Intense Jokes

Following is our collection of intensely humor and intentse one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Intense puns for adults, dirty campers jokes or clean violent gags for kids.

There is an abundance of grueling jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 87 funniest jokes on intense. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any severe witze you can hear about intense.

The Best jokes about Intense

Woman: Doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day. What can i give him?

Doctor: My number

10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100, 110, 120...

Don't bother me. My work here is intense.

A son and his Dad have an intense argument and the son storms off, furious.

Before he gets out of earshot of his father, he yells "Jim Morrison was a terrible singer and an uninspired artist who never did anything worthwhile".

His father cannot believe this insolence, and screams at the top of his lungs "As long as you live in this house, you will never, EVER SLAM THE DOORS"

Golf lessons

A young woman has been taking golf lessons. She has just started playing her first round of golf when she suffers a bee sting. The pain is so intense she decides to return to the clubhouse.
Her golf pro sees her come into the clubhouse and asks, "why are you back so early? What's wrong?"

"I was stung by a bee"

"where?" he asks.

"between the first and second hole," she replies.

He nods knowingly and says, "apparently your stance is too wide."

I got a call from my brother the other day...

I found out he was diagnosed with an intense fear of wanting to have sex with other men; Homonymphobia. Which really freaked me out because I have a fear of words that sound the same but mean different things.


Stop me if you've heard this one...

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, You are back early, what's wrong? I was stung by a bee! she said. Where? he asked. Between the first and second hole. she replied. He nodded and said, Your stance is far too wide.

I realised at the last minute that i forgot my protective goggles at the nuclear test facility this morning. My line manager saved my vision and shielded me from the intense light!

He's my super visor

The number 10210...

Is too intense.

A young woman had been taking golf lessons all week long.

She'd just begun her first game of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense, she couldn't continue her game. She decided to go back to the clubhouse and get some medical attention.

Her golf Pro saw her enter the clubhouse and asked,
"Why are you back so soon?" What's wrong?"

"I was stung by a bee," she answered.

"Where?," he asked.
"Between the first and second holes," she replied.

He nodded his head knowingly and said, "Then your stance is too wide."

An order of monks are selling flowers...

...illegally on the lawn of the Playboy Mansion, Hugh Hefner's property. Instead of calling the police, however, Hugh decides to spring into action and stop them himself. After an intense argument, the monks agree to leave peacefully. If it had been anybody else they would have gotten away with it; unfortunately for them, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

I tried to do an intense workout that involved 500 sit ups per day

But my body couldn't take the ab use


After decades of intense research, scientists have finally figured out what a woman wants

Unfortunately, she's since changed her mind.

How are women and tsunamis similar?

At first things are wet and intense, then you lose your house.

[NSFW] "What was your first time like?"

Three friends are chilling in a bar, drinking and talking. One of them asks "What was your first time like?"

The first guy says "My first time was like riding a roller coaster. It started slow, then got really intense and fun, but it ended too quickly."

The second guy says "My first time was like watching a football game. I was having a blast, but she was so bored she was on her phone the entire time."

They both turn to look at the last guy, who sits quietly, thinking, until he finally speaks. "My first time was like learning to ride a bicycle, with my dad holding my shoulders."

Jesus and Muhammad were having an intense debate about which of their religions is stronger.

My faith moved mountains, exclaimed Jesus.

Yes, agreed Muhammad, but mine moved skyscrapers.

At a medical conference

Two African doctors were in an intense debate. The first said "It's wooooooooooooooommmbbbbb". The second said "no, it's woooooooooooooooommmbbaaaa." A British doctor overhears them and decides to help: "I think the word you are looking for is 'womb.'"
They both turn to him and say "Clearly, you've never heard a hippopotamus fart underwater!"

Scientists are studying the effects of marijuana on the arctic tern, a species of bird.

The studies are so intense they have stated "We are leaving no tern unstoned."

I don't like camping with just one other person.

It's just too intense.

I struggle with an intense fear of becoming disabled

It's crippling


What do you call an intense love of math?

Calculust.

Did you hear about the circus fire?

It was intense

Moses was sent by the Israelites...

to the top of Mount Sinai to negotiate with God over the commandments. After a month of intense discussion, an exhausted Moses came down with a list of 200 commandments.

The Israelites, however, weren't happy with this, and sent him back up to negotiate a better deal.

A week later, a washed out Moses returned from his mission.

"I've got some good news and some bad news," Moses told the Israelites.
"The good news is that I've gotten the list down to ten.
The bad news is that adultery is still on there."

