Intense Jokes
105 intense jokes and hilarious intense puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about intense that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Intense Short Jokes
Short intense jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The intense humour may include short intensive jokes also.
- 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100, 110, 120... Don't bother me. My work here is intense.
- EA Games and Ubisoft walk into a bar... Act now and for just $49.99 you too can experience the intensity and originality of this punchline!
- I tried to do an intense workout that involved 500 sit ups per day But my body couldn't take the ab use
- After decades of intense research, scientists have finally figured out what a woman wants Unfortunately, she's since changed her mind.
- How are women and tsunamis similar? At first things are wet and intense, then you lose your house.
- Jesus and Muhammad were having an intense debate about which of their religions is stronger. My faith moved mountains, exclaimed Jesus.
Yes, agreed Muhammad, but mine moved skyscrapers. - As the finances of rishi sunak’s wife come under intense media scrutiny, Boris Johnson says if everyone could keep talking about it until about January that’d be great.
- Sometimes I just like to switch off I think that's why I lost my job in the Intensive Care Unit
- My family have been doing a collective workout challenge. It was tough at first, very intense. As of this weekend though I can say we've collectively lost 80kg....
...or, Grandad. - A man was brought to a hospital with heavily fractured bones. The doctor in the intensive care unit asks him, "Are you married?"
"No, I've been run over by a truck."
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Intense One Liners
Which intense one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with intense? I can suggest the ones about passionate and severe.
- The number 10210... Is too intense.
- I don't like camping with just one other person. It's just too intense.
- I struggle with an intense fear of becoming disabled It's crippling
- I can cut wood in half by looking at it intensely. I saw it with my own eyes.
- What do you call an intense love of math? Calculust.
- Did you hear about the circus fire? It was intense
- I dated this girl who was only hot when we went camping She was pretty intense
- I went camping recently. It was intense.
- Which anion has an intense dislike of itself? Sulfate
- I've never been a fan of dramas. But the series finale of America is intense!
- Which unit describes the intensity of light in South Africa? Nelson Candela
- The past, the present and the future got into a fight. It was pretty intense.
- They say having a kid is a lot of work But having twins is labor-intensive
- "Donald is intensely loyal. To family, friends, employees, country." -His 3rd wife
- You know what's intense? Camping
Intense Fear Jokes
Here is a list of funny intense fear jokes and even better intense fear puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I have an intense fear of hiccups Luckily, I only ever have one.
- Why is it called homophobia A phobia is an intense and irrational fear .
I don't fear gay people .
Gay people fear me . - I 've got an intense fear that I am a hypochondriac, or at least showing symptoms of one
Intense Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about intense you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean extensive jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make intense pranks.
Have you ever heard of extreme camping?
It's intense.
An order of monks are selling flowers...
...illegally on the lawn of the p**... Mansion, Hugh Hefner's property. Instead of calling the police, however, Hugh decides to spring into action and stop them himself. After an intense argument, the monks agree to leave peacefully. If it had been anybody else they would have gotten away with it; unfortunately for them, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Golf lessons
A young woman has been taking golf lessons. She has just started playing her first round of golf when she suffers a bee sting. The pain is so intense she decides to return to the clubhouse.
Her golf pro sees her come into the clubhouse and asks, "why are you back so early? What's wrong?"
"I was stung by a bee"
"where?" he asks.
"between the first and second hole," she replies.
He nods knowingly and says, "apparently your stance is too wide."
Why is camping so much fun?
It's intense!
Don't ever go camping.
That s**...'s intense.
2 Iranian Religious Leaders
...are discussing some of the finer points of sharia law. The first exclaims after a silent minute of intense googling, "Huh, I guess you were right!"
The second says "Ayatoldyah!"
Only a matter of time
A science teacher was teaching her class about the sun. In 5 billion years, she said, our sun is going to expand and become a red giant, and all life on earth will die out from the intense heat. All of a sudden a little boy starts crying. What's wrong? she asked, It's not for another five billion years!
Oh, replied the boy, wiping the tears from his eyes, I thought you said million.
