instruct Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious instruct puns

Instructions how to fall down stairs:

Step 1

Step 2

Step 4

Step 14

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My instructor asked me, "Can you read that car's license plate from here?"

I answered, "YES!! NOW COULD YOU **PLEASE** OPEN THE PARACHUTE NOW!!!???"

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Instructions for falling down stairs...

Step 1

Step 2

Step 4


Step 8

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Instructions how to fall down stairs:

Step 1

Step 2

Step 4









Step 16

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Instructions for falling down the stairs:

Step 1, step 6, step 7, step 8, step 12.

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What instructions are not needed on Parkinson's Medicine?

Shake well before use.

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A man is hosting a costume party...

And this years theme is "emotion." The invites instruct the guests to show up dressed as an emotion.

On that note, the first man shows up with an all red jumpsuit from his head to his toes.
"And what emotion might you be symbolizing this evening," asked the host.
"I'm red with rage," replied the man.
"Clever. Join the party," invited the host.

The next guest was a woman dressed in the exact same jumpsuit, yet it was green. The host asks her the same question and she replies, "I'm green with envy." That too was exceptional for the host.

The third guest to arrive appeared at the door fully naked with his dick in a pear.
"What in the fuck are you doing!?" Exclaimed the host.
"I'm in despair."

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At my high school graduation I saw a bowl of fruit punch...

So I told a bunch of my friends "I want to make a joke which requires some audience participation."
Then, I proceeded to instruct them to stand, single file, in front of the bowl. Once they had, I told them "Here's the punch line."


This is a completely true story, so I do not regret it.

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An instructor was teaching a young man how to swordfight.

The young man wasn't terribly good, but he had a rather high opinion of his abilities. In a practice duel with the instructor, he was continually waving his sword about arrogantly, in wide strokes, and often leaving himself wide open to attack.

The instructor thought "he won't last five minutes with that attitude, so I need to scare it out of him. But I don't want to hurt the poor kid too badly."

The instructor feinted.

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Instructions for cleaning the toilet

**Instructions for cleaning the toilet:**

1. Lift the lid on the toilet and fill it with 1/8 cup of animal shampoo.

2. Take the cat in your arms and stroke it gently while slowly moving in the direction of the toilet.

3. At a suitable moment, throw the cat into the toilet bowl and close the lid quickly and either stand or sit on the lid.

4. The cat will now start the cleaning process and will produce generate plenty of foam. Do not be concerned about the loud noises coming from the toilet; your cat is enjoying herself.

5. After several minutes flush the toilet to start the Power-wash pre-wash and then flush again for the main wash cycle.

6. Ask someone to open the front door and ensure that no-one is between the toilet and the front door.

7. Get off the toilet seat and from a safe distance open the toilet lid quickly. The cat will dry off naturally due to the high speed she will be moving from the toilet to the front door.

8. The toilet and the cat are now both clean.

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Instruction

The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad: When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil, and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.

The apprentice did just as he was told. Now he's the village blacksmith.

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Instructions how to make money with your Facebook account:

1. Open settings

2. Delete your account

3. Start working

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I was instructed to relocate all these boxes of letterhead. But I can't...

They're stationary.

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The instructions said if my erection lasts longer than four hours to see a doctor...

My calculus professor was no help at all.

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The instructor told me to just leave the yoga class if i wasn't going to take it seriously

I looked her in the eye and said "nah, imma stay"

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An American, Englishman and Australian were caught by a tribe of cannibals...

The chief said to them " you all have one chance to survive. Go into the wild and find 10 of the same fruits, and I'll instruct you further."
The Frenchmen was the first to return with ten apples. The chief said" if you can stuff all 10 apples up your ass without showing emotion, I'll let you go.
The Frenchmen tried, but after the third apple, he couldn't go on, he broke down crying and was eaten.
The American was the next to arrive with 10 grapes. He could perform he task easily. But just as he was about to shove the 10th grape up his ass, he busted into laughter, and was also eaten.
In heaven, the Frenchmen asked the American, "you were so close! Why did you laugh?"
The American replied " because at the same time, I saw the Australian come back with 10 durians!"

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Instructions on making holy water

1. Take some normal water. 2.Boil the hell out of it

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Why wasn't I able to see the instruction manual?

Because the instructions were clear.

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What's the first instruction in every Mexican recipe?

1. Steal a chicken

2...

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The instructions on my microwave meal say "stir and recover"

How exhausting do they think stirring pasta is?

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I'm instructor flashbang

I earned that nickname from my ex-wife I don't get it but it kinda stuck

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[NSFW] What does Mr. Miyagi instruct the Thai massage lady to do for him?

Wax on, jack off.

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The instructions said that if an erection lasts for more than four hours, talk to a doctor.

My calculus professor was no help at all.

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What are the most funny Instruct jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Instruct? Well, here are the best Instruct dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Instruct pick up lines to share with friends.

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