Instrument Jokes

160 instrument jokes and hilarious instrument puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about instrument that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Have a good laugh with these hilarious jokes about some of the most popular instruments, like the clarinet, violin, harmonica and more! Or, think outside the music box with jokes about some of the lesser known instruments, like the brass instrument, string instrument, recorder instrument, percussion instrument, triangle instrument, bass instrument, and even surgical instrument. No matter your musical preference, you will find something funny in this collection of instrument jokes.

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Funniest Instrument Short Jokes

Short instrument jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The instrument humour may include short equipment jokes also.

  1. Accordion to a recent survey, 7 out of 10 people don't notice when a word in a sentence is replaced by a musical instrument.
  2. Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day. But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
  3. Accordion to scientific studies, 90% .. of people do not realise I replaced the beginning of this joke with a musical instrument.
  4. String Fight My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violin.
  5. After hearing me sing, my music teacher said that I should be tenor. Ten or twelve feet away from all musical instruments at all times.
  6. I bought 2 Chainz' latest album, but it was the censored edition. It's easily one of the best instrumental CDs I've heard in a long time.
  7. I was carrying my ukulele in its case at school and my friend asked, "You play an instrument?". I replied, "Yeah, I play a little guitar."
  8. 1980's joke by my dad. What do you call a Nicaraguan rock group playing stolen instruments? Contraband
  9. Why did the accordion player sell his instrument and switch to the drums? He wanted to play something less complicated.
  10. Why did the accordion player bring his instrument to a bar fight? He knew it had the potential to be a deadly weapon.

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Instrument One Liners

Which instrument one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with instrument? I can suggest the ones about device and weapon.

  1. What's a fat kids favourite instrument? The dinner bell
  2. What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments? An orca-stra.
  3. Why did the cellist have to sell his instrument? He was baroque.
  4. What kind of instrument do Texans play? Calculators.
  5. Which rock group has four guys who can't sing or play instruments? Mount Rushmore!
  6. What do you call someone who writes death metal instrumentals? A decomposer
  7. What do you call a group of cars playing instruments? A Traffic jam
  8. What is Vladimir Putin's favorite instrument to play? A Trumpet!
  9. What do you call a punk band that knows how to play their instruments? A metal band
  10. What's a pothead's favorite musical instrument? bag pipes
  11. Hey, what instrument do dishonest people play? The lyre.
  12. Two friends pooled money to buy an instrument They're now in a same-sax relationship
  13. Why did the police arrest the musician who homemade his instruments? Domestic violins!
  14. What type of instrument do you find in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste
  15. What kind of instrument does a British person play? A UK-lele

Musical Instrument Jokes

Here is a list of funny musical instrument jokes and even better musical instrument puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did the guitar at the music store say to the customer browsing through their selection of stringed instruments? "Pick Me!! Pick Me!!!!!"
  • My ex is a musician. Her musical instrument and I had a lot in common. We both got played, constantly.
  • Nowadays there's too many musical instruments It seems today, that all you see is violins in movies and sax on TV
  • Survey says Accordian to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments often goes undetected.
  • A man walks into his orchestra rehearsal... carrying some corn on the cob as his instrument.
    The conductor asks him Will you need any sheet music?
    The man replies, Nah, I'll play it by ear.
  • I would never hit someone with a musical instrument... I don't like to resort to violins
  • Tchaikovsky, you cannot use instruments of war as musical instruments Tchaikovsky: I cannon I will
  • Sean Connery has been scouring Israel for ancient musical instruments. When asked about his progress, he replied, "I've only found one shofar."
  • What's an emo's favorite musical instrument? The forearm violin.
  • A musician walks in to a music store. "I'm looking for an instrument that goes *ding*." he says.
    "*Ding*?" asks the confused shopkeeper.
    The musician replies "You'll do fine."

Band Instrument Jokes

Here is a list of funny band instrument jokes and even better band instrument puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did the polka band get a great deal on their new instruments? They bought them at a polka-dot sale!
  • Why did the accordion player refuse to join a band? He didn’t want to be boxed in by the other instruments.
  • Why do accordion players always carry a screwdriver in their pocket? To hang their instrument on a nearby tree during a break.
  • A band player accidentally broke his instrument. He got in a lot of treble.
  • A mariachi band was in a car accident.. Unfortunately some of the instruments were damaged and the band members injured. Don't worry, they made a maracaless recovery.
  • I was Christmas shopping the other day and I saw a brass band, with dribble underneath all of their instruments Turns out it was the Salivation Army
  • I got kicked out of school for playing an instrument I got band
  • What instrument did the chemist play in the band? The base guitar.
  • What do you call a man with no arms and no legs that plays 15 musical instruments? Stump the Band
  • Why don't you want to take a tuba player on a pub crawl? They're always three bars behind.
    *I came up with this during band practice. Feel free to replace with instrument of your choice.
Instrument joke, Why don't you want to take a tuba player on a pub crawl?

