Institute Jokes
37 institute jokes and hilarious institute puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about institute that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Institute Short Jokes
Short institute jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The institute humour may include short institution jokes also.
- A muenster attacked Emmenthal institution. Everyone cheddared with panic. There was de brie everywhere. It was no Gouda.
- I only go after women who are locked-up in Mental Institutions. I'm looking for a committed relationship.
- Heard at Mass today that the government is providing scholarships to students who'd like to attend religious institutions... Someone Alert the Masses!
- The U.S. instituted a new law after a man dressed as Santa committed a felony. It was called the Santa Clause.
- Bigfoot walks into a bar.. The bartender is no longer able to discern reality and spends the rest of his life in a mental institution.
- There is a university in Germany that continually searches for the biggest piece of wood Its the Max Plank institute
- I'm going to create a political institution based on eliminating vaccines. I'll call it... The Donner Party
- These blind guys at the institution think i am dyslexic. I mean i spent a month learning sign language to talk to them.
- Why was a social justice warrior being held in solitude confinement in a mental institute? She attacked the guards when they tried to force her into a straight white male jacket.
- Marriage is an important institution. And like any institution, you should be committed before you enter into it.
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Institute One Liners
Which institute one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with institute? I can suggest the ones about university and academy.
- According to the institute for incomplete studies 9 out of 10 Americans.
- The Institute of Incomplete Studies (ISS) determined that 7 out of 10 people
- What do you call walking trails behind mental institutions? Psychopaths
- The Institute of Unfinished Research has concluded that 6 out of 10 people
- The Ohio and Michigan Institute of Lions and Tigers and Bears. OH,MI.
- What do you call a blonde at an institution of higher learning? A visitor
- The Incomplete Surveys Institute concluded that 78% of every women
- Where do people send crazy cigarettes? To the menthol institution
- Here at the Klingon Hairdressing Institute It is a good day to dye.
- [OC] I'm starting a Deist church. It's a non-prophet institution.
- I spent most of my adult life in an institution. In the end a lawyer got me a divorce.
- What's the only acceptable filetype at The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning? .docx
- Marriage is an incredible institution. But who wants to live in an institution?
- According to the Institution of Incomplete Information... 9 out of every 10...
- I spent 8 years in an institution. Then I got a divorce.
Institute Technology Jokes
Here is a list of funny institute technology jokes and even better institute technology puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Elon Musk wants to start a university called the 'Texas Institute of Technology & Science and an affiliate called Austin School of Science To be known as t**... and a**...
Cheerful Institute Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about institute you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean instructor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make institute pranks.
The Bathtub Test
During a visit to the mental institution, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
What do you call a teacher that doesn't f**... in public?
A private tutor (tooter)
Heard it from a guy on the street selling newspapers in front of the art institute in chicago.
Mental institution
There's a mental institution, and they are having a
patient evaluation, to see if any patients need to be there
any longer. The doctor then goes around questioning the top three candidates.
He goes to the first patient and asks him , "What is 3 times 3?"
After an hour of scratching his head, and with a confused look on his face he replies, "Two-hundred!".
"That is incorrect." The doctor responds.
He then asks the next patient."What is 3 multiplied by 3?" After a long period of time the patient
responds, "Thursday!". "That is incorrect replies the doctor.
He then goes to the next patient and asks him, "What is 3 times 3?"
The patient quickly responds, "Nine!". The doctor then says "Correct!,
how did you figure that out?" The patient then responds, "I multiplied, 200 by Thursday and then
I added three!"
I was walking by a mental institution on my way to work
And in the yard behind the fence, I heard people shouting "four, four, four...". I was curious so I peeked through the wood planks to see what was happening. Someone jabbed a stick in my eye and then everyone started shouting "five, five, five...".
I escaped!
A man phones up a mental institution and asks the woman behind the desk to speak to the man in room twenty-seven.
