The Best 68 Instructor Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Instructor jokes. There are some instructor academy jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these instructor fitness instructor puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Instructor Jokes and Puns

I went skydiving today.

The guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the plane, and as we began to fall he yelled in my ear "So how long you been an instructor?

Health Class

Three boys received their grades from their sex education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F.

"One day we should get her for this," said the first boy.

"I agree. But what should we do?" said the second.

"I've got it!" said the third. "We can kick her in the nuts!"

My flight instructor told me this one. Nothing to do with flying.

A man's wife is staring at herself in the mirror and frowning. She turns to her husband and says "Honey, I feel fat, old, and ugly. I could really use a compliment right now." To which the husband replies "Darling, your eyesight is impeccable."

One soldier

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"

jokes about instructor

Network administrator

A network administrator decided to join the military, and as part of his basic training, he went out on the rifle range.

After taking a hundred shots and missing every one, the man's DI (drill instructor) came by to see what was wrong.

"What's the matter with you?" he asked. "Why can't you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?"

"I was a network administrator," replied the new recruit, "and I don't know why I can't hit the target. Let me see..."

The recruit checked his rifle, checked his rifle again, and checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the end of his finger off.

"Well," the he said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are leaving here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!"


Yesterday at yoga

Yesterday at yoga, the instructor told us to make a flower shape by putting our hands together. She kept saying to take deep breaths and focus on our flowers. Towards the end of the exercise she told us to smell our flowers and just say out loud what our flowers smelt like. I don't think she appreciated it when I said Vaseline and shame.

A man decides he wants to learn to play bass.

He signs up for lessons and the first day the instructor says to him "today we're learning E." and he just plays E over and over again. The next lesson the instructor says he'll be teaching him A and he plays A over and over again. The third lesson is D and he plays D over and over again. At the end of the lesson the instructor says "next lesson we'll learn G" but the guy replies "I can't make the next lesson, I have a gig."

Instructor joke, A man decides he wants to learn to play bass.

I have a Russian driving instructor.

He tells me to "Putin to 1st" but i always end up Stalin.

I have a job as a gym instructor

But it isn't working out.

Gym Joke

A guy who newly joined a gym asked the instructor which was the best machine in the gym which will make him attractive to girls.

The instructor replied,"the atm"

My driving instructor told me to pull over somewhere safe.

Two minutes later he said, "Why haven't you pulled over yet?"

I said, "Because we're still in Manchester."

You can explore instructor teach reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean instructor lesson dad jokes. There are also instructor puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I recently quit my job as a scuba diving instructor

I couldn't handle the pressure.

What do you call a Filipino yoga instructor?

A Manila Folder.

Best exercise to lose a few pounds...

So my friend who is a fitness instructor just came up with a new exercise to lose pounds in just a matter of days. He calls it the "Brexit".

My career as a karate instructor finally came to an end.

The parents found out I wasn't qualified and just enjoyed kicking children.

What did the suicide bomber instructor say to his class?

Now pay attention class, I'm only going to do this once.

Instructor joke, What did the suicide bomber instructor say to his class?

I went to the gym the other day...

...I asked the instructor could he teach me to do the splits.

How flexible are you? He asked.

I can't do Tuesdays.

What do you do for a living? I herd cattle.

Ah, you're a rancher?

No, I'm a Zumba instructor.

"So what kind of work do you do?"

"I move cows"

"Oh , so you're a rancher?"

"Not really , I'm a zumba instructor"


What did the suicide bomber instructor say...

I'm only going to show you this once.

I just signed up for a yoga class....

"How flexible are you" asked the instructor

I said "I can't do Tuesdays"

Suicide Bombing Instructor

What were the suicide bombing instructor's last words?

"Now I'm only going to show you this once!"

I was always afraid of dying alone, so thanks for being with me in my final moments.

Parachute instructor: PULL THE CORD PULL THE CORD!

A Bass Teacher is excited about getting a new, young student.

The kid is comes in for his first lesson and learns all the notes on the E string.

Next week he comes in and the instructor shows him all of the notes on the A string.

The third week comes, the teacher is waiting, but the kid never shows up. Annoyed, he calls him to see where he is.

The kid picks up and says,

"Oh, sorry man, I got a gig..."

A Fencing instructor came back to the academy after a well deserved holiday

Only to find that the relief instructor had been teaching his students nothing else but to parry and counter.

Apparently all the sub could do was riposte.

What did the yoga instructor tell his landlord when he tried to evict him?

Namaste

Instructor joke, What did the yoga instructor tell his landlord when he tried to evict him?

One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall.

After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them

"There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up!

Eat up!

Get up!"

Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?"

Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"

Doing the splits

I told my yoga instructor I wanted to be able to do the splits. She asked how flexible I was. I told her I couldn't come on Tuesdays.

My instructor asked me, "Can you read that car's license plate from here?"

I answered, "YES!! NOW COULD YOU **PLEASE** OPEN THE PARACHUTE NOW!!!???"


My first time bungee jumping.

*Licks lips nervously*

Me: This is my first time bungee jumping.

Instructor: Can you please stop licking my lips.

I took a programming class. I should have gotten a B-

But the instructor gave me a C++

You really have to pay attention in Jihad class

You only get one instructor and one demonstration.

The head instructor at the Al-Qaeda's training camp starts his lesson on suicide bombing...

"Now listen up closely everyone be, I'm only gonna be showing this once".

