Instrument Jokes

Funniest Instrument Short Jokes

Short instrument jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The instrument humour may include short equipment jokes also.

1. Accordion to a recent survey, 7 out of 10 people don't notice when a word in a sentence is replaced by a musical instrument.
2. Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day. But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
3. Accordion to scientific studies, 90% .. of people do not realise I replaced the beginning of this joke with a musical instrument.
4. String Fight My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violin.
5. After hearing me sing, my music teacher said that I should be tenor. Ten or twelve feet away from all musical instruments at all times.
6. I bought 2 Chainz' latest album, but it was the censored edition. It's easily one of the best instrumental CDs I've heard in a long time.
7. I was carrying my ukulele in its case at school and my friend asked, "You play an instrument?". I replied, "Yeah, I play a little guitar."
8. 1980's joke by my dad. What do you call a Nicaraguan rock group playing stolen instruments? Contraband
9. Why did the accordion player sell his instrument and switch to the drums? He wanted to play something less complicated.
10. Why did the accordion player bring his instrument to a bar fight? He knew it had the potential to be a deadly weapon.

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Instrument One Liners

Which instrument one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with instrument? I can suggest the ones about device and tool.

1. What's a fat kids favourite instrument? The dinner bell
2. Why did the cellist have to sell his instrument? He was baroque.
3. What kind of instrument do Texans play? Calculators.
4. What do you call someone who writes death metal instrumentals? A decomposer
5. What do you call a group of cars playing instruments? A Traffic jam
6. What is Vladimir Putin's favorite instrument to play? A Trumpet!
7. What do you call a punk band that knows how to play their instruments? A metal band
8. What's a pothead's favorite musical instrument? bag pipes
9. Hey, what instrument do dishonest people play? The lyre.
10. Why did the police arrest the musician who homemade his instruments? Domestic violins!
11. What type of instrument do you find in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste
12. What kind of instrument does a British person play? A UK-lele
13. I would never hit someone with a musical instrument... I don't like to resort to violins
14. A band player accidentally broke his instrument. He got in a lot of treble.
15. What instrument does it sound like when two sheep bleat in unison? The Two-baaa.

Musical Instrument Jokes

Here is a list of funny musical instrument jokes and even better musical instrument puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What did the guitar at the music store say to the customer browsing through their selection of stringed instruments? "Pick Me!! Pick Me!!!!!"
• My ex is a musician. Her musical instrument and I had a lot in common. We both got played, constantly.
• Nowadays there's too many musical instruments It seems today, that all you see is violins in movies and sax on TV
• Survey says Accordian to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments often goes undetected.
• A man walks into his orchestra rehearsal... carrying some corn on the cob as his instrument.
  The conductor asks him Will you need any sheet music?
  The man replies, Nah, I'll play it by ear.
• Tchaikovsky, you cannot use instruments of war as musical instruments Tchaikovsky: I cannon I will
• Sean Connery has been scouring Israel for ancient musical instruments. When asked about his progress, he replied, "I've only found one shofar."
• What's an emo's favorite musical instrument? The forearm violin.
• A musician walks in to a music store. "I'm looking for an instrument that goes *ding*." he says.
  "*Ding*?" asks the confused shopkeeper.
  The musician replies "You'll do fine."
• I saw a new music shop in town that only services instruments made between the years 1600 and 1750. "If It Ain't Baroque, Don't Fix It"

Band Instrument Jokes

Here is a list of funny band instrument jokes and even better band instrument puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Why did the polka band get a great deal on their new instruments? They bought them at a polka-dot sale!
• Why did the accordion player refuse to join a band? He didn’t want to be boxed in by the other instruments.
• Why do accordion players always carry a screwdriver in their pocket? To hang their instrument on a nearby tree during a break.
• A mariachi band was in a car accident.. Unfortunately some of the instruments were damaged and the band members injured. Don't worry, they made a maracaless recovery.
• I was Christmas shopping the other day and I saw a brass band, with dribble underneath all of their instruments Turns out it was the Salivation Army
• I got kicked out of school for playing an instrument I got band
• What instrument did the chemist play in the band? The base guitar.
• What do you call a man with no arms and no legs that plays 15 musical instruments? Stump the Band
• Why don't you want to take a tuba player on a pub crawl? They're always three bars behind.
  *I came up with this during band practice. Feel free to replace with instrument of your choice.
• What instruments should be featured in a rogue AI's music band? Just Harmonika

Bass Instrument Jokes

Here is a list of funny bass instrument jokes and even better bass instrument puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What instrument do fish play? Sea bass
• What instrument does Darth Vader play? The rebel bass.
• What musical instrument do you get if you fill a 55-gallon drum with fish? A bass drum.
• What instrument to introverts like the most? Double basses, because they're very low-key.
• What is a fisherman's favorite musical instrument? The bass guitar.
• Skrillex used to play string instruments in the orchestra, until he dropped the bass.
• What instrument has no legs, but can still walk? A bass.

Brass Instrument Jokes

Here is a list of funny brass instrument jokes and even better brass instrument puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Copper instruments make the symphony sounds so much better than brass. Copper is a much better conductor.
• What do you call a brass instrument that saves its money? A frugal horn. Sorry in advance.
• Did you hear about the guy busted for smuggling brass instruments? They charged him with sax trafficking.
• How a brass instrument player reads a line from Shakespeare's Hamlet. Tu-ba or no tu-ba.

String Instrument Jokes

Here is a list of funny string instrument jokes and even better string instrument puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• TIL a modern artist created a stringed instrument out of a tree branch that was only to be played in the event of the government being overthrown. It was a coup-stick.
• People were astounded to find a stringed instrument hidden within the dry well but it was merely more evidence of the violins inherent in the cistern.
• My neighbors called the cops on me, but when the police came to my house all they found was my collection of string instruments. I got charged with domestic violins.
• What's angry, fluffy and destructive and gathers inside stringed instruments? Violint
• I'm planning on opening a store that sells string instruments for children. I'm calling it 'Kiddie Fiddlers'.
• I recently came out to my family, I told them I wasn't on the outside who I was on the inside. I told them I wasn't a boy but a medieval stringed instrument. They called me a lyre.
• I destroy every string instrument I find... As a part of my vow of non-violins.
• A mandolin... ...is a shoe-string instrument.
• What's the stringed instrument's favorite movie quote? "Cello, Clarice..."

Comedy Instrument Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle

What funny jokes about instrument you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean machine jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make instrument pranks.