Insurance Company Jokes
34 insurance company jokes and hilarious insurance company puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about insurance company that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Insurance Company Short Jokes
Short insurance company jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The insurance company humour may include short insurance agent jokes also.
- What do you call friend who works for an insurance company? A friend with benefits
I'll leave now - I heard Facebook is looking to start a program with insurance companies... It'll be called Friends With Benefits.
- A health insurance company is offering a cheaper deal to anyone who ticks a box that says they promise not to eat shellfish. They call it their No Clams Bonus.
- Insurance companies are warning Campers if you get your tent stolen in the middle of the night, you won't be covered.
- What's Bernie Sanders's favorite insurance company? Progressive
*this just popped up in my head while in the shower. If already posted I apologize in advance* - My life as an actor is finally paying off! The other guys insurance company isn't too happy about it though.
- I wonder if, in Ancient Greece, Lighting strikes were considered an "Act of God" by insurance companies.
- A construction worker lost his hand in an workplace accident. The insurance company is trying to figure out how it happened but they can't quite put their finger on it
- What did the insurance company say to Dr. Dre when his house was demolished? Someone's gotta pick up the Beats and pieces.
- A clown tries to get insurance for his company, but the agent says Agent: Sorry, we don't do any funny business here.
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Insurance Company One Liners
Which insurance company one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with insurance company? I can suggest the ones about insurance policy and insurance.
- What did the insurance company say to the applicant? THIS ISN'T EVEN MY FINAL FORM!
- How do you become rich in Asian countries? Open a car insurance company
- Which insurance company does Bernie Sanders use? Progressive.
- What do you get when you mix an insurance company with an NFL quarterback? An Aflacco
- What is called when an insurance company assesses a totaled car? An auto-topsy
- What a Muslim's favorite insurance company? Islamic State Farm.
- Do insurance companies consider property damages caused by ISIS... an act of god?
Howlingly Hilarious Insurance Company Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about insurance company you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean life insurance jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make insurance company pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Four insurance companies are in competition.
One comes up with the slogan, "Coverage from the cradle to the grave."
The Second one tries to improve on that with, "Coverage from the w**... to the tomb."
Not to be outdone, the third one comes up with, "From the s**... to the worm."
The fourth insurance company really thought hard and almost gave up the race, but finally came up with, "From the e**... to the resurrection."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Positive...
James finds a friend whom he hasn't spoken with for a long time, so to be nice, he breaks the ice:
" -Hey Oscar, how are you doing?"
" -Terrible."
" -What?! What about your Ferrari?"
" -Wrecked in an accident... and the insurance had just expired."
" -Well, you win some, you lose some... And what about your son, the intelectual one?"
" -He was the one driving the Ferrari. Died upon impact."
" -But what about your beautiful daughter, didn't she say she wanted to be a model or something?"
" -She did, yeah... And was with her brother. She died too. Only person who wasn't in the car was my wife."
" -Oh thank God! How is she?"
" -She ran off with my bussiness partner."
" -Well, at least you got the company."
" -Yeah, a bankrupt one... I owe millions."
" -Jesus, dude! Do you have anything positive in your life?"
" -Yeah, h**...."
How Do You Start a Flood?
An engineer and an attorney were fishing in the Caribbean.
The attorney said, I'm here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.
"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood and my insurance company also paid for everything.
The puzzled attorney asked, How do you start a flood?
A doctor changes Careers.
A Gynecologist is tired of dealing with Insurance companies and decides to become an auto mechanic. He studies hard, and for the final, he needs to diagnose and rebuild an engine. He need an 80 to pass an become a certified Mechanic.
He takes test, and waits for his score.
He gets a 150 out 100. He calls the instructor to find out why he scored it that way.
The instructor says " Well you got 50 points for Diagnosing the issue correctly, 50 points for rebuilding the engine correctly, and 50 points for doing it all thru the exhaust manifold.
So, the 7 year-old daughter is talking with her mom...
"Mom, today at school during break, Jason and I played doctor!" she says excitedly.
"Oh dear" the mother answers, fearing the worst "what did you two do?"
"Oh, not much, he made me wait forty-five minutes and then double billed the insurance company."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man dies in an accident
He never drank, nor smoked. He never had s**... and never indulged in anything unhealthy.
The Life Insurance Company refused the claim on the note that 'How can someone have died if he had never lived in the first place?'
Two cars crashed close to a bar at noon...
One driver died instantly. The other was thrown out of the windscreen, hit the ground, and broke several bones. He screams and shouts for help.
A man that was drinking at the bar leaves and sees the scene. He goes close to the screaming man and asks:
\- No one has arrived yet?
\- No! AHHHH! AHHH! AHHHH! - the driver shouts in pain
\- Not even the ambulance?
\- No! AHHHH! AHHH! AHHHH! - the driver shouts in agony
\- Not even the insurance company?
\- No! AHHHH! AHHH! AHHHH! - the driver shouts in suffering
\- Then you wouldn't mind if I lay there with you, would you?
A man approached what was certainly a bad vehicle accident.
It seemed that a bus had been hit by a truck belonging to a major company. Strewn about on the ground were a dozen bus passengers. The man asked one of the passengers, Has anybody from the insurance company been here yet? The passenger shook his head from side to side. The man continued, Good, then you won't mind if I lie down here next to you!
The Aquatic Research Fish ponds overflowed last night because of heavy Rain.
it flooded the residential area nearby. A man walked into his back yard the next morning and saw his entire basement was filled with water, and hundreds of fish swimming in his pool. He went in his house and called his insurance company. He told the representative what happened. She replied "Sorry, we don't cover acts of Cod."
An old man wants to get life insurance
The employee working at the insurance company asks:
'How old are you, sir?'
'I'm 102.'
'102?! And you wanna get life insurance at *your* age? You know what? Come back tomorrow.'
'Tomorrow ain't good. We'll be celebrating my dad's birthday.'
'Your dad's birthday?! How old is he?'
'He's 139.'
'Okay, come back next week then.'
'Next week is definitely a bad time for me. We're gonna have a week-long party for my grandfather's wedding.'
'Your grandfather's weddig?! How old is he?'
'He's 164.'
'And he wants to get married at *his* age?'
'Nah, he doesn't, it's just that his parents are forcing him...'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I rang my insurance company to let them know I was going to a b**... party.
They assured me I would be covered.
The church is struck by lightning.
The insurance company refuses to pay out for damages incurred, as there is a specific disclaimer clause for "An act of God", which, amongst others, lightning is classified as.
The priest goes to every household and asks for a donation to rebuild the church.
One Christian farmer protested, "I'm sorry, Pastor, but I can't give money to Somebody who set His own house alight!"
A factory burned in a fire
One of the survivors, a worker from the factory, goes home to his wife
Honey, there was a fire, the factory burned down and many of my coworkers died
That's horrible! She replied
Tragic... The company is insuring the families of the deceased with hundreds of thousands of dollars
How did you survive? The wife asked.
I stepped outside for a smoke when it caught fire said the husband, to which the wife relied
This is why I've told you a million times to quit smoking!
