Instrument Jokes

Have a good laugh with these hilarious jokes about some of the most popular instruments, like the clarinet, violin, harmonica and more! Or, think outside the music box with jokes about some of the lesser known instruments, like the brass instrument, string instrument, recorder instrument, percussion instrument, triangle instrument, bass instrument, and even surgical instrument. No matter your musical preference, you will find something funny in this collection of instrument jokes.

Comedy Instrument Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle

I would never hit someone with a musical instrument...

I don't like to resort to violins

For my next trick, I intend to eat a
percussion instrument in a sandwich.

Drum roll please...

Why did the cellist have to sell his instrument?

He was baroque.

If I had a choice between stairs and a runged instrument for ascending things...

I would choose the ladder.

jokes about instrument

What do you call a scientific measuring instrument with degrees?

A graduated cylinder.

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This is the only joke I've ever thought of.

What's the most difficult instrument for a percussionist to play?

a conundrum

What instrument does the u**... play?

The fallopian tuba.

Instrument joke, What instrument does the u**... play?

Talented Octopus

A man walks into a bar with and octopus under his arms. He then stands up on the bar and shouts for everyone inside to hear. "I will bet anyone here 200 dollars that this octopus can play any instrument you give it". Everyone is a buzz and the bartender hands him a guitar that was hanging on the wall. The Octopus takes the guitar and strums on it with great enthusiasm and plays a beautiful arrangement. Another man pulls a harmonica out of his pocket and again, the octopus plays it superbly. A jazz band hands him all of there instruments and the octopus plays them all with amazing skill. Then, a Scottish man wearing a kilt comes up to the octopus and hands it his bagpipes. The octopus, looks at it confusingly then begins to fumble with the instrument. "Ay, you can't play er, can ye" The Scotsman says with a thick accent. The octopus responds "Play her? I'm going to screw her as soon as I get these pajamas off"

Accordion to a recent survey, most people don't notice when a musical instrument is inserted into a sentence.

What do you call a musical instrument made of gelatin?

A jello!

What do you call a brass instrument that saves its money?

A frugal horn. Sorry in advance.

You can explore instrument clarinet reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean instrument guitar dad jokes. There are also instrument puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What is Baltimore's favourite instrument

The lute

What is a fisherman's favorite musical instrument?

The bass guitar.

What's the correct instrument for measuring how fat your mom is?

A size-mom-meter

What musical instrument should you never, ever trust?

The Lyre.

An accordion player walks into a bar,

orders a drink and chats up the bartender and the regulars for an hour.

Suddenly, he realizes that not only has he left his instrument in his back seat of his car in full view of passers-by, but he hasn't even locked his doors.

He quickly excuses himself from his conversation and rushes outside and up the block to his vehicle to take care of business, but it was too late.

Sure enough, someone had thrown another accordion in his back seat.

Instrument joke, An accordion player walks into a bar,

A band player accidentally broke his instrument.

He got in a lot of treble.

Accordion to a recent study, switching the words of a sentence with a musical instrument often goes unnoticed.

It's science.

What's a fat kids favourite instrument?

The dinner bell

What's the instrument of oppression?

the Trumpet

What musical instrument do people with STDs play?

The herpsichord.

Did you know?

Accordion to a recent study, 90% of the world don't realise when a word has been swapped with an instrument.

What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?

a trom-bone.

Hillary Lost Because She Sounded Like A Greek Instrument

Yeah, she definitely sounded like a lyre.

What instrument do Mexicans hate?

The TRUMPet.

What's a commercial fisherman's favorite instrument?

Castanets!

Instrument joke, What's a commercial fisherman's favorite instrument?

Which musical instrument does Vladimir Putin know how to play best?

The TRUMPet!

Accordion to studies...

Most people don't replace the first word of a sentence with an instrument

I recently came out to my family, I told them I wasn't on the outside who I was on the inside. I told them I wasn't a boy but a medieval stringed instrument.

They called me a lyre.

What musical instrument do you get if you fill a 55-gallon drum with fish?

A bass drum.

Accordion to scientific studies, 90% ..

of people do not realise I replaced the beginning of this joke with a musical instrument.

What is Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky's favourite instrument?

The cannon

What's an emo's favorite musical instrument?

The forearm violin.

What kind of instrument do Texans play?

Calculators.

Trump was asked what his favorite musical instrument is, and said "Trumpet."

He was asked what his favorite topic is, and said "Tropics."

He was asked what his favorite multiplier is, said "Triple."

He was asked what he favorite reason is, said "Treaso-...shut up."

What is Putin's favorite instrument to play?

Trump/Pence

TIL a modern artist created a stringed instrument out of a tree branch that was only to be played in the event of the government being overthrown.

It was a coup-stick.

My friend asked me why did I choose Harmonica as my musical instrument

I said "I s**... half the time so I decided why not"

What's the most flavorful musical instrument in Japan?

The frute.

What Is the Fisherman's Favourite Instrument?

The Castanets

what do you call an instrument that blows you?

harmonica lewinsky

What instrument do some terrorists play?

The Talibanjo

Playing my instrument quietly

Is not my Forte

There was an accordion player

He was going out for a drink after a show with his friend and was nervous about leaving his instrument in the car as he didn't want to get it stolen. His friend told him it was alright and nobody would try to steal an accordion. After a night of drinking they walk back to the car and notice a window is broken. The musician is mad at his friend for letting him leave the instrument until they get to the car and find two accordions.

What do you call a fake woodwind instrument?

A saxo-phoney!

kill me

What do instruments do to reproduce?

