intense Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious intense puns

WARNING... Dad joke ahead.

This actually just happened.

Wife and Son are playing an intense game of battle ship.

Son: I-8

Me: I haven't ate... I'm hungry

Wife: (not finding the humor)... miss... E-10

Me: Grammar Nazi.

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What does eating pussy and smoking a cigarette have in common?

The closer you get to the butt the more intense the flavor.

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Woman: Doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day. What can i give him?

Doctor: My number

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10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100, 110, 120...

Don't bother me. My work here is intense.

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A son and his Dad have an intense argument and the son storms off, furious.

Before he gets out of earshot of his father, he yells "Jim Morrison was a terrible singer and an uninspired artist who never did anything worthwhile".

His father cannot believe this insolence, and screams at the top of his lungs "As long as you live in this house, you will never, EVER SLAM THE DOORS"

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Golf lessons

A young woman has been taking golf lessons. She has just started playing her first round of golf when she suffers a bee sting. The pain is so intense she decides to return to the clubhouse.
Her golf pro sees her come into the clubhouse and asks, "why are you back so early? What's wrong?"

"I was stung by a bee"

"where?" he asks.

"between the first and second hole," she replies.

He nods knowingly and says, "apparently your stance is too wide."

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I got a call from my brother the other day...

I found out he was diagnosed with an intense fear of wanting to have sex with other men; Homonymphobia. Which really freaked me out because I have a fear of words that sound the same but mean different things.

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Stop me if you've heard this one...

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, You are back early, what's wrong? I was stung by a bee! she said. Where? he asked. Between the first and second hole. she replied. He nodded and said, Your stance is far too wide.

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I realised at the last minute that i forgot my protective goggles at the nuclear test facility this morning. My line manager saved my vision and shielded me from the intense light!

He's my super visor

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The number 10210...

Is too intense.

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A young Arab boy asks his father What is that strange hat you are wearing?



The father said: "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia.' In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.

"And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing? asked the boy.

Oh, my son! exclaimed the father It is very simple. This is a 'djbellah.' As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My djbellah protects the entire body."

The son then asked: "But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?

"These are 'babouches' my son, the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These babouches keep us from burning our feet."

"So tell me then," added the boy.

"Yes, my son…

"Why are we living in Birmingham and still wearing all this shit?

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Penis jokes! A professor gives his physiology class a spot quiz...

A professor gives his physiology class a spot quiz. One question he asks is, "What part of the human anatomy expands to ten times its normal size during periods of intense emotion and excitement?" He picks a rather overdressed girl in the front row to answer it. "Miss Callahan!" The indicated girl, who heard the question, stammers with some embarrassment: "Professor, I'd rather not answer that question." The professor says, "That's all right, Miss Callahan, you don't need to answer it. Is there anyone present who can answer it?" He notes an interested face in the back of the classroom. "Mr. Hawkins!" Hawkins says, "Yes, Professor, it is the pupil of the eye that expands to ten times its normal size during periods of emotion and excitement." The professor says, "That is correct, Mr. Hawkins." Then he turns to Miss Callahan. He says, "Young lady, two things are obvious from your reaction to this question. One, you haven't studied this week's assignment; and Two, I'm afraid marriage is going to be a tremendous disappointment to you.

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woman was taking

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, You are back early, what's wrong? I was stung by a bee! she said. Where? he asked. Between the first and second hole. she replied. He nodded and said, Your stance is far too wide.

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A young woman had been taking golf lessons all week long.

She'd just begun her first game of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense, she couldn't continue her game. She decided to go back to the clubhouse and get some medical attention.

Her golf Pro saw her enter the clubhouse and asked,
"Why are you back so soon?" What's wrong?"

"I was stung by a bee," she answered.

"Where?," he asked.
"Between the first and second holes," she replied.

He nodded his head knowingly and said, "Then your stance is too wide."

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Anybody here have sex while camping?

It's fucking intense.

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A young muslim boy asks his dad " what are you wearing on your head?"



The father said: "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia.' In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.

"And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing? asked the boy.

Oh, my son! exclaimed the father It is very simple. This is a 'djbellah.' As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My djbellah protects the entire body."

The son then asked: "But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?

"These are 'babouches' my son, the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These babouches keep us from burning our feet."

Son asks " what is that black tent mom and sister are wearing ?"

Father :" It's called a burkha , it helps the hot desert sand from hitting the face during a sandstorm" .

"So tell me then," added the boy.

"Yes, my son…

"Why are we living in Birmingham and still wearing all this shit?

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An order of monks are selling flowers...

...illegally on the lawn of the Playboy Mansion, Hugh Hefner's property. Instead of calling the police, however, Hugh decides to spring into action and stop them himself. After an intense argument, the monks agree to leave peacefully. If it had been anybody else they would have gotten away with it; unfortunately for them, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

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I tried to do an intense workout that involved 500 sit ups per day

But my body couldn't take the ab use

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After decades of intense research, scientists have finally figured out what a woman wants

Unfortunately, she's since changed her mind.

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How are women and tsunamis similar?

At first things are wet and intense, then you lose your house.

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[NSFW] "What was your first time like?"

Three friends are chilling in a bar, drinking and talking. One of them asks "What was your first time like?"

The first guy says "My first time was like riding a roller coaster. It started slow, then got really intense and fun, but it ended too quickly."

The second guy says "My first time was like watching a football game. I was having a blast, but she was so bored she was on her phone the entire time."

They both turn to look at the last guy, who sits quietly, thinking, until he finally speaks. "My first time was like learning to ride a bicycle, with my dad holding my shoulders."

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When the fly goes down..

A fly was hovering just above the pond. A fish had been eyeing the fly for a long time, but it seemed just above its reach. A cat sitting by the pond was waiting patiently to pounce on a fish. Very intense situation.

And then the fly swooped down. The fish jumped out to gobble it, and the cat, seizing the opportunity, jumped into the pond to catch the fish.

Moral: when the fly goes down, the pussy gets wet.


I will see myself out now...

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Jesus and Muhammad were having an intense debate about which of their religions is stronger.

My faith moved mountains, exclaimed Jesus.

Yes, agreed Muhammad, but mine moved skyscrapers.

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At a medical conference

Two African doctors were in an intense debate. The first said "It's wooooooooooooooommmbbbbb". The second said "no, it's woooooooooooooooommmbbaaaa." A British doctor overhears them and decides to help: "I think the word you are looking for is 'womb.'"
They both turn to him and say "Clearly, you've never heard a hippopotamus fart underwater!"

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Scientists are studying the effects of marijuana on the arctic tern, a species of bird.

The studies are so intense they have stated "We are leaving no tern unstoned."

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So Grandpa is at the birthday party...

And all the kids gather around his feet to hear his ever-famous "I came face to face with a tiger" story. He has told the story many times and has his delivery down pat, all the kids are eagerly hanging on his every word. He reaches the most intense part of the story,"As I crept toward the beast, the tiger hears me, turns around and charges me while letting out a tremendous ROAR....I just crapped my pants!"
A child excitedly asks "Did you kill it, Grandpa?!"
"No, I'm serious, I just shit in my pants, please go get your mother!"

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I don't like camping with just one other person.

It's just too intense.

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A young Arab boy asks his father...

A young Arab boy asks his father, "What is that weird hat you are wearing?"

The father said, "Why, it's a 'chechia' because in the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun."

"And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?" asked the young man.

"It's a 'djbellah' because in the desert it is very hot and it protects the body." said the father.

The son asked, "And what about those ugly shoes on your feet?

His father replied, "These are 'babouches", which keep us from burning our feet from hot sand in the desert."

"So tell me then," added the boy.

"Yes, my son?"

"Why are you living in Dearborn, Michigan, and still wearing all this shit?

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Golf bee sting

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, You are back early, what's wrong? I was stung by a bee! she said. Where? he asked. Between the first and second hole. she replied. He nodded and said, Your stance is far too wide.

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I struggle with an intense fear of becoming disabled

It's crippling

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You know what they say about having sex while camping?

It's fucking intense

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What do you call an intense love of math?

Calculust.

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Did you hear about the circus fire?

It was intense

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Moses was sent by the Israelites...

to the top of Mount Sinai to negotiate with God over the commandments. After a month of intense discussion, an exhausted Moses came down with a list of 200 commandments.

The Israelites, however, weren't happy with this, and sent him back up to negotiate a better deal.

A week later, a washed out Moses returned from his mission.

"I've got some good news and some bad news," Moses told the Israelites.
"The good news is that I've gotten the list down to ten.
The bad news is that adultery is still on there."

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What do you call it when people want to have sex while camping?

Intense intents in tents.

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What are the most funny Intense jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Intense? Well, here are the best Intense dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Intense pick up lines to share with friends.

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