A young man is taking a driving test

The instructor describes a situation: "You're driving along and suddenly there are two people in front of you. A bit to the left there's an old hag and a bit to the right there's a beautiful young woman. Your car can't make it between them. What do you do?"



The young man says: "Well I'll go for the old hag."



The instructor shakes his head and says: "Really? You won't hit the brakes?"


What did the suicide bomb instructor say to his new students?

Pay attention because I am only going to do this once

My instructor just told me that I'm not cut out to be a mime

It must have been something I said

A suicide bomber instructor addressing his class said.....

"Alright everyone, watch me closely because I'm only going to do this once"

Me: *licking lips in anticipation* I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before.

Instructor: don't lick my lips again.

A suicide bomber instructor says to his trainees

Alright men, I'm only going to show you this once

What did the instructor at the school for Kamikaze pilots say to his students?

Watch closely. I'm only going to do this once.

Sex education

Three boys received their grades from their female sex education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F.

One day we should get her for this, said the first boy.

I agree. We'll grab her... said the second.

Yeah, said the third. And then we'll kick her in the nuts!

I could never be a drill instructor

It sounds like it would be quite boring.

What did the suicide bomb instructor say to his students?

"Right lads, I'm only going to show you this once!"

According to my sewing instructor, I'm easily the worse student She's ever had..

Oops... sorry, wrong thread.

A suicide bombing instructor addresses a group of new recruits.

"All right lads pay attention cos I'm only gonna show you this once"

On the first day of my flying lessons, I looked down nervously and asked my instructor, What are all these buttons for?

He said, Those are to keep your shirt closed.

A group of soldiers on a first-aid course were tested by the instructor. He asked the recruits: 'If the sergeant major sustained a head injury during an exercise what would you do about it ?

One soldier said: 'I'd wrap a tourniquet around his neck and tighten it until the bleeding stopped.'

What did the kamikaze instructor say to the student

Now watch carefully im only gonna show this once

A group of soldiers stood in formation at an army base.

The drill sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out!"
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The drill instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow.
The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"

My swimming instructor asked me what my favourite stroke was.

Apparently "The one that killed Margaret Thatcher" wasn't the right answer.

On my first day of taking flying lessons, I looked down nervously and asked my instructor, Wow! What are all these buttons for?

He said, Those are used to keep your shirt closed.

Bob Ross used to say, "There are no mistakes, just happy little accidents."

Lovely man, terrible driving instructor.

A guy in a dimly lit bar turns to the woman next to him and says hey you want to hear a blonde joke?

The woman responds, before you tell your blonde joke, let me tell YOU something. I'm a professional MMA fighter and I'm blonde. The woman next to me is a professional kickboxer and she's blonde too. Oh and next to her, a judo instructor. Also blonde. You still want to tell me that blonde joke?

The man turns back to his beer. Ughh. Not if I have to explain it THREE times.

A suicide bomb instructor is training a class.

Ok!! Everybody! Pay very close attention now! I can only demonstrate this once!!!

Sex Ed

Three boys received their grades from their female sex education instructor.

One got a D, the second a D-, and the third an F.

"One day we should get her for this," said the first boy. "

We'll grab her he continued. And we'll tie her up! said the second.

"Yeah," said the third. "And then we'll kick her in the nuts!"

I thought it was romantic to secretly swap my girlfriend's backpack for a bag of roses.

Her skydiving instructor didn't.

Me: Did I pass?

Driving instructor, *swimming away*: No

How to stay in class

A college student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What a day. Our calculus instructor has to be one of the most difficult professors on the campus," the student says. "If she wasn't so drop-dead gorgeous I would have dropped the class already." "So I guess you could says she's easy on the eyes," the bartender says. "But hard on the pupils?"

The first time I tried parachuting...

The scariest thing happened on my first parachuting lesson. The first time you jump, you get harnessed to the Instructor.

As I plummeted through the air, waiting for the instructor to open the parachute, he turned to me and asked

"So, how long have you been an Instructor for?"

My yoga instructor was drunk today.

Put me in a very awkward position.

I asked my parachute instructor what happens if it doesn't open.

He said you're jumping to a conclusion.

My yoga instructor came to the yoga session drunk today

He put me in an awkward position

Two truck driving brothers.

Two truck driving brothers are taking a driving test, and the instructor asks, "You're driving the truck and you're at the top of a mountain and your brakes go out. You notice an accident at the bottom of the mountain, what do you do?"
The trucker replies, "The first thing I do is wake up my brother."
"What good is that going to do?" the instructor asks.
The trucker replies, "In all of the years we've been driving he ain't never seen an accident like the one we're about to get in to."

What did the kamikaze flight instructor tell his students?

I'm only gonna show you this once

Did you hear about Cardi B's cousin, the fitness instructor?

Cardi O.

I was having my induction at the gym

I noticed a woman working with heavy weights with a big smile on her face. I said to my instructor, 'Wow, she looks so happy'.

The instructor replied, 'Yeah, that's Sarah Tonin'"

I used to date my yoga instructor.

Put me in an awkward position at first, but we held on. I bent over backwards to make her happy but she found me uptight and inflexible. Guess it just didn't work out in the long stretch.

My gym instructor advised me to wear loose clothing while exercising.

I would not have joined the gym if I had any loose clothing.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the instructor ski jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working instructor gymnastics piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes