Insult Jokes
150 insult jokes and hilarious insult puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about insult that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a way to get a few laughs? Check out these hilarious insult jokes! From mean jokes for your brother and sisters, to disrespectful and dishonorable jokes, you'll find something sure to make your friends and family chuckle. Don't forget to read the jokes out loud for a better chance at getting a laugh!
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Funniest Insult Short Jokes
Short insult jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The insult humour may include short hurt jokes also.
- My friend and I had arranged a meeting to insult each other but he didn't show up It was a diss appointment
- The best insult ever is, "who is this clown?", because... #1- You are calling them a clown
#2- You are saying they are not even a well known clown - Complementing a mustache should be a good thing I don't know why she took it as an insult.
- My friend got offended when I insulted his broken lamp... Then again dark humour isn't his thing
- My wife is always insulting me about my lack of direction… So I packed up my belongings and right.
- I learned the other day that a group of baboons is called a Congress I found it extremely insulting to the hard work and productivity of baboons.
- Q: A word that defines "a quick, clever reply to an insult or criticism." Sorry, this was "a riposte".
- Why shouldn't you ask if someone's a Texan? Because if they are they'll tell you, and if they aren't you don't want to insult them.
- I'm not sure if it's been used before What did Mr Krabs say to insult roblox players?
Go kermit die - office joke It's amazing how a person can compliment and insult you at the same time. Recently, when I greeted my coworker, she said, You look so gorgeous, I didn't recognize you.
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Insult One Liners
Which insult one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with insult? I can suggest the ones about injury and offensive.
- Why is Jesus easy to insult? It takes him 3 days to comeback.
- What do you call playful insults between terrorists? Talibanter
- Insulting Bakers is Good Fun You can really get a rise out of them.
- The wind whispered insults in my ear today It was really diss gusting
- I once insulted an artist about his bad painting He just brushed it off.
- It's so rude to insult someone in Braille. Just think about how it makes them feel.
- Why don't Greek gods insult people anymore? Because Icarus already had the sickest burn.
- Someone insulted me on my monitor's refresh rate, right where it hertz.
- Don`t insult the French. They eat pain for breakfast.
- Yesterday I insulted a fencer... He made a convincing riposte. I got the point.
- Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- Why don't aliens eat clowns?
Because they taste funny. - Waldo once insulted chuck norris And we all know how that's going
- How does an Asian feel after they have been insulted? Disoriented -.-
- There's no better time to add insult to injury... ...Than when you're signing a cast :)
Insult Mean Jokes
Here is a list of funny insult mean jokes and even better insult mean puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The difference between men and women is that men insult each other but don't really mean it and women compliment each other but don't really mean it.
- The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
- Son: "Mommy why doesn't Gandhi have hair?"
Mom: "Because he never lies."
Son: "Ohh now I see why ladies have long hair." - The best thing about women is how they can tell you what you really mean when you say something...
- No, those pants don't make you look fatter. I mean, how could they?
- Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one.
- He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear, but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words.
Wife Insult Jokes
Here is a list of funny wife insult jokes and even better wife insult puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Wife: "Honey? What do you think about my teeth?"
Husband: "They remind me of stars... yellow and far apart." - What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day? Ughs and kisses!
- Wife: "There is something wrong with you." Me: "What a thing to say just before our dog's first salsa lesson."
- How do you make your wife do anything for you?
Answer: Take away her Credit Card
Girls Insult Jokes
Here is a list of funny girls insult jokes and even better girls insult puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Girl: "Girls are better than boys."
Boy: "Then why did God make boys first?"
Girl: "Duh, you have to have a rough draft before the final copy." - Mike: "Hey Joe. My girl friend always gets offended whenever I tell her jokes about bald people."
Joe: "Is your girl friend bald?"
Mike: "No. She"s a blonde." - How do you know if you're an ugly girl? If you know what the drinks cost at a bar.
- Boy, I must be really good looking... I insult 1 girl and get messaged by 3 more!
Comical Insult Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about insult you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean attack jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make insult pranks.
How to be Insulting on Public Transportation: Pretend to be foreign when the conductor asks for your fare and try to give him the wrong denomination of money.
How to be Insulting on the Beach: Sit by the water with a fishing rod, and throw revolting lumps of old bread into the water where the children are enjoying themselves.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to be Insulting to Neighbors: On moving in, e**... a fence at least six feet high, with a garish finish on their side.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to be Insulting in Church: Pour water into the font and wash your hands in it. If you're really daring, t**... shoes and socks and cool your feet.
How to be Insulting in Church: Always try to be half a line ahead of the vicar, and always be as loud as you dare in the responses.
Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
One woman I was dating called and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
Well, they do say opposites attract. So I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.
Insult: Hey, you're not much of a looker, but I'll date you.
Response: Thanks. You must be very open-minded. Was that how your brain slipped out?
If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.
Hold still, I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
I don't mind that you are talking, so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening.
You should do some soul-searching. Maybe you'll find one.
