Instructor Jokes
155 instructor jokes and hilarious instructor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about instructor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
If you're looking for a laugh, this collection of instructor jokes will have you in stitches! From driving instructors to drill instructors, yoga instructors to spin instructors, and even teachers, these hilarious jokes prove that teaching can be as rigorous as it is funny. So check out this collection of instructor jokes today and get ready to chuckle!
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Funniest Instructor Short Jokes
Short instructor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The instructor humour may include short tutor jokes also.
- On my first day at astronaut training, I vomited and asked the instructor, Is this normal? He said, Not during a written exam, no.
- My driving instructor told me to pull over somewhere safe. Two minutes later he said, "Why haven't you pulled over yet?"
I said, "Because we're still in Manchester." - What did the kamikaze flight instructor tell his students? I'm only gonna show you this once
- I asked my parachute instructor what happens if it doesn't open. He said you're jumping to a conclusion.
- My instructor just told me that I'm not cut out to be a mime It must have been something I said
- According to my sewing instructor, I'm easily the worse student She's ever had.. Oops... sorry, wrong thread.
- I went skydiving today. The guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the plane, and as we began to fall he yelled in my ear "So how long you been an instructor?
- I just signed up for a yoga class.... "How flexible are you" asked the instructor
I said "I can't do Tuesdays" - I was always afraid of dying alone, so thanks for being with me in my final moments. Parachute instructor: PULL THE CORD PULL THE CORD!
- "So what kind of work do you do?" "I move cows"
"Oh , so you're a rancher?"
"Not really , I'm a zumba instructor"
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Instructor One Liners
Which instructor one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with instructor? I can suggest the ones about lecturer and professor.
- My yoga instructor came to the yoga session drunk today He put me in an awkward position
- I have a job as a gym instructor But it isn't working out.
- What do you call a filipino yoga instructor? A Manila Folder.
- What were the gun instructor's last words? "Never do *this*"
- I recently quit my job as a scuba diving instructor I couldn't handle the pressure.
- What did the yoga instructor tell his landlord when he tried to evict him? Namaste
- Did you hear about Cardi B's cousin, the fitness instructor? Cardi O.
- Me: Did I pass? Driving instructor, *swimming away*: No
- I could never be a drill instructor It sounds like it would be quite boring.
- I'm trying to get in touch with my old judo instructor. He is a hard man to pin down!
- How does a yoga instructor turn down an invite? Namaste home tonight.
- My yoga instructor said I could start her class at 3pm or 4pm. She was very flexible.
- What did the yoga instructor say when asked if she wanted to leave the party? Namaste
- My skydiving instructor was really dense. He left quite an impression.
- Having Gandalf as a driving instructor is awful Keeps telling me I'm not gonna pass :(
Yoga Instructor Jokes
Here is a list of funny yoga instructor jokes and even better yoga instructor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My Yoga instructor was so hot, I didn't want to leave the studio... She kept telling me it was done but I said "namaste"
- A yoga instructor was at a party. Her friend said "come on let's leave"
The yoga instructor replied "Na I'ma stay" - Have you heard the one about the yoga instructor? It was quite a stretch.
- The instructor told me to just leave the yoga class if i wasn't going to take it seriously I looked her in the eye and said "nah, imma stay"
- Did you hear about the yoga instructor who kill his instructor? It was pre-meditated.
- Statistically speaking, every male has had a crush on a teacher... For me, it's my wife's yoga instructor.
- What were the yoga instructor's last words when he got electrocuted? Ohmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
- I followed my hot yoga instructor home after class I broke into her bedroom, and she screamed, "Get out now, or I'm calling the police!"
I said, "Nah, I'mma stay" - After yoga class the instructor asked everyone to leave... But I said "namaste"
- If AirBenders bend air and WaterBenders bend water... are Yoga instructors Body Benders?