String Instrument Jokes

Here is a list of funny string instrument jokes and even better string instrument puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • TIL a modern artist created a stringed instrument out of a tree branch that was only to be played in the event of the government being overthrown. It was a coup-stick.
  • People were astounded to find a stringed instrument hidden within the dry well but it was merely more evidence of the violins inherent in the cistern.
  • My neighbors called the cops on me, but when the police came to my house all they found was my collection of string instruments. I got charged with domestic violins.
  • What's angry, fluffy and destructive and gathers inside stringed instruments? Violint
  • I've always wondered why rolf Harris never played any string instruments But I guess he figured out other ways to finger a minor
  • I'm planning on opening a store that sells string instruments for children. I'm calling it 'Kiddie Fiddlers'.
  • I recently came out to my family, I told them I wasn't on the outside who I was on the inside. I told them I wasn't a boy but a medieval stringed instrument. They called me a lyre.
  • I destroy every string instrument I find... As a part of my vow of non-violins.
  • Skrillex used to play string instruments in the orchestra, until he dropped the bass.
  • A mandolin... a shoe-string instrument.

Bass Instrument Jokes

Here is a list of funny bass instrument jokes and even better bass instrument puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What instrument do fish play? Sea bass
  • What instrument does Darth Vader play? The rebel bass.
  • What musical instrument do you get if you fill a 55-gallon drum with fish? A bass drum.
  • What instrument to introverts like the most? Double basses, because they're very low-key.
  • What is a fisherman's favorite musical instrument? The bass guitar.
  • What instrument has no legs, but can still walk? A bass.

Brass Instrument Jokes

Here is a list of funny brass instrument jokes and even better brass instrument puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Copper instruments make the symphony sounds so much better than brass. Copper is a much better conductor.
  • What do you call a brass instrument that saves its money? A frugal horn. Sorry in advance.
  • Did you hear about the guy busted for smuggling brass instruments? They charged him with sax trafficking.
  • How a brass instrument player reads a line from Shakespeare's Hamlet. Tu-ba or no tu-ba.
Instrument joke, How a brass instrument player reads a line from Shakespeare's Hamlet.

Comedy Instrument Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle

What funny jokes about instrument you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tool jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make instrument pranks.

A young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, 'Father,may I ask a favor?'

'Of course child. What can I do for you?'
'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electric hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for
me? Under your robes perhaps?
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her..
The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so he asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!

How much was Texas Instruments fined when they were caught offering free breast augmentation procedures to employees?


For my next trick, I intend to eat a
percussion instrument in a sandwich.

Drum roll please...

If I had a choice between stairs and a runged instrument for ascending things...

I would choose the ladder.

An old Chinese lady goes to see the eye doctor...

The optometrist gives her the regular eye exam then proceeds to do a few more tests because of her advanced age. After peering through one of his instruments into her eyes, he says "Well ma'am, I'm sorry to tell you this, but you've got cataracts." To which the Chinese woman replied, "No cataracts, I drive a Rincoln."

What do you call a scientific measuring instrument with degrees?

A graduated cylinder.
This is the only joke I've ever thought of.

What instrument does the u**... play?

The fallopian tuba.

Talented Octopus

A man walks into a bar with and octopus under his arms. He then stands up on the bar and shouts for everyone inside to hear. "I will bet anyone here 200 dollars that this octopus can play any instrument you give it". Everyone is a buzz and the bartender hands him a guitar that was hanging on the wall. The Octopus takes the guitar and strums on it with great enthusiasm and plays a beautiful arrangement. Another man pulls a harmonica out of his pocket and again, the octopus plays it superbly. A jazz band hands him all of there instruments and the octopus plays them all with amazing skill. Then, a Scottish man wearing a kilt comes up to the octopus and hands it his bagpipes. The octopus, looks at it confusingly then begins to fumble with the instrument. "Ay, you can't play er, can ye" The Scotsman says with a thick accent. The octopus responds "Play her? I'm going to screw her as soon as I get these pajamas off"

What is Baltimore's favourite instrument

The lute

An accordion player walks into a bar,

orders a drink and chats up the bartender and the regulars for an hour.
Suddenly, he realizes that not only has he left his instrument in his back seat of his car in full view of passers-by, but he hasn't even locked his doors.
He quickly excuses himself from his conversation and rushes outside and up the block to his vehicle to take care of business, but it was too late.
Sure enough, someone had thrown another accordion in his back seat.

