Insults Jokes

What are some Insults jokes?

My brother went to jail. He didn't take it very well. He was yelling insults and attacking everyone, he even threw his faeces on the wall.

I don't think we will play Monopoly with him again.

What do you call playful insults between terrorists?


Fat people with lisps...

are thick and tired of your insults.

The wind whispered insults in my ear today

It was really diss gusting

A man insults the Tsar.

A man yells in the street: "Nicholas is a moron!". He is taken away by the police on charges of *lese majeste* (insulting the monarch).

He tells the policemen "Please let me go, I meant another Nicholas!".

The police chief replies: "Do not lie. If you said 'moron', you certainly meant the Tsar!"

What do you call a mushroom that insults you behind your back?


A tale of two rednecks

Two rednecks live on either side of a river. One named Billy, the other named Clarence. Well, every day the both go to the bank on their side of the river and yell insults at each other. One day, a construction company moves in a builds a bridge accross the river. Billy wakes up one morning and sees the newly finished bridge and declares to his wife "I'm gonna go beat up that Clarence feller once and fer all!" He sets out for the bridge, but, just as he's about to cross, he sees a sign and reads to himself "Clarence: 8 ft." Needless to say he decided beating Clarence up wasn't such a good idea.

Not my own joke. Heard in on a bus trip.

eeny, meeny, kanye, flo

you come to a fork in the road. the path to the left sports a sign guaranteeing a gruesome end to all trespassers. the one to the right looks clear, except for a skinny guy with a hat who freestyles rhyming insults at you. do you risk certain doom… or chance the rapper?

Yesterday I was walking past the state prison

and saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down from the concrete wall, screaming insults at the guards.

I thought, "Well, thats a little condescending little con descending"

You look like somebody stepped on a goldfish.

You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.

Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking.

I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you.

What does a condom and a husband have in common? They both got used and thrown out.

Women think about sex every 7 seconds. Just not with you.

Fat Penguin. Excuse me?! I just wanted to say something that breaks the ice...

If I tell you I'm thinking about you, don't get too excited, because I'm also thinking about nachos.

If I was a dog, and you were a flower, I'd lift up my legs, and give you a shower.

What are a blonde's first words after graduating college? "

Would you like fries with that?"

You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse.

What do you call it when someone insults the whole world, and they retaliate?

Counter-Strike: Global Offensive

You are so ugly if they laid you on the beach, not even the tide would take you.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45 pounds.

Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.

Try to use this vacuum, it may help you remove the cobwebs in your mind.

Hey, you have something on your chin... no, the 3rd one down.

What do you call a shitposter who insults himself?


Sorry I didn't respond to you just now. I was doing something productive and not wasting my precious time with your lowlife speeches.

What language are you speaking? Cause it sounds like bullshit.

Why was Crassus bad at insults?

He never really got the hang of Parthian shots.

I had prepared for a battle of wits but I see you came unarmed.

Every time someone calls me fat I get so depress I cut myself... a piece of cake.

What would you call a woman who goes out with You? Desperate!

It's not often that one gets the opportunity to speak about someone intelligent, respected and admired. Unfortunately tonight I have to talk about (NAME).

You are so gay your favorite game is leapfrog with unicorns.

You're so fat you tried to eat Eniemen at the Grammies.

Staring at an eclipse without glasses is much less painful than looking at your face.

You know how birds can't see glass? Well, blondes can't either.

Wife: "Honey? What do you think about my teeth?"
Husband: "They remind me of stars... yellow and far apart."

I'm not being rude, you're just insignificant.

Its girls like u that cause global warming!

What do you call it when Cain insults his brother?


The Parrot

Every day, a woman walks by a pet store with a Parrot on a perch right outside the door, and as she walks by the parrot says, "'re ugly", or some other kind of insult about her looks.

She finally got tired of it and went in and told the owner, "Your parrot insults me every time I pass your store. I'm going away for two weeks and when I get back, if he insults me one more time I'm going to do something I may regret." The shopkeeper tells her..."I'm so sorry. I promise, he'll never insult you again"

Two weeks later, she's walking toward the shop all angry expecting the parrot to insult her...she gets close and they lock eyes...and the parrot says; "YOU know".

When you resort to insults, you've lost the argument.

Throwing dirt is losing ground.

Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?

Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

What's the difference between Jews and a pizza? It's okay to burn a Jew!

It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a hammer.

If you don't like my opinion of you – improve yourself!

How are you related to the sun? Because your teeth are the same colour as it.

I may love to shop but I'm not buying your bullshit.

Welcome to Twitter - if you are not already following a mom who drinks wine one will be assigned to you.

When I look into your eyes, I see straight through to the back of your head.

Snowmen don't need scarves, idiots.

Save your breath... You'll need it to blow up your date.

Shock me, say something intelligent.

Some insults are deeply sexist...

"You fatherfucking daughter of a dog."

What happens to lacrosse players who go blind? They become referees.

If I could meet my brain the first thing I would probably say is: "

It was truly and sincerely horrible working with you."

Aww, it's so cute when you try to talk about things you don't understand.

What's the difference between Trump becoming president and a soldier dying in combat? The soldier knew what he signed up for.

What's the difference between people and tin foil? Tin foil doesn't wrinkle as it oldens.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead.

Gay? I'm straighter than the pole your mom dances on.

Yo hair so greasy, that you can survive off the fried chicken in food shortage.

What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day? Ughs and kisses!

I'm jealous of all the people that haven't met you!

What's long and green and has a low I.Q.? A St. Patrick's Day Parade.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth.

How to make Insults jokes?

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