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Instructor Jokes

156 instructor jokes and hilarious instructor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about instructor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

If you're looking for a laugh, this collection of instructor jokes will have you in stitches! From driving instructors to drill instructors, yoga instructors to spin instructors, and even teachers, these hilarious jokes prove that teaching can be as rigorous as it is funny. So check out this collection of instructor jokes today and get ready to chuckle!

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Funniest Instructor Short Jokes

Short instructor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The instructor humour may include short tutor jokes also.

  1. On my first day at astronaut training, I vomited and asked the instructor, Is this normal? He said, Not during a written exam, no.
  2. My driving instructor told me to pull over somewhere safe. Two minutes later he said, "Why haven't you pulled over yet?"
    I said, "Because we're still in Manchester."
  3. What did the kamikaze flight instructor tell his students? I'm only gonna show you this once
  4. I asked my parachute instructor what happens if it doesn't open. He said you're jumping to a conclusion.
  5. My instructor just told me that I'm not cut out to be a mime It must have been something I said
  6. According to my sewing instructor, I'm easily the worse student She's ever had.. Oops... sorry, wrong thread.
  7. What did the instructor at the school for Kamikaze pilots say to his students? Watch closely. I'm only going to do this once.
  8. I went skydiving today. The guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the plane, and as we began to fall he yelled in my ear "So how long you been an instructor?
  9. I just signed up for a yoga class.... "How flexible are you" asked the instructor
    I said "I can't do Tuesdays"
  10. I was always afraid of dying alone, so thanks for being with me in my final moments. Parachute instructor: PULL THE CORD PULL THE CORD!

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Instructor One Liners

Which instructor one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with instructor? I can suggest the ones about lecturer and professor.

  1. My yoga instructor came to the yoga session drunk today He put me in an awkward position
  2. I have a job as a gym instructor But it isn't working out.
  3. My yoga instructor was drunk today. Put me in a very awkward position.
  4. What do you call a filipino yoga instructor? A Manila Folder.
  5. What were the gun instructor's last words? "Never do *this*"
  6. I recently quit my job as a scuba diving instructor I couldn't handle the pressure.
  7. What did the yoga instructor tell his landlord when he tried to evict him? Namaste
  8. Did you hear about Cardi B's cousin, the fitness instructor? Cardi O.
  9. Me: Did I pass? Driving instructor, *swimming away*: No
  10. I could never be a drill instructor It sounds like it would be quite boring.
  11. I took a programming class. I should have gotten a B- But the instructor gave me a C++
  12. Cardi B's sister is a fitness instructor Cardi O
  13. I'm trying to get in touch with my old judo instructor. He is a hard man to pin down!
  14. How does a yoga instructor turn down an invite? Namaste home tonight.
  15. My yoga instructor said I could start her class at 3pm or 4pm. She was very flexible.

Yoga Instructor Jokes

Here is a list of funny yoga instructor jokes and even better yoga instructor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Doing the splits I told my yoga instructor I wanted to be able to do the splits. She asked how flexible I was. I told her I couldn't come on Tuesdays.
  • My Yoga instructor was so hot, I didn't want to leave the studio... She kept telling me it was done but I said "namaste"
  • Told my yoga instructor to teach me the splits She asked "how flexible are you"
    I said "Weekdays are out of the question"
  • What did the yoga instructor say to her landlord when he tried to kick her out? Namaste.
  • What did the yoga instructor say when asked if she wanted to leave the party? Namaste
  • A yoga instructor was at a party. Her friend said "come on let's leave"
    The yoga instructor replied "Na I'ma stay"
  • So I went to ask about some yoga classes in my neighbourhood as it's my first time. The instructor asked me if I was flexible... ... I said "I can't do Tuesdays."
  • Have you heard the one about the yoga instructor? It was quite a stretch.
  • I wanted to take up yoga. I contacted a yoga instructor and told him I wanted to be able to do the splits. He said "what's your flexibility like?" I said "I can't do Tuesdays".
  • The instructor told me to just leave the yoga class if i wasn't going to take it seriously I looked her in the eye and said "nah, imma stay"