An orchestra concert is no place for a child.
Sometimes there's intense violins
The difference between Karate and Judo.
Karate is a combat and self defense technique developed in japan that requires years of intense training and dedication to master.
Judo is what they make bagels out of.
Did you hear about the carnival fires?
They were intense.
At a medical conference
Two African doctors were in an intense debate. The first said "It's wooooooooooooooommmbbbbb". The second said "no, it's woooooooooooooooommmbbaaaa." A British doctor overhears them and decides to help: "I think the word you are looking for is 'womb.'"
They both turn to him and say "Clearly, you've never heard a hippopotamus f**... underwater!"
I had a really intense row with my son
We came second in the father-son boat race!
Conjugating verbs is great
It's always in-tense
What do Asgardians say when they have an intense workout at the gym?
I'm Thor
All white people are genetically disposed with an intense, innate desire to oppress people different from them.
You know what they say about moldy tents....
That mold is intense.
The past, present and the future started fighting.
It was in*tense*
I just bought a tent with a toilet in it
s**...'s intense
A son and his Dad have an intense argument and the son storms off, furious.
Before he gets out of earshot of his father, he yells "Jim Morrison was a terrible singer and an uninspired artist who never did anything worthwhile".
His father cannot believe this insolence, and screams at the top of his lungs "As long as you live in this house, you will never, EVER SLAM THE DOORS"
A young woman had been taking golf lessons all week long.
She'd just begun her first game of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense, she couldn't continue her game. She decided to go back to the clubhouse and get some medical attention.
Her golf Pro saw her enter the clubhouse and asked,
"Why are you back so soon?" What's wrong?"
"I was stung by a bee," she answered.
"Where?," he asked.
"Between the first and second holes," she replied.
He nodded his head knowingly and said, "Then your stance is too wide."
What do you call it when people want to have s**... while camping?
Intense intents in tents.
I got a call from my brother the other day...
I found out he was diagnosed with an intense fear of wanting to have s**... with other men; Homonymphobia. Which really freaked me out because I have a fear of words that sound the same but mean different things.
My Taiwanese friend is very intense and driven:
He has a real Taipei personality
What did the white dude call the intense Asian?
Serious-lee
How are cancer and pregnancy similar?
They can both be fixed with intense radiation therapy.
"Wow, this camping trip's going to be INTENSE!"
"What?! *I thought you said were staying in the cabin*!"
Why did the intense guy move to Taiwan?
He had a Taipei personality.
Woman: Doctor, my husband wants intense s**... all day. What can i give him?
Doctor: My number
An almost hysterical man calls 911...
He yells, "Please come quickly! Kailey is pregnant and her labor just started now, it's really intense!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the operator.
"No d**...! It's her husband!"
Did you know Gary Oldman missed out on being the voice of iPhone because his vocal tone was too intense?
He took the role too Siriusly.
the only person that seems to oppose my intense F.R.I.E.N.D.S obsession...
...is my daughter, gunther.
Camping...
...is intense
State of Emergency: Circus Fire Rages in Texas, Deadlier than Hurricane Harvey
Everyone died
Jk it was intense (in tents)
A man was arrested after planning to kill his friend while on a camping trip....
He's being charged with intense intents in tents.
My young son and daughter asked me to stop sending them on camping trips by themselves.
Apparently, it was a little too intense.
A man goes to a doctor
Man: Doctor! help me please, every time I drink a cup of coffee I get this intense stinging in my eye.
Doctor: I suggest you remove the spoon before drinking.
Even had diarrhoea while camping?
s**...'s intense.
Nearly had a fight with my army of Twitter followers…
It got pretty intense up until they all retweeted…
Arguments with my girlfriend are very intense and psychological
She's a psycho and I am logical
Scientists are studying the effects of m**... on the arctic tern, a species of bird.
The studies are so intense they have stated "We are leaving no tern unstoned."
Penguins are at war
During a intense trench firefight, a young private that was recently drafted starts balling saying he cant handle it.
The commanding officer ferociously waddles over and screams "its either us or them"!
