Intense Jokes
104 intense jokes and hilarious intense puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about intense that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Intense Short Jokes
Short intense jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The intense humour may include short intensive jokes also.
- 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100, 110, 120... Don't bother me. My work here is intense.
- EA Games and Ubisoft walk into a bar... Act now and for just $49.99 you too can experience the intensity and originality of this punchline!
- I tried to do an intense workout that involved 500 sit ups per day But my body couldn't take the ab use
- How are women and tsunamis similar? At first things are wet and intense, then you lose your house.
- Jesus and Muhammad were having an intense debate about which of their religions is stronger. My faith moved mountains, exclaimed Jesus.
Yes, agreed Muhammad, but mine moved skyscrapers. - As the finances of rishi sunak’s wife come under intense media scrutiny, Boris Johnson says if everyone could keep talking about it until about January that’d be great.
- Sometimes I just like to switch off I think that's why I lost my job in the Intensive Care Unit
- My family have been doing a collective workout challenge. It was tough at first, very intense. As of this weekend though I can say we've collectively lost 80kg....
...or, Grandad. - A man was brought to a hospital with heavily fractured bones. The doctor in the intensive care unit asks him, "Are you married?"
"No, I've been run over by a truck." - How are cancer and pregnancy similar? They can both be fixed with intense radiation therapy.
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Intense One Liners
Which intense one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with intense? I can suggest the ones about passionate and severe.
- The number 10210... Is too intense.
- I don't like camping with just one other person. It's just too intense.
- I struggle with an intense fear of becoming disabled It's crippling
- What do you call an intense love of math? Calculust.
- Did you hear about the circus fire? It was intense
- I dated this girl who was only hot when we went camping She was pretty intense
- I went camping recently. It was intense.
- Which anion has an intense dislike of itself? Sulfate
- I've never been a fan of dramas. But the series finale of America is intense!
- Which unit describes the intensity of light in South Africa? Nelson Candela
- They say having a kid is a lot of work But having twins is labor-intensive
- "Donald is intensely loyal. To family, friends, employees, country." -His 3rd wife
- You know what's intense? Camping
- Intensity is inferior to three times as much as tension. Because I < 3 U.
- The past, present and the future started fighting. It was in*tense*
Intense Fear Jokes
Here is a list of funny intense fear jokes and even better intense fear puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I have an intense fear of hiccups Luckily, I only ever have one.
- I 've got an intense fear that I am a hypochondriac, or at least showing symptoms of one
Intense Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about intense you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean extensive jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make intense pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An order of monks are selling flowers...
...illegally on the lawn of the p**... Mansion, Hugh Hefner's property. Instead of calling the police, however, Hugh decides to spring into action and stop them himself. After an intense argument, the monks agree to leave peacefully. If it had been anybody else they would have gotten away with it; unfortunately for them, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Recently, I've started to do crosswords a lot.
Like those really cryptic ones you get in the weekend papers, with clues like 'fish worn on head, (5, 7,)', and stuff like that. I get really intense about them, though, and can't stand starting a new one until I've finished the last one. I refuse to use dictionaries and things on principle, and I'll sit and ponder them until something comes along.
Anyway, I'd been working on one for about a month straight, stuck on one last clue. I'd stopped going to work, stopped bathing, shaving. I barely ate, barely slept. I was pretty sure my girlfriend had left me because it had been a bit quiet, but I couldn't be sure.
Most of my mates had abandoned me, except my friend from Jamaica- good guy, great friend.
So, he came round to visit me, takeaway curry in hand, and sat down next to me. It took me a moment, but I realised he was there, and looked up at him.
"Come on", he said, "you've got to give up. It's not good for you"
"I can't", I replied through my luxurious crossword-beard, "I need to finish this one last thing, and then....and then I'll be fine. Fine. Promise"
He sighed, and shook his head, but gestured anyway. "Alright, what is it?"
"Great in scale and size. Awe-inspiring. Impressive. Ten letters"
"Monumental"
"No I'm not, I just really want to finish this crossword"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Don't ever go camping.
That s**...'s intense.
