Comedy Instrument Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
I would never hit someone with a musical instrument...
I don't like to resort to violins
For my next trick, I intend to eat a
percussion instrument in a sandwich.
Drum roll please...
Why did the cellist have to sell his instrument?
He was baroque.
If I had a choice between stairs and a runged instrument for ascending things...
I would choose the ladder.
What do you call a scientific measuring instrument with degrees?
A graduated cylinder.
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This is the only joke I've ever thought of.
What's the most difficult instrument for a percussionist to play?
a conundrum
What instrument does the u**... play?
The fallopian tuba.
Talented Octopus
A man walks into a bar with and octopus under his arms. He then stands up on the bar and shouts for everyone inside to hear. "I will bet anyone here 200 dollars that this octopus can play any instrument you give it". Everyone is a buzz and the bartender hands him a guitar that was hanging on the wall. The Octopus takes the guitar and strums on it with great enthusiasm and plays a beautiful arrangement. Another man pulls a harmonica out of his pocket and again, the octopus plays it superbly. A jazz band hands him all of there instruments and the octopus plays them all with amazing skill. Then, a Scottish man wearing a kilt comes up to the octopus and hands it his bagpipes. The octopus, looks at it confusingly then begins to fumble with the instrument. "Ay, you can't play er, can ye" The Scotsman says with a thick accent. The octopus responds "Play her? I'm going to screw her as soon as I get these pajamas off"
Accordion to a recent survey, most people don't notice when a musical instrument is inserted into a sentence.
What do you call a musical instrument made of gelatin?
A jello!
What do you call a brass instrument that saves its money?
A frugal horn. Sorry in advance.
You can explore instrument clarinet reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean instrument guitar dad jokes. There are also instrument puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What is Baltimore's favourite instrument
The lute
What is a fisherman's favorite musical instrument?
The bass guitar.
What's the correct instrument for measuring how fat your mom is?
A size-mom-meter
What musical instrument should you never, ever trust?
The Lyre.
An accordion player walks into a bar,
orders a drink and chats up the bartender and the regulars for an hour.
Suddenly, he realizes that not only has he left his instrument in his back seat of his car in full view of passers-by, but he hasn't even locked his doors.
He quickly excuses himself from his conversation and rushes outside and up the block to his vehicle to take care of business, but it was too late.
Sure enough, someone had thrown another accordion in his back seat.
A band player accidentally broke his instrument.
He got in a lot of treble.
Accordion to a recent study, switching the words of a sentence with a musical instrument often goes unnoticed.
It's science.
What's a fat kids favourite instrument?
The dinner bell
What's the instrument of oppression?
the Trumpet
What musical instrument do people with STDs play?
The herpsichord.
Did you know?
Accordion to a recent study, 90% of the world don't realise when a word has been swapped with an instrument.
What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?
a trom-bone.
Hillary Lost Because She Sounded Like A Greek Instrument
Yeah, she definitely sounded like a lyre.
What instrument do Mexicans hate?
The TRUMPet.
What's a commercial fisherman's favorite instrument?
Castanets!
Which musical instrument does Vladimir Putin know how to play best?
The TRUMPet!
Accordion to studies...
Most people don't replace the first word of a sentence with an instrument
I recently came out to my family, I told them I wasn't on the outside who I was on the inside. I told them I wasn't a boy but a medieval stringed instrument.
They called me a lyre.
What musical instrument do you get if you fill a 55-gallon drum with fish?
A bass drum.
Accordion to scientific studies, 90% ..
of people do not realise I replaced the beginning of this joke with a musical instrument.
What is Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky's favourite instrument?
The cannon
What's an emo's favorite musical instrument?
The forearm violin.
What kind of instrument do Texans play?
Calculators.
Trump was asked what his favorite musical instrument is, and said "Trumpet."
He was asked what his favorite topic is, and said "Tropics."
He was asked what his favorite multiplier is, said "Triple."
He was asked what he favorite reason is, said "Treaso-...shut up."
What is Putin's favorite instrument to play?
Trump/Pence
TIL a modern artist created a stringed instrument out of a tree branch that was only to be played in the event of the government being overthrown.
It was a coup-stick.
My friend asked me why did I choose Harmonica as my musical instrument
I said "I s**... half the time so I decided why not"
What's the most flavorful musical instrument in Japan?
The frute.
What Is the Fisherman's Favourite Instrument?
The Castanets
what do you call an instrument that blows you?
harmonica lewinsky
What instrument do some terrorists play?
The Talibanjo
Playing my instrument quietly
Is not my Forte
There was an accordion player
He was going out for a drink after a show with his friend and was nervous about leaving his instrument in the car as he didn't want to get it stolen. His friend told him it was alright and nobody would try to steal an accordion. After a night of drinking they walk back to the car and notice a window is broken. The musician is mad at his friend for letting him leave the instrument until they get to the car and find two accordions.
What do you call a fake woodwind instrument?
A saxo-phoney!
kill me
What do instruments do to reproduce?
They have sax.
What is Vladimir Putin's favorite instrument to play?
A Trumpet!
What instrument does it sound like when two sheep bleat in unison?
The Two-baaa.