Driving Instructor Jokes

Here is a list of funny driving instructor jokes and even better driving instructor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I have a Russian driving instructor. He tells me to "Putin to 1st" but i always end up Stalin.
  • Bob Ross used to say, "There are no mistakes, just happy little accidents." Lovely man, terrible driving instructor.
  • Having Gandalf as a driving instructor is awful Keeps telling me I'm not gonna pass :(
  • Driving I failed my driver's test today. The instructor asked me "What do you do at a red light?" I said "I usually check my emails and see what people are up to on Facebook."
  • "You've got to let people know where you're going!" said my driving instructor as we merged on to the expressway... "OK!" I replied as I updated my Facebook status.
  • I just failed driving exam The instructor said I failed at signals. I don't get it. I keep giving middle finger to the drivers honking at me.
  • My Parkour Instructor is Crazy He really drives me up the wall!
  • Driving test (Blonde) Why did the blonde keep failing her driving test?
    Every time the instructor said "let's start" she would jump to the backseat ...
    ....
    ....
  • As a driving instructor, let me say SCUBA divers make terrible drivers. But, to their credit, at least they know to slow down for bends.
  • A gypsy is doing his driving test. The instructor asks him: What road sign is that?
    The gypsy replies: Aluminium
Instructor joke, A gypsy is doing his driving test.

Drill Instructor Jokes

Here is a list of funny drill instructor jokes and even better drill instructor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I recently lost my job as a drill instructor... ...who knew you weren't supposed to beat your privates in public?!
  • Why did the drill instructor squirt condiments on his trainees in the morning? That's how he mustard the troops.
  • ROTC PT drill instructor: "Are you TIRED of doing pushups yet, cadet!? " "Tired as an 18-wheeler, sir!"
  • Did you hear what happened to the private who got caught sleeping with his drill instructor's Chlamydia infected wife? He got an oily discharge.
  • Drill Instructor: Now ev'rybody dig your helmets in! Did I say something about puttting them off?
  • Where did the drill instructor live? A TIN HUT!

Flight Instructor Jokes

Here is a list of funny flight instructor jokes and even better flight instructor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I never thought I'd fall in love but I met somebody who makes me feel like I can fly My flight instructor.
  • Why do flat earthers enjoy talking to flight instructors? they tell them 5G might make them sick.
  • My flight instructor got mad at me today. He said I needed an "attitude adjustment."

Ski Instructor Jokes

Here is a list of funny ski instructor jokes and even better ski instructor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How do you know you are sitting next to a ski instructor? They'll tell you.
Instructor joke, How do you know you are sitting next to a ski instructor?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about instructor can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of instructor puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Comical Instructor Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land

What funny jokes about instructor you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean instructs jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make instructor prank.

My skydiving instructor would always take the time to answer any of our s**... first-timer questions.
o**... asked, "If our c**... doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?"
Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan and answered, "The rest of your life."

Health Class

Three boys received their grades from their s**... education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F.
"One day we should get her for this," said the first boy.
"I agree. But what should we do?" said the second.
"I've got it!" said the third. "We can kick her in the nuts!"

An instructor was teaching a young man how to swordfight.

The young man wasn't terribly good, but he had a rather high opinion of his abilities. In a practice duel with the instructor, he was continually waving his sword about arrogantly, in wide strokes, and often leaving himself wide open to attack.
The instructor thought "he won't last five minutes with that attitude, so I need to scare it out of him. But I don't want to hurt the poor kid too badly."
The instructor feinted.

My flight instructor told me this one. Nothing to do with flying.

A man's wife is staring at herself in the mirror and frowning. She turns to her husband and says "Honey, I feel fat, old, and ugly. I could really use a compliment right now." To which the husband replies "Darling, your eyesight is impeccable."

The s**... b**... instructor

It's 2:00 PM at the s**... bomber's academy. The instructor walks into the classroom to address the students:
"Kids, I know you're just back from lunch, and I know you're feeling a bit tired. But please pay very close attention, cause I'm only going to show you this once..."

One soldier

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"

Network administrator

A network administrator decided to join the military, and as part of his basic training, he went out on the rifle range.
After taking a hundred shots and missing every one, the man's DI (drill instructor) came by to see what was wrong.
"What's the matter with you?" he asked. "Why can't you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?"
"I was a network administrator," replied the new recruit, "and I don't know why I can't hit the target. Let me see..."
The recruit checked his rifle, checked his rifle again, and checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the end of his finger off.
"Well," the he said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are leaving here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!"