I dated this girl who was only hot when we went camping

She was pretty intense

What do you call it when people want to have sex while camping?

Intense intents in tents.

An almost hysterical man calls 911...

He yells, "Please come quickly! Kailey is pregnant and her labor just started now, it's really intense!"

"Is this her first child?" asks the operator.

"No dumbass! It's her husband!"

My family have been doing a collective workout challenge.

It was tough at first, very intense. As of this weekend though I can say we've collectively lost 80kg....


...or, Grandad.

A newly in love couple is sitting in the waiting room at the doctors office...

Suddenly the man says: "My ear hurts."

The woman kisses the ear and asks: "Is the ear better now?"

"Yes," says the man, "much better, but now my neck hurts."

The woman kisses the neck and asks: "Is the neck better now?"

"Yes," says the man, smiling, "much better, but now my mouth hurts".

The woman also kisses his mouth with intense and asks: "Is it better now?"

An elderly gentleman interrupts the two and asks the woman: "Do you also treat hemorrhoids?"

Even had diarrhoea while camping?

Shit's intense.

I went camping recently.

It was intense.

A Compilation of Awful, Somewhat Nerdy Jokes

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"To."

"To who?"

"To whom*."
___________________________________________________________
What do they do to tickle me elmo before he leaves the factory?

Give him two test tickles!
___________________________________________________________
What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
___________________________________________________________
Two atoms duck into the trenches after an intense firefight.

One atom exclaims, "I think I lost an electron!"

The other asks if he's sure, and the atom replies, "Yes! I'm positive!"

I've never been a fan of dramas.

But the series finale of America is intense!

The past, the present and the future got into a fight.

It was pretty intense.

How are cancer and pregnancy similar?

They can both be fixed with intense radiation therapy.

Recently, I've started to do crosswords a lot.

Like those really cryptic ones you get in the weekend papers, with clues like 'fish worn on head, (5, 7,)', and stuff like that. I get really intense about them, though, and can't stand starting a new one until I've finished the last one. I refuse to use dictionaries and things on principle, and I'll sit and ponder them until something comes along.

Anyway, I'd been working on one for about a month straight, stuck on one last clue. I'd stopped going to work, stopped bathing, shaving. I barely ate, barely slept. I was pretty sure my girlfriend had left me because it had been a bit quiet, but I couldn't be sure.

Most of my mates had abandoned me, except my friend from Jamaica- good guy, great friend.

So, he came round to visit me, takeaway curry in hand, and sat down next to me. It took me a moment, but I realised he was there, and looked up at him.

"Come on", he said, "you've got to give up. It's not good for you"

"I can't", I replied through my luxurious crossword-beard, "I need to finish this one last thing, and then....and then I'll be fine. Fine. Promise"

He sighed, and shook his head, but gestured anyway. "Alright, what is it?"

"Great in scale and size. Awe-inspiring. Impressive. Ten letters"

"Monumental"

"No I'm not, I just really want to finish this crossword"

A man and his daughter get into an intense arguement.

Finally the daughter can take it anymore and storms off to her room shouting "Jim Morrison is over rated" before angrily shutting her bedroom door.

Her father equally as angry yelled back "How many times do I have to tell you? In this house we dont slam The Doors."

Penguins are at war

During a intense trench firefight, a young private that was recently drafted starts balling saying he cant handle it.

The commanding officer ferociously waddles over and screams "its either us or them"!

The private pauses for a second. Looks up and says "its not always black and white"

[OC]

Did you hear about the carnival fires?

They were intense.

The past, present and the future started fighting.

It was in*tense*

This dude and his girlfriend are making out on the sofa

After a while it starts getting a bit more intimate and intense. He asks her should we take this to the bedroom? She's thrilled and agrees. Only problem of they couldn't work out the right angle to get the sofa through the door.

What do Asgardians say when they have an intense workout at the gym?

I'm Thor

My Taiwanese friend is very intense and driven:

He has a real Taipei personality

Have you ever heard of extreme camping?

It's intense.

So, me and the guys, each year, compete to see who has had sex with the most women.

It's a very intense lying competition.

An orchestra concert is no place for a child.

Sometimes there's intense violins

2 Iranian Religious Leaders

...are discussing some of the finer points of sharia law. The first exclaims after a silent minute of intense googling, "Huh, I guess you were right!"

The second says "Ayatoldyah!"

I had a really intense counting contest the other day.

We just kept one upping each other.

Camping...

...is intense

Rob and Samantha ...

Rob and Samantha Henders just got married but they were having some communication issues – that's a nice way of saying they were fighting. One day, they were in the car driving down a country road, each not saying a word after a particularly intense fight.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, Rob sarcastically asked, "Are they relatives of yours?"
"Yes," Samantha replied. "I married into the family."

A man was arrested after planning to kill his friend while on a camping trip....

He's being charged with intense intents in tents.

Why is camping so much fun?

It's intense!

Don't ever go camping.

That shit's intense.

You know what they say about moldy tents....

That mold is intense.

What do cattle ranching and an increasingly intense situation have in common?

They both involve raising stakes (steaks)

My girlfriend is a campsite beauty.

She is pretty intense.

What did the white dude call the intense Asian?

Serious-lee

Coworker asked me about my camping trip this past weekend since it stormed.

I won't lie. It was mostly intense.

Conjugating verbs is great

It's always in-tense

"Wow, this camping trip's going to be INTENSE!"

"What?! *I thought you said were staying in the cabin*!"

I just bought a tent with a toilet in it

Shit's intense

Did you know Gary Oldman missed out on being the voice of iPhone because his vocal tone was too intense?

He took the role too Siriusly.

the only person that seems to oppose my intense F.R.I.E.N.D.S obsession...

...is my daughter, gunther.

A man goes to a doctor

Man: Doctor! help me please, every time I drink a cup of coffee I get this intense stinging in my eye.

Doctor: I suggest you remove the spoon before drinking.

I want to make a podcast where two guys go camping and debate the best camping supplies...

...Call it Intense in Tents

I have an intense fear of hiccups

Luckily, I only ever have one.

Nearly had a fight with my army of Twitter followers…

It got pretty intense up until they all retweeted…

Scott Prius resigns...

Scott Pruitt resigns from EPA today siting intense pressure from Trump administration to change his last name to Prius ...

One day in the courtroom...

One day in the courtroom, there was a very big and intense court case going on. Mr. Larius was being charged with the first degree murder of his wife. He had plead not guilty.

During the court case, the prosecution called up a witness to the stand. During the examination, they asked, "Did you see the murder?" and the witness said, "Yes! I certainly did!"

Then the prosecution asked, "Do you know who did it?" and the witness said, "Yes! I certainly do!"

Then the prosecution asked, "If he is in the courtroom, may you please point him out?" and so the witness pointed to the defendant and cried out, "It was HE! LARIUS!"

"HE LARIUS"

I read this really intense book about a metal contraption that clips off parts of the body...

It was truly a nailbiter.

Just went to the circus for the first time.

It was intense!

Only a matter of time

A science teacher was teaching her class about the sun. In 5 billion years, she said, our sun is going to expand and become a red giant, and all life on earth will die out from the intense heat. All of a sudden a little boy starts crying. What's wrong? she asked, It's not for another five billion years!

Oh, replied the boy, wiping the tears from his eyes, I thought you said million.

Went to a Muslim birthday party the other day...

It was great fun, we blew up a bouncy castle and then had a really intense game of pass the parcel.

The difference between Karate and Judo.

Karate is a combat and self defense technique developed in japan that requires years of intense training and dedication to master.



Judo is what they make bagels out of.

I was trying to read a German leader's autobiography.

My struggle to translate the German to English was intense.

An intense fight broke out at the gym down the road just now

It now belongs to Team Mystic

The match between Russia and Spain was intense.

Russia put the pain in Spain.

Once upon a time a model went camping

It was pretty intense.

Why is it called homophobia

A phobia is an intense and irrational fear .
I don't fear gay people .
Gay people fear me .

I remember last Christmas we were sharing stories from the previous years. My sister had skipped the past and went right for the present. The whole family noticed the mistake.

It was intense.

I got into an argument with my English teacher about how I write about the past and the present.

It was intense.

Ended up in an extremely intense situation yesterday

I went camping

I had a really intense row with my son

We came second in the father-son boat race!

My son wanted an intense, hardcore game, where you have build awesome bases, fight monsters, and online play.

So I got him Minecraft.

I 've got an intense fear that I am a hypochondriac, or at least showing symptoms of one

Reports of the circus fire are coming in...

It was intense.

Did you hear about that sideshow fire?

It was intense.*

*) Courtesy Picmonic's Cidofovir story.

You know what can be intense?

Sleeping bags...

A llama walks into her house to see her husband in bed with another llama

After a moment of intense silence, the husband gets up and says, "alpaca my bags."

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes