Instance Jokes
64 instance jokes and hilarious instance puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about instance that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Instance Short Jokes
Short instance jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The instance humour may include short prototype jokes also.
- Comas can really change the meaning of a sentence... For instance:
"Ben is in a hurry."
"Ben is in a coma." - It's amazing how removing letters from something changes things so fast For instance, if you remove enough letters from 'mailbox' you get 'felony'
- A man recently lost 28 pounds just eating chicken. It's the only recorded instance of one bird killing two stone.
- Not all construction work is equally enjoyable. For instance, drilling a large hole is boring, but fastening two pieces of metal together is riveting.
- If you want to impress a girl... ...try complimenting her. For instance, "Wow, you're a fast runner! You nearly got away!"
- In life, sometimes it's not good to be very specific. For instance, it's okay to say "I love kids" but it's frowned upon to say "I love 12 year olds."
- People often use fiction to escape into the lives of people who don't have to deal with the same problems as them. For instance, whenever my parents are fighting, I like to read Batman comics.
- The last twenty five years have been a bizarre time to grow up. For instance, i've lived through more 'Spiderman' re-boot than legitimate presidential elections.
- A lot of comedians these days have a major issue with 'woke' people Bill Cosby, for instance...
- I don't know why people claim that Redditors don't have girlfriend. For instance, I got one. She just goes to another school.
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Instance One Liners
Which instance one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with instance? I can suggest the ones about examples and individual.
- Every Zodiac sign has a signature hairstyle For instance, people with cancer are bald
- My mom has so much ugly stuff left from the 90s... Me and my sisters for instance.
- Marriage defies gravity... It's the only instance where a ring can block a hole...
- Marriage isn't for everybody - men for instance!
- Not all heroes wear capes for instance, Spider-man
- Not all heroes have names for instance,
- In some rare instances and unfortunate events some vegans go on to become Vegetables
- Some jokes are intentionally hard to understand... This joke for instance, is like a hat.
- First instance of s**... in the bible? Jesus went to Mount Oliviet
Gather Around for Heartwarming Instance Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about instance you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean existence jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make instance pranks.
I proposed my Russian girlfriend and she said Yes!
For the wedding, my whole family and friends flew over to her home town of Moscow.
It was a beautiful ceremony, however I did find some things strange. For instance, the priest never said, "You may now kiss the bride", but I just assumed it was purely an American thing and didn't mind.
Later during the reception, we were both starving and decided to head over to the buffet to get food. On the way we passed the drink table, where about six people were waiting to get a fruity drink from a bowl.
As we passed, they all said in unison, "You may now kiss the bride!" My wife got giddy and gave me a big kiss, which I of course returned.
As we walked away I asked, "Why did *they* tell us to kiss and not the priest?"
My wife answered,
"In Soviet Russia, the punchline tells you!"
Did you hear that a mob boss was killed...
Did you hear that a mob boss was killed in a rice field by assailants wielding small figurines?
Police are saying it's the first recorded instance of a knick knack patty whack.
So, I ran into my old Geography Teacher the other day...
and he invited me to his birthday party.
"It's a Geography themed fancy dress party." he said with a grin.
"How's that going to work?" I asked.
"Well, for instance, I'm going as a large Island off the coast of Italy."
"Don't be sicily" I replied...
Looking for jokes with "Where do" and "When do"
I teach English in Japan, and my next lesson is "Where/when do". For instance, "Where do you play tennis?"
I'm looking for some clean jokes that start with either of these phrases.
So far, the only one I have is
"Where do cows go on the weekends?"
"The mooooovies."
Any help is appreciated!
I am terribly optimistic. For instance, on top of being fat and lonely, I just burnt my hand on the stove. But....
Now I have a black girlfriend!
Non-sequitur
A non-sequitur doesn't follow; for instance, I once had a really unmotivated stalker.
My current girlfriend is very similar to my last one...
For instance, neither of them exist.
One of Colin Mochrie's many gut busters.
Famous Irish hit-man Jimmy "Two Shoes" McClardy was arrested today, and confessed to the crime of beating a cow to death in a rice field, using only two small porcilean dolls. The police admit, this may be the first recorded instance of a knick knack p**... whack...
Two students were complaining about math class.
"I hate math. Well, I really just hate numbers." "What do you mean?" "Take seventeen, for instance. I hate seventeen. There's nothing good about seventeen." "What's so bad about seventeen?" "Nothing really. It's just a prime example."
If Trump becomes president...
It would be the first instance of a white billionaire k**... a black family out of public housing.
So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we're having a baby.
So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we're having a baby. For instance my name, address and telephone number!
Bill Clinton voted for Hillary Clinton in the electoral college today.
First known instance of him being faithful.
You can tell alot about a woman by her hands
For instance... If they're around your t**... she's probably upset
My dad told me this is why different branches of the military have so much trouble communicating.
They all have different vocabulary. For instance; "Secure that building."
Tell a marine that and he'll go kill everyone inside.
Tell a soldier and he'll put up razor wire, sandbags, and machine gun nests.
Tell a sailor and he'll go in and close and lock all the windows and doors.
Tell an airman and he will take out a lease with an option to buy.
My girlfriend and I try to split things equally
But it seems like there are things she expects me to always pay for. For instance, I'm always paying for the cab rides, always paying for the motels we stay in, always paying for food, and *always* paying for the s**... we have. Sometimes I feel like I'm being used.
Some plants have the prefix 'dog'
"Some plants," said the teacher, "have the prefix 'dog.' For instance, there is the dogrose, the dogwood, the dogviolet. Now name another plant prefixed by 'dog'."
"I can," shouted one of the students, "Collieflower!"
LPT: Unplug your electronics to conserve energy, except for the fridge and the life support machine:
In those instances, you'd just be wasting vegetables.
There are many opposites in this world.
For instance: my wife's computer just shut down. Now she won't shut up.
It's interesting how different parts of the country have different ways of saying the same thing.
For instance, in most parts of the country, having an income of $100k or more is called "making six figures".
However, here in San Francisco, we call that same thing "living above the poverty line".
Spanish Stores End in "ía"
For instance, florists is florería. Lavandería is a laundromat. But what do you call Taco Bell for short?
Diarrhoea
The difference between the services
The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language.
For instance, Take the simple phrase secure the building :
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.
Back before the internet was so public it was very hard to get to places we take for granted. For instance there used to be a gay internet, strictly for gay people.
To find it you had to hit these keys in this sequence on your keyboard it was "Enter" "Colon" "Pound, pound, pound"
People say there are free speech issues in North Korea and I disagree...
For instance: in America, you can walk right outside the White House, gather in the street, and say I don't like the way the government is running this country!
You can do that in North Korea too! In fact, you can walk down any street in Pyongyang, gather your friends, and yell I don't like the way the Americans are running their country!
The US Military today confirmed that two m**... users were killed when an aircraft crashed into a house shortly after takeoff.
Experts are saying it's the first recorded instance of killing two stoners with one bird.
Things really change when you grow up
For instance, nobody tells me I did a good job when I finish all my food!
My girlfriend said I was very imaginative in the bedroom.
For instance, this morning I imagined I was going to have s**....
Chess Joke
You know chess is like a mirror image of real life in a lot of ways. For instance the person playing as black doesn't always lose, but they generally have to work a lot harder.
Digging a hole in the garden.
Lock down has had some highs and lows. For instance, I've had a bit more time to spend in the garden while the weather was fine.
I was digging a hole one day and couldn't believe it when I found a large number of what I think are roman coins. I was so excited that I ran back into the house to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging the hole.
Newton Died a v**.... So in this instance atleast I'm better than Newton.
I haven't died yet.
Two prisoners are talking in a Soviet gulag...
One says: "We're really cut off from the news here. For instance, I never found out the result of the Fischer-Spassky chess match."
The other one replies: "Oh, I lost."
I am a very passive agressive person. I always a**... in passive voice. For instance...
"Your a**... will be kicked by me."
So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we were having a baby
For instance, my name, address, telephone number..
An american soldier was talking to a soviet soldier.
The american says, "the great thing about America is that we have freedom of speech! For instance, I can go right into the white house, walk up to president Reagan and say, "Mr. President, I completely disagree with the way you are running this country!" The soviet soldier responds, "so what? I can do that too!" The american soldier is baffled! He says, "really you can?"
"Sure! I can go right into the Kremlin, right up to the general secretary and say, "Mr. Gorbachev, I completely disagree with the way President Reagan is running his country!"
I know I'm gonna get hate for saying this, but there are some races that I just don't like.
For instance, anything with an obstacle in it. Like if I'm running 10k, don't make me climb over a wall halfway through it.
I read about a feudal uprising where a duke's son was killed by rebels.
They used a trebuchet to knock him off the battlements with the only available ordinance: a peasant's decapitated head.
It was the first recorded instance of a serf-face-to-heir missile.
Having a baby
So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we were having a baby. For instance: my name, my address. telephone number.
A lot of things changed when my girlfriend told me she was pregnant
For instance my name, address, telephone number
Kurdish cunieform tablets
In ancient Kurdistan, they didn't have the material to make the cuneiform tablets they did down by the rivers in the Fertile Crescent, so they had to carve important documents into stone tablets.
That included contracts and treaties. There could be multiple signatories. For an invoice, for instance, it was possible to bill two Kurds with one stone.
Can I buy the building?
The reason why the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker among themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, Take the simple phrase "secure the building".
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.
Names
A young native American goes to see the chief of his tribe.
"Chief", he asks, "how are the names of children of our tribe decided?"
"Ah", says the Chief. "Well. When a child is born, the mother brings it to me. I look outside my wigwam, and the first thing I see becomes the child's name. For instance, that is why your brother's name is "Rushing Stream", and your sister's name is "Majestic Tree".
"Does that answer your question, Dog Having A Dump?"
Seminar
While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Jim and his wife listened to the instructor declare: It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other. He addressed the men: For instance, gentlemen, can you name your wife's favorite flower? Jim leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it? The rest of the story is not pleasant.
Some people have said that I'm a spoilt and pretentious rich kid that doesn't have to work, but they don't know my struggles. For instance I really don't like my Boss.
I much prefer my Balenciaga, but sometimes I have to wear it to appease mother.