They have sax.

What is Vladimir Putin's favorite instrument to play?

A Trumpet!

What instrument does it sound like when two sheep bleat in unison?

The Two-baaa.

What instrument to introverts like the most?

Double basses, because they're very low-key.

What instruments should be featured in a rogue AI's music band?

Just Harmonika

An orchestra is tuning up for a challenging concerto; all but the first chair oboist.

She is not preparing for her performance. As the draw of the curtains approached, the conductor could no longer abide her inaction. He gritted, "why are you not preparing? Why haven't you habituated your instrument?" She retorted, "I don't believe in oboe warming."

What did the s**... musician hit me on the head with?

A blunt instrument

Dad jokes....

Dad: When this heals, will I be able to play the piano?

Doctor: Yes, you'll be fine in a few days.

Dad: Perfect, I've always wanted to be able to play an instrument.

What does a sword and a musical instrument have in common?

They both know how to b sharp.

What instrument did the chemist play in the band?

The base guitar.

I am like a woodwind instrument.

Blow me and I'll sing.

People were astounded to find a stringed instrument hidden within the dry well

but it was merely more evidence of the violins inherent in the cistern.

Putin wanted to either get a new pet or learn to play a new instrument.

He got lucky with both and ended up with a Trump pet.

What is a dogs favorite instrument?

A t**....

Why should you never trust an A# to play an instrument?

Because it will always B flat

The reason Jesus hasn't returned yet

Is because his people are actually worshipping the instrument of his death.

Why don't you want to take a tuba player on a pub crawl?

They're always three bars behind.

*I came up with this during band practice. Feel free to replace with instrument of your choice.

I was carrying my ukulele in its case at school and my friend asked, "You play an instrument?".

I replied, "Yeah, I play a little guitar."ο»Ώ

What type of instrument does an English man play?

The UK-Lele

Noted archeologist Fred Flintstein made an amazing discovery today in Sweden

He found remains of some primitive musical instrument and a small deposit of fossilized e**.... when asked about what they signified,

Fred Flintstein replied: "A dab o' ABBA doo."

What instrument does Darth Vader play?

The rebel bass.

What kind of instrument can you make with a gherkin?

A piccolo.

What's a sheep's favourite musical instrument ?

A Ewekulele

After an orchestra drummer performed particularly poorly, the conductor sarcastically told him, "when they find someone who can't play any instrument, they give him two sticks and make him the drummer."

The drummer retorted, "and if he can't play that either, they take away one stick and make him the conductor."

A man walks into his orchestra rehearsal...

carrying some corn on the cob as his instrument.

The conductor asks him Will you need any sheet music?

The man replies, Nah, I'll play it by ear.

My 7 year old just came up with these Avatar: The Last Airbender jokes. We were quite surprised.

What kind of music does Toph like?

- Rock-and-Roll

What kind of instrument does Aang play?

- Air guitar

I know it's not much, but I got a kick out of his reasoning and decided to share.

Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.

But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.

My ex is a musician. Her musical instrument and I had a lot in common.

We both got played, constantly.

No matter where I go, I like to bring my ukulele, then, whenever someone asks if I play an instrument, I say...

I play a little guitar!"

I got kicked out of school for playing an instrument

I got band

No matter where I go, I always bring my ukulele

So if anyone asks if I play an instrument, I tell them I play a little guitar.

Killer whales are great musicians but there's one instrument they just won't play

The orcana

When you're too ugly to be an actor and too lazy to learn an instrument...

...you become a comedian.

A musician walks in to a music store.

"I'm looking for an instrument that goes *ding*." he says.

"*Ding*?" asks the confused shopkeeper.

The musician replies "You'll do fine."

A joke as told to me verbatim by my 4yo son: What's a Skeleton's favorite instrument to play?

A t**...!
Haha, Get it, Daddy? Because skeletons are made out of *BONES!* HA HA HA!

Me: DOOT DOOT!!

What's a pothead's favorite musical instrument?

bag pipes

Accordion to a recent survey, 7 out of 10 people don't notice when a word in a sentence is replaced

by a musical instrument.

Two friends pooled money to buy an instrument

They're now in a same-sax relationship

An o**... walks up to another o**... and says...

"Hey, did you order an instrument from some crazy people?"

"No I didn't," says the o**....

The first one replies: "Well there's two nuts outside trying to move an o**... in!"

What kind of instrument helps you catch fish?

Castanets

What type of instrument do you find in the bathroom?

A tuba toothpaste

Which instrument is the most dishonest?

A lyre

I know it's bad

What instrument do fish play?

Sea bass

Accordion to a scientific study released by the Department of Psychology at the University of British Columbia,

most people will not immediately notice if one of the words in a sentence has been replaced with a musical instrument until they've read more than three quarters of the way through it.

What instrument does a pirate play?

A guit-arrrgh

What kind of instrument does a British person play?

A UK-lele

Hey, what instrument do dishonest people play?

The lyre.

Line in heaven

A woman dies and finds herself in a line to get into heaven. As she nears St Peter she hears him asking people
"Please tell me how much money you made and what you did on earth"

Two people ahead if her she heard "I made 2 million a year and I was a CEO"

The person in front of her said "I made 180 thousand a year and I was an electrician"

When she got there she said "I made 12 thousand a year.. "

St Peter asked "and what instrument did you play?"

Remember that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes that make girls laugh. Many of the instrument string instrument puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When a joke goes too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke becomes inappropriate.

We suggest you to use only working instrument brass instrument piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and make them laugh.

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