Ridiculous Intensive Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
Dolphin joke...made it up myself today. :)
An aquarium guide brought a group of visitors around to see the dolphins, which were split up into two tanks. In the first tank the dolphins were all having fun, playing around with a beach ball. In the second tank the dolphins were training, working hard on a new trick. One of the visitors asked the guide, "So is this tank for the more serious dolphins?" The guide said, "Yes, for all intensive porpoises."
I lost my watch at a party.
After some intensive searching through the crowd, I spotted it lying on the floor. There was a guy standing on it. When I looked up, I saw the guy harassing a girl, touching her at all the wrong places. She obviously didn't approve. So I walked over there and punched this guy in the face. Nobody treats girls like that. Not on my watch.
In one Intensive care unit
people always died on the same bed at 11 am on a Sunday morning, regardless of their condition. This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to observe the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour. Some held crosses and prayer books to ward off evil influences, while the less superstitious had video cameras to catch the whole thing on tape. At the 11th hour, the door to the ward slowly opened, then a cleaner came in, disconnected the life support machine and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.
After a long and serious operation, Edna ended up in a coma.
Try as they might, the doctors just couldn't bring her out of it. When her husband Ralph came into the intensive care unit to see her, the doctors gave him the bad news, "We just can't wake her. It doesn't look good, I'm afraid."
The doctor told Ralph in a quiet somber voice. Ralph looked at Edna and with a soft trembling voice said, "But doctor, she's so young she's only 48."
"37," came the weak reply from Edna.
Sometimes I just like to switch off
I think that's why I lost my job in the Intensive Care Unit
A physicist tries betting on horse races
The physicist could not get any job, so he decided to bet on horse races to make a living. He did intensive experimentation, and used state of the art machine learning algorithms to gain more insight. After filling many notebooks and accumulating a very large amount of data, he exclaims "I have the solution, but it works only in the case of spherical horses of uniform density applying a uniform force in a closed system and a vacuum."
A man was brought to a hospital with heavily fractured bones.
The doctor in the intensive care unit asks him, "Are you married?"
"No, I've been run over by a truck."
I got mauled by a Great Dane and ended up in intensive care
Come on s**... Doo, ICU
Walking past the Intensive Care Unit, I heard Kanye's latest album blaring over the intercom.
I guess its true, Covid does affect your taste.
(Inspired by: u/FluffyTid)
Another joke translated from Arabic
A man was walking home from work when he got in a car accident
His wife comes in a hurry to the hospital and asks the Doctor how he's doing the Doctor says
We got him out of intensive care but he died
Victorinox, the makers of Swiss Army knives, recently branched out into the medical supply business after developing a universal tool fit for every hospital ICU.
Their marketing slogan: "For all intensive purposes."
You can explore intensive sudo reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean intensive intensity dad jokes. There are also intensive puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Zwei Gin Bitte!
During World War 2, two German spies recieved an intensive training in English so they could do their job in London without causing suspicion.
To test their knowledge they enter a pub.
Spies: "Two gins, please!"
Bartender: "Dry?"
Spies (confused): "Nein, zwei!!
I molested an intensive care patient...
but his nurse walked in at the last moment.
It was real touch-and-go for a while there.
There were seven dwarves in a bath feeling happy
Happy needed years of intensive therapy and counselling before eventually committing s**...
What did the clown say to the kid in intensive care?
Peekaboo ICU!
Did you hear about the new wing at Sea World for all critically injured dolphins?
It's basically a hospital for all intensive porpoises
The best thing after an intensive argument is the reconciliation s**......
...but boy, do I hate to argue with my in-laws.
What do k**... and intensive training have in common?
they both make black guys run faster
An electrician walks into intensive care
and yells: 'Hold your breaths, I am about to start replacing circuit breakers'
Just want to show my appreciation to all the staff working in the Intensive Care Units by saying
I See You
Shoutout to all the intensive care units...
I.C.U
Shoutout to all the intensive care units out there...
ICU
[Dark] Some bloke poses a riddle: "How can you kill thousands of people with a pocket knife without shedding any blood?"
Other bloke: "Hey didn't you say you worked in intensive care?"
Why did the Thai nurse get relocated from the intensive care unit at the hospital?
It was scaring the other staff when she answered the phone, "Pe Ka Bu, ICU!"
What do Vegans who work in an intensive care unit eat?
The Vegetables.
/Slow Clap.