Yesterday at yoga

Yesterday at yoga, the instructor told us to make a flower shape by putting our hands together. She kept saying to take deep breaths and focus on our flowers. Towards the end of the exercise she told us to smell our flowers and just say out loud what our flowers smelt like. I don't think she appreciated it when I said Vaseline and shame.

A man decides he wants to learn to play bass.

He signs up for lessons and the first day the instructor says to him "today we're learning E." and he just plays E over and over again. The next lesson the instructor says he'll be teaching him A and he plays A over and over again. The third lesson is D and he plays D over and over again. At the end of the lesson the instructor says "next lesson we'll learn G" but the guy replies "I can't make the next lesson, I have a gig."

A pilot is coming in for a nighttime landing...

He decides to mess around so he turns off his lights and says to the tower:
"Guess who?"
The tower replies by turning off the runway landing lights and says:
"Guess where?"
(from my old flight instructor) :)

Gym Joke

A guy who newly joined a gym asked the instructor which was the best machine in the gym which will make him attractive to girls.
The instructor replied,"the atm"

Bridge blown up

During a drill a bridge is labeled with a sign as blown up. To his anger the drill instructor sees a whole platoon crossing the bridge. The last soldier has a sign on his back. The instructor pulls out his binoculars. The sign reads: We're swimming.

Best exercise to lose a few pounds...

So my friend who is a fitness instructor just came up with a new exercise to lose pounds in just a matter of days. He calls it the "Brexit".

What did the 9 year old girl say to her swimming instructor?

Will I really sink if you take your fingers out?

My career as a karate instructor finally came to an end.

The parents found out I wasn't qualified and just enjoyed k**... children.

What did the s**... bomber instructor say to his class?

Now pay attention class, I'm only going to do this once.

I went to the gym the other day...

...I asked the instructor could he teach me to do the splits.
How flexible are you? He asked.
I can't do Tuesdays.

What do you do for a living? I herd cattle.

Ah, you're a rancher?
No, I'm a Zumba instructor.

"So what kind of work do you do?"

"I move cows"
"Oh , so you're a rancher?"
"Not really , I'm a zumba instructor"

What did the s**... bomber instructor say...

I'm only going to show you this once.

We were dissecting toads in lab...

When I accidentally dropped mine onto my feet. I tried to hide it, but the instructor saw and made me leave for wearing open toad shoes.

s**... b**... Instructor

What were the s**... b**... instructor's last words?
"Now I'm only going to show you this once!"

A Bass Teacher is excited about getting a new, young student.

The kid is comes in for his first lesson and learns all the notes on the E string.
Next week he comes in and the instructor shows him all of the notes on the A string.
The third week comes, the teacher is waiting, but the kid never shows up. Annoyed, he calls him to see where he is.
The kid picks up and says,
"Oh, sorry man, I got a gig..."

Me: *licks lips in anticipation*

I'm nervous, I've never bungee jumped before.
Instructor: Please stop l**... my lips.

A Fencing instructor came back to the academy after a well deserved holiday

Only to find that the relief instructor had been teaching his students nothing else but to parry and counter.
Apparently all the sub could do was riposte.

My skydiving instructor was really dense.

He left quite an impression.

One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to e**... new recruits to the mess hall.

After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them
"There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up!
Eat up!
Get up!"
Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?"
Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"

Sailor and s**... ed class

The s**... ed instructor asked the class, "How many s**... positions do you know?" An old sailor in the back of the class raised his hand and shouted, "Thirty-nine, thirty-nine, thirty-nine!" The instructor ignored the old salt and called on a young man near the front. The young man replied, "Well, just one. You know: man on top, woman on bottom." The old sailor in back started shouting, "Forty, forty, forty!"

My instructor asked me, "Can you read that car's license plate from here?"

I answered, "YES!! NOW COULD YOU **PLEASE** OPEN THE PARACHUTE NOW!!!???"

My first time bungee jumping.

*Licks lips nervously*
Me: This is my first time bungee jumping.
Instructor: Can you please stop l**... my lips.

A guitar player was panicking because he couldn't play his open strings

His instructor told him don't fret

What do s**... bomb instructors always start their lesson with?

"Right lads, I'm only going to show you this once!"

My grandmother recently called in to a contest on the radio.