What instrument to introverts like the most?
Double basses, because they're very low-key.
What instruments should be featured in a rogue AI's music band?
Just Harmonika
An orchestra is tuning up for a challenging concerto; all but the first chair oboist.
She is not preparing for her performance. As the draw of the curtains approached, the conductor could no longer abide her inaction. He gritted, "why are you not preparing? Why haven't you habituated your instrument?" She retorted, "I don't believe in oboe warming."
What did the s**... musician hit me on the head with?
A blunt instrument
Dad jokes....
Dad: When this heals, will I be able to play the piano?
Doctor: Yes, you'll be fine in a few days.
Dad: Perfect, I've always wanted to be able to play an instrument.
What does a sword and a musical instrument have in common?
They both know how to b sharp.
What instrument did the chemist play in the band?
The base guitar.
I am like a woodwind instrument.
Blow me and I'll sing.
People were astounded to find a stringed instrument hidden within the dry well
but it was merely more evidence of the violins inherent in the cistern.
Putin wanted to either get a new pet or learn to play a new instrument.
He got lucky with both and ended up with a Trump pet.
What is a dogs favorite instrument?
A t**....
Why should you never trust an A# to play an instrument?
Because it will always B flat
The reason Jesus hasn't returned yet
Is because his people are actually worshipping the instrument of his death.
Why don't you want to take a tuba player on a pub crawl?
They're always three bars behind.
*I came up with this during band practice. Feel free to replace with instrument of your choice.
I was carrying my ukulele in its case at school and my friend asked, "You play an instrument?".
I replied, "Yeah, I play a little guitar."
What type of instrument does an English man play?
The UK-Lele
Noted archeologist Fred Flintstein made an amazing discovery today in Sweden
He found remains of some primitive musical instrument and a small deposit of fossilized e**.... when asked about what they signified,
Fred Flintstein replied: "A dab o' ABBA doo."
What instrument does Darth Vader play?
The rebel bass.
What kind of instrument can you make with a gherkin?
A piccolo.
What's a sheep's favourite musical instrument ?
A Ewekulele
After an orchestra drummer performed particularly poorly, the conductor sarcastically told him, "when they find someone who can't play any instrument, they give him two sticks and make him the drummer."
The drummer retorted, "and if he can't play that either, they take away one stick and make him the conductor."
A man walks into his orchestra rehearsal...
carrying some corn on the cob as his instrument.
The conductor asks him Will you need any sheet music?
The man replies, Nah, I'll play it by ear.
My 7 year old just came up with these Avatar: The Last Airbender jokes. We were quite surprised.
What kind of music does Toph like?
- Rock-and-Roll
What kind of instrument does Aang play?
- Air guitar
I know it's not much, but I got a kick out of his reasoning and decided to share.
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
My ex is a musician. Her musical instrument and I had a lot in common.
We both got played, constantly.
No matter where I go, I like to bring my ukulele, then, whenever someone asks if I play an instrument, I say...
I play a little guitar!"
I got kicked out of school for playing an instrument
I got band
No matter where I go, I always bring my ukulele
So if anyone asks if I play an instrument, I tell them I play a little guitar.
Killer whales are great musicians but there's one instrument they just won't play
The orcana
When you're too ugly to be an actor and too lazy to learn an instrument...
...you become a comedian.
A musician walks in to a music store.
"I'm looking for an instrument that goes *ding*." he says.
"*Ding*?" asks the confused shopkeeper.
The musician replies "You'll do fine."
A joke as told to me verbatim by my 4yo son: What's a Skeleton's favorite instrument to play?
A t**...!
Haha, Get it, Daddy? Because skeletons are made out of *BONES!* HA HA HA!
Me: DOOT DOOT!!
What's a pothead's favorite musical instrument?
bag pipes
Accordion to a recent survey, 7 out of 10 people don't notice when a word in a sentence is replaced
by a musical instrument.
Two friends pooled money to buy an instrument
They're now in a same-sax relationship
An o**... walks up to another o**... and says...
"Hey, did you order an instrument from some crazy people?"
"No I didn't," says the o**....
The first one replies: "Well there's two nuts outside trying to move an o**... in!"
What kind of instrument helps you catch fish?
Castanets
What type of instrument do you find in the bathroom?
A tuba toothpaste
Which instrument is the most dishonest?
A lyre
I know it's bad
What instrument do fish play?
Sea bass
Accordion to a scientific study released by the Department of Psychology at the University of British Columbia,
most people will not immediately notice if one of the words in a sentence has been replaced with a musical instrument until they've read more than three quarters of the way through it.
What instrument does a pirate play?
A guit-arrrgh
What kind of instrument does a British person play?
A UK-lele
Hey, what instrument do dishonest people play?
The lyre.
Line in heaven
A woman dies and finds herself in a line to get into heaven. As she nears St Peter she hears him asking people
"Please tell me how much money you made and what you did on earth"
Two people ahead if her she heard "I made 2 million a year and I was a CEO"
The person in front of her said "I made 180 thousand a year and I was an electrician"
When she got there she said "I made 12 thousand a year.. "
St Peter asked "and what instrument did you play?"