Driving Instructor Jokes
Here is a list of funny driving instructor jokes and even better driving instructor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I have a Russian driving instructor. He tells me to "Putin to 1st" but i always end up Stalin.
- Bob Ross used to say, "There are no mistakes, just happy little accidents." Lovely man, terrible driving instructor.
- Driving I failed my driver's test today. The instructor asked me "What do you do at a red light?" I said "I usually check my emails and see what people are up to on Facebook."
- "You've got to let people know where you're going!" said my driving instructor as we merged on to the expressway... "OK!" I replied as I updated my Facebook status.
- I just failed driving exam The instructor said I failed at signals. I don't get it. I keep giving middle finger to the drivers honking at me.
- My Parkour Instructor is Crazy He really drives me up the wall!
- Driving test (Blonde) Why did the blonde keep failing her driving test?
Every time the instructor said "let's start" she would jump to the backseat ...
....
.... - A gypsy is doing his driving test. The instructor asks him: What road sign is that?
The gypsy replies: Aluminium - My driving instructor said that it was important to understand how to use universally understood hand signals. Funny, his whole tune changed when I started flipping people off.
- Me: *quietly cracking open a cold beer* Driving instructor: "what was that?"
Drill Instructor Jokes
Here is a list of funny drill instructor jokes and even better drill instructor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I recently lost my job as a drill instructor... ...who knew you weren't supposed to beat your privates in public?!
- Why did the drill instructor squirt condiments on his trainees in the morning? That's how he mustard the troops.
- ROTC PT drill instructor: "Are you TIRED of doing pushups yet, cadet!? " "Tired as an 18-wheeler, sir!"
- Drill Instructor: Now ev'rybody dig your helmets in! Did I say something about puttting them off?
- Where did the drill instructor live? A TIN HUT!
Flight Instructor Jokes
Here is a list of funny flight instructor jokes and even better flight instructor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I never thought I'd fall in love but I met somebody who makes me feel like I can fly My flight instructor.
- Why do flat earthers enjoy talking to flight instructors? they tell them 5G might make them sick.
- My flight instructor got mad at me today. He said I needed an "attitude adjustment."
Ski Instructor Jokes
Here is a list of funny ski instructor jokes and even better ski instructor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you know you are sitting next to a ski instructor? They'll tell you.
Comical Instructor Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about instructor you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean private tutor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make instructor pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Health Class
Three boys received their grades from their s**... education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F.
"One day we should get her for this," said the first boy.
"I agree. But what should we do?" said the second.
"I've got it!" said the third. "We can kick her in the nuts!"
An instructor was teaching a young man how to swordfight.
The young man wasn't terribly good, but he had a rather high opinion of his abilities. In a practice duel with the instructor, he was continually waving his sword about arrogantly, in wide strokes, and often leaving himself wide open to attack.
The instructor thought "he won't last five minutes with that attitude, so I need to scare it out of him. But I don't want to hurt the poor kid too badly."
The instructor feinted.
My flight instructor told me this one. Nothing to do with flying.
A man's wife is staring at herself in the mirror and frowning. She turns to her husband and says "Honey, I feel fat, old, and ugly. I could really use a compliment right now." To which the husband replies "Darling, your eyesight is impeccable."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The s**... b**... instructor
It's 2:00 PM at the s**... bomber's academy. The instructor walks into the classroom to address the students:
"Kids, I know you're just back from lunch, and I know you're feeling a bit tired. But please pay very close attention, cause I'm only going to show you this once..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One soldier
As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Network administrator
A network administrator decided to join the military, and as part of his basic training, he went out on the rifle range.
After taking a hundred shots and missing every one, the man's DI (drill instructor) came by to see what was wrong.
"What's the matter with you?" he asked. "Why can't you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?"
"I was a network administrator," replied the new recruit, "and I don't know why I can't hit the target. Let me see..."
The recruit checked his rifle, checked his rifle again, and checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the end of his finger off.
"Well," the he said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are leaving here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!"