The contest was giving away free skydiving lessons to the first caller.
My grandmother called in, and she was the first caller, so they gave her the papers for the free lessons.
She started the lessons a few days later. When the instructor opened the plane door and told her to jump off, my grandmother looked down to the ground, she started to regret taking the lessons. she said "Help, I've gotten up and I can't fall down."

You really have to pay attention in j**... class

You only get one instructor and one demonstration.

"What are the chances of me dying?" I asked my skydiving instructor, moments before jumping.

"Very high," he said. "My wife just left me."

First time bungee jumping...

ME: [l**... lips in anticipation] I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before.
INSTRUCTOR: Don't lick my lips again.

I asked my gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits.

He said 'how flexible are you?'
I said 'I can't make Wednesdays.'

The head instructor at the Al-Qaeda's training camp starts his lesson on s**... b**......

"Now listen up closely everyone be, I'm only gonna be showing this once".

A young man is taking a driving test

The instructor describes a situation: "You're driving along and suddenly there are two people in front of you. A bit to the left there's an old hag and a bit to the right there's a beautiful young woman. Your car can't make it between them. What do you do?"

The young man says: "Well I'll go for the old hag."

The instructor shakes his head and says: "Really? You won't hit the brakes?"

"What is the propeller on the plane for?"

"It's to keep the pilot cool" said the flight instructor.
"I don't think so", replies the kid.
"If you take off the propeller you will see the pilot sweating"

Meanwhile at an ISIS training camp

A bunch of prospective terrorists gathered for their final training lesson before going into the field.
Their instructor said, Now, watch closely, children. I can only show you how to do this once.

What did the s**... bomb instructor say to his new students?

Pay attention because I am only going to do this once

A s**... bomber instructor addressing his class said.....

"Alright everyone, watch me closely because I'm only going to do this once"

Me: *l**... lips in anticipation* I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before.

Instructor: don't lick my lips again.

A s**... bomber instructor says to his trainees

Alright men, I'm only going to show you this once

So, my swimming instructor asked me a question.

"what's your favourite s**...?" He asked me.
Apparently "the one that killed Margaret Thatcher" wasn't the right answer.

s**... education

Three boys received their grades from their female s**... education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F.
One day we should get her for this, said the first boy.
I agree. We'll grab her... said the second.
Yeah, said the third. And then we'll kick her in the nuts!

What did the s**... bomb instructor say to his students?

"Right lads, I'm only going to show you this once!"

A s**... b**... instructor addresses a group of new recruits.

"All right lads pay attention cos I'm only gonna show you this once"

On the first day of my flying lessons, I looked down nervously and asked my instructor, What are all these b**... for?

He said, Those are to keep your shirt closed.

A group of soldiers on a first-aid course were tested by the instructor. He asked the recruits: 'If the sergeant major sustained a head injury during an exercise what would you do about it ?

One soldier said: 'I'd wrap a tourniquet around his neck and tighten it until the bleeding stopped.'

What did the kamikaze instructor say to the student

Now watch carefully im only gonna show this once

A group of soldiers stood in formation at an army base.

The drill sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out!"
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The drill instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow.
The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"

A gynecologist decides it's time to hung up his speculum.

A gynecologist who had lost interest in his medical practice decided to change careers and enrolled in auto mechanic school.
He performed well in the course but was still shocked when he got an off-the-chart 200 on his final exam. He asked the instructor to explain the grade.
"I gave you 50 points for taking the engine apart correctly," the teacher said, "50 points for putting it back together correctly -- and an extra 100 points for doing it all through the muffler."

My swimming instructor asked me what my favourite s**... was.

Apparently "The one that killed Margaret Thatcher" wasn't the right answer.

On my first day of taking flying lessons, I looked down nervously and asked my instructor, Wow! What are all these b**... for?

He said, Those are used to keep your shirt closed.

A guy in a dimly lit bar turns to the woman next to him and says hey you want to hear a blonde joke?

The woman responds, before you tell your blonde joke, let me tell YOU something. I'm a professional MMA fighter and I'm blonde. The woman next to me is a professional kickboxer and she's blonde too. Oh and next to her, a judo instructor. Also blonde. You still want to tell me that blonde joke?
The man turns back to his beer. Ughh. Not if I have to explain it THREE times.

A s**... bomb instructor is training a class.

Ok!! Everybody! Pay very close attention now! I can only demonstrate this once!!!

Instructor joke, A s**... bomb instructor is training a class.

jokes about instructor

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these instructor jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.