A girl asked if I play any Indian instruments.

I told her I play mandolin, violin and cello. Close, but no sitar.

What's the instrument of oppression?

the Trumpet

What's a commercial fisherman's favorite instrument?


What do you call ten whales playing musical instruments?

An orca-stra 😊

What is Putin's favorite instrument to play?


Playing my instrument quietly

Is not my Forte

Medieval Minstrels were the first victims of EA's corporate greed

They could only access their instruments by opening Lute Boxes

What do you call a fake woodwind instrument?

A saxo-phoney!
kill me

On the last day of music class, students were told not to bring their instruments.

The choir kids had a hard time

What instrument does it sound like when two sheep bleat in unison?

The Two-baaa.

Putin wanted to either get a new pet or learn to play a new instrument.

He got lucky with both and ended up with a Trump pet.

The reason Jesus hasn't returned yet

Is because his people are actually worshipping the instrument of his death.

What type of instrument does an English man play?

The UK-Lele

What do you call a person who hurts instruments?

A sax offender

"Rincewind, all the shops have been smashed open, there was a whole bunch of people across the street helping themselves to musical instruments, can you believe that?"

"Yeah, Luters I expect." --Terry Pratchet, The Light Fantastic

What is Donald Trump's favorite Pink Floyd album?

Dark side of the Moon, for it's eclectic instrumentation and higher than average production values.

What kind of instrument can you make with a gherkin?

A piccolo.

After an orchestra drummer performed particularly poorly, the conductor sarcastically told him, "when they find someone who can't play any instrument, they give him two sticks and make him the drummer."

The drummer retorted, "and if he can't play that either, they take away one stick and make him the conductor."

I saw a new music shop in town that only services instruments made between the years 1600 and 1750.

"If It Ain't Baroque, Don't Fix It"

My 7 year old just came up with these Avatar: The Last Airbender jokes. We were quite surprised.

What kind of music does Toph like?
- Rock-and-Roll
What kind of instrument does Aang play?
- Air guitar
I know it's not much, but I got a kick out of his reasoning and decided to share.

No matter where I go, I like to bring my ukulele, then, whenever someone asks if I play an instrument, I say...

I play a little guitar!"

What rock group has four members that can't sing or play instruments?

Mount Rushmore

No matter where I go, I always bring my ukulele

So if anyone asks if I play an instrument, I tell them I play a little guitar.

A bunch of hooligans are smashing up my shop and stealing musical instruments

d**... luters!

Killer whales are great musicians but there's one instrument they just won't play

The orcana

When you're too ugly to be an actor and too lazy to learn an instrument... become a comedian.

A joke as told to me verbatim by my 4yo son: What's a Skeleton's favorite instrument to play?

A t**...!
Haha, Get it, Daddy? Because skeletons are made out of *BONES!* HA HA HA!

"All the shops have been smashed open, there was a whole bunch of people across the street helping themselves to musical instruments, can you believe that?"

"Yeah," said Rincewind. "Luters, I expect."
* Terry Pratchett, *The Light Fantastic*

An o**... walks up to another o**... and says...

"Hey, did you order an instrument from some crazy people?"
"No I didn't," says the o**....
The first one replies: "Well there's two nuts outside trying to move an o**... in!"

My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments.

**She had a history of violins.**

What instrument does a pirate play?

A guit-arrrgh

Line in heaven

A woman dies and finds herself in a line to get into heaven. As she nears St Peter she hears him asking people
"Please tell me how much money you made and what you did on earth"
Two people ahead if her she heard "I made 2 million a year and I was a CEO"
The person in front of her said "I made 180 thousand a year and I was an electrician"
When she got there she said "I made 12 thousand a year.. "
St Peter asked "and what instrument did you play?"

Instrument joke, Line in heaven

jokes about instrument