When she tells him that the man isn't there he shouts excitedly *"Good! That means I escaped!"*
The Answering Machine
Hi, this is Eric.
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are a telemarketer, I have no money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
A man goes for a walk...
and as he walks he approaches the local mental institution, on the other side of the wall he can hear the patients chanting "3! 3! 3! 3!". His curiosity has been piqued by all the commotion coming from within so he decides to take a glimpse through a hole he sees in the wall, as he bends down and peers through the wall silence falls over the yard and a long stick gets shoved through the hole and pokes him in the eye
"4! 4! 4! 4! 4!"
3 people try to escape a mental institution
They decide to kill the three guards and leave. One guard is in the room with them, another in the hallway, and another guarding the gate. They kill the one in the room, kill the one in the hallway, and then make their way down to the main gate. When they arrive at the main gate, they find out the guard has the day off. They walk back in, saying "our plan failed."
A guy is waiting for the bus in front of a mental institution
There is a tall wooden fence surrounding it. The man starts hearing a group of people on the other side of the fence yelling "14, 14, 14!" So he walks over and finds a small hole. When he ducks down to peek through, all of a sudden he gets poked in the eye.
The people on the other side of the fence start yelling "15, 15, 15!"
Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Institute of Mental Health
If you have an obsessive-compulsive disorder, please press button 1. Again. And again. And again.
If you have a multiple personality disorder press in rapid sequence keys 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoia, we have to inform you that we already know who you are, what you do in life, and what you want from us. Please stay on the phone while we trace your call.
If you suffer from hallucinations, press the 7 on the big pink telephone that you, and only you, see at your immediate right.
If you are suffer from chizophrenia, please kindly ask your imaginary friend to press the 8 key for you.
If you suffer from depression, it doesn't matter which key you press, as there is nothing to do: yours is a basket case, and there is no cure.
If you suffer from amnesia, press keys in rapid sequence 2, 7, 5, 3, 9 5, 7, 5, 1, 6, 4, 9 and repeat out loud, in the following order, your name, surname, home address, mobile number, e-mail, social security number, bank account number, ATM pin code, date of birth, marital status, place of birth and your grandmother's maiden name.
If you suffer from indecision, leave your message before, after, or during the beep.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from obsessive avarice we have to inform you that this call costs 500 euros per minute.
If you suffer from low self-esteem, keep waiting: all our operators are busy responding to people who are much more important than you.
If you are one of the Italians that voted for Berlusconi, please hang up. We cure the crazy, not the jerks.
Did you hear about the doctor who sent a group of crows to a mental health institution?
He committed a m**....
Walking past a mental institution
I heard the residents chanting twelve, twelve twelve . As I kept walking I noticed a small hole in the tall wooden fence. Since the residents were still chanting twelve, twelve, twelve I decided to peek through the hole and see what was happening. As soon as I looked, a stick came through the hole and poked me in the eye. Immediately there was a roar of cheering before the residents started chanting thirteen, thirteen, thirteen .
An inspector goes to a mental institution to check if any of the patients had been cured
When he gets there he places an empty pool on the ground. All the patients start squealing with joy, and jumping in the pool, hurting themselves. Only one patient stands to the side and doesn't jump. The inspector goes to ask him why he isn't jumping. The patient says: do you think I'm crazy? I can't swim
A drunk n**... woman boards a cab
Driver of the cab keeps staring at her and does not start the cab.
Woman: Haven't you ever seen a n**... woman before?
Cab Driver: Cool down, Ma'am. I am not staring at you. I am just wondering as to where you have kept the money to pay me?
This is what most financial institutions fail to do - Assessing repayment capacity before enjoying exposure.
How I learned to mind my own business???
One day I was walking near a mental institution. Everyone in the courtyard was yelling: 13 13 13 !!!
The fence was to high to see anything, but I found a hole so I got close to peak through it.. A crazy guy poked me in the eye and everyone started yelling: 14 14 14!!!