Yesterday at yoga
Yesterday at yoga, the instructor told us to make a flower shape by putting our hands together. She kept saying to take deep breaths and focus on our flowers. Towards the end of the exercise she told us to smell our flowers and just say out loud what our flowers smelt like. I don't think she appreciated it when I said Vaseline and shame.
A man decides he wants to learn to play bass.
He signs up for lessons and the first day the instructor says to him "today we're learning E." and he just plays E over and over again. The next lesson the instructor says he'll be teaching him A and he plays A over and over again. The third lesson is D and he plays D over and over again. At the end of the lesson the instructor says "next lesson we'll learn G" but the guy replies "I can't make the next lesson, I have a gig."
A pilot is coming in for a nighttime landing...
He decides to mess around so he turns off his lights and says to the tower:
"Guess who?"
The tower replies by turning off the runway landing lights and says:
"Guess where?"
(from my old flight instructor) :)
Did you know that Vanilla Ice is now working as a computer literacy instructor?
He's at the community college teaching word to your mother.
What's the difference between a vegan, a crossfit instructor, and a psychological test subject?
The test subject is the only one you'd willingly ask to "tell us about yourself."
Bridge blown up
During a drill a bridge is labeled with a sign as blown up. To his anger the drill instructor sees a whole platoon crossing the bridge. The last soldier has a sign on his back. The instructor pulls out his binoculars. The sign reads: We're swimming.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I used to think my Karate instructor was very wise.
However, yesterday my pregnant neighbour Mrs. Wong and her husband rushed to hospital.
When they came back today they had the baby with them so I figured I'd go say hi.
Strangest thing! The baby is Caucasian!
I couldn't believe my eyes, this whole time my instructor had been lying to me; two Wongs DO make a white!
Best exercise to lose a few pounds...
So my friend who is a fitness instructor just came up with a new exercise to lose pounds in just a matter of days. He calls it the "Brexit".
Who has the largest pupils?
A sumo instructor.
What did the 9 year old girl say to her swimming instructor?
Will I really sink if you take your fingers out?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My career as a karate instructor finally came to an end.
The parents found out I wasn't qualified and just enjoyed k**... children.
Skydiving student recieves a lesson
A student is in a skydiving lesson and the instructor explains, "first count to ten and then rip the cord to open the parachute.
The student asks, "wha-wha-wha-what wa-wa-was that nu-nu-nu-number again?
The instructor answered, "two."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the s**... bomber instructor say...
I'm only going to show you this once.
We were dissecting toads in lab...
When I accidentally dropped mine onto my feet. I tried to hide it, but the instructor saw and made me leave for wearing open toad shoes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A yoga instructor killed a student before class started
He's being charged with pre-meditation m**....
A Fencing instructor came back to the academy after a well deserved holiday
Only to find that the relief instructor had been teaching his students nothing else but to parry and counter.
Apparently all the sub could do was riposte.
My ice-sculpting instructor and I had a great relationship
until he gave me the cold shoulder.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to e**... new recruits to the mess hall.
After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them
"There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up!
Eat up!
Get up!"
Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?"
Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sailor and s**... ed class
The s**... ed instructor asked the class, "How many s**... positions do you know?" An old sailor in the back of the class raised his hand and shouted, "Thirty-nine, thirty-nine, thirty-nine!" The instructor ignored the old salt and called on a young man near the front. The young man replied, "Well, just one. You know: man on top, woman on bottom." The old sailor in back started shouting, "Forty, forty, forty!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My instructor asked me, "Can you read that car's license plate from here?"
I answered, "YES!! NOW COULD YOU **PLEASE** OPEN THE PARACHUTE NOW!!!???"
A guitar player was panicking because he couldn't play his open strings
His instructor told him don't fret
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My hot driving instructor said "Look where you want to go"
Apparently staring at her c**... wasn't what she meant...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I confess: I've m**... myself while driving.
And that was the only time my driving instructor had to stop the car.
My grandmother recently called in to a contest on the radio.
The contest was giving away free skydiving lessons to the first caller.
My grandmother called in, and she was the first caller, so they gave her the papers for the free lessons.
She started the lessons a few days later. When the instructor opened the plane door and told her to jump off, my grandmother looked down to the ground, she started to regret taking the lessons. she said "Help, I've gotten up and I can't fall down."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You really have to pay attention in j**... class
You only get one instructor and one demonstration.
"What are the chances of me dying?" I asked my skydiving instructor, moments before jumping.
"Very high," he said. "My wife just left me."
I was in a chemistry class
We were dissolving a solid pill in water. While everyone else's dissolved completely, mine had a few chunks left in the water. I asked the instructor what's the problem, but she just told me "whatever it is, you dont have a solution".
A young man is taking a driving test
The instructor describes a situation: "You're driving along and suddenly there are two people in front of you. A bit to the left there's an old hag and a bit to the right there's a beautiful young woman. Your car can't make it between them. What do you do?"
The young man says: "Well I'll go for the old hag."
The instructor shakes his head and says: "Really? You won't hit the brakes?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Meanwhile at an ISIS training camp
A bunch of prospective terrorists gathered for their final training lesson before going into the field.
Their instructor said, Now, watch closely, children. I can only show you how to do this once.
A man is at boating school, and is learning different phrases before he is allowed to work on a boat
The instructor asks him the first question, What do you say when a man has fallen off the boat.
The man energetically said, Man overboard!
The instructor has his next question ready, What do you say when a woman falls off the boat?
The man yet again states, Full speed ahead!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the group of monkeys say to the gym instructor?
Help us buffoons.
A yoga instructor ends every class with a mediation, allowing people lay down and relax before slowly filing out for the night. A half hour passes and the instructor is surprised to see one man remain in her studio.
Annoyed, she walks over to him and asks if he plans on leaving anytime soon .
The man takes a deep, meditative breath and calmly replies, Nah, Imma stay .
Have you heard about the judge who left his job to become a public speaking instructor?
He progressed from reading sentences to entire paragraphs.
I took a job as snowboard instructor but quit after a week
I quickly realised my career was going downhill fast.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Me: *l**... lips in anticipation* I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before.
Instructor: don't lick my lips again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On the first day of my flying lessons, I looked down nervously and asked my instructor, What are all these b**... for?
He said, Those are to keep your shirt closed.
A group of soldiers on a first-aid course were tested by the instructor. He asked the recruits: 'If the sergeant major sustained a head injury during an exercise what would you do about it ?
One soldier said: 'I'd wrap a tourniquet around his neck and tighten it until the bleeding stopped.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A group of soldiers stood in formation at an army base.
The drill sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out!"
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The drill instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow.
The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"
A gynecologist decides it's time to hung up his speculum.
A gynecologist who had lost interest in his medical practice decided to change careers and enrolled in auto mechanic school.
He performed well in the course but was still shocked when he got an off-the-chart 200 on his final exam. He asked the instructor to explain the grade.
"I gave you 50 points for taking the engine apart correctly," the teacher said, "50 points for putting it back together correctly -- and an extra 100 points for doing it all through the muffler."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My swimming instructor asked me what my favourite s**... was.
Apparently "The one that killed Margaret Thatcher" wasn't the right answer.
A guy in a dimly lit bar turns to the woman next to him and says hey you want to hear a blonde joke?
The woman responds, before you tell your blonde joke, let me tell YOU something. I'm a professional MMA fighter and I'm blonde. The woman next to me is a professional kickboxer and she's blonde too. Oh and next to her, a judo instructor. Also blonde. You still want to tell me that blonde joke?
The man turns back to his beer. Ughh. Not if I have to explain it THREE times.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A s**... bomb instructor is training a class.
Ok!! Everybody! Pay very close attention now! I can only demonstrate this once!!!
