," he asked.
"Between the first and second holes," she replied.
He nodded his head knowingly and said, "Then your stance is too wide."
After a long and serious operation, Edna ended up in a coma.
Try as they might, the doctors just couldn't bring her out of it. When her husband Ralph came into the intensive care unit to see her, the doctors gave him the bad news, "We just can't wake her. It doesn't look good, I'm afraid."
The doctor told Ralph in a quiet somber voice. Ralph looked at Edna and with a soft trembling voice said, "But doctor, she's so young she's only 48."
"37," came the weak reply from Edna.
My friend hated crows so much that he wanted to kill them. One time, I caught him staring intensely at a group of crows...
You could see the m**... in his eyes.
You hear the one about the incontinent boy scout?
s**... intense.