Intensive Care Jokes
25 intensive care jokes and hilarious intensive care puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about intensive care that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Intensive Care Short Jokes
Short intensive care jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The intensive care humour may include short intensive jokes also.
- Sometimes I just like to switch off I think that's why I lost my job in the Intensive Care Unit
- A man was brought to a hospital with heavily fractured bones. The doctor in the intensive care unit asks him, "Are you married?"
"No, I've been run over by a truck." - Walking past the Intensive Care Unit, I heard Kanye's latest album blaring over the intercom. I guess its true, Covid does affect your taste.
(Inspired by: u/FluffyTid) - I molested an intensive care patient... but his nurse walked in at the last moment.
It was real touch-and-go for a while there. - Saw my doctor recently He said that I need to start eating more vegetables. So lately I've been a regular volunteer at the local women's hospital-intensive care unit.
- An electrician walks into intensive care and yells: 'Hold your breaths, I am about to start replacing circuit breakers'
- Just want to show my appreciation to all the staff working in the Intensive Care Units by saying I See You
- [Dark] Some bloke poses a riddle: "How can you kill thousands of people with a pocket knife without shedding any blood?" Other bloke: "Hey didn't you say you worked in intensive care?"
- Why did the Thai nurse get relocated from the intensive care unit at the hospital? It was scaring the other staff when she answered the phone, "Pe Ka Bu, ICU!"
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Intensive Care One Liners
Which intensive care one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with intensive care? I can suggest the ones about hospital bed and emergency room.
- What did the clown say to the kid in intensive care? Peekaboo ICU!
- Shoutout to all the intensive care units... I.C.U
- Shoutout to all the intensive care units out there... ICU
- What do Vegans who work in an intensive care unit eat? The Vegetables.
/Slow Clap. - I got mauled by a Great Dane and ended up in intensive care Come on s**... Doo, ICU
Hilarious Intensive Care Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about intensive care you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean icu nurse jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make intensive care pranks.
In one Intensive care unit
people always died on the same bed at 11 am on a Sunday morning, regardless of their condition. This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to observe the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour. Some held crosses and prayer books to ward off evil influences, while the less superstitious had video cameras to catch the whole thing on tape. At the 11th hour, the door to the ward slowly opened, then a cleaner came in, disconnected the life support machine and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.
After a long and serious operation, Edna ended up in a coma.
Try as they might, the doctors just couldn't bring her out of it. When her husband Ralph came into the intensive care unit to see her, the doctors gave him the bad news, "We just can't wake her. It doesn't look good, I'm afraid."
The doctor told Ralph in a quiet somber voice. Ralph looked at Edna and with a soft trembling voice said, "But doctor, she's so young she's only 48."
"37," came the weak reply from Edna.
Another joke translated from Arabic
A man was walking home from work when he got in a car accident
His wife comes in a hurry to the hospital and asks the Doctor how he's doing the Doctor says
We got him out of intensive care but he died
I work in a hospital.
The neonatal intensive care unit is one of the toughest places to work. Rooms full of babies who were born too early and/or far too sick. It's really sad what you see.
One of the worst cases I ever saw, a baby was born with no eyelids. A very rare case that happens to 1 in every 500,000 kids. It took days for doctors to figure out what to do.
Finally, they decided to transfer f**... to the face to act as eye lids. Amazingly, it worked.
The kid turned out just fine, he's just a little c**...-eyed.
Just some guys chilling out in Heaven
Two guys die and go to heaven. They relax with some beer and some salt-dried fish. They watch the waves roll against the river bank, and take things real slow and easy.
Suddenly, another guy emerges from the brushwood, takes a quick sip of beer, a piece of fish, and dives back into the brush. And again, several times in a row.
Eventually the two guys can't take it any more and tell him:
- Why do you keep running around? This is heaven - you have all the time in the world. Don't kill the mood.
- Hey dudes, I'd be happy to hang around! But I'm in **intensive care**!
Man's wife is in a coma
A woman was in a coma being cared for by the Intensive Care nursing staff who noticed a little reaction on the vital -signs monitor as they washed between her legs during a sponge bath.
They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement on the monitor.
As soon as they realised what had happened they went straight to her husband and told him: This may not work, but, maybe some o**... s**... could bring your wife out of the coma.
The husband remained skeptical, but he finally let himself be convinced.
The nurses took him to his wife's room and explained that they would leave them alone so they could have more privacy, but would be checking her vitals in the other room for any reaction.
After a few minutes the monitor's alarm goes off and she flatlines –no pulse, no heartbeat, nothing!
The nurses run into the room desperate to help the woman and see what went wrong, asking the husband, what happened?!?
He replied: I don't know… I think she choked…