2 Iranian Religious Leaders
...are discussing some of the finer points of sharia law. The first exclaims after a silent minute of intense googling, "Huh, I guess you were right!"
The second says "Ayatoldyah!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After decades of intense research, scientists have finally figured out what a woman wants
Unfortunately, she's since changed her mind.
Only a matter of time
A science teacher was teaching her class about the sun. In 5 billion years, she said, our sun is going to expand and become a red giant, and all life on earth will die out from the intense heat. All of a sudden a little boy starts crying. What's wrong? she asked, It's not for another five billion years!
Oh, replied the boy, wiping the tears from his eyes, I thought you said million.
An orchestra concert is no place for a child.
Sometimes there's intense violins
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At a medical conference
Two African doctors were in an intense debate. The first said "It's wooooooooooooooommmbbbbb". The second said "no, it's woooooooooooooooommmbbaaaa." A British doctor overhears them and decides to help: "I think the word you are looking for is 'womb.'"
They both turn to him and say "Clearly, you've never heard a hippopotamus f**... underwater!"
I had a really intense row with my son
We came second in the father-son boat race!
I always feel an intense awkwardness when
a woman doesn't choose the iron in a game of Monopoly.
Conjugating verbs is great
It's always in-tense
What do Asgardians say when they have an intense workout at the gym?
I'm Thor
You know what they say about moldy tents....
That mold is intense.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The benefits of joining ISIS:
* A new identity.
* Intense religious indoctrination.
* A v**... bride to marry.
Oh, sorry... That's Scientology.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just bought a tent with a toilet in it
s**...'s intense
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A son and his Dad have an intense argument and the son storms off, furious.
Before he gets out of earshot of his father, he yells "Jim Morrison was a terrible singer and an uninspired artist who never did anything worthwhile".
His father cannot believe this insolence, and screams at the top of his lungs "As long as you live in this house, you will never, EVER SLAM THE DOORS"
I was going to watch a video on intense manicuring
But none of them had thumbnails
A young woman had been taking golf lessons all week long.
She'd just begun her first game of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense, she couldn't continue her game. She decided to go back to the clubhouse and get some medical attention.
Her golf Pro saw her enter the clubhouse and asked,
"Why are you back so soon?" What's wrong?"
"I was stung by a bee," she answered.
"Where?," he asked.
"Between the first and second holes," she replied.
He nodded his head knowingly and said, "Then your stance is too wide."
Have you heard the one about the guy who went camping in the haunted house?
It was intense.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call it when people want to have s**... while camping?
Intense intents in tents.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got a call from my brother the other day...
I found out he was diagnosed with an intense fear of wanting to have s**... with other men; Homonymphobia. Which really freaked me out because I have a fear of words that sound the same but mean different things.
What did the white dude call the intense Asian?
Serious-lee
"Wow, this camping trip's going to be INTENSE!"
"What?! *I thought you said were staying in the cabin*!"
Why did the intense guy move to Taiwan?
He had a Taipei personality.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An almost hysterical man calls 911...
He yells, "Please come quickly! Kailey is pregnant and her labor just started now, it's really intense!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the operator.
"No d**...! It's her husband!"
Did you know Gary Oldman missed out on being the voice of iPhone because his vocal tone was too intense?
He took the role too Siriusly.
the only person that seems to oppose my intense F.R.I.E.N.D.S obsession...
...is my daughter, gunther.
State of Emergency: Circus Fire Rages in Texas, Deadlier than Hurricane Harvey
Everyone died
Jk it was intense (in tents)
A man was arrested after planning to kill his friend while on a camping trip....
He's being charged with intense intents in tents.
My young son and daughter asked me to stop sending them on camping trips by themselves.
Apparently, it was a little too intense.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Even had diarrhoea while camping?
s**...'s intense.
Nearly had a fight with my army of Twitter followers…
It got pretty intense up until they all retweeted…
Arguments with my girlfriend are very intense and psychological
She's a psycho and I am logical
The most difficult part of serving in Afghanistan?
The sleeping was intense
Penguins are at war
During a intense trench firefight, a young private that was recently drafted starts balling saying he cant handle it.
The commanding officer ferociously waddles over and screams "its either us or them"!
The private pauses for a second. Looks up and says "its not always black and white"
[OC]
I realised at the last minute that i forgot my protective goggles at the nuclear test facility this morning. My line manager saved my vision and shielded me from the intense light!
He's my super visor
The match between Russia and Spain was intense.
Russia put the pain in Spain.
Scott Prius resigns...
Scott Pruitt resigns from EPA today siting intense pressure from Trump administration to change his last name to Prius ...
Once upon a time a model went camping
It was pretty intense.
What do cattle ranching and an increasingly intense situation have in common?
They both involve raising stakes (steaks)
I had a really intense counting contest the other day.
We just kept one upping each other.
I read this really intense book about a metal contraption that clips off parts of the body...
It was truly a nailbiter.
A llama walks into her house to see her husband in bed with another llama
After a moment of intense silence, the husband gets up and says, "alpaca my bags."
You know what can be intense?
Sleeping bags...
Did you hear about that sideshow fire?
It was intense.*
*) Courtesy Picmonic's Cidofovir story.
Reports of the circus fire are coming in...
It was intense.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My son wanted an intense, h**... game, where you have build awesome bases, fight monsters, and online play.
So I got him Minecraft.
Ended up in an extremely intense situation yesterday
I went camping
I got into an argument with my English teacher about how I write about the past and the present.
It was intense.
I remember last Christmas we were sharing stories from the previous years. My sister had skipped the past and went right for the present. The whole family noticed the mistake.
It was intense.
An intense fight broke out at the gym down the road just now
It now belongs to Team Mystic
I was trying to read a German leader's autobiography.
My struggle to translate the German to English was intense.
Went to a Muslim birthday party the other day...
It was great fun, we blew up a bouncy castle and then had a really intense game of pass the parcel.
Just went to the circus for the first time.
It was intense!
Coworker asked me about my camping trip this past weekend since it stormed.
I won't lie. It was mostly intense.
My girlfriend is a campsite beauty.
She is pretty intense.
Rob and Samantha ...
Rob and Samantha Henders just got married but they were having some communication issues – that's a nice way of saying they were fighting. One day, they were in the car driving down a country road, each not saying a word after a particularly intense fight.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, Rob sarcastically asked, "Are they relatives of yours?"
"Yes," Samantha replied. "I married into the family."
This dude and his girlfriend are making out on the sofa
After a while it starts getting a bit more intimate and intense. He asks her should we take this to the bedroom? She's thrilled and agrees. Only problem of they couldn't work out the right angle to get the sofa through the door.
I want to make a podcast where two guys go camping and debate the best camping supplies...
...Call it Intense in Tents
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So, me and the guys, each year, compete to see who has had s**... with the most women.
It's a very intense lying competition.
The arguments between the "pro-mask" and "anti-mask" groups is really intense! People are even PRACTICING their arguments at home first.
Just yesterday I heard a 14 y/o boy tell his friend that at home he mask debates into a sock!
A solar panel, a wind turbine and a hydro dam are all getting to know each other.
'What kind of music are you into?' asks the dam.
'I'm into trance', replies the solar panel.
'Ooh, too intense for me', dam says, 'I much prefer classical melodies, maybe a little 60s soul at the weekends.'
'What about you Mr Turbine? What are you into?'
'Me?' He replies, 'I'm a huge metal fan.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You hear the one about the incontinent boy scout?
s**... intense.
What's the most intense moment in history?
When the mission to take the first cow into space commenced.
The steaks had never been higher.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Recruit at the KGB
The KGB had found their newest recruit, but before he could join, he had to go through three tests. First, he had to down an entire bottle of v**... in one sitting, then shake hands with a bear, then s**... and sleep with a lady. The recruit easily downs the v**... in a matter of seconds, then is put in a cage with a bear. Intense screaming, bear growling, and shouting can be heard for the duration of 20 minutes, but the cage goes quiet and recruit finally emerges from the cage, bruised up and covered in claw marks. He then asks, "so where's this lady I'm supposed to shake hands with?"