The private pauses for a second. Looks up and says "its not always black and white"
[OC]
Stop me if you've heard this one...
A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, You are back early, what's wrong? I was stung by a bee! she said. Where? he asked. Between the first and second hole. she replied. He nodded and said, Your stance is far too wide.
I realised at the last minute that i forgot my protective goggles at the nuclear test facility this morning. My line manager saved my vision and shielded me from the intense light!
He's my super visor
The match between Russia and Spain was intense.
Russia put the pain in Spain.
Scott Prius resigns...
Scott Pruitt resigns from EPA today siting intense pressure from Trump administration to change his last name to Prius ...
Once upon a time a model went camping
It was pretty intense.
What do cattle ranching and an increasingly intense situation have in common?
They both involve raising stakes (steaks)
I had a really intense counting contest the other day.
We just kept one upping each other.
A llama walks into her house to see her husband in bed with another llama
After a moment of intense silence, the husband gets up and says, "alpaca my bags."
Reports of the circus fire are coming in...
It was intense.
Went to a Muslim birthday party the other day...
It was great fun, we blew up a bouncy castle and then had a really intense game of pass the parcel.
A man and his daughter get into an intense arguement.
Finally the daughter can take it anymore and storms off to her room shouting "Jim Morrison is over rated" before angrily shutting her bedroom door.
Her father equally as angry yelled back "How many times do I have to tell you? In this house we dont slam The Doors."
Coworker asked me about my camping trip this past weekend since it stormed.
I won't lie. It was mostly intense.
My girlfriend is a campsite beauty.
She is pretty intense.
Rob and Samantha ...
Rob and Samantha Henders just got married but they were having some communication issues – that's a nice way of saying they were fighting. One day, they were in the car driving down a country road, each not saying a word after a particularly intense fight.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, Rob sarcastically asked, "Are they relatives of yours?"
"Yes," Samantha replied. "I married into the family."
This dude and his girlfriend are making out on the sofa
After a while it starts getting a bit more intimate and intense. He asks her should we take this to the bedroom? She's thrilled and agrees. Only problem of they couldn't work out the right angle to get the sofa through the door.
I want to make a podcast where two guys go camping and debate the best camping supplies...
...Call it Intense in Tents
So, me and the guys, each year, compete to see who has had s**... with the most women.
It's a very intense lying competition.
The arguments between the "pro-mask" and "anti-mask" groups is really intense! People are even PRACTICING their arguments at home first.
Just yesterday I heard a 14 y/o boy tell his friend that at home he mask debates into a sock!
A solar panel, a wind turbine and a hydro dam are all getting to know each other.
'What kind of music are you into?' asks the dam.
'I'm into trance', replies the solar panel.
'Ooh, too intense for me', dam says, 'I much prefer classical melodies, maybe a little 60s soul at the weekends.'
'What about you Mr Turbine? What are you into?'
'Me?' He replies, 'I'm a huge metal fan.'
You hear the one about the incontinent boy scout?
s**... intense.
What's the most intense moment in history?
When the mission to take the first cow into space commenced.
The steaks had never been higher.
My 2 friends got into an intense art competition.
It ended up being a draw!
Recruit at the KGB
The KGB had found their newest recruit, but before he could join, he had to go through three tests. First, he had to down an entire bottle of v**... in one sitting, then shake hands with a bear, then s**... and sleep with a lady. The recruit easily downs the v**... in a matter of seconds, then is put in a cage with a bear. Intense screaming, bear growling, and shouting can be heard for the duration of 20 minutes, but the cage goes quiet and recruit finally emerges from the cage, bruised up and covered in claw marks. He then asks, "so where's this lady I'm supposed to shake hands with?"
A woman enrolls up for golf
A bee stings her in the very first round of golf. The pain is so intense she decides to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance.
A golf pro, who's out early for practice, enquires:
"You're back early. What's wrong?"
"I was stung by a bee!"
"Where?"
"Between the first and second hole."
He nods: "Your stance is far too wide!"
What's the best adjective to describe camping?
Intense.