If beauty was a drop of water, you'd be the Sahara Desert.
I believe in respect for the dead, in fact I could only respect you if you were dead.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You're lucky to be born beautiful, unlike me, who was born to be a big liar.
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Everyone has a right to be ugly but you a**... the privilege.
Last time I had a kiss like that, I was trying to bring my goldfish back to life.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When God was throwing intelligence down to the Earth, you were holding an umbrella.
If I promise to miss you, will you go away?
Anybody who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.
Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
How can I keep a major nerd in suspense for 24 hours? I'll tell you tomorrow.
You're not acting like yourself today, I noticed the improvement right away.
They said you were a great asset. I told them they were off by two letters.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
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I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
At first I thought you had the IQ of an ice scraper, but then it occured to me that an ice scraper has two things you don't, direction and purpose.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.
So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?"
One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!"
So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"
End on story
Act your age, not your shoe size.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When they were handing out brains, you thought they said trains and asked for a slow one.
Don't let your mind wander; it's too little to be let out alone.
It's hard to get the big picture when you have such a small screen.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A family of four were having a dinner, everybody were bored, so the dad says" lets play a game," what is something you lick but get really tempted to just eat," the the girl says "a lollipop" the dad says "correct!" now what do you put in your mouth but don't s**... and the boy is like "DEEZ NUTS"
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Yo mama is so ugly, Bob the Builder said: '' holy f*c**... we can't fix that.''
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Yo momma so s**... she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
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Yo mama is so s**... that when she got on a motorcycle she didn't know how to open the window.
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I don't know what makes you so s**..., but it really works.
Shock me, say something intelligent.
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Are you always this s**... or is today a special occasion?
What would you call a woman who goes out with You? Desperate!
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What language are you speaking? Cause it sounds like b**....
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If you don't like my opinion of you – improve yourself!
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I may love to shop but I'm not buying your b**....
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You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse.
It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a hammer.
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Hey, you have something on your chin... no, the 3rd one down.
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You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be s**... anyway.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth.
I'm jealous of all the people that haven't met you!
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Women think about s**... every 7 seconds. Just not with you.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You want an insult? Right, look at the mirror.
Try to use this vacuum, it may help you remove the cobwebs in your mind.
What's long and green and has a low I.Q.? A St. Patrick's Day Parade.
Staring at an eclipse without glasses is much less painful than looking at your face.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a c**... and a husband have in common? They both got used and thrown out.
What happens to lacrosse players who go blind? They become referees.
What's the difference between people and tin foil? Tin foil doesn't wrinkle as it oldens.
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Today my friend met Chewbacca...
...she said he was "A big s**... fur ball." So he picked her up ripped of her arms and threw her out of a window. I mean everyone knows not to insult Chewbacca like that.
She made a Wookie Mistake.
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Joke directed insult
A woman walks into the doctors office. She says she wants a child, but doesnt want to have s**.... The doctor says ok and asks what kind of child she wants. The woman said she wanted a smart and handsome kid. The doctor then hands her a blue pill.
A few months later, the woman comes back and says she has had a miscarriage but still wants a child. The doctor says ok and asks what kind of kid she wants. The woman said she will have a regular kid this time. The doctor then hands her a red pill.
Even more months later, the woman returns and says shes had a miscarriage but still wants a kid. The doctor says ok and asks what kind of kid she will want. She says since the other ones did not work out she will have a ugly, s**... kid. The doctor says ok and hands her a pill.
*At this point the joke teller asks the victim what color they think the pill is.
*The response will most likely be "I don't know, what?"
*The joke teller then says "I don't know, try asking your mother."
Immaturity at its best.
Not to insult any history purists but...
Why did Winston Churchill trade his manual for an automatic?
He hated stall'in.
What's the best insult you can say to someone?
"You are very disagreeable."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Meanwhile, in England.
Two guys are sitting at a bar. One starts to insult the other. He screams, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!". The bar gets quiet as everyone waits to see what the other will do. The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!!!".
The other looks at him and says, "Go home dad, you're drunk."
How to be insulting
A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.
He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"
She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?"
The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I insulted a communist.
I told him he was dressed "classy"
You can't insult Ellen Pao's integrity
She doesn't have any to insult
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wondering why "c**..." has become the new insult of choice among basement dwellers and neck beards?
They finally found an insult that can never be used against them.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are there insulting names for liberals like libtard but none for Republicans?
Because calling someone a Republican is insulting enough
The other day some guy came up to me, called me a Blockhead and then proceeded to hit me with his rhythm stick...
I though "That just adds insult to Ian Dury."
When ever someone asks me how I'm able to insult people so well.....
I say "I'm German, roasting people is what I do..."
Why was the physicist being so careful not to insult his colleague's choice of generalized coordinates and momentum?
He was just minding his Ps and Qs.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told my girlfriend that she was rubbish in the c**... position.
"If you're going to insult me, I'll just pack my bags and leave. How does that sound to you?" she yelled.
"Honey," I said. "You can run, but you can't